A/N: Hello all, and thank you for clicking on my link (that's what she said).

Full disclosure before we go any further and in complying with the unspoken agreement of trust (which I am now going to speak about, making it less unspoken then the term would originally suggest) between the reader and the readee… or, if you want to be all technically correct and not make up words – the writer… wait, where was I? Oh yes, I'm doing my due diligence and confessing that if you want to be totally anally accurate about this story, I am forced to admit, that, only in the most literal understanding of the following words – I haven't (technically speaking) ever watched an entire episode of Arrow.

I realize someone attempting to write a fanfiction story about a show they're not, strictly speaking, watching is an endeavor fraught with issues. I am not unaware of this fact. Rather like a horse who has been asked to make holiday reservations for a family of four in the Bahamas, I have my work cut out for me. Why put myself in this kind of vulnerable position I hear you ask? Very good question, but please don't interrupt while I'm talking, there's a dear. I am here because what I have watched is the amazing chemistry between SA and EBR on YouTube and gleaned their character's story through watching snatches here and there of the show. So, inspired by the potential of what I've seen so far and begging forgiveness of the many pieces of mythology of the show which I'm going to gloss over with gay abandon, I'm going to have a crack at this.

You see, I really like the character of Felicity. I think she's a super hero in her own right because she is smart and funny and scared but doing it anyway. Those are pretty much attributes we should all be so lucky to have, right? I thought I'd tinker around a little with the character of Felicity and see how far I could take her. A woman doesn't have to fight like a man (while wearing thigh high boots and displaying a heaving cleavage) to be a worthwhile member of a super hero club. I like that and want to see Felicity be all that she can be.

And then, of course, there is Oliver. Stoic, unflappable Oliver who likes to be in control of everything, particularly his emotions. Of course I'm going to want to mess with that. Lol I like the side of Oliver that Felicity brings out. No one else showcases those other qualities of Oliver that are a bit softer… and how knows, maybe a little more neurotic, only time will tell. ;)

So, if you're still reading this (what a trooper, have a cookie!), you'll note that I haven't really given you much of an idea of what this story is about. Basically, it's kind of fluffy, Olicity-centric tale which gives me a chance to just thrash out some dialogue which I'm such a whore for. Felicity has a secret… and Oliver wants to know what it is. I know, that old trope but I'm hoping I can inject some kind of memorability into it. (Dang, I didn't think memorability was a word but spell check has given it the thumbs up – you go with your bad self spell check!).

Just a heads up, I have another story with a similar name – Secret Men's Business – for the show Grimm. Please don't get confused, they're completely different stories with no links to one another… although, there is a surprising urine-heavy motif to both of them, now that I think about it. I'm sure that says something about me… best not to dwell though.

Moving swiftly on…

Look, you've made it this far, you may as well just keep reading. What's the worst that can happen? Really, really bad fan fiction… or maybe you'll laugh, you'll cry, your life will be changed forever. Okay, that probably won't happen, if I'm being honest. I'll let you make up your own mind about reading on or not. I'll just stand over here in the corner of your room, touching all your stuff until you decide… no pressure.

secret women's business

By Louise Blue

"Women and cats will do as they please,

and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
~Robert A. Heinlein~

CHAPTER ONE

"One black coffee, one green tea," said the young woman behind the counter as she handed over the tray of hot beverages.

"Thank you," said Oliver politely, reaching into his jacket for his wallet.

"Cheesecake!" Felicity's voice shouted the reminder to him over the noise of the busy coffee shop.

"And a slice of the lemon cheesecake, please," said Oliver, adding onto his order. He paid for the items and then picked up the tray of drinks and cheesecake, weaving his way through the crowd back to the waiting Felicity.

"This place is crazy busy," she noted as Oliver took her arm and directed her towards a two-person nook which had just been vacated.

"It's gotten a good reputation for its coffee," he noted, waiting until Felicity had slid into the tiny booth before sliding in next to her.

