Taya's Tragedy
"And you are certain your feelings indicated more than mere attraction?" Master Windu asked harshly. The other Council members waited for his response. Master Yoda, who already knew all he was about to say, looked at him calmly as though he had confidence the answers would be satisfactory.
"Yes Master," Obi-Wan said. "I admit freely that I felt much more than what I've described as the impetus for my request – indeed, I found myself wondering as I walked with her what it would be like…" he hesitated slightly at the words, "… what it would be like to feel her at my side. Despite her own faded sense of destiny, I admit that I had desire to comfort her in more ways than one, and my initial attractions were not so easily brushed off as I am used to under the circumstances. But when I cleared my mind," he continued, "I found another vision entirely. One I was absolutely certain was not my own, nor would I have let take form. I do not fall so easily out of control as that…I should think I would know better."
He spoke honestly, although somewhat euphemistically in many respects and trusting that everyone, including those masters who were not human, would gain some sense of what he said. They did not all consider the issue of…well, mating, for lack of a better word… the same emotionally complicated matter of passion that humans did. But even though the Jedi did not hide things from each other – and were not to keep secrets when asked a direct question by the Council - it was not entirely common for them to discuss their few exploits openly and he found himself wanting to give the events on Naboo some veneer of privacy. Whether for her sake, or for the sake of keeping what had occurred inviolable in his memory no matter what the Council might say about his request, it was all the same.
Such things were discussed freely among friends and mentors if necessary, of course – like the time he had confessed to Qui-Gonn the reckless way he had treated the Scintian girl. Qui-Gonn, as he so often wasn't, had not been surprised but instead singularly prescient about what had happened several weeks before. Nor had he scolded. His way of responding had only caused Obi-Wan to be quite certain of the things he already knew – the things his confession indicated were already in his mind – and the most important of these was that it could not happen again. That he could not be so selfish in giving in to his baser instincts without considering the full implications of his actions or their effect on those around him. So he determined, his feelings would be kept in check and any actions taken – of this nature or otherwise – would be done with absolute understanding of self and anyone else involved, and with certainty also of his ability to remain unattached. Even now, he knew he would maintain that unattachment to a certain degree. Or at least, this is what he told himself.
"I admit freely to the feelings…" he reiterated. "But because I knew the volatility of emotions, I assure you, I did not approach any conclusion about my thoughts or their source lightly. Even if my request to this Council appears hasty."
The Council room was silent for some brief moments.
"Love her, do you?" Yoda asked finally.
Obi-Wan stood silent, ignoring Master Yoda's question not because he was afraid to admit the answer but because there was no answer. He had not promised love, and it seemed almost irrelevant in the face of the future the Force laid out before him. That he wanted her, he had already admitted. That he would be a compassionate and pleasing partner, he was certain. That he might love her…he could not ask the question. Doing so would be admitting that he had grown personally involved and his ability to sense the Force compromised. And despite the liberties she had allowed him before he left Naboo and the happiness they gave him, he had been committed to remaining objective in his own mind about whether they would happen again. It seemed so ironic when he truly thought about it – that his ability to sense the Force would depend so much on strict denial of every natural, benevolent feeling he might have while at the same time it asked him to be open to sensing all of the universe with every movement and every breath he took.
In any case, he knew that even if he were allowed to make a formal attachment and to have her indefinitely, any commitment to her would still come second to the Order and the Code. He would promise to please her when he was at her side, but he could not promise to return with any speed or regularity or even with approximate cognizance of how often.
Nonetheless, the Council appeared little surprised at his show of silence in the face of Master Yoda's question.
"Tell us more." Master Windu demanded, still appearing skeptical above everything. "You say you met her in Theed on Naboo. But that she is not Nubian."
"She was born on Alderaan, although she has been serving the Naboo for several years. And there's something else I must report, Masters…I believe she is Force-sensitive," Obi-Wan asserted.
More than one master, including Yoda, perked up slightly at hearing this.
"How sensitive?" Master Tinn asked.
"I felt it very strongly in her presence…stronger than I expected to anywhere outside the Order. It's part of the reason why I'm standing before you to even discuss it."
"Then why was she not brought to the academy?" Master Ki-Adi chimed in, appearing incredulous at hearing this.
"It appears she was never tried, although she seems familiar with our ways. It seems her family would not have parted with her and would not willingly find out if she had the aptitude," Obi-Wan reported.
"She comes from the House of Starstar?" Master Plo Koon asked again. "Of Alderaan? A common family then. Not one of the great families of the Core. Has anyone heard the name?"
