Date sent: 21 April 2000 From: THEDAMNBEE Subject: Mulder lost his memory and Scully is con- fronted with her feelings for him.
Tell me who you are (There's no time like the present)
Author: THEDAMNBEE Email-address: THEDAMNBEE@firemail.de Category: Mulder/Scully friendship or romance Spoiler: Millennium, The Unnatural, Ascension, Tithonus, Rain King Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully and all the other wonderful characters that appear in this story don't be- long to me but their incredible creator Chris Carter, Fox and Ten Thirteen Pro- ductions. This story is mine and a product of my fantasy. I don't make any money with it, so don't sue, there is nothing I could give you;-)
Summary: After Mulder had an accident and, as a consequence, lost his memory and Scully has to explain and describe who he is, and what she is to him if she wants to help him to heal his amnesia. At last she is confronted with her real feelings for her partner. Yet, how to explain things you haven't talked about yet? Will she tell him about their first kiss on New Year's Eve?
Author notes: If you find some mistakes, please forgive me, I am German (Before you start laughing or grinning about it, try to write a story in German;-) Feedback, criticism and comments are still welcome. If you have some minutes for me, please!!! send me an e-mail. It's the only way to improve my writing.
"Und Liebe wagt was irgend Liebe kann" - William Shakespeare.
Tell me who you are There's no time like the present
Part one Washington D.C. 01 January 2000 3 AM
"Oh, damn it! That's exactly what I need now!" Dana Scully said angrily as she drove to the hospital. "A traffic jam! Why now?!" She honked twice but it was senseless. The whole state must have gone crazy because of the Millennium. People were dancing on the streets and did not care about the cars. Scully could not understand all this excitement about the year 2000. It would be a year like any other before, she was sure. Moreover, she was not in the mood to celebrate New Year's Eve. All she could think of was to getting to her partner who was lying in the D.C. Hospital. She did not know whether he was okay and that always made her go crazy. A police officer had called her a few minutes ago and had informed her about what had happened. Mulder had been on his way home after he had left Scully at her apartment. They both had been so happy before and now he was lying in a hospital because of a car accident. Scully got nervous and combed a hand through her hair. Then she honked again. Suddenly she got out of the car and started running. "Come on, Dana Scully", she said to herself, "It's only ten minutes to the hospital and he needs you." She started running faster and did not care about some drunken people who jostled against her. "God, let him be alright."
She was breathless when she arrived at the hospital. She tried to count how often she or Mulder had been in hospital and it scared her, so she decided to push away these thoughts. "My name is Dana Scully and I'm searching for Fox Mulder", she said to the first nurse that crossed her way. "Wait a minute, please", the nurse shortly replied and walked to the computer desk. She typed something into the computer and then looked again at Scully. "Fox William Mulder, right? Are you a family member Miss?" "No, yes, I mean....I am Special Agent Dana Scully and he is my partner. Is he okay?" Scully asked nervously but the nurse who had a little name-plate with "Martha" on it at her shirt, shook her head. "If you're not a family member, I am not allowed to tell you anything about Mr. Mulder's state of health , I'm sorry." "What? But he is my friend and I need to know that he's okay!" Scully got angrier when the nurse refused to give her any information about Mulder. "Okay then, nurse...uhm... Martha, I will search the whole hospital for him if necessary!" Scully turned away, ignoring the nurse who tried to stop her. "Miss Scully, please!" Scully did not stop. "Dana, wait. He is okay. He is here", a familiar voice said to her. Scully turned her head and saw Tina Mulder looking out of a room. "Mrs Mulder, I am glad to see you. It was impossible to get any information about your son. Is he okay?" Scully asked her and gazed into the room where she could barely see Mulder lying in the hospital bed. She wanted to go through the door but Mrs Mulder took her arm. "Dana, he is okay so far but there's something you should know before you go to see him. He may not be the man you used to know." Scully was confused and stared at her. "What do you mean by saying he is not the man I used to know? What's wrong with him?" "His doctor, Doctor Johnston, he told me that he has a kind of amnesia caused by the car crash. It's not a total amnesia but it's not clear when it will end and when he will gain his total memory again. Doctor Johnston said that we can help him by confronting him with everything that was of importance to him and - of course - with everything he loved or he hated. This will also include his sister's abduction, I know, but I don't think it's the right time for that. I will tell him later...", Mrs. Mulder explained and Scully could see that it was still hard for her to talk about Samantha's abduction. Mrs. Mulder suddenly grabbed Scully's hand. "Whatever he may say or do, he needs you, Dana, I am sure", she said. Good night and take care of him", she added when she went to leave the room. Scully smiled. "I always will", she assured and Mrs Mulder closed the door. Scully went to Mulder's bed and sat down on a chair that stood next to it. She watched Mulder sleeping for a while and then carefully touched his face with her hand. She was so relieved that he was alive. Then she softly whispered "Mulder, what did you do? How could you do this to me? I was so afraid that I might have lost you." She softly laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes.
