Best Friends Bring Best Support

yamitammy

Ring ring! Ring ring! "Hello?" Kyousuke Jin asked tiredly as he rubbed his eyes. He put on his glasses and noticed it was actually ten in the morning, he was just up too late again.

"Hello, Kyousuke, this is Francine. Listen, can you please come over ASAP?"

"Is something wrong?" Jin was seriously worried. It wasn't always he got a call from his best friend's mother.

"Yes. Something is bothering Kuroudo and he won't talk to me. I was wondering if you would be able to try."

"Of course I will. I'll be over in a few minutes." Jin hung up after he heard Francine Marume hang up the phone. He quickly changed his clothes then slipped on his hat and shoes. He hurried to his best friend's house.

Jin pressed the doorbell and the door opened. He saw a really worried blonde haired woman. "Hello, Mrs. Marume."

"Hello, Kyousuke. Please come in. Kuroudo's in his bedroom."

"Thank you." Jin slipped off his shoes and put on the slippers he wears indoors. He made his way to Kuroudo's bedroom. When he arrived at the room, he thought he heard something which signalled his best friend was really down. He knocked on the door.

"Mama, I want to be alone right now," a muffled voice called.

"It's me, Kuroudo. Can I please come in?" Jin paused as he heard footsteps and the door unlocking. He heard the footsteps again.

"Yes, you can come in."

Jin opened the door. He saw his best friend sitting on his bed, hugging a pillow close. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. "Kuroudo…?"

Kuroudo tried to smile, but he was just feeling too sad right at that moment. "Hi, Jin."

Jin sat down beside the blonde boy. "Kuroudo, what's the matter?"

Kuroudo buried his face into the pillow as his cries started to get a little harder. "Jin, I just miss him so much…"

"Who is it that you miss?"

"…My father. I just Papa so very much."

Jin placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "The death of a parent is never easy on anybody."

Kuroudo looked up at Jin. "You wouldn't know the half of it." He sighed. "Sorry. That was uncalled for."

Jin smiled softly. "I understand, Kuroudo. It's okay. I know that when people grieve they go through emotions such as sadness and anger. I see you're grieving right now so I understand if you're angry about anything."

"It just hurts so much."

"I know, Kuroudo, I know." He rubbed Kuroudo's back. His parents had divorced when he was little, but he still kind of know what Kuroudo was going through. He'd lost his grandparents on his father's side.

"Hey, Jin?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you…" Kuroudo looked over at the bookshelf. "Can you please get the grief book?"

"Sure. What's it titled?" Jin asked as he stood and walked over to the bookshelf. He noticed a few classics such as 'Oliver Twist' and 'The Christmas Carol' as well as a couple of books including information on Asian History. He spotted one which had about death. "Never mind, I think I found it."

"Can you please read a couple of sections to me?"

"Of course." Jin sat beside him. "Which ones would you like me to read to you?"

"I'd like for you to read 'Death of a Parent' and 'Death by Illness'. Those would apply to the grief I feel right now."

"Okay then." Jin opened to the section of who had died and came across 'Death of a Parent'. He cleared his throat and started reading it carefully and solemnly. "Life changes forever when a parent dies. Your parents made your life possible. In part, they are responsible for who you are. Their attitudes and behaviour help shape your view of the world. When a parent dies, your sense of security is torn apart. Your family will never be the same again. You will never be the same. You may spend the rest of your life looking for your 'lost' parent in your relationship with others." Jin decided to skip the part about losing both parents as Kuroudo hadn't been in that situation. "You may be faced with accepting new responsibilities such as shopping, cooking, cleaning, taking care of a younger sibling, getting an after school job. Life was hectic enough with homework, music, sports, drama practice---and now this. How can you balance work and pain without suffering from stress overload? Discuss with your family the details of how you will be able to find time for yourself. Take care of yourself the best you can. You may feel guilty after a parent dies especially if you hadn't been getting along. Maybe you feel that your parent was trying to 'run' your life, treating you like a child. Perhaps you had argued or fought. You are now filled with so many regrets. How could you have acted that way? Stormy periods between…" Jin noticed that this next paragraph was directed at teenagers. Kuroudo had lost his father at the age of five. He skimmed until he found the perfect time to continue. "Try to remember the happy moments you did spend together---those fond memories that you will cherish. There may be other family members who pull away from you. They may be so engrossed in their own grief that they can't pay attention to you. Maybe it's the wrong moment. Try again. Later they may be more receptive. Tell them what you need. If they can't listen, write them a letter. Very often family members want to share feelings but, mistakenly, try to protect you with silence. Tell them it's okay to talk about sad thoughts. All of you must come to grips with the change in your lives. All of you need to recover. Dare to talk openly, even cry together. When words fail, hold each other. You need each other now more than ever before." Jin sighed as he finished this section then changed to the next requested section. "Are you ready for me to continue?"

