I decided that I wanted to change the direction of the story when writing the first chapter, so I have changed a few minor details in the prologue and please read the AN in the next chapter to find out the rest.

Prologue

The coffin was heavy on my shoulder; they had tried to convince me out of helping to carry it. But I wasn't going to stand and watch my dad float past me into the flames. No.

I lock eyes with my sister. I had to be strong for her. Now at 18, she used to be bright and bubbly, but since we heard the news, she hadn't been the same. Like a winter frost over a beautiful spring. She was a former shell of herself, just going through the motions. And it was killing me.

It wasn't like we hadn't been through this before, when my mum ODed and took our 2 year old baby brother, Olly, with her. But that time it was easier to get over, because our mum, well, she had been dead before she passed through those golden gates in the sky.

But dad was different; he had been our life source. Oozing love and joy, we had needed him more than we needed air. But now he's gone, and even though I'm not far of 20, we needed him more now than we ever had before. And just this once, he wasn't there for us.

God, I couldn't take this anymore. The sad faces, the tears, the need and longing, and that huge pit in my stomach that couldn't be filled, not even by my soulfinder, because she was gone. Long gone. In fact, she had passed through those gates long before mum, and even before I had had the chance to make the dreadful mistake of leaving my mother's safe haven of a womb.

You probably think that I talk strangely, almost spiritually. It just makes it easier to cope with. To pretend I'm in a story, and that this isn't my real life.

Once the coffin touched the floor, I had turned around and was already sprinting towards the beach. Towards the cliffs.

Of course I hear the confused cries. And the angry shouts. But I carry on putting one foot in front the other, like I've been doing for a long time now.

But one voice made me falter, made me want to turn around and gather her to my arms. Shush her, catch her falling tears. But I reach the cliff.

Could I really do this to her? Take away the only family she had left, was I that selfish?

Maybe I was, I thought, as I took the gun out.

This was good for her, a fresh start, on her own.

I raised the gun to my head.

I wouldn't be there to everyday remind her what wasn't.

I put my finger on the trigger, and turned my back to the cliff, and once again locked eyes with my sister.

She could move on.

And with my sister being the last thing I saw, I pulled the trigger, and tumbled backwards into eternal, painless, restful darkness.