When Scully awoke the next morning, she could hardly open her eyes. It had been late last night and she still felt exhausted. When she raised her head, she saw a familiar face and a pair of blue-grey eyes gazing at her. She smiled at him. "Mulder, I am so glad you're alright..." "Oh, I am sorry Miss, I did not want to wake you up", he interrupted her. "Miss? Mulder, will you say the hell... you don't know me anymore?" Scully was shocked and irritated although his mother had warned her last night. She had expected everything but that. Damn, he must know her! "Mulder, it's me, Dana Scully, your partner. We've been working together at the FBI for seven years now." Mulder shook his head. "I'm sorry Miss...Scully...." "Simply 'Scully', Mulder", she stopped him. "Scully, okay. God, I am confused. I mean, I awoke this morning and there's a head of a beautiful woman, I've never seen before, resting on my chest. First, I thought I was in heaven." He grinned. "Nice to know that you haven't lost your humour, Mulder." Scully tried to smile but somehow she couldn't. Mulder could see that it hurt her and somehow he felt guilty. "Scully, I wished that this had never happened and that I could do anything against it but I don't know what to do. I only know some pieces of the puzzle and I want to see the whole puzzle." Mulder turned his head away and stared out of the window. She knew that this situation must be as strange for him as it was for her. She took his hand. "Mulder, it will improve, you'll see. You mustn't give up yet. I will be there, no matter what comes." Her words made him turn his head to face her. He looked into her eyes and somehow he knew what she said was true although he could not remember her exactly. Scully stood up and took her jacket. She looked at the clock on the wall which said 7 AM. She remembered that she had not informed Skinner about Mulder's accident yet and decided to do this first. "Mulder, I have to go now to inform Skinner, our Assistant Director, that we won't be able to work the few next days. I'll visit you again, I promise." "We? Scully, you cannot stop working because of me." "I can, Mulder, you'll see. The most important thing is you, and I will not leave you alone the next days or weeks or however much time it takes to get back the Mulder you and I know. Bye, Mulder." She looked at him again and opened the door. "Scully?" "Yes?" Mulder paused a while before he continued, "Thank you." Scully did not say anything. "What's wrong Scully? Have I never said this to you before?" Scully nodded. "Well, Mulder, you do not say this very often. You rather show it." Scully turned away and closed the door. Mulder watched her leave the room and then closed his eyes. He could feel that there must have been something special between them but his brain still refused to work properly and to give him the details. "I must remember her, I must remember her", he said again and again.