"It's a bit out of our way though. I thought we'd just be going to our usual coffee haunt. I don't know if the coffee can be good enough to justify driving to the other side of town."

"We're not here for the coffee," said Oliver as he slid her green tea over to her.

"Well, I'm not," she said, picking up the cup and blowing on the hot liquid.

Oliver arched an eyebrow at her in a silent question.

"Health kick," Felicity explained. "I watched a documentary on coffee and it was terrifying. It's green tea for me now on. Green tea is awesome, it's full of anti-oxidants which help brain function, protects against diabetes and even some diseases like prostate cancer."

Oliver's lips twitched. "Your prostrate giving you a lot of trouble these days, Ms Smoak?" he teased her.

"Okay, yes, I realize I don't have a prostate," she sniffed, "but if I did, it'd be singing my praises right now."

"A disturbing thought on so many levels," noted Oliver wryly. "So, this health kick of yours, where does the cheesecake fit in?"

"Lemon cheesecake," pointed out Felicity. "Lemons are full of vitamin C."

Oliver's expression was decidedly skeptical. "And all that fat and sugar the vitamin C is embedded in, that isn't a factor for you?"

"Are you mocking my attempts to treat my body as a temple?" asked Felicity, looking suitably put out.

"And this temple you're constructing," said Oliver straight-faced, "it doesn't happen to have a set of golden arches at the top of it and a drive through, at all?"

Felicity's eyes narrowed in mock menace. "Just for that, you don't get any of my cheesecake, which I was going to generously share with you."

"Technically it's my cheesecake because I bought it."

Felicity scooted the plate of rich dessert closer to her body and put an arm around it protectively. "Possession is nine tenths of the law."

"You think I couldn't take that from you if I really wanted to?"

Felicity held up the plastic utensil which had come with the dessert. "Maybe, but not before I give you the sporking of your life, mister."

Oliver looked away, hiding his smile as he shook his head. He looked back at her. "At ease, soldier, your plate of artery clogging death is safe from me," said Oliver in amusement. "I don't have a sweet tooth."

"I know," said Felicity disapprovingly. "It's my fifth least favorite thing about you. What kind of person doesn't like sweet things? It's just weird and unnerving."

Oliver gave her a surprised look. "Fifth? You have at least four other things you don't like about me?"

Felicity avoided his gaze. "I didn't say that."

"If something is fifth in line, it's pretty much a given there is a first, second, third and fourth preceding it," said Oliver a little indignantly. "That's how the counting system works."

"If you want to get technical about it, I guess," said Felicity begrudgingly.

"So, what are the other four things?" Oliver didn't know why but the thought of Felicity not liking things about him kind of bothered him.

"Who says there are only four?" she asked sweetly.

"Seriously, there are more than five things about me that you dislike?" asked Oliver in shock. "Seriously?" What the hell? "What are they?"

"Well, you can be pretty annoyingly relentless about some things, like a dog with a bone," said Felicity dryly. "Although, if I'm being honest, that's also in your pro column. Just depends what you're being relentless about."

"You have a pro list about me as well?" asked Oliver, slightly mollified.

Felicity gave a little inelegant snort. "Of course I have a pro list. You can't have a con's list without a pro one. That's just crazy talk."

"You don't think itemizing my qualities is a bit crazy?"

"It's not just you, I do it with everyone."

Oliver blinked. "You do?" He didn't know if that made him feel any better.

"Yes, I find making lists a very soothing hobby. It makes order out of chaos and I like that. Growing up my life with my mother was just random and arbitrary and I had no kind of control over it. I started making lists and organizing things and people around me and it made me feel better, safer, you know?" Felicity gave a little shrug. "Anyways, I just never got out of the habit, I guess."

Oliver stared at her. "So, this pros and cons list of yours – which do I have more of?"

Felicity rolled her eyes and picked up her tea. "Like your ego needs a boost from me, Oliver."

Oliver grinned. "More pros then cons then?"

