AAN: Hey guys, here's a shorty to keep you occupied. I was listening to Pillar's "Rewind" the other day and realized that every time I hear this song I think of RockRoadSmith's "Delusions of the Heart". so I decided to write it out, hope you enjoy! I don't own "Rewind" Pillar does and it's a song you should check out.
Rewind
Genki woke feeling the hot sun already beating down on him. He had to admit that now he too hated deserts. As he thought back on the previous days events he couldn't help but frown. Holly had known there was trouble and had relied on Naga to help her. He couldn't help but feel guit well up inside him once again as he thought back on how he had failed to keep his promise to her.
It seems just like yesterday
Was the first time that I heard you call my name
Since then, so much has changed
I'm still the same man that I was before
His thoughts drifted back to distant memories of there meeting. She seems unsure as to what to do with him or how to react to his claims of being drawn into a game. As he thought on he realized that she had never once questioned his involvement in their mission. It occurred to him now that it was odd; he joined with out her even really knowing him and accepted him completely.
Knowing that I can be without
Anything scares me away from being alone
And now, that I know what's going on
I can look back and see you and I made you wait, as I turned away
He remebered the first error he made with her. The look in her eyes had told him he had really messed up. He had been too dense to realize it at first as she hadn't looked at him. Once she began her story he truly understood that he had dredged up painful memories for her. the fact that she was so willing to share them even after his mistake had always amazed him. He had resolved form then on to make sure she was always happy.
If I could rewind, watch all my life
Just pass me by, I could see you
If I could rewind, I'd take back the lies
And all of those times I hurt you
He continued to think of their journey together. He knew she had always felt as though she was their weak link. Being the non-fighter she was vulnerable. But he always made it a priority to be at her side to ensure he safety. Even though he hadn't recognized it then, he had loved her and wanted to be by her side always. Seeing her trying so hard and even fighting with end bringer gave him hope that she liked him as well. He had hoped she felt as strongly but now that seemed out of reach.
I don't know if I'll ever know exactly how much that I hurt you
Knowing that hurts me everyday
If I could rewind, I would take it away
And not make you wait and I won't walk away
He had made his feeling more apparent on his second time around. Holly had seemed to enjoy his new found appreciation for her. And though she never directly spoke her mind, he knew she loved him just by how she acted towards him. Seeing her hurting so much after they finally got her father back made him feel helpless. He wanted her father to remember who he was, who his daughter was. He would do anything to see her happy so sending her to protect her father was all he could do.
If I could rewind, watch all my life
Just pass me by, I could see you
If I could rewind, I'd take back the lies
And all of those times I hurt you
His face twisted with a scowl as he felt the guilt within him well up. He had promised her that he would go with her to the festival. He had promised her that they would skip stones together. Though he knew he didn't have a choice in the matter he still felt responible for the pain she endured. He had seen her world crashing down in her eye that night. He had seen the pain he caused. Even worse he made a promise that he could not keep. He promised to be back in a few days. * Why did I do that! damn it! I just… wanted her to be happy… and I knew I might not be able to return… especailly not that fast. I'm such a jerk! * The first time there had been a year gap, why he had said a few days was beyond him. He had known he might not be able to come back that fast. Granted he hadn't thought that he wouldn't be able to return for years at the time.
I wanna take back all those lies
I wanna take back all those times
I wanna show you with my life
That I'm here for you
He remembered that she hadn't been able to move on. she was still single… still struggling to survive in this cruel world. It angered and hurt him deeply they they had been homeless, that the villagers had refused to let go of their hate, and that Holly was struggling each day just to make ends meet. * I can't believe how much hate is still present here… after all we did… they revived moo once again because they couldn't let go of their hate. I may not agree with Holly's dad but I know why he did it. He wants her to be happy… He wants her to be able to live a decent life with out havign to struggle so much. * he sighed heavily feeling the weight of the world upon him, * if only I could rewind and fix what I have done. if only I could have prevented some of the pain and hardships for her. she doesn't deserve this… she doesn't deserve to be lied to, to be hurt over and over. *
If I could rewind, watch all my life
Just pass me by, I could see you
If I could rewind, I'd take back the lies
And all of those times I hurt you
His mind drifting to all the things he could have done differently. As he thought about it, even though he hated to admit it, he came to realize there was no preventing their parting. the only thing he could have done and told the truth. the only thing he could have done is prepared her for the day he would have to leave. * But would that have prevented her pain? * he sighed again as he rose to get a drink. He knew his heart would be heavy for a long time. Until he could speak with her there was no way to resolve these feelings.
If I could rewind, watch all my life
Just pass me by, I could see you
If I could rewind, I'd take back the lies
And all of those times I hurt you
As he glance over at Naga he realized that despite the pain she had not changed. She was still the same girl he knew, the same kind soul who saw through things and accepted people as they were. He smiled in visionign her taking the hit for Naga. He kenw she wouldn't hesitate to stop someone form hurting a friend. Seeing her fighting the baddies had made that clear. * She's decided to join the fight this time… I could see it in her eyes. I only hope when this is over that we can talk. Perhaps I can finally find forgivness for the lies I told her. * thinking through his life he realized everything she had taught him had followed him. in a way she was never far from him. He placed a hand over his heart and smiled, * She has always been with me even if I didn't realize it and she always will be. I can only hope I have helped her in the same way and been with her when she needed it as well. I will ask for forgivness when I see her, and let her know I never forgot! *