Part two Dana Scully's apartment 08 January 2000 11 PM
One week had passed since Mulder's accident and Scully and Mrs. Mulder had done their best to help Mulder regain his memory but to no success. Sure, some pieces had come back to his mind but all in all he had not made any real progress. Mulder had insisted on Scully going back for work and although she had first refused to go on working without him, she had finally agreed. She was informing Director Skinner about it on the phone when she heard a loud knocking on the door. "Well, then Sir, see you next Monday. Goodbye." She hung up and walked to the door. The knocking did not stop and she unlocked the door without looking through the peep-hole. There was only one person who could visit her at this time. She saw that her assumption had been right. "Mulder? What the hell happened to you?" she asked, taking his arm to lead him in. He looked exhausted and some tears were rolling over his cheeks. He could barely speak. "Scully", he began to speak, sitting down on the sofa, "Scully, it was so terrible. I had a dream and it all came back to me. I mean, everything about Samantha, her abduction, your abduction and...they killed you..." He bowed his head as if he was ashamed and said, "Scully, I remembered so much but I cannot remember you exactly and the time we shared...I am so confused....I am sorry, Scully..." More tears were running over his cheek and Scully tried to calm him. "Mulder, it's okay. Nobody expects that of you and it won't help you if you force yourself to remember things you cannot remember." Scully sat down in front of the sofa and tried to gently wipe away his tears with her thumbs. "But Scully, you told me that we've been working together for seven years and nothing remained ? I may be wrong but I can clearly feel that there must have been something special between us, something I can't explain. Why can't I remember your laugh, your voice or even your touch?" He placed his hands on her cheeks and leant his forehead against hers. Scully shrugged. It always made her tremble when they were so close. She was scared of the tension that had built up during the seven years because she had never experienced anything similar before she had met Mulder. Mulder noticed her trembling and immediately fell back. "Oh, I'm sorry. I suppose the 'old' Mulder wouldn't have done that, huh? It was just a feeling..." Scully had to smile. "No, Mulder, I'm sure that's exactly what he would have done and Scully would have reacted this way..." she admitted and hugged him softly. Mulder closed his eyes and he felt that something was coming back to him. He felt so secure in her arms. "One could get used to this, Scully." Scully had to laugh. "Jesus, Mulder, why couldn't you forget how to tease me?" "As I said, I am doing my best." He smirked. "Okay, before you remember more of your various jokes, I think you should try to sleep a little bit either on the sofa or the bed." "I think I'll take the sofa, Scully." He pulled off his jacket and his shoes and laid down on the sofa. "Who would have guessed that!" Scully replied and shook her head. "Some things never change." Mulder did not react and Scully saw that he had already fallen asleep. She was still sitting in front of the sofa and again leant her head against his. She had to talk about some things they hadn't talked about yet and - of course - she had to show him some things of their past. She did no longer want him to suffer. Yet, what should she tell him? She could tell him all but she did not know what he had felt before and she was sure that he would have to find it out himself if she wanted him to get back his full remembrance. "Tomorrow", she said to herself, "Tomorrow". She carefully kissed his forehead and fell asleep as well.
09 January 2000 9 AM
Mulder awoke first and the sun shone through the window so he could only glimpse at Scully whose forehead still leant against his. He did not want to wake her and enjoyed watching her for a while. She was so beautiful to him and he could not believe that they were just partners. Who was this woman that stood so close to him and that would risk everything to safe his life. His mother had told him about it and that he had saved her life several times before, as well. He would do all he could to find out what she had meant to him and what she still meant to him. He carefully jumped to his feet and walked into Scully's bathroom to take a shower.
When he came back into the living room, he could not find Scully anywhere and called her name. He only wore his jeans and a towel around his neck. His dark hair was still wet and he froze when walking into the kitchen. Scully leant against the table with a cup of coffee in her hand and turned her head when she heard Mulder. He did not look such depressed anymore. "Hey, Scully", he said. "You know me?" Scully smirked. "Scully, do you think that's the right kind of joke for my situation?" He could not help but laugh, too. "I hope you don't have any plans for today, Mulder." "I don't think so and if yes, I suppose to have forgotten them. What are you planning Scully?" He also took a cup of coffee and saw a bat and his New York Knicks shirt lying on a chair. "I am going to show you how to play baseball, Mulder." Mulder grinned. "What? Why baseball? I do remember some other activities which only afford two persons." Scully gave him her incredible don't - say - this - again - boy - look and Mulder immediately stopped grinning. "Your doctor advised me to confront you with everything you liked and disliked and that's exactly what I'm going to do now." "But Scully, I know that I like baseball and I know this shirt, so why do..." "I know Mulder", she interrupted him. "But you said you don't know anything about us. If you get dressed soon, I will try to show you what it was like." Now he was curious enough and quickly pulled on his Knicks shirt and his jacket. Scully took hers and the key and they left the apartment.