Kuroudo choked back a sob. "Yes, Jin. Please continue."

Jin nodded. "People may ask: 'Why are you taking it so hard? You knew he was dying. It's not as if you didn't have any warning. Didn't you have time to prepare yourself for this?'"

Kuroudo faced Jin. "That's basically what Vichie asked me. But, he was wrong. He didn't understand at all. Not even Mama was able to prepare for this."

Jin nodded. "They don't understand. Death almost always feels unexpected; it happens before you're ready. No one can completely plan for death. Death makes its own plans. Yes, you probably knew how sick your loved one was. Yet you are still swept away by overpowering emotions. You are numb and unprepared even after the long illness. Death still comes as a surprise. You may be confused because part of you is glad that this special person is no longer in pain. Don't feel guilty; it's natural to feel relief when suffering has ended. It doesn't always help when people say to you, 'Thank God her suffering is over.' Your loved one's suffering may be over, but not yours. Don't allow others---or even yourself---to deny your suffering. Your sadness is the result of losing someone. Would you be willing to forgo your ability to love so you would never have to hurt again? Every love story ends in death." Jin flicked through the book and found a section that really applied to the moment. "Hey, Kuroudo?"

"Yes?"

"Can I please read you this section here?" He held out the book so his best friend could see.

Kuroudo nodded and wiped at his eyes in vain, his tears were still flowing.

"I'm glad you haven't given up loving others to avoid feeling the same pain."

"I would never stop loving Mama in all of my life. And I love my friends dearly, they mean a lot to me. That includes you, Jin."

Jin smiled slightly. "Thanks, Kuroudo. I feel that I can say I love you in the way a friend would too, without feeling awkward. Oh, I just said it, didn't I?"

"Yes. Yes, you did and I do appreciate it." Kuroudo sighed softly. He edged a little closer to Jin and looked over his shoulder at the book.

Jin nodded as he cleared his throat. "You may have heard someone say: 'I was so moved that I broke down and cried.' Think about it. Silly, isn't it? Cars break down. People weep in order to express wordless messages of pain. You might cry at unlikely moments in improbable places---sitting in the school cafeteria, listening to a song on the radio, reading a book, or watching a movie. Don't apologise or feel embarrassed. You are letting go of pent-up emotions. Tears are not caused by weakness or cowardice or self-pity. Some teenagers express their feelings openly. Others feel just as deeply about their loss but are unable or unwilling to cry. Because someone else doesn't cry, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't. If someone does, it doesn't mean you should. There is no 'right' way to show feelings. You respond with what is correct for you. Of course, crying will not bring back that special person. That's the reason for tears; you cry because you cannot bring your loved one back to life." Jin looked over at Kuroudo. "Have you read this section yet?"

Kuroudo nodded. "Yes. Well, I just skimmed it."

"Did you hear what it says? It's okay to cry."

"I know, Jin. Mama told me it was okay to cry."

"So, why do you hide your emotions until they just burst?"

"I just cannot release my feelings around others all that well, not counting the incident during the World Cup."

At those words, Jin looked towards the floor.

That didn't go unnoticed by the blonde. He put an arm around Jin's shoulders. "Must I say it again? It's okay, Jin, I know you did your best and I appreciate that. I really do. You have no reason to feel bad."

"You missed out on being the World Cup champion."

"There's always the next World Cup."

"But, what if it happens again? Your new gear might receive damage like Shooting Phantom and I might have to repair it before your match in the semi finals but I don't repair it on time. What if that happens?" Jin looked up at Kuroudo and this time the gear master had tears in his eyes.

Kuroudo smiled slightly, the first time he had all day and took a handkerchief out of his pocket. He dabbed the boy's eyes until the tears were gone. "History doesn't always have to repeat itself. Like I said, I appreciated the fact that you tried your best to repair Phantom in time. Do not worry, my friend, I know you tried your hardest. Come on, that was two months ago. It is time for us to move on from that."

