Challenge 2: Stephanie

This was inspired from a challenge issued regarding the inner dialogue of the character Stephanie from the Plum world.

I own nothing, as always!

Warning: Post TS, spoilers and language ahead.

Have you ever wondered how the little decisions you make everyday lead you to where you are now? I found myself currently pondering this question as I thought over the past few months of my life.

Things had been…well, tough. My life was not a cakewalk and I definitely did not come out smelling like roses, especially today.

I pushed open my front door and peeled the grimy clothes off my body, leaving the garments in a pile on the hall floor before I set off towards the much needed shower.

But I didn't make it. Halfway there I realized I was not alone. I stopped dead in my tracks and realized just how vulnerable I was. No gun, no weapon, no clothes, 'Shit, no clothes.' I fought the overpowering urge to cover myself, instead opting to see who the intruder was. My head started turning slowly towards the shadow which stood as still as a statute. I wanted to flail my arms, scream and run for cover, but I held it all in, hoping the intruder had not detected my presence. That was before my eyes focused on the man leaning against my wall.

"Babe."

My breath hitched. There he was in all his glory, leaning against my wall, like nothing had changed. Then it suddenly all registered, the fact that I was naked, covered in garbage and Ranger was here for the first time in months and well I just lost it. Letting out a squeal, I booked it to the bathroom and slammed the door shut before flicking the lock.

I leaned my head against the door trying to collect my thoughts. I had been dreaming about his return, about seeing him again and well this was not how I imagined it. Why couldn't he have snuck in when I was dressed to kill, looking sexier then ever? I let out a groan as I banged my head against the door. 'Damn it, shit, shit, shit,' I raged in my mind. I stilled as I heard movement on the other side of the door.

"Need help in there Babe?"

I screamed, "NO," as I stomped my foot in protest. I continued to grumble as I worked at the shower knobs, turning the hot on all the way. I needed to sanitize myself so the hotter the better. The steam started to cloud the room, much like the thoughts clouding my mind. I stepped in and monetarily flinched at the heat, before relaxing against it.

My mind instantly started to wonder what he was doing here and where he had been as I scrubbed my body. Three months had past. I couldn't believe it had been three whole months since I had seen him. I had to admit he looked good. A little thinner, but healthy, his wounds had since healed.

My thoughts turned to the last time I had seen him, in his apartment, bandaged up and barely able to move. I brought him cake. Knowing it was more for me then him. Things got sticky and the next thing I knew he was gone.

But he was back now. And I wasn't so sure I was ready for this. Don't get me wrong, I was excited he was here. Excited about seeing him again but I just wasn't excited about facing what we had both denied for the past few months. Ranger dealt with what happened by leaving, distancing himself, but me, I had continued to trudge along, praying everyday my denial would serve me well.

I finished washing my hair and body for the fifth time and applied some conditioner. I was stalling. Trying to build up the courage I needed to face him, to face what I had been denying for a long time now. I leaned my head against the cool tile of the shower, repeating the mantra 'I can do this' in my head. A sigh escaped as I felt the water start to cool, doing a final rinse before shutting the water off.

I wondered how I was going to respond if he brought up what happened between us as I dried off. Slathering some mousse in my hair, I attempted to tame my curls hoping to create a soft natural look. Yes, he had seen me covered in garbage, but I could knock his socks off now, right? I grabbed the bag on the counter and broke open my latest purchase from Macy's. I sprayed Bvlgari au the Rouge in all the right places and momentarily basked in the smell. It smelt delicious and I found myself wondering if he would like it as much as I did.

As I applied some soft makeup, I wondered if the responses I was preparing myself to give would even be necessary. My body was already tingling, already hypersensitive, no doubt from his close proximity. Maybe talking was the last thing that would happen, I thought as I applied another layer of mascara, hoping it would give me the courage I was searching for.

Repositioning and securing the towel around my body, I took one final look at myself in the mirror. Not bad, in fact I looked sort of bedroomy and much better than before I was sure. I just wish I had some clothes, like that little black dress that I bought last week on my therapy trip with Mary Lou to Macy's. But at least I had the towel and maybe, just maybe he will let my slip into my bedroom to dawn some clothing.

Pushing out the breath I was holding, I turned and grasped the door handle, telling my mind to open the only thing that served as a barrier between us. But I hesitated, momentarily wavering. And realizing the door was still locked. I flicked the lock over as I sucked in a deep cleansing breath and opened the door, telling myself that it was time to face the music. It was time to see where this would take us.

Thank you Dawn for all your help and support!