11 AM
When the car stopped, Scully unlocked her belt and Mulder took his bat and the ball with him and they both got out of the car. He still eyed Scully with a smile on his face. "What?" she asked. "Oh, it's just that I can't believe what we're doing here, Scully." "Mulder, it's the wrong person who says this. Are you ready?" "Yeah." Scully took his hand and they walked a while before they arrived at a huge field which looked like a former baseball field. A little boy stood there waiting for them. Mulder pointed at him. "Scully, what..." he tried to ask. "I did not get the same young boy we had last time but I hope it's okay." She went to the young boy, whispered something into his ear and then came back to Mulder. "Okay then, take the bat, Mulder, and remember to pay attention to your hip" Scully said when she stood behind him. She also placed her hands on the bat and gave the boy a sign. He nodded and suddenly threw the ball. Scully and Mulder both tried to manage to hit the ball but failed. "That was your fault, Scully. I've seen it." He smiled. "Aw, come on, Mulder, you should concentrate on the ball and not on me." "Try to stop me." Scully blushed. "Well then, let's try again." She gave the boy another sign but then Mulder took her arm. "No, wait. I know why it does not work. The last time, I was standing behind you, right?" He moved and then stood behind her. Scully was perplexed and looked at him, offering him the brightest smile she was capable of. "Mulder! Will you say, you can remember?" "Uhm, I don't know, let's see." He pushed his chest stronger against her back and placed his hands on hers, both holding the bat. He nodded to the boy and he threw another ball. This time, they hit the ball and Scully raised her head to look into his eyes. "I think I can remember what it was like to play baseball with you Scully", he told her seriously. "Oh, Mulder!" Scully said and hugged him again. "How did you know it would work, Scully?" Mulder asked her when he softly relaxed the hug. "I don't know. I simply knew it. And by the way, it had to work. I needed half of my monthly salary to pay this boy." Mulder had to laugh and then both could not stop laughing. They both were so happy that Mulder had made progress. Of course, he still could not remember everything but that was a start.
Part three FBI Headquarter, Washington D.C. Fox Mulder's basement office 26 January 2000 5 PM
Dana Scully was standing at the file cabinet reading some old files when she heard somebody unlocking the door. She did not react or raise her head, her eyes still fixed on the file in her hand. Suddenly she felt somebody standing behind her and before she could do anything a pair of warm hands covered her eyes. She shuddered. "What..." "Guess who!" a familiar voice answered. "I am afraid it's not Richard Gere, uh?" "Richard Gere?" Mulder took his hands off her face and Scully turned to face him. "Scully, I've been away for some weeks and you're thinking of Richard Gere? That disappoints me." "Jesus, Mulder, what are you doing here? Don't tell me you want to continue working at this time", she answered when she saw that he was dressed in his usual black suit and with his FBI identity card on his jacket. "I was just bored and there's nothing exciting on TV, so I thought I'd take a video of those that are lying in the drawer but that aren't mine." Mulder still tried to tease her. Scully sighed. "Mulder, please...it's been a hard day and I would appreciate it to hear the true reason why you've come." Mulder shrugged his shoulders. "Okay, okay, if you want so. I just wanted to visit you and my former place of work, Scully. Perhaps it helps me to regain a few more pieces of the puzzle." He sat down in his chair and eyed her again. Scully looked at him, too, without saying a word. She enjoyed being here with her partner and imagined that it would be nice to have him here again. Of course, it was not the first time for her that she had to work without him but for some reason she hated to be separated from him. She shook her head to stop this thoughts and sat down on the table when she recognised that Mulder was still staring at her. "What's wrong Mulder?" she asked. "Scully?" "I am still listening." "Was it always like this?