"Not now that I've had to add egotistical to the cons list," she deadpanned and then took a sip of her tea. Felicity promptly spluttered and made a choking sound. "Oh my God," she gasped, "there is something wrong with my tea. It's gone off or something."

Oliver quickly took the cup from Felicity's hand and took a sip of his own. He shook her head at her. "It tastes completely normal to me."

Felicity's eyes went wide. "That's what green tea is supposed to taste like?"

"Yes. Haven't you ever had any before?"

"No." Felicity took her cup back and looked down at the liquid with some trepidation. "Are you seriously telling me that is normal for green tea to taste like that?"

"Yes."

"But it tastes like yak urine," said Felicity in distress. "Or, at least, what I imagine yak urine would taste like." She looked intently at him. "Don't you think?"

Oliver shook his head at her carry one. "Why would I know what yak or any other kind of urine tastes like?"

"I don't know, you were on that island for five years. A lot of weird things went down, you said so yourself."

"Yeah but me drinking urine wasn't one of them," said Oliver flatly.

"I wouldn't judge you if you did," Felicity offered up easily.

"Good to know, but I still didn't drink urine, mine or anyone else's."

"I don't know. You seem to be protesting it a lot. I don't know if you'd feel the need to be so vehement on the subject if you actually hadn't." Felicity took a sip of her tea without thinking and then made a gagging sound. "Oh God, it's even worse the second time. How is that possible?" She made a few more hacking noises, trying to clear the taste from her mouth.

"If you don't like the taste of green tea, then don't drink it," said Oliver in exasperation.

"It's good for me," she ground out stubbornly. Felicity picked up her spork and cut a wedge of cheesecake off and then dropped it into her tea, swirling it around to mix the two together.

"I'm almost positive any health benefits of green tea are going to be cancelled out if the only way you can drink the stuff is dissolving a slab of cheesecake in it," said Oliver dryly.

"Hey, do I tell you how to train?" Felicity demanded to know. "No, I don't think so. Let me do this health kick thing my way, okay?"

"You told me to move the bar ladder away from your workstation," he reminded her.

"That's because I'd periodically be showered in sweat from high above." She wrinkled her nose prettily. "It was like being in a permanent salty monsoon season."

Oliver pouted a little. "I'm pretty sure it wasn't that bad."

"That's because you were the sweater. Take it from the sweatee, it was pretty bad sometimes."

Oliver gave up, just happy he wasn't being accused of drinking urine anymore. A thought occurred to him. "Hey, that urine thing better not be on my con's list because it never happened."

"The contents of the list is not up for public scrutiny or auditing by outside sources," said Felicity primly.

"You know, I could just as easily start a list about you too," he threatened her.

"Have at it," she invited him. "The list system is open to any and all who wish to avail themselves of its soothing, life-ordering benefits."

"I'm not making a list," said Oliver. "And you know why? Because I'm normal."

"Of course you are. And you've got the full leather outfit and mask to prove it."

"You're hysterical."

Felicity gave him a smug smile. "So much material to work with, it's pretty hard not to be."

"Well, now that you've mentioned the alter ego, that's as good a time as any to tell you why we're here."

"It wasn't just to poison me with urine tea?"

"No, that was just a bonus." Oliver pointed at the window in front of them. "See that bookstore there?"

"Yes."

"It's been getting some interesting deliveries lately."

"I'm guessing it's not the latest Stephen King thriller."

"Not exactly. I think it's a front for some kind of drug running operation. In particular, Rock Kandy."

"That new designer drug which is causing all those murder/suicides?"

Oliver nodded. "Yes. I caught a guy last week selling the stuff and let him go."

"You let him go?" repeated Felicity in surprise.

"So I could follow him and he headed directly back to this bookstore."

Felicity looked around the crowded coffee shop, crammed full of customers. "Oliver, should we really be having this conversation here? I mean, anyone could hear us."

"Crowded place are the most private places. No one pays you any attention because there are so many people."

"I know people always say that but I bet if we started having sex in the middle of the store, people would notice."

