Hi! This was supposed to be a one shot but it just got longer and longer and longer...It'll probably be a three shot now.

Disclaimer: I don't own the wonderful world of Harry Potter, that honour belongs to J.K. Rowling, therefore none of these characters are mine. Except for Rob. Rob is mine and I've grown quite fond of the poor boy.

P.S. Takes place a bit before my other story.

Revenge: Sweet as a Sugar Quill and best served with Polyjuice.

To say James Potter was distracted was an understatement of epic proportions, it was like saying that the surface of the sun was simply warm. In the course of one training session he had managed to fly into the hoops eight times, into the stands five times, into the muddy Quidditch field three times and into his fellow fliers a grand total of 12 times, although admittedly about 5 of those times were far from accidental. He had also been hit in the head by the Quaffle far too many times for it to be healthy.

The reason for his distraction? Simple, it could be summed up in one word or, to be more precise, one name: Evans.

She was there, sitting in the stands closest to the keeper, watching them train, which was surprising since she had once said that she would rather eat Merlin's baggy Y-fronts than watch any form of Quidditch. Her being there wasn't the problem though, not really, in fact James would have been happy to have a choice to show off in front of her but that was the problem: she wasn't here for him, she wasn't even looking at him, she was the for Rob.

Normally James liked Rob, he was a decent, fine, bloody brilliant keeper, had a sense of humour and followed James with something close to blind admiration, but then again normally James was the best player on the team, normally James would have been so concentrated on training that he have noticed if there had been a full sized troll learning ballet right underneath him, normally no one had the guts to ask Evans, they knew the consequences.

But Rob, it appeared, didn't and for that he was going to pay.

Dearly.

There was only one problem: James, for the first time in his life, had no idea how to exact his revenge. He was having the miscreant's version of writer's block and all James could think was: Why now? Why did he have to lose his creativity when he needed it most? What had he done to deserve such a punishment? Okay, plenty but that was beside the point.

James spent the rest of the day prowling the corridors and muttering to himself, much like Filtch did, although not even Sirius dared point out the growing resemblance.

...

By breakfast the next morning the word had spread: Robert March and Lily Evans were going out and James Potter was not pleased. The only people who didn't seem to know this were Rob, Evans and James themselves. This was perfectly normal, it was how Hogwart's gossip worked: everyone apart from those involved knew what was going on.

True to form the Syltherins were ecstatic because a Gryffindor, James Potter no less, was having a bad time of it. Everyone else just wondered how Rob could have been so stupid as to go out with someone who was already taken, even if she didn't know it yet.

The only odd one out was Snivellus who, apparently, had no idea what to feel. He was torn between joy, because something had finally ruffled Potter's carefully styled feathers, and depression, because Lily was going out with someone other than him. He was, to those not privy to his inner most thoughts, acting like a PMSing girl which Sirius pointed out immediately to the largest group of people he could find who, after his little speech which included the aforementioned PMSing and the long hair, were left with some rather disturbing questions about Snivellus' gender.

...

Dinner found James alone in the common room, sitting in one of the overstuffed armchairs, staring at the flames in the fireplace. He was, though he would never admit it, a little depressed and more than a little frustrated: He still couldn't think of a way to get rid of Rob. Normally he would have had his idea and been busy sorting out the finer details (or just plain diving in head first with fingers crossed) by now but instead, nothing. He ran his hand through hair.

It had been almost two full days for Merlin's sake! What was wrong with him?

To tell the truth he already knew what was wrong with him, he had known it right from the start: He didn't want Evans to hate him once the prank went through. This meant he had to be careful, something he wasn't used to.

Still lost in thought, James heard the Fat Lady's portrait creak slightly as it opened. He didn't look up; it was probably Sirius or Lupin or Peter, coming to check on him. James sighed and ran his hand through his hair again.

A hand landed on his shoulder.

James jumped, falling out of the chair and nearly ripped half his hair out.

"What the...!"

He let out a string of choice words that would have had even Sirius blushing like the innocent little maiden that he wasn't.

"Oh Merlin! James! Merlin, I'm so sorry!"

It was Rob. Not Lupin, not Sirius, not Peter but Robert March. James felt his anger rising. Not content with stealing Evans, Rob appeared to be trying to humiliate him as much as possible, just to rub it in.

Rob grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet.

"Are you alright James?" He asked, eyes wide, his voice full of concern that James didn't hear.

"What do you want?" James snapped, feeling his scalp with his free hand to see if any damage had been done. He knew he shouldn't have snapped; he usually had more class when dealing with people he disliked, unless it was Snivellus where James tended to have more fun than class, but Rob was really starting to tick him off.

"Oh, uh right!" Rob suddenly looked very sheepish. He hadn't let go of James' arm. "I didn't see you at dinner so I uh... I decided I'd uh, come and see if you were okay."

The last bit came out rushed and Rob laughed nervously.

Yeah right, sniped the voice in James' head, which, for no reason at all, always sounded like professor Slughorn, You just wanted to rub it in a little bit more you mean.

"I just have a headache, that's all." He glared at Rob.

"Oh, right. If that's all..." Rob was looking distinctly uncomfortable. For a second James felt sorry for him. Only for a second though, after that he remembered that Rob was stealing away his Evans and that he hated Rob's guts.

James waited for Rob to leave, to clamber back through the portrait hole back to the girlfriend he stole, but he didn't. He moved closer. He was still holding on to James' arm.

It was suddenly James' turn to feel uncomfortable. He didn't know where to look; he couldn't look into Rob's or it would be like those dreams he had, the ones that included himself, Evans and a broom cupboard , but he couldn't look elsewhere because that would be plain rude. In the end he settled for the cross-eyed stare at the nose routine.

"James" Rob said, moving closer. James could feel his breath his cheek, he fought the urge to bolt.

"James, you don't mind me meeting Lily do you? I mean you don't feel jealous do you?" There was a strange look in his eyes.

"No! Jealous? Why would I be jealous? I'm not jealous! Not in the slightest!" James let out a nervous laugh. "Now, if you don't mind letting go of my arm, I think I'll go to dinner."

James had been slowly edging away from Rob and with this he turned and fled, slamming the Fat Lady's portrait behind him.

"Oi! What's got your knickers in a twist?" Floated down the corridor after him.