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, we're so...so familiar and although I cannot make it out exactly, there's this deep feeling of trust inside me." Scully was confused. "Mulder, what's this all about?" "When we met for the first time, why did you know you could trust me as well and why did you do all this for me? You could have written your reports and you could have gone your own way. So why...?" "Mulder" she began to speak and took his hand in hers. "Mulder, I've gone my way and then, through all the years it has become our way. I was not really convinced of your extraordinary ways of investigating a case when I saw you for the first time but then I saw your passion and power that you invested in your work and I knew it was the right way." Mulder nodded. "But when did you know you could trust me, Scully?" Scully smiled. "How could I ever forget this. You remember our first case, Mulder?" "Yes, I think so." "Well, this one night I came to you and you told me everything about your sister, your hypnosis and all this. This night I knew you trusted me and I could trust you as well. It impressed me that you had told me your personal story." Mulder laid his hand on hers. "So that's what our friendship is based on?" "Yes, Mulder but sometimes I think it's even more than this..." Scully stuttered and bowed her head. "It's just sometimes, we..." she stopped when suddenly Walter Skinner entered the room. She took her hand off Mulder's and jumped to her feet. "Oh, good evening, Sir. What can I do for you?" Somehow she felt relieved that Skinner had interrupted their conversation. "Hello, Agent Scully, Agent Mulder. I've heard that you're in here and just wanted to know how you are, Mulder." "Fine, thanks Sir. Although I still can't remember my telephone number." Skinner had to laugh. "I see you are making progress, Mulder. Yet, who wouldn't with the help of Agent Scully." "Yes, sure. She just wanted to tell me something about..." "Later, Mulder, later" she interrupted him before he could finish the sentence. "First, I have to talk about my current case with Mr Skinner, Mulder. Sir, if you don't mind..." Skinner nodded. "Well then, I think we should better discuss this case in my office, Agent Scully. Hope to see you soon, Mulder." Mulder gave him a little smile. "I'll be back in a few minutes, Mulder" Scully said, not facing him. Mulder supposed that she for some reason wanted to escape from their former conversation but did not say anything. "Oh, you shouldn't be worried. As you know I still have some videos here to explore" he answered and Scully and Skinner left the room.
6 PM
When Scully did not come back, Mulder had decided to meet her at Walter Skinner's office. He got out of the elevator and walked along the floor when he noticed Scully and another agent standing in front of Skinner's office. Mulder immediately stopped when he saw Scully laughing after the young agent had whispered something into her ear. He took a long breath before he went on and then stopped next to Scully. "So, now comes the thing I hated, I suppose", he simply said to himself. With a sarcastic tone in his voice, he shortly said, "I see you have spent your time with a young man, Scully. Was it nice?" Scully did not react but wondered about his tone. "Oh, Mulder. I am sorry that I kept you waiting so long but we had to discuss a difficult file. By the way, I think you still know Agent Ritter? He will be my partner for the time you are away." Agent Ritter passed him his hand but Mulder refused to take it. Scully looked at him. "Yeah, I certainly know him but I wish I had forgotten him as well." Scully touched his arm. "Mulder, please, what are you ..." Mulder did not react to what his partner said. "I do remember him. May I give you some advice, Ritter? Next time, check twice who you shoot. Otherwise I..." "Mulder! What the hell has happened to you???!!! If I can forgive him, you should be able to forgive him as well!" Scully cried. "Dana, it's okay. If he does not want to...", Agent Ritter whispered to her and touched her shoulder. "Dana? Oh, I see you like each other, uh?!" Mulder still got angrier. "Then I won't waste your time any longer." He turned away and wanted to leave but Scully followed him and grabbed his arm again. "Mulder, please!!! Can you please tell me what's wrong with you?!" "What's wrong with me? Scully, you're hanging around with the man who shot you last year. I don't know but is there something I missed?" "Mulder that happened last year and as I said you should forget about it. Don't make a fool of yourself!" "So you do trust him although he shot you once, right? We've been working together for seven years and you said you trusted me. And then this young boy comes along and you trust him without any doubts. I'm sorry but that's something you must explain to me, Scully!" "That's not true Mulder and you know it. It's not the same!" "I don't know what I should believe Scully!" Mulder again tried to go away but Scully pushed with her hand against his chest. "Mulder there's nobody I trust more and you know it. He will be my partner for a short time and then it's over. I don't know why we are having this discussion. If I did not know it better I would say you are..." she paused. "What? I am what?!" "Jealous." Mulder did not know what to say and after a short time he broke the silence. "Jealous? That's ridiculous Scully!" "Why?" Mulder walked away but then stopped and again turned to Scully who had not moved. "Then, tell me Scully, why am I jealous when we were just partners like you said?" "Mulder..." Scully whispered but he had left her and she was standing alone on the floor, unable to move.
