Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls belongs to Amy Sherman Palladino, and since my name is Katie…I guess that means it's not mine.

A/N: This is for Gilmore Girls improv, it's my first one, and I just hope I did okay. Let me know what you think. The next chapters for my other GG stories should be out soon. This just gave me inspiration.

Improv # 22: pretend, lust, loathe, personality

Pretend: Rory

Remember when you were little and your favorite game was make-believe? It was the best game because you could pretend to be anything, anyone, and anywhere you wanted. It was freeing. My mom and I played a lot of pretend when I was little. We'd pretend the gardening shed where we lived was a cottage at the edge of an enchanted wood and that a valiant prince was trying to fight his way through to come rescue us. Of course there was an evil sorceress that kept foiling his, and our, every attempt. Later in life I would reflect on how much the sorceress resembled Grandma. I guess Mom was just projecting. But anyway that was the harmless kind of pretending. And then there's the other kind.

            Like the time my Dad was supposed to pick me up for my eighth birthday and we were going to spend the whole day together! I was so excited I couldn't make myself fall asleep the night before. It took me hours to pick out my birthday outfit, I spent hours deliberating with my mom on what to wear, but my mom understood. You've seen how she gets before a date right? Just picture an eight year old instead. So I finally had the perfect outfit and these neat sparkly hair ties and I watched the clock just waiting.

And he never showed up. As the hours passed my mom used all kinds of excuses. From car trouble to alien abduction, she made up funny stories to distract me, but nothing worked. I tried to pretend along with her but I couldn't. Suddenly make-believe wasn't that fun anymore. Of course my Dad called the next day and apologized, he had gotten the days mixed up, and even though I forgave him I had learned my lesson. Pretending could be dangerous. Cause I had pretended that he was the prince coming to rescue us, but he wasn't. No prince was coming. And that was okay; Mom and I were fine on our own.

            And as I got older I thought I'd have less use for my skills of make-believe but that's not true. I pretended to love Dean when I was falling for Jess and we all know how well that ended. With me breaking Dean's heart and hurting Jess as well. See it's dangerous. And if we're on the topic of boys I might as well bring up Tristan. See I thought if I pretended I wasn't attracted to him that it would go away. Well I was wrong and it didn't go away. But he did. And part of me regrets that I never took a chance with him because now I'll never know.

            So now here I am, eighteen years old about to make a decisions that will set the course for the rest of my life and I'm just pretending I know what I'm doing. I don't know which college I want to go to. I always thought it would be so easy, I got into Harvard therefore I go to Harvard. But now I'm not so sure. If I chose Harvard I hurt my Grandparents feelings and Paris's too. If I choose Yale I hurt my Mom. Maybe I should just go to Princeton. I could learn to like New Jersey.

And along with major life decisions comes the other biggie, sex. To have it or not to have it? I know a lot of girls don't stress as much about it and I know they probably didn't make up a pro and con list that they kept hidden under their bed. But it's a HUGE decision for me. I told my mom I was thinking about it and I told Jess too. But after the whole Paris thing, maybe I'm not as ready as I thought. Maybe I was just pretending…see there's that word again.

            Pretending—see somewhere the lines between pretending and not became blurred. And now it's all a big mess. And I don't even know if I'm being myself or just pretending…