Oliver looked at her in surprise at that comment and Felicity immediately blushed. "I didn't mean us specifically," she back tracked hastily. "I just meant that if something like that happened, it wouldn't be that private all of a sudden."

Oliver's lips quirked. "No one is going to have sex in a coffee shop, Felicity."

"They might if the cutest boy in school told you he thought you had really pretty eyes and it was just the two of you locking up on a Saturday night and he'd just dumped the lead cheerleader who called you flat chested in the middle of gym class in front of everyone." Felicity took a breath and then quickly continued on. "I mean, theoretically, something like that could happen, not that it actually did. I'm just saying… if it did happen, that could be one possible way it could have happen… but it didn't… so I'm going to stop talking now." Felicity was blushing again after her mouth had run away with her and to avoid looking at him, she took another sip of her cheesecake laden tea. She screwed up her face and started to cough. "Okay, the cheesecake idea was a bad one. Very, very bad." Felicity made a few rasping noises as some of the crumbs from the cheesecake base didn't seem to want to go down without a fight.

Oliver took the cup of soggy dessert away from her. "Okay, I'm cutting you off. Your health kick is going to be the death of me and have us thrown out of this café."

Felicity was still wheezing and drawing some odd looks. "It was sound in theory," she gasped. "One delicious thing should cancel out one disgusting thing."

"Please, Felicity, can we just talk about the bookstore for five minutes?" said Oliver with mild ire. "This is getting us nowhere."

"Fine, don't mind me dying over here," she said and gave a final couple of coughs. "Tell me about your bookstore of death. I'm all ears. What's the plan?"

Oliver reached into his coat pocket and drew out his phone. He called up the schematics he'd downloaded previously of the building. Felicity moved closer and leant on the table top, supporting her head with one hand and leant into him. Oliver then went on to talk about the owner of the store and his ties to a Russian gang which also seemed to have its hand in gun running and possibly an extortion ring. He told Felicity about known associates and how he thought the drugs were being brought into the country and his plans for confirming his theories and what he wanted to do next. Oliver was actually impressed that Felicity didn't interrupt him once during his information dump. "So, what do you think? Is it possible to put a tracker on these guys which can give us a live feed at all times?" asked Oliver as he continued to flick through the images on his phone, showing Felicity the men he wanted to investigate further. "Felicity, do you think it'll be an issue?" Oliver turned his head and saw why it was exactly that Felicity hadn't interrupted him once. She was fast asleep, leaning on her elbow and resting up against him. "Felicity!"

She started violently, glasses slipping down her nose and coming awake immediately. "What? What happened?"

"You fell asleep," said Oliver in vexation.

"No, I didn't," said Felicity indignantly.

"You were drooling."

Felicity quickly wiped the sides of her mouth and looked embarrassed. "That's just something I do when I'm listening really hard."

Oliver sat back in his seat and gave her a hard look. "Alright then, what was the last thing I just said?"

"Said."

His lips tightened. "Before that."

"Felicity."

Okay, this game wasn't getting him anywhere. "I've been talking for the last ten minutes and you haven't heard a word of it, have you?"

"You have a very soothing voice," said Felicity defensively. "You should do those audio kid's book. Seriously, it's very lulling."

"Felicity," he said in exasperation.

"Okay, yes, I may have nodded off ever so slightly but that doesn't mean I haven't got your back," she said hastily. "Whatever you need, I'll make it happen."

"I'd just hate to think I was boring you," said Oliver sarcastically. He'd never had a woman fall asleep while he was talking to her before. It was hard not to be a bit put out. Was mind-numbingly dull on that list of Felicity's in his con's column?

"You weren't," said Felicity quickly. "I think it was the combination of the tea and cheesecake. I think it has a narcotic effect."

"I can categorically state that it doesn't."

"You don't know that, you're not a chemist."

"Fine, whatever, I'll go over the plan again tonight, at the Foundry with you and Diggle together." Oliver pocketed his phone and took a gulp of his coffee, finishing it off. "We should go." He slipped out of the booth and stood up.