9 PM
Scully was tired. She yawned when she parked the car near the Skyland Mountain. She had been searching for Mulder since he had left her at the FBI Headquarters. His question was still in her mind and she could clearly hear his words: "Tell me why am I jealous when we are just partners?" She knew the answer but she was so afraid. That was something she had always tried to avoid thinking about. She was still scared when she walked up the last metres to the top of the Skyland Mountain. Mulder's mother had told her that he wanted to go there when Scully had asked her where he could be. It was a special place and it could be a nice place at night but Scully had always avoided going there since her abduction and her horrible experiences with Duane Barry. She knew why Mulder had decided to come here. He was being confronted with negative aspects of his past. This was necessary if he wanted to regain his total memory. Scully froze when she reached the top. It was very cold but it was also beautiful to see the stars. They seemed to be so near. It was dark and she could not see Mulder but then she recognised his white T-shirt and his tie, hanging around his neck, blowing in the wind. He was sitting on the ground, his arms wrapped around his legs. Scully slowly went to him and stopped behind him. Mulder knew that it was her although she did not say a word. He turned around, still sitting on the ground and wrapped his arms around her legs, his head leaning against her knees. Scully touched his head with her hands. Then she brushed a hand through his hair. "Scully..., I'm sorry, it was stupid to think that...", but then Scully knelt down as well and placed her hands on his cheeks. "Scully", Mulder went on, " I just saw you with Ritter and then it all came back to me, I mean I could clearly remember everything and then I got angry because..." "Because of what, Mulder?" She gazed into his eyes. Mulder could not say a word. "Because of what, Mulder?" she repeated. "Why didn't you tell me about New Year's Eve, Scully?" Scully had to take a long breath because she was surprised of Mulder's directness. She could not look into his eyes when she continued, "I did not know how you felt about it, Mulder and I was afraid, scared, unsure; I still am..." Mulder put a finger under her chin and she raised her head. She could see that his eyes asked WHY and immediately admitted, "Do you remember that case concerning the RAIN KING and our investigations? And you know how afraid the woman - I think her name was Sheila - was when she developed feelings for her best friend? I told her that relationships between men and women which are rooted in friendship can last forever. She then told me that she had never expected to fall in love with her best friend, Mulder." Now Mulder had to take a long breath. He carefully stroke his hand through her hair. "What did you tell her, Scully?" "I don't know exactly what I told her. I think I said that sometimes suddenly someone flicks a switch and suddenly you see so much more when you see this person and then he is the only one you can ever imagine yourself with." Mulder smiled and did not say a word. Suddenly, Scully recognised what she had said, she stood up and wanted to go away. Mulder jumped to his feet and followed her. "Scully, please wait." Scully stopped. "I am sorry Mulder, I shouldn't have said that to you." Mulder stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. He leant his head on her shoulder and softly kissed her neck. "I'm glad you have", he shortly replied. Scully turned around and laid her hands around his neck. She could feel his breath and her heart beat faster when he carefully leant his forehead against hers and looked her deep in the eyes. He touched her lips with his fingers. Then he softly whispered, "I am feeling the same." "What do you feel, Mulder?" Mulder caressed her cheek and pulled her closer. "What should I feel?" Tears came into her eyes when she answered. "That I love you." She gave him a soft kiss on his forehead and they looked in each other eyes before Mulder leant in and gently kissed her lips. Both could not understand what was happening to them. Never would they have expected it to be so intense. It was an incredible feeling of love, trust and passion. When their lips parted, Mulder smiled saying, "One could get used to this, Scully." Scully gave him a short smile and then Mulder hugged her as strong as he could and closed his eyes. He was so thankful that he could hold her in his arms and that he could remember everything. "I love you too." Again he covered her lips with his but this time it was deeper and full of passion and neither of them could tell if it lasted seconds, minutes or hours. After a while, Scully touched his cheek and said, "There's no time like the present, Mulder." Mulder smiled and squeezed her hand. "Yes, there's no time like the present, Scully." This year would not be like the other years, Scully was sure.
THE END
Okay, as always I hope you enjoyed this story and that there weren't too many mistakes in it. Again, I would be glad to get your comments no matter if they are positive or negative. Anyway, thank you for reading it and if you like, just take a look at my stories from time to time. There are more to come, I promise. Let love rule!
Thanks to everybody who sent in criticism and feedback. Without you, I could not improve writing. Like DD put it 'The creative mind is the critical mind' Thanks to ya!
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