A/N: So...um...well, I guess I have something new for Addict! This was just something that came to mind, and I thought it would be pretty cool to write what would have happened if Alec hadn't gone to Magnus when he was suicidal. Hopefully this doesn't make you hate me, but I wanted to write a "what if" fic. I hope that you enjoy this bizarre idea that I thought would be awesome. P. S., don't kill me, please...I'm too young...

I sat amongst the rubble known as my apartment, glaring as I felt my whole body go cold. The underground wasn't far away, and it usually took the edge off of my suicidal episodes. Magnus could go screw himself, he didn't understand what being addicted meant. My legs shook as I noticed the broken noose near my TV, and the bloodied knife on the end table. I picked it up, and examined it. Dried blood on a dull, ugly blade. I rested it on the scarred inside of my hand, then watched intently as I dragged it hard against the last little bit of unscarred skin on my wrist. A scream escaped my lips as I kept dragging it, unable to stop until the pain left me. Green cat's eyes filled with tears started to appear in my mind, causing me to drop the blade next to me on the couch and look down.

The cut was deep, and bleeding heavily. I started breathing heavily as I tried to race to get paper towels. Pressing a wad to the wound, I felt my eyes burn. A few tears rushed down my cheeks as I doubled over on my couch. The pain was unbearable. Magnus's sad eyes kept sending disturbed chills down my spine as I looked for the blade.

This time, it's going to be vertical.

My other hand searched for the blade, as I heard a commotion going on outside.

"WHERE IN THE HELL IS ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD?" An angry voice asked, from what I could only assume was a male.

"Who are you and how are you associated with Alexander Lightwood?" Another man responded, with a hint of sleepiness in his tone.

I sat up as I got up and looked out my window. A man in tight golden pants and a lightning blot t-shirt stood outside, his arms crossed over his chest as he tapped his purple Doc Martens boot against the pavement.

"He's my. . .ex-boyfriend." He responded, looking around into the windows of surrounding apartments.

The person he was talking to nodded, then pointed up to my apartment. "He lives there. Why do you want to see an ex?"

He pushed past the other man, his golden pants flashing as he walked up the steps. More tears escaped my eyes as I ducked, making pained moaning noises as I could feel the blood staining my fingers. A knock on my door caused me to stand up, and open the door with my good hand while hiding the scarred one.

Magnus stood at the door, black eyeliner smeared around his eyes and his face pale and upset.

"Alec. . .I'm really sorry for making a scene back at the party." He spoke in a low, staggery voice as he looked down, his spikes of hair limply falling over his face.

My heart raced as I felt my wound continue throbbing. I wanted to wrap both of my arms around him and tell him everything was fine, and that I wasn't cutting. He wouldn't believe my bullshit, I knew it. I sighed as I felt him pull me into his arms. The paper towel wad dropped to the ground as I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into him. My tears continued flowing, and I didn't even try to hide it. I sobbed heavily as he rubbed my back, hushing me as I looked up at him. It was just then that he noticed my blood seeping through his shirt.

"Are you. . .bleeding?" He asked as he took my arm in his hands, inspecting me.

His pupils were now thin, shaking, worried. I could feel my warm tears drip down onto my arm, and my pulse slow. Magnus tried to hide his tears, until he noticed me crying.

He pulled me close again, petting my hair before tilting my chin up and locking our gazes. "Alec, it's okay. I can help you."

My head dropped as he walked me over to my couch, sat me down and began magicking me. His hands hovered above the wound as waves of dark colors melted from his finger tips. I watched, feeling my pulse slow even more. My eyelids drooped, and I fell back, feeling for the blade with my other hand.

"Why isn't this working?" Magnus stated brokenheartedly. He looked at me while my vision began to blur.

My heart was beating every few seconds, and my limbs became hard to move, I could barely even see as my eyes closed halfway. Now, I could only hear well. Magnus was beginning to sob as I felt him pull me close.

"Alec, no you can't die!" He said in a worried voice. Now every ten seconds I could feel my heart beat.

He shook me roughly, trying to wake me. I could tell he was upset, and I started whimpering as I felt a deep pain in my other arm. This time, it was vertical.

Magnus's hopes had been doused as he pulled me into his lap. My eyes opened as I stared up at him. Tears coursed down my cheeks as he lightly cradled me. He hushed me, and placed a warm, gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Shh, shh. . .calm down, you'll be alright. . ." He said quietly as he cooed me to my death.

My heart beats were now thirty seconds apart.

He continued to hold me as my life flashed before me. Nothing caused me to even feel regret for my drug addiction, until I saw something. A thirteen year old me holding hands with a boy in black skinny jeans and a band shirt. His black and blue hair flopped over one eye, and a piercing green eye was locked on me. He placed a kiss on my cheek, and I smiled at him before it faded into the two of us in a darkened bedroom, moaning and grunting as the bed beneath us creaked.

I had known Magnus before? Before my eyelids could close, I looked up at him. His face was buried in my hair, as he sobbed aloud, pulling me as closely to himself as he could.

"Alec. . .I don't want you to go. . ." He spoke through his cries.

The world became dark as I spoke my last words.

"I. . .love. . .you. . ."

Then, everything went black.