Teyla rolled her eyes as John bounced a ball off of the interior wall of the jumper. His behavior lately had been most juvenile and he was currently the last person she wanted to be stranded with. Especially since her very presence was only because of Carter's sympathetic ear and her ability to over-rule John's decision to remove her from active duty – for the time being. She had been quite clear that should anything happen, or should Keller raise any concerns, she would yank Teyla's duty status again. After this fiasco, Teyla was sure she would be getting very closely acquainted with the inside of the city for a while.
*thump, thump*
She rubbed her temple, wishing the throbbing in her head would cease. This would be the first time she would honestly be tempted to kiss whom ever wound up actually rescuing them; either that, or she would welcome death – whichever came first.
*thump, thump*
"John, will you please stop that."
His movements stopped once he caught the ball, but he didn't break the silence. Or look at her. Instead, his eyes cast towards the floor while he tossed the ball back and forth between his hands.
She inhaled deeply, sighing as she breathed out.
"John, this is ridiculous. We are friends. We should be able to work through this."
"Friends… hmph. Is that what we are?"
Teyla's eyes closed; his shock at her 'announcement' had been quite apparent. She had assumed it was mainly because she had kept her relationship with Kanan a secret, not because of any underlying feelings he might have for her. She'd known they were close; she'd never even dared to hope that it could be anything more.
"You could have told me, you know."
She looked over at him, but he still wasn't meeting her eyes.
"John… I am not sure where to begin… I had no idea."
From his reaction, this revelation shocked him more than the announcement of her pregnancy. Could she have really blind as to not realize he had feelings for her?
"I have known Kanan since we were both young children. He is a natural leader, but he does not know his own strengths. It is a custom for my people to look for such qualities – even in children – and match them with suitable mates that will help to nurture and cultivate them. It has helped my people thrive through the worst of times." She paused and wondered if it was even possible to explain the customs of her people in regards to certain matters. "We were matched when we were very young. Until recently we had only called on each other primarily in friendship."
"So what changed?" He sounded almost flippant, like he felt the need to ask but really had no desire to hear her answer. If this was John Sheppard when he was jealous she could have really done without seeing this side of him.
How could she explain it? How did she tell him that she had gone to Kanan out of need? Out of a desire for a relationship with a man that she was certain was forbidden to her. She had sought Kanan's counsel and found that he could provide her with at least part of what she craved.
"Everything."
John wiped a hand across his face, before finally meeting her eyes.
"Was I wrong in thinking that there was something here?" His empty hand motioned between them and she had to wonder if telling him the truth would make things easier or so much more complicated than they were already.
"No, you were not wrong. Perhaps I was wrong in thinking that it could not be."
This time, it was John who sighed. "So I guess I need to amend the quote then… 'So I finally find the perfect girl and she's from another planet'… literally."
"I am not sure I understand the reference…."
John shook his head, "It's not important."
They sat in silence for a few minutes. It seemed like such an impossible situation for them.
What did she have to offer him?
What would he expect?
What did he want?
What could he expect?
She was expecting a child, her people were missing, and it seemed as though Atlantis was all she had left, somehow, even with everything else that she had seen, she had never foreseen this as a possibility for her predicament.
John shifted in his seat, "So… where does that leave us?" He smiled, though it was obviously a forced smile, "Assuming we get out of this mess, of course."
She couldn't help but smile in response, "Have you no faith in Rodney's ability to figure this out?"
"I have plenty of faith in Rodney's abilities." He huffed, "But the Pegasus Galaxy has a sick sense of humor." He cocked a smile at her, "So…."
"I have no idea what the future holds."
"None of us do…."
"I'm not sure what I can offer you, John. Especially given current circumstances…." Her hands were lax at her side, she felt defeated for the first time in a long time and she knew that, though it was honest, it wouldn't necessarily get her a favorable reaction.
John stood from his seat and took her hand, pulling her toward him and holding her hand against his chest. "I don't have the right to ask for anything… " He stepped closer, breaching her personal space. "But I will give you any support that I can offer."
When their foreheads touched she knew that though the battle was not nearly over, she had not yet been defeated.
