He loved her. More than anything--more than the excitement of the dig, the companionship of his father, or even his life in this village--he truly and fully loved her. And to know this, to have to look into her eyes the moment he realized it. To watch as she smiled, pressing her lips to his cheek before saying his name with those very lips…there was only one thing he could do.

Run.

And like hell did he run. Out of her room, past the beams, away from the king, away from her, away from the kingdom grounds. With sweat in his hair and a million thoughts in his mind Syaoran speed past everything and everyone. The moonlight as his only guild until he was home. But he couldn't go in. He couldn't, not when all these thoughts…all these happy, sad, wrong, but wonderful thoughts consumed him.

Instead he started to pace back and forth in front of his door with a serious expression. He tried not to think of her, tried to tell himself not to think of his precious friend but to his horror not only did he not want to listen to himself on the matter he began to think that he never wanted to stop thinking about her.

Because he loved her. Thinking about her made him love her more and so he didn't want to take her image from his mind. But that voice was trying to push this away again.

He loved HER. The princess. His childhood friend.

She was the princess but he loved her. He knew it was wrong, that even the thought of it was sure to be evil and frowned upon. He couldn't love her--not her. Not like this. Not in the way his heart was beating madly, or his cheeks were flushing deeply. Not in the way that he was smiling because he knew it was all right but all very wrong.

How could someone like him consider the princess most important to him? Possibly think that he could have something so special with someone that didn't have the same position in life…

And yet--

He didn't care.

He should care but he didn't. For the first time in his life Syaoran smiled in the face that he didn't care. How could he?! What was a title, rules, status when there was this feeling…?!

Was he supposed to be shocked at his thoughts?

Yes…

No.

The only thing that he cared about was that he was in love with his best friend.

His better half tried harder to get him back, telling him that love in this way was wrong. Surely, to love her as a friend, a dear precious friend was much, much better. But Syaoran wasn't so stupid as to believe himself like that. He knew what a friendship was and it was nothing like this. This feeling and the feeling he thought he had were different.

The other, friendship, was comforting and soft. But this was exciting and almost scary. Love. Love…

He didn't think he knew what love like this was, never thought about it. But the moment her lips had touched his cheek, that she had smiled at him with those beautiful green eyes looking only at him something changed inside of him and--

He knew it. Somehow, after all this time, he knew that he was in love with her and had been before that moment.

Was it really so wrong to see love in this?

So bad?

How could it be?!

It seemed impossible to think that what made him feel so good like this could make anyone feel bad.

The frantic pacing finally came to a stop and with a broad smile he looked back to the castle. She was there, the one he loved most. He wanted to go back to her suddenly, but he couldn't. Even if more than anything he wanted to run right back, take her hand, wrap his arms around her and spin around--No. Before that, he had to make sure.

If these thoughts of his were not correct, if what he was feeling really wasn't what he was thinking he needed to know. And as much as he wanted to tell her, ask her and know if she felt the same thing in her chest when they were together--he knew who he should speak with first.

With a great breath to calm himself, Syaoran pushed open the door to his house.

His father smiled from the bookcase "Okaeri nasai"

"Tadaima!" he replied happily

"And in a really good mood I see" he turned back to the bookcase "And how was our little princess doing this evening?"

"She's…"

Much to his embarrassment Syaoran found he could only smile. Fujitaka-san gave him a questioning look but he shook his head and approached with quick steps instead of explaining.

"You're a little sweaty…Did you run home?"

"Eh? Oh--" He ran a rand through his damp hair "Yes…I--Otou-san? Can I talk to you about something?"

"You can always talk to me" he said kindly "What about…?"

"Sakura"

He flushed happily from the way it came off his lips, feeling a rush of joy from being able to say her true name so freely. But. It didn't seem his father was sharing this exactly. His eyes grew wide from the word, and he seemed surprised, but for once Syaoran didn't feel or even think that saying it was wrong or disrespectful and so he continued on with that same smile.

"Otou-san. It's Sakura. I think…I think I love her"

He seemed more unsettled

"No--I know I love her. I'm sure I do"

"Syao--"

"I'm sure I have even before this!" Without quite thinking he started talking really fast "Today me and her were lying on the blanket together like we always do right in her garden. And one of those mosquitoes got me--the one's that are always around us at the ruins. I kept itching it and she kept trying to get me to stop. She would keep trying to pull my hands away from my face until she finally said she knew something that would stop the itching and my thoughts of it. She kissed the bite mark" He raised a hand to the spot with a flush "It was then, after that--…she smiled at me and I felt it. Something more than being warm, more than happiness even--"

It had all come out so fast and he wasn't even sure what he said or if it made any sense. All he could do was feel good that it was out, that he had confirmed it out loud and it still seemed just as it did from inside.

