A/N: this story is a LOT darker than my last, which I'm still working on but my minds in a VERY bad place lately and this is my way of dealing with shit in my life, so here we go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Naruto's Apartment*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Naruto sat at his table, He had been debating the action that he would take for several hours, His life was a living hell, He had a note pad in front of him, He picked up a pen and started to write.

"I guess it's true that nightmares grow from dreams, Now I'm caught somewhere lost inside my own mind, nothing here but my demons for company I have felt it all my life, and Now I feel that my soul is bleeding, I've been cut somwhere between my fears and my dreams, Look at me and tell me what you see, do you see me? Or do you see the demon that was sealed inside me? A fate that I had no choice in at all? There are no tears, No sympathy for me I don't want them, This is my goodbye"

He finished the note that he would leave behind. He slowly stood up and grabbed his backpack and made his way across the room, though to him it felt more like he was being lead toward the door by an invisible noose around his neck. He felt hollow, His life felt like it had lost meaning. When had he lost sight of what he was fighting for? He didn't know the answer he just knew that whatever it was, the fire had burned out, the embers had gone cold, and the light in his heart had faded to black.

He walked through the streets toward the gate of the village, He was going to the forest, to be alone for a little bit. He walked nothing more than a shell of a man, he didn't even recognize the city around him, he wasn't even looking, he was walking more on memory than what he saw, his mind was blank, He knew exactly where he was going, His place, he hadn't been out to that part of the forest in years it seemed, Though he found himself returning now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*The forest outside of Konoha*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Naruto sat in the clearing, There wasn't much around, of course the trees, some rocks covered in soft moss scattered around the clearing, and his favorite spot in his "field of solice" A flat topped boulder, Large enough for him to lay on his back and stare at the sky, the top was about 15 feet above the ground, So anyone that was looking from the forest floor would never see him. This was the place that he came to search for himself. To kill the pain, and today for a very different reason altogether he wasn't here to clear his mind today, he was here to stop the pain.

He sat up after a good amount of time had passed, he didn't know if it had been minutes or hours, Though he knew that to him it felt like he had been there for eternity, He was ready for this, he lifted his hands in front of him never even sitting up He made the hand sign and pushed his chakra through it, He whispered softly though no one would hear

"Goodbye, I'm sorry"

A moment later Blinding light and fire exploded from the clearing, It was over.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Just outside the clearing.*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hinata had watched Naruto come here so many times, He never knew but when he was here it wasn't often that he was truly alone, she would sit nearby as he laid out on top of that rock, She would sometimes here him talking to himself, Though it usually sounded more like he was struggling with decisions in his life, What he should do about the hard choices that he had to make. He usually came here after Sakura rejected him, or had been particularly harsh toward him, Hinata felt bad for Naruto, He always seemed happy around everyone back in Konoha, Though she had seen him out here, when he was alone, he seemed sad, He very rarely seemed happy, He always looked like he as upset, Sometimes the things he said to himself made her realize just how alone he really must have felt, She really wished that he would realize that she was waiting for him, she knew that she would never be able to tell him how she felt, though a part of her really hoped that he would catch on to her. At least he'd know he wasn't alone.

She looked back over to where her favorite blond shinobi was laying, an hour and a half had passed since he'd taken his place on top of that boulder, he usually didn't stay this long, she asked herself what had happened that had gotten to him this much. He was usually there 45 minutes, an hour at most, and usually he was talking or at least moving around though she had seen no signs of movement, she had to check a few times with her Byakugen to make sure that he was in fact alive.

She was watching him and finally he moved, She watched not realizing what he was doing, she watched him make the hand sign, by the time she knew what he was doing though, she knew that it was too late to do anything about it, she watched as fire filled the clearing, she watched as the only person she had ever loved put himself in the hands of Kami.

She heard a scream, the world faded she felt like a part of her had died. Finally, the world went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*Konoha Hospital*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hinata's eyes fluttered open, She didn't know where she was or how she had gotten here, She looked around, seeing the plain white walls it soon became very clear where she was at least, though she tried to remember how she got here, everything seemed fuzzy, Then it all came back to her, She screamed as the memories flooded in watching Naruto set off the exploding tags he had placed in the clearing.

The door to her room flew open as the nurses rushed in, They heard her scream and thought something must be terribly wrong, Looking at her, she was paler than usual, Sweat was beading on her flawless skin, Her eyes were open wide, a look of pure terror, She looked back at them it took a moment for her eyes to focus.

"Are you alright?"

she didn't know which of them had asked the question, Slowly she formed a response.

"Where is Naruto?"

The medics looked to each other with confused glances an expression that told her they didn't know where he was or even what she was talking about.

"Can you get Sakura?"

Her voice was shaking, she didn't know what she was going to ask her pink haired friend other than if they had found any part of Naruto at all.

"I'll go get her, I'll be back in a minute."

The medic that spoke left the room at a quick pace, Hinata fell back to her bed, and rested her head on the pillow staring at the ceiling, she was scared, her nerves were on end, something didn't feel right, she had a bad feeling about what her friend had to say though she pushed it aside she had to know if he was alive.

A few minutes later, The medic walked back into the room, Sakura following close behind.

"Hinata I'm glad you're awake."

"How long was I out?"

"Too long, I was starting to worry it's been 2 days."

There was a long pause.

"where is Naruto?"

Hinata's expression had changed to a fearful one as she asked the question, Sakura bit her lip with a sad look that showed through her emerald eyes.

"I don't know if he's going to make it, He's alive right now, but I don't know for how long, If it was anyone other than him I can say they wouldn't have survived that blast. But even with his ability to recover from most things, I don't know if he will come back from this one."

"I see" Hinata's eyes dropped to the floor pain came in waves over her, She felt like she was going to be sick, then the world faded to black again.