How It Feels Like Being Pregnant
A/N: A crack fic, truly a crack fic but I don't know how to write crack fics, so, it's a not so good one, eh? I certainly find myself laughing every time I think about it, so I wrote it down instead. It's inspired by the…well, my sis-in-law is pregnant right now (I want a nephew!!) and…well, you'll just have to read yourself. Enjoy!
Dedication: To my sis-in-law and my brother and Rinrin and future baby!
Disclaimer: (Looks around) Do I Look like Akamine Kamijyo? Yes? Yes, because I AM him! Or her…okay, busted.
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Yuya's pregnant again.
Yes, again.
After the first, the twins were born and now, another baby!
It could also be the reason why the babies stop coming.
…could it be true that the last child of the Mibu bring bad luck?
Oh, what the hell…
On with the story!
-
Yuya sat there on the porch, admiring the oak tree in front of their house, drinking tea her daughter Yuka made, wait, no, that tea was never made. It was, but it immediately met its end when Kyo sniffed it. Poor oak tree will die soon. She took a long sip and sighed heavily. She cast her eyes down to admire her growing tummy and rubbed it.
"Baby…" she whispered. "…I'm waiting for you and I can't wait to see you…I wonder if you'll look like your father?" she continued as she rubbed her tummy more delicately.
"Urgh…" came a groan.
Yuya turned her attention towards the owner of the groan. She smiled. She turned her body around and reached out her delicate hands towards the owner. The supposed receiver gave her a weak glare, his body lying helplessly on the tatami covered floor.
"Come here Kyo."
Kyo slapped her hands away in annoyance and turned his back to her as he continued to hold his stomach in pain. "Damn contractions…" he muttered venomously.
"I'm sorry, but you're the one who wanted another child…" she retorted as she passed the cup of tea to him. He declined. She insisted. "You know it's good for relieving the contractions…" she reasoned as she took another sip.
"I am not a woman; I do not need your help."
Yuya giggled lightly. "…Shinrei-san made this especially for you when he heard about your condition…it must hurt, I know it myself."
"That gay dancer made it? Haha, do you think that'll make me drink? As if…" Kyo groaned more, clutching his abdomen.
"Stop being stubborn, dear husband. It's bad for the baby…"
"I AM NOT CARRYING IT!" he shouted at her as he sat up and gave her his rage look. Kyo showed off his fangs at her evilly. "Don't make me sound like I'm a helpless woman who can't even-"
He vomited.
"Morning sickness?" Yuya passed him the cup again.
He snatched it from her grudgingly and gave a quick mouthful. He spat it out immediately. "What the hell is this made of?!" he demanded as he vomited again.
"…uh, I dunno…maybe some…some of those tealeaves that Sakuya-san uses?" Yuya told him as she got up to her feet slowly, approaching her husband who was a living legend, cut down on his pride due to the fact that he is experiencing the rare case of the husband experiencing what his wife is feeling during pregnancy. Such a disgrace.
"FUCK HIM! HE KNOWS I CAN'T HAVE THAT! I KNEW HE WAS TRYING TO KILL ME OFF SLOWLY!!! COWARD!!!" he screamed bloody murder as he writhed on the floor restlessly. "WHY MUST IT BE PAINFUL?!!"
"Stop being a woman!"
"I AM NOT!"
-
"I came over as soon as I can when I heard from Yuka-chan that Kyo is having contractions…did you not give the tea to him, Yuya-san?" Shinrei conversed as he prepared another new batch of tea that was specially made by Akari. Yuya shook her head. "…what? He didn't want it?"
"He can't have the tealeaves that Sakuya-san usually uses, remember?" Yuya reminded him as she helped him prepare the tea. She grabbed the cup and took a whiff of it. "Hm…this smells nicer, really!"
"I don't know about the taste though…care to try? I'll try too." Shinrei started bringing the rim of the cup to his mouth when…
"YUUUYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Yuya sighed in annoyance as she got up to her feet, holding the tray of tea firmly in her hands. Shinrei got up too, next to her, supporting her back as she steadied herself. "We should bring this to Mrs Onime…"
"I agree…"
-
"I wanna eat durian…" Kyo muttered as Bon took a seat next to him.
"A what?" Bon asked him incredulously.
"I can't eat other things…I'm cra- no…" Kyo rubbed his stomach. "No, Dogface's craving for it…"
Bon raised his brows. "Really?"
"…I don't even know what a durian is…" Kyo frowned as a hand made its way onto his lap. His brows twitched.
