Caroline Elliot didn't really allow herself to get overwhelmed by emotions. Of course sometimes she had awful quarrels, with her husband John, but if something made her really sad or depressed she wouldn't speak about it. She had two faces. The strong one; which she showed to the world and another, vulnarable one which remained unseen. She was rather proud of her pokerface but lately it was becoming harder and harder to keep her real emotions under control, now that John had left her for some younger, empty-minded woman. Caroline had this picture in her mind of Judith. Caroline tried to fight against this phantom but she knew her husband. He was stubborn and he made things happen in the way he liked. Caroline often thought that she had three children; her two sons and John. Sometimes she felt this almost unbearable urge to speak about her emotions to someone. Her mother, Celia was always ready to listen to her daughter, but Caroline didn't know how she could take marriage advice from a woman who lived her life with a man she never loved. Well, at least not that kind of love, the kind Caroline imagined - as a little girl - two people who get married should love each other rather than just exist together. She thought about marriage as an unnecesary bound. Despite this, she too got married eventually. She didn't know what else she could do. She tried to speak to Celia about her thoughts and doubts, about who she loved when she was in college. However Caroline buried these feelings deep down in her soul but she could never really forgive herself for being so weak and not standing up for herself and what she really wanted. Perhaps that's why she now couldn't stand weakness and tried to be as confident as a woman could be who's just been left by a weak man. Yes, John was weak in her eyes, unable to fight for something they had built together.
Caroline didn't have too many friends, she got on well with her colleges but she was somehow inacessible to them. But lately this seemed to change. She employed a new teacher, her name was Kate McKenzie. Caroline never thought they'd get so close but somehow Kate knew about all the feelings that Caroline tried, with so much effort, to hide. Kate spoke to her so naturally, so freely, which Caroline was both equally amazed and shocked by. For instance this young woman was so open about her sexuality, that she prefered women. Of course it was 2012 - thought Caroline - but still, this was a new attitude for her. Caroline found herself seeking the company of this vibrant woman, and it felt good. Actually, she felt like her old self when she had a coffee with Kate during the breaks at school. The woman she was growing into before she met John. It was Kate who suggested got them to go out and have dinner one night. Caroline wasn't entirely sure how she felt about this but the thought of spending hours outside of the work enviroment with Kate, somehow made her excited. Why shouldn't she have at least one true friend? She really needed someone now that John had walked out of her life, simply erasing those years they spent together, like they hadn't meant a thing to him. Caroline accepted the invitation and on the night of the dinner she felt like a 16-year-old girl, going on her first date. She carefully picked the clothes, the jewellery, and enjoyed every minute of getting ready. Kate arrived on Caroline's door step at 7pm as she had promised.
„Oh you look magnificent tonight." Flattered Kate to Caroline.
Caroline felt so silly for a moment, she could feel she was blushing.
„Come on, I look as ordinary as I always do." Caroline replied, brushing off the compliment, not feeling the least bit magnificent.
„You're beautiful, Caroline." Kate said, without hesitation.
Caroline was about to object but Kate just gave her a look that said, don't you dare, so instead she smiled coyly. „Thank you."
The two women got in Caroline's car and headed to the restaurant which Kate had chosen for them. On their way, they were talking about school things, about Michael „bloody" Dobson and his great wish to get higher up on the ladder of the school's hierarchy. They always had a good laugh about Michael.
They arrived at a nice Italian restaurant and Caroline felt so peaceful like she hadn't felt in months. They ordered wine and spaghetti and continued their conversation about the school. It was Kate who started to speak about her previous job, and Caroline suddenly found herself admiring the other woman's face in the candlelight.
„...So it was a total mess and I decided to quit… Caroline, are you still with me?"
„Yes, yes sorry. I was just thinking about something for a moment."
„Do you tell me?"
Caroline hesitated for a moment, she hadn't told anyone at the school that John had left her. But in the presence of the younger woman she felt she could now speak about it. Kate was always so concerned and maybe the wine helped her a bit too.
„John… my husband…he left me a month ago. For another woman."
„Oh my God Caroline, why didn't you tell me?"
„I wasn't ready to talk about it I guess and I'm not sure if I really want to now..."
Kate knew that Caroline was married and if she was frank to herself she didn't like the thought of it. She once had an affair with a married woman and it didn't end well. She thought she was wise enough not to make the same error twice but she couldn't ignore the effect Caroline had on her. And now that she told her that she was single, Kate felt happy however she couldn't stand the thought of Caroline suffering.
„I'm so sorry that he hurt you Caroline. You know that I'm always here if you want to talk about it."
„I know and I really aprpeciate it. And maybe I will. Sometime. But not now."
They dropped the topic for the rest of the evening and Kate made every effort to cheer up Caroline and make her laugh. And she succeded.
„It was a lovely evening, thank you Caroline" – said Kate when they arrived in front of her house.
„Well thank you for inviting me and helping me forget about you know who, for some hours."
„Maybe we could repeat it sometime"- Kate suggested.
„I'd really like that." Caroline replied with a bright smile, which Kate hadn't seen in the whole time she had been working at Sulgrave Heath.
Then a moment of silence fell between them.
„I should go now it's getting late. I have some marking to do for tomorrow. Thank you for taking me home."
„You're very welcome."
Kate had almost opened the door of the car when she thought: Now or never. She turned her head around to face the blonde woman beside her and their lips met. She had wanted to do this for a long time now…
Initially Caroline was surprised by the soft lips that had found hers but she didn't make any move to pull away from Kate. She wasn't sure what she was doing or why but she returned the kiss. She hasn't kissed anyone like this in her entire life. This passionate.
It was Caroline who broke the kiss. Not because she didn't enjoy it, on the contrary. It scared her how much she liked it.
„I really should go." – Kate said.
Caroline couldn't answer right away, she was still catching her breath.
„Erm, yes…goodnight Kate." Caroline stuttered, which Kate found quite adorable.
As the younger woman retreated into her house Caroline tried to figure out what had just happened. She had many questions which she couldn't answer. But one thing was for sure; she drove away with a smile on her face.