"Many were they, when Starstars Jed-i were." Master Yoda said. Obi-Wan and the other Council members turned towards him, as they often did. His wisdom was too great to ignore. His eyes were closed, although it was difficult to tell whether he remembered something he already knew or derived new information merely by sense. He opened his eyes again and looked up pointedly. "No Jedi a Starstar was for a thousand years before I began my training. But fight with the Jedi, support them in other ways, they did."
Obi-Wan stood still as Yoda responded.
"Strong her essence is," Yoda continued. "Still lingers with you, her presence does, even a day after your return. But whether the Force she senses…difficult to tell from a distance. Trust you, we must, if we are to allow this request."
"Obi-Wan," Master Windu finally said, "The Council appreciates the forthrightness of your petition and the information you have given us. We will deliberate on the decision and call you when we have reached a conclusion on the matter."
Obi-Wan bowed, and then removed himself wordlessly from the Council chamber.
"What say you all?" Master Windu asked the others. "The request is unusual. But is there any reason to doubt Obi-Wan's judgment on the point? Could Obi-Wan be mistaking an extraordinary physical attraction for the bidding of the Force? How can we be certain she is, as he says, Force-sensitive? And why was she not brought for training if that's the case? These things trouble me…But I think Obi-Wan can generally be trusted…if any Jedi can." Master Windu said. He looked cynically at the other Council members.
"His senses are usually right. I see no reason to doubt him on any of these points," Master Tinn stated, looking around the council room.
Yoda tapped the floor with his short staff, then shook his head with a knowing look. "In the archives look. Find much information about Starstars, you will. Only forgotten, her family is. Dying," he said, mystically. "But not dimmed. Perhaps from the Academy she was kept because another destiny she had…" He chuckled to himself, slightly, no irony lost on him even in his older age.
Upon hearing Yoda's comment, Master Fisto spoke up. "If she is as Force-sensitive as Obi-Wan says she is, I think we should allow it. Obi-Wan's judgment is rarely wrong. And how he handles this situation will allow us to judge better whether he belongs on this Council or not. He has already shown himself trustworthy by coming to us immediately."
"If he produces offspring from this union…and if she is sensitive as he describes…there is no question their offspring would be of benefit to the Order. This alone causes me to lean towards the allowance." Master Koon spoke quickly, his mind appearing already made up.
"You have not spoken yet, Master Mundi," Mace declared. "Although you must have an opinion." Master Ki-Adi said nothing.
"Ki-Adi," said Plo Koon. "Perhaps you have some sage advice for Obi-Wan? Or perhaps you have experience that would shed doubt on whether his request should be granted?"
Master Ki-Adi appeared slightly uncomfortable for a moment, pensive. Then he asserted confidently to the Council, "I agree with Master Koon. If the female is Force-sensitive to any meaningful degree, his request should be granted. As long as his commitment to the Order remains absolute, they should be encouraged to mate and produce offspring."
"If we allow it," said Shaak Ti quietly, ever aware what it was like to be one of the few females in the Order, "We will have to grant him time."
"But we cannot afford to take him away from his more important missions," Master Windu said. "This is the trouble with attachments to begin with."
"He should be given enough time only for her to conceive…. And more than once, I assume…they will have to bond but his attachment must remain severable… If we encourage offspring some small amounts of time will be the price. We can only be glad, then, that for humans the time is relatively short in comparison," Master Ki-Adi affirmed transparently.
"This should be kept secret among the Order if it is allowed, certainly." Mace Windu looked contemplative. "I worry still about what his feelings suggest, even assuming they come from the Force."
"I think there is something we should all consider here." Shaak Ti spoke for the second time, suddenly becoming more talkative than usual. "And something that Masters Koon and Mundi rightfully point out - that we know our ranks are becoming weak, as it becomes harder and harder to find those with not only the right qualities but the right temperament. I think this might offer a solution and I do not think Obi-Wan's judgment, as much as he might want her" - the Togruta paused here with a little irony in her voice – "…I do not think Obi-Wan of all people can easily be questioned. Whether Obi-Wan takes this Alderaanian girl or someone else, his blood should be passed on and more than once if possible. This would make the best sense. I see no reason to deny him." The Togruta ended introspectively, having realized at the speech what her own commitments to the Order had cost her people in the way of Force-sensitive blood.
"Master Yoda, do you have anything else to add?" Mace Windu inquired. "You spoke with Obi-Wan before he came to us, didn't you?"
"Little to add, I have," the small green Master chuckled again. "Except, unquestionable in his judgment, Obi-Wan. And strong with the Force, he is. Loyal, he is. Restrained and calm in his decisions," Yoda said.
"Is there any objection then?" Master Windu asked, watching for signs of protest from the Council. "Then we will grant Obi-Wan's request under the condition that his connection be kept secret. And we will tell Obi-Wan that he should have children with the Starstar girl if it is at all possible."