Blonde hair was in his view and no, it did not belong to Yuya, nor did it belong to the twins. it belonged to…
"I know what a durian is…" the owner of the blonde hair announced monotonously.
"HOTARU! GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF MY LAP!! ARE YOU GAY LIKE YOUR BROTHER?!" Kyo shrieked…yes, shrieked.
Bon stuffed his pinky into his ear. "…since when did you shriek like a woman?"
"I know what a durian is…" Hotaru insisted on sharing his knowledge.
"…what is it?"
"…a fruit."
"That's all?"
"I used it as a weapon once."
"Where and how?"
"During my travels…a man gave it to me and then he tried to molest me. The fruit was sharp, so I released it accidentally on his head. He needed stitches immediately."
"Is it edible?" this came from Kyo.
"…yeah."
"Is it good?" also from Kyo.
"…I don't know. I found it interesting. It was fleshy, quite smelly but it was interesting to eat."
"Where can I get it?" Kyo was practically drooling now.
"…I don't remember."
"BAKAYARO!!!!"
-
"Yuya, push, push!!" Akari ordered as the baby's head crowned. Blood was everywhere. "You need to push harder!"
"But I don't feel a thing…" Yuya said calmly as she tried to push. There was hardly any pain at all.
"…I wonder why?" she thought to herself.
-
"Kyo, push, push!" ordered Shinrei as Kyo was writhing around, screaming, trying to push Akira's back. "You need to push harder!"
"TRY BEING ME!" he shouted at him as he tried to relieve the pain by pushing Akira. "WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING, BAKAYARO?!"
Akira patiently held his ground. "…it's because I'm supposed to."
"ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Kyo gave up and screamed as hard as he could. "I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"
"Just a little more, Yuya-san will finish soon! You have to perk up, I thought you're Onime no Kyo?!" Shinrei shouted at his as he helped push Kyo's back forward. "Come on!!!!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
-
"…Kyo, Yuya…you both have a healthy baby boy…" Akari said soothingly as he passed it to the mother. Yuya was acting like there was nothing wrong at all and Kyo was barely conscious. "Aren't you going to take a look at him?" he asked, turning to Kyo.
"…ngh…later…I feel like I've been split into two…" he mumbled weakly, snuggling into Yuya's body a bit more.
Yuya smiled and brought her face to look at the others. "Can you guys leave us alone for a while?" she requested as she brought her unoccupied hand to soothe Kyo's red hair, wet from sweating.
The others nodded and left the parents alone.
Yuya turned to her husband and patted his head. "Ne, can you at least take a look? He's handsome, just like you…" she tried to make him. He shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry you had to go through the pain…"
Silence.
"No…I'm the one who's supposed to say sorry…" Kyo corrected her as he slowly sat up to face his wife. "I can't believe you went through that twice…" he brought his weak hand to slowly touch his wife's radiant face. "You look so radiant…"
"I got to say the same thing to you!" she playfully said as she brought her occupied arm to him. "Here's the most handsome baby ever born…" she said with motherly pride.
Kyo leaned in to observe his son. He mustered a small smile. "…he IS handsome. Like me…he's worth the pain, I tell you."
"…what shall we call him, Kyo?"
"…I would've considered a name that would describe the pain we went through…but…" Kyo thought for a while, taking his son in his arms. "I'm going to call him…"
"Kazeshii, Kaze for short, I've decided our last child to be named with that…" Kyo started, earning a confused look on Yuya. He smirked. "…I don't want either of us to experience the pain, ever again."
Yuya laughed heartily and gave him a brief hug.
"Kazeshii sounds nice."
"It surely does."
-
A/N: That was the suckiest story ever. I truly forgot how to write after a long time (not so long, but long enough for me) of not writing anything!!!!!! Well, at least I managed. I might revise this, but surely, I do hope you find it interesting. It was kinda…started when my bro was the one who was craving instead and I found it funny imagining Kyo in pain and acting like a woman but don't worry, he's still Kyo…it's just a major character flu. It IS a crack fic. I think this sucked also because I'm writing it on a computer I'm not that fond of…so, yeah. BTW, durian IS good; it's one of my faves actually. I DON'T like papaya. Well, I've recovered now, sort of. Just a bit dizzy. Your lovely authoress is fine, LOOOL. This week, I was only present at school, ONCE. ONCE!!! Haha…haha…I missed school, for the first time. Oh, enough babbling, R&R, it's polite!