"It's too hard to do that, Kuroudo, way too hard. I tried my hardest to get there, we took a shortcut over a mountain and I nearly fell to my death. If Jirou wasn't there I would've done just that. Jirou got injured saving me. I feel the whole thing was my fault."

Kuroudo was stunned, he'd never heard about Jin nearly falling to his certain doom. He pulled the gear master close. "No, Jin, the whole thing isn't your fault. What's done is done and there is no way we can change the past. Blaming yourself doesn't change anything, so please stop blaming yourself. You weren't the one who caused the accident along the road back to the stadium thus causing the roadblock, were you?"

"No…"

"My point exactly. None of us knew it was going to happen. There is no reason to blame yourself for anything. The shaft…how did you repair it?"

"I didn't. I had to get it to a hundredth of a millimetre and no matter what, I just couldn't get it. It was actually the man who lived there who fixed the shaft. He was the grandfather of the one who built Bridge Vogel."

"The grandfather of the legendary Gear God? Wow, Jin, you actually got to meet a relative of the Gear God?"

"Yeah…"

"Although I was disqualified, some good things came out of the situation. You and Jirou got to meet the grandfather of the Gear God. Our friendship had been fully restored. You and I never gave up for each other. You never gave up in repairing my gear and I never gave up on you. I always kept up the hope that you'd make it on time and if not, make it back safely. You made it back safely, Jin, and that's all that really matters."

"That's just it. If Jirou wasn't there, I wouldn't have made it back at all. I wouldn't be here having this talk with you."

"Now, don't even go there, Jin."

"Sorry."

"Do not worry." Kuroudo reached a hand to his eyes and finally managed to wipe away his tears. "You know, it's kind of funny."

"What is?"

"You came here to help me feel better and in the end I'm the one trying to make you feel better."

"You're right, but you know what?"

"What?"

Jin smirked as he sat up. He started to sing a line from a Linkin Park song. "In the end, it doesn't even matter."

Kuroudo laughed. "You're absolutely right, Jin. All that matters is that both us are okay now." He became serious. "But, can you please promise me something?"

"What is it?"

"Please promise me you will never feel bad about the incident. You have no reason to. You did your best and I didn't cry because I was disqualified. Do you remember what I said to you?"

"Yes. You said that what happened was much better than beating Takeshi or even becoming world champion and you having me as a friend is the best thing that has ever happened."

"Exactly. That's all that mattered, that we were friends. Please promise me that if the topic is brought up in a conversation you won't feel bad. I hate seeing you blaming yourself for nothing. Please promise." He held out his right hand with his pinkie finger held up.

Jin nodded. "I promise, Kuroudo." He too held up his right hand. Their pinkies linked.

"It's a pinkie swear."

"Right. It can never be broken." Kuroudo smiled. "Hey, Jin, thanks for coming over to try to help me."

"You're welcome and thank you for helping me."

"You're welcome. Know what I've noticed?"

"What is it you've noticed?"

"It seems that the best of friends always bring the best support."

Owari, Finis, The End

Now I just wish I could be so open with my friends. And my psychologist/counsellor. And myself. That's kind of why I write these types of stories, to help myself and be a bit more open with my emotions. I was encouraged to do these therapy-stories as they really have been helping me when I can't talk about my feelings.

Kuroudo-Now for the disclaimer. This authoress by the pen name of yamitammy does not own Crush Gear Turbo or Linkin Park.

Jin-The text in italics were actually from a book by Earl A. Grollman titled 'Straight Talk About Death For Teenagers---How To Cope With Losing Someone You Love', a book yamitammy received from a school chaplain as she was struggling to get through the grief she felt after the death of her mother.

That had been two years ago when I got the book, but I found it hard to show my feelings, until I suddenly burst into tears whilst singing 'Mama' by the Spice Girls. The book has really come in handy as I have experienced a few deaths---my mother died of lung cancer, my grandma (Mum's mum) died of bowel cancer a few months later, my friend killed herself, my great uncles Kenny and Frank died of cancer too (they were both on Mum's side of the family so I have to be really careful) and over a month ago a family friend (he even babysat my father!) died of throat cancer. Like I said, the book has really come in handy when it came time for me to experience new grief. It even helped me understand why it was that I would start crying every time I heard Matchbox Twenty's 'If You're Gone', that song had affected me for a while since it was played at Ang's funeral.

Kuroudo-I think we'd better get going now, yamitammy is getting a bit wistful.

Jin-I agree. Thank you for reading this. Please review and please do not flame, my Dino Phalanx's fire attacks bring about enough flames.