Felicity followed suit. "Are you sulking?"

"I'm a grown man. Grown men don't sulk. I just thought someone else could use this booth seeing as we're done and the place is still packed."

"Your community-mindedness expression is a lot like your sulking expression," noted Felicity.

"I don't have a sulking expression because I don't sulk," said Oliver sternly. He took her arm and pulled her closer to him so that they could navigate their way out of the overflowing café.

"If you say so." They were outside now and Felicity gave a heavy sigh.

"What is it?"

"I'm thirsty."

Oliver just stared at her.

Felicity held up her hand. "Hey, no one told me green tea tastes like urine. If I'd known that, I'd have ordered a smoothie."

"There is water back at the office," said Oliver flatly and started to walk back to the car.

"You know what the documentary I watched said about coffee and mood swings?" asked Felicity, having to trot to keep up with him. Oliver turned around and looked at her. Felicity gave him an innocent smile. "It's just something you might want to look into… you know, for future reference."

"My moods aren't swinging and even if they were, at least I can stay awake during a ten minute conversation." They were at the car and Oliver opened the car door for her.

"Are you still obsessing over that?" asked Felicity in exasperation. "I said I was sorry."

"No, you didn't and it was like, three minutes ago. You're making it sound like it was three months ago."

"It would be, if we were dogs." Felicity took a seat in the passenger seat of the car.

Oliver stared down at her. "I have no response to give to that comment."

"That must be a bummer," noted Felicity idly as she did up her seatbelt. "Number eight on the con's list – always likes to have the last word."

Oliver scowled at her. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do."

Oliver opened his mouth to continue the argument but closed it again, realizing he'd be shooting his own protests in the foot by saying anything else. He slammed the car door shut instead and walked around to the other side of the car, climbing into the driver's seat.

Felicity pushed her glasses up her nose and settled back in the seat. "Just so you know, a door slam is a non-verbal kind of last word."

"Something non-verbal can't be a word by its very definition," said Oliver in agitation. "It's oxymoronic."

Felicity turned her head and looked at him with a vaguely knowing smile. "And is that your last word on the subject, Mr. Queen?"

"You're driving me crazy today, do you know that?" he ground out.

Felicity coughed into her hand and spoke at the same time. "Last word."

"I swear to God, I am seconds away from making you walk back to the office." Oliver jerked on the wheel and pulled out into traffic. Unfortunately, due to being distracted, he didn't check his mirrors properly and a passing car clipped the front of his car. It was only a small collision but the damage bill on his BMW wasn't going to reflect that.

Felicity just looked at him. "You know this means I'm going to have move your driving skills from the pro's to the con's list, right?"

"Don't tell me anything more about this list of yours, okay?" Oliver snapped. "I don't want to know."

Felicity just shrugged and smiled at him. "You're the boss."

Oliver grunted, not feeling particularly in charge of anything right then. Felicity never used to be this much of a distraction to him. He hoped it was a trend which wasn't going to continue as he climbed out of the car to deal with the driver of the other vehicle.

As Oliver was about to discover over the coming days however, that would turn out to be a vain hope…

A/N: Okay, so that was just a warm up chapter, we get into the real mystery in the next chapter. I always figured Olicity would have a playful kind of relationship in between all of the fighting for your life business. I'm just filling in the blanks as I see fit. God bless fanfiction for that little perk of the job. :D

Now then, is anyone interested in wanting to know what happens next, or are you all lining up to bill me to get back the five minutes of your life back? (Ha, suckers! Read the fine print, no refunds – you're screwed!)

Hmm… probably shouldn't end an A/N with the word 'screwed', not when I'm trying to garner interest in the next chapter. How about his for the last word instead… mellifluous.

(If you don't know what it means, look it up and then use it to make yourself feel vastly superior to your friends and family and make them feel like uneducated idiots… trust me, there is no way that plan could go horribly wrong).

Please Note: Alienating your friends and family by being a complete dick will most likely go horribly wrong. You probably shouldn't do that.