Author's note : I'd like to warn you that Jess might be a little OOC…I guess I have a little tendency to make him softy...I don't know why...
Soul Mates
Part 1 : Confessions
He took a breath, looked at me in the eyes and said:
I love you Ror.
Then he turned around, got into his car and left. Again. Leaving me alone. Again. Why? I love him too. What did he have to reproach himself? What was he afraid of? What happened at that party, last year...I was ready to forgive him. It could happen to anyone. Of course, what he just told me, surprised me, that's why I didn't answer. But if he had waited a few seconds, I would have answered. I would have answered that I love him too. But this, he'll sever know it because he didn't give me time to answer. He'll also never know that there isn't any minute that I don't think about him. He'll never know that I miss him, that nothing's the same without him. I'd like him to know all of this, I don't have any way to reach him. No number, no address. If only there was someone who...
Rory? You coming, we're going home? asked my mother.
Coming! I said.
I joined my mother, my thoughts on Jess, thinking about a way to reach him.
What an idiot I was. I tell her I love her and I leave. That's all me. I'll never know if my feelings are the same for her. She'll never know that I never stopped thinking about her. I deserted. Again. I left her alone. Again. Who do I have to do this? I'm a coward. I'm not even able t confront her. I had to talk to her. I had to know. I had to stop running away, to be scared. Turn around or you'll show once again that you're just a coward.
So that's what I did. I made a U-turn and went back to Stars Hollow. When I got there, it was late. But I didn't care. The sooner's the better. So I went to her house. I didn't want to wake her mother so I throwed stones to her window. At the fifth one, the curtain was being pulled to let her appear, still asleep. She completely woke up when she saw it was me.
What was he doing there? He waved for me to come out. What do I do? Without really thinking about it, I said ''hold on''. I put on some clothes and I got out.
Hey, he said.
Hey, I answered a little coldly. What are you doing here?
I had to talk to you, he answered slowly and sincerly.
I calmed down a little.
So what did you want to tell me that couldn't wait tomorrow? I asked, smiling a litt.e
She smiled. I think it's a good sign.
Yeah, well...I'm sorry for waking you up, but...I had to do it now or I would already be far away.
Ok. Come on, let's sit down.
Ok.
I followed her to the swing.
So, what did you want to talk to me about? she asked me.
Well...you know, what I told you earlier...
Me too, she cut.
She what too?
You too what? I asked.
Me too I love you.
There I had the proof that my feelings were the same for her towards me.
During many days, she continued, I couldn't stop wondering why you were gone.
I let her continue.
I even wondered if it was my fault. What did I do? Was it because I pushed you away at the party?
It wasn't for that, I cut her. I was ashamed.
But of what?
Of me. I just got suspended from the school, I wasn't going to graduate and I let my frustration rub on you. That was the biggest mistake I had ever done. You went to see Dean. That signed my death act. The fight that happened after, I would have liked not to have done it. It took me a year and a half to have you, and only 30 seconds to lose you...
Are you saying it's my fault?
No! No, don't think that.
You know, Dean insisted to know. If he hadn't insisted, it wouldn't have turned wrong.
I'm so sorry for that night...
Hey, I don't blame you. Believe me.
She doesn't blame me. Wow.
The only thing I can blame you for is, she continued, that you left.
You're right to be mad at me for this. I would be mad at me. I acted as a coward. I ran away. Still tonight, that was near to be the case. I told myself that I had to stop running away. Hell, I'm 18! I can't run away all my life when a problem shows up!
He had never talked to me like that. I was finally able to know his thoughts.
I also came back 'cause I had to know, he continued. I had to know if what I was feeling was the same for you. The little speech your mom made me today had me thinking. She was right. I didn't have the right to brake your heart like I did.
You didn't brake my heart, I told him. You tore it out. If only you knew how I cried, Jess! I had never cried like that!
A few tears appeared. He had obviously noticed it because his look was showing worry.
I'm sorry for causing you so much pain, he said softly. If only you knew how sorry I am...
I heard him sniff. He was crying. Never he had cried in front of me. He's really ashamed of what he did to me. I think he loves me more than I can think. So I did something that surprised me: I hugged him. He held on to me. He was whispering he was sorry and I was telling him it was okay now. We stayed like that for a long moment. Then I let go of him and I looked at him. I pulled his eyes down. I lifted his head up, forced him to look at me and I kissed him like I had never done. In that kiss, I wanted to show him that I loved him, that I was ready to forgive him. I think he had understood 'cause he kissed me with the same passion.
When she took me in her arms, I thought I was dreaming. Same thing when she kissed me. She was forgiving me. I'd been awful to her. But she was forgiving me. I think she still loves me. When we stopped kissing, I looked at her. She smiled to me tenderly. I smiled too, and kissed her again. After a long moment, we stopped and she snuggled up to me.
What do we do now? she asked me after a moment of silence.
I don't know, I answered.
I'm asking 'cause I'm going to Yale, and I live on the campus. What will you do?
What about we find an appartment there?
What?
She looked at me, surprised.
I'm saying that we take an appartment there, in New Haven, only you and me. What do you think? I'll find a job while you'll be in class, and then...we'll see.
She thought about it for a second then looked at me, smiling. I think that's a good sign!
Okay, she said.
Alright!
But before, she continued, we have to tell my mother and Luke...and I think we have to relearn to know each other.
Okay...no more alright.
Why this? I asked.
Well...you see, you've been gone for a year. You were I don't know where, and I was at Yale. There are obviously some things that changed. On both sides.
Ok, that's true. But it could be done in New Haven, non?
She smiled.
Yes, it could be done in New Haven, she said. But it's all the time too.
You know it's what I meant.
She smiled again, and I did the same. We stayed silent for a moment. A silence a little awkward.
Well, she said. Now, it's not that I don't appreciate your presence, it's the complete opposite, but I should be going back to sleep...
I don't want to stop you.
But you, where will you sleep?
I don't know...there's always my car.
There's more comfortable.
I know, but for one night, it'll do.
And what about I lend you some place in my room?
I don't think your mother will appreciate to see me there tomorrow morning.
She has to leave early, she still has a lot to do for the opening of the inn. She'll leave before I wake up.
Ok...you convinced me.
She smiled triumphantly and took my hand. We entered the house and brought me to her room. She then went away for a few minutes and came back with blankets and a pillow, that she gave me.
I hope you don't mind to sleep on the floor 'cause we don't have anything else, she told me, a little embarassed.
Don't worry. That's only for tonight.
Ok. Good night, then.
Good night to you too.
She smiled to me, hesitated for a second then kissed me. After, she got to bed. As for myself, I dropped the pillow next to the nightstand that was near the window, I took off my jacket, grabbed the blankets and layed down. A few minutes later, I fell asleep, my thought on Rory, that seemed fast asleep.