A sudden urge came to him that he should turn and run right back to the castle to see her and tell her too but--

When his father placed a hand on his head the impulse was gone. And it was with a horrible nervous flip in his gut that he watched his father smile.

"As a friend"

His smile faded "…friend?"

"You love the princess…as a friend" he said slowly

For in what felt like forever Syaoran felt the same overwhelming feeling of doing something wrong and the shame of having to be corrected. Of being caught causing pain to someone, and of being unkind to the person who had saved him. His face lost it's color, his eyes became downcast and empty. And suddenly the floor seemed like a much better thing to love.

And yet--even as he felt this, that he was shaming Fujitaka-san and being ungrateful, he still wanted to fight for his feelings. His fists clenched at his sides, his jaw became set. And he knew it was because he was wrong that he was doing it, but still--

He wanted to fight.

"Syaoran-kun"

When he looked up his father was smiling calmly

"It's okay that you love the princess as a friend"

His chest twisted in protest "But--"

"Everyone loves the princess and--"

"No" he shook his head with a stern look "It's different. Otou-san, in my heart--"

"And the princess loves everyone too"

For the first time in his life Syaoran didn't want to understand, and hated--really despised the fact that he did.

Princess was for everyone…and he was just another "everyone."

Time froze and something horrible overcame his body as the words sunk in. A feeling of despair, of repulsive agony; one that he hadn't felt since he was alone erupted in his chest.

….The fight was already lost.

And so it was with a tremendous effort, and a battle against his own self now that he forced a smile back to his father.

"Yes. Everyone loves the princess" he repeated softly

His father had ruffled his hair then as they had smiled in the same sad way together.

But underneath the "everyone" that he was, Syaoran knew it couldn't be true. He didn't love the princess.

No. No, it was more. It was Sakura. It was her he loved. From her warm happy smile to the pretty way her hair fell across her face. From her giggles and pouts to the way her fingers threaded perfectly between his own.

But whether lying to himself or telling the truth to the world it would never change the fact that these feelings were wrong.

After he had time to think on it, and still now after so much had happened, he knew he had been very foolish in everything he had thought to do that day. A princess was a princess and whether you had a friendship with her or not a status couldn't suddenly change to accommodate you…even if you wanted it more than anything. Even if you loved her. Even if you believed that she was the person most important to you…

Most important.

Back then he had thought the greatest feeling in the world was to love Sakura. But now he knew there were even more wonderful feelings. The knowledge that this girl, his precious childhood friend, was the one he cared about more than anyone in the world. That everyday now he risked his life, ripped out pieces of his soul, becoming stronger if only for her. That he readily would put his life--give his everything was a feeling far greater than he could have ever imagined.

Loving Sakura was the most frightening thing he had ever done--that he continued to do. He hated uncertainty and yet he loved her. In holding onto these feelings even as they shared a friendship he ran a terrible risk everyday and yet…he wanted to continue running against those odds with her.

Back then all he had thought on in that moment was letting his father know, letting Sakura know that he was in love. But that was childish and selfish. Not only had he sought for confirmation in his feelings, he wanted them approved too.

Not anymore. Not in this, not now.

He may never be able to love Sakura in a way that was right but that would never change the fact that she was the one he loved most.

Her smile may be unsure now, her eyes no longer seeing him, but still he would continue to smile back as he always had for her.

Yes. Even now that she didn't remember him she would always be most precious to him. And unlike that day so long ago, he didn't care who knew it or whether they did.

All that mattered in his heart was that Sakura was happy and that being beside her like this he could continue to fight for that happiness she deserved.

Hey.

Hey--! Take your finger away from that report button before you hurt someone. This isn't some crazy person stealing stories. Well maybe still the crazy part but...Miss Ira, here. Really, truly. Got tired and annoyed with waiting for a reply to my account drama so I'm just going to repost my stories here so they have a nice little home. If I have the original author's notes I'll make sure to post them too. Thank you, thank you again for the kind words!

This was kind of inspired by the "These feelings I have aren't right, are they Otou-san?" from Chapter 1. I still have speculation that Fujitaka-san is more involved than just being a man who came across a boy and somehow knew to call him "Syaoran" but he's still a great father. I think he might do something like this in order to protect Syaoran...maybe because he already knew the fate of the two...

-

Fandom: TRC
Pairing: Syaoran x Sakura
Theme: Dash 054
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I do not own TRC

-