How Much You Wanna Risk

By: Riley

Summary – It's Barry's and Cadence's last night before the end. Before Savitar's influence is to take Cadence's life away. There's a lot they need to talk about; things they wished they had time for. Deleted Scene from between chapters 50 and 51 of Friction.

Barry's eyebrows twitched. His breathing shortened. He sucked in a short, sharp breath through his nose, suddenly unable to relax. All the hair on the back of his neck stood up, his hands clenched into fists, curling around the blankets tangled beneath him. Almost instantly, he felt the familiar tingle of lightning shooting across his eyes.

It wasn't just a warning sign for others, that let them know he they were about to regret coming face to face with The Flash. But also a bit of a warning sign for him, a sort of spidey-sense that seemed to come about when something was amiss. The last time he'd had it happen was when he was first getting used to his powers; when his racing thoughts and lack of sleep made him hallucinate.

No, that wasn't quite true.

The dreams he had of Zoom killing his family and friends, resulting in his waking up in a cold sweat every night, looking around to see if the evil speedster was kneeling over his bed, waiting for the right moment to drive a sharpened claw through his chest.

At the thought, Barry's eyes shot open, expecting to see Savitar kneeling beside him, lips pulled back into a snarl as ugly as the scar on the side of his face, waiting for the perfect moment to take him down. And what was a better moment of vulnerability for The Flash when he wasn't moving?

Barry flipped onto his back, kicking at the blankets entangled around his legs. He brought a hand up to wipe at his forehead, shaking away the beads of sweat that dripped down. He looked to the left to find Cadence sitting up in bed, head bent over something.

"Geez," Barry murmured, kicking the blankets off him. "Sleeping next to you is like sleeping in a sauna."

"You're welcome to sleep on the couch," Cadence replied with a light laugh. "I'm sure the air conditioning you insist on pumping in here will help you out." She shrugged. "Unless you want to turn into a popsicle." The smile fell from her face the second she mentioned 'popsicle'. Barry didn't have to know what she was thinking of.

How long had it been since Caitlin betrayed them? Or, if he were being honest with himself, had Killer Frost been among them the whole time? Had Flashpoint made it so that Killer Frost was easily taking control of Caitlin, just waiting for that moment to take everything she'd heard to Savitar?

To himself?

In the back of his mind, Barry heard the drumbeats of guilt and sorrow play through. Guilt Guilt Guilt Guilt. Sorrow Sorrow Sorrow Sorrow.

How much more of his life was going to be torn apart all because…? Well, just because. How many mistakes would he have to atone for before life would be good for him again? What was it going to take for the karmic retribution that seemed to stick with him since before he was born end?

After you were born, Barry reminded himself. It all started with Eobard Thawne going back in time to kill his mother for whatever reason. For whatever reason that made Eobard hate him so much. And since then, Barry had been doing nothing but running to catch up with whatever the future had in store for him.

"What are you doing?" Barry asked.

Cadence paused. For a moment, Barry wondered if she was going to tell him. Wondered if she was working through her own feelings of what'd happened with Caitlin. She refused to talk about her, acting as if she were dead if she or Killer Frost were ever brought up.

Instead, Cadence cleared her throat and said, "I'm looking over my will."

Barry made a face. Wiped it away. It was a rapid change of expression on his face. The corners of his mouth turning down, his eyes lifting towards the ceiling. Then, in a flash, it was gone. Only the fastest of the fast were able to see it. Or so he thought.

Cadence's lips pulled back into a smirk though she continued to only show him her profile. "I don't have to be a speedster to know you just made a face."

"Sorry." He didn't feel very sorry. "I guess I don't have much control over it."

"Or you're not as fast as you think you are."

Barry planted his elbow in his pillow, resting his cheek in his open palm. "You really want to test out that theory?"

"I'm not in the mood to beat you right now. So, no." Cadence smiled, setting her will aside. She brushed her hair back from her face, thought for a moment, then asked, "Do you think Cisco would like a set of expensive jewelry? I don't think he can pull off the whole T-Pain, 2-Chainz deal."

"Well, if you've got any of those massive diamond rings and all of that ice and bling and platinum grills…" Barry trailed off as Cadence continued to look back at him, a small smile on her face. "You have all that don't you?"

"A grill? No. But I do have some jewelry that if I were to pawn it, I'd be able to live off that alone for the rest of my life." She paused, bobbed her head. "Well, Brady could, since I'm leaving most of my stuff to him."

"You're going to leave an eleven-year-old with all that money?" Barry asked.

The right half of Cadence's face screwed up. She mimicked Barry's stance, turning on to her side and leaned her upraised hand. Reaching out her free hand, she gently traced her fingertips along the scar that zig-zagged down the front of Barry's chest. A mark that hadn't healed as quickly as his powers could jump start. Her fingers were warm to the touch, almost burning.

"If your parents had both died that night, wouldn't they have left it to you?" Cadence asked. "Seems like the only difference was your dad's sheer will kept him alive for a long while."

"Yeah, just struck down by one of my enemies—"

"—Our enemies—"

"—Our enemies," Barry corrected himself. He ran a hand through his hair before slapping it to his side. "I don't know, think I would've handled him being taken down in prison a lot better than what happened with Zoom."

Cadence sucked in a sharp breath between her teeth. "Shanked by a shiv or shanked by a vibrating hand? I think the jury's out on that one." She stopped tracing his scar and tapped him on the tip of the nose. "You didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"Wouldn't you have gotten all of your parents' money if they'd both died that night?"

Barry thought for a moment. "Well, considering what I was told from their estate lawyers, I would've been left their money, but I wouldn't have been able to get it until I was twenty-one. Which is just as well, because if they'd given me that money when I was a kid, I probably wouldn't have seen any of it."

"Joe would've put his foot down?"

"Yeah." Barry smiled a little. "I used to think about it, though. Not in a way where, like, I'd kill them off, but like, if I'd won the lottery. What would I do with all that money. When I was little I wanted to make the biggest aquarium I could for my fish."

"You had pet fish?" Cadence asked. Barry nodded. "I didn't know that."

"Yeah, they were named…" he flushed in embarrassment. "Jaws, of course."

"Of course," Cadence agreed.

"Tunakhamen, Tuna Turner, and Swim Shady."

"Ah!" Cadence let out a sound of pleasant surprise before laughing quietly. "Swim Shady, I love that one."

"Yeah, mom tried to talk me out of naming them like that, but dad and I loved it." Barry's thoughts turned wistful. To times before having to worry if he would get home safely every day. A thought he didn't have to worry about too much when growing up, not when his only worries was trying to find a good time that Joe wasn't around so he could run back to the prison. "Then I wanted to make my own company. I had no idea what I wanted to focus on, but I wanted to have my own company of sorts."

"No ideas at all?"

"Architecture, probably. I really liked to draw and I liked the way the buildings in the city looked, all modernized and everything. And I always wanted to build a new house for mom and dad, to say 'thank you' I guess. Plus, I always heard mom saying there were other things she wanted to add to the house but never had the chance too. The renovations would've taken too long, my dad was working too much…"

Cadence nodded. "There never seems to be enough time."

"And now I've got all the time in the world and it doesn't seem to make a difference." Barry sucked in a deep breath through his nose. He turned his gaze to the ceiling, letting it all out. Able to clearly see an image of his mother's smiling face, her shining eyes as she spoke about the things she'd wanted to add and what her dream house was. "I'm always one step behind or just not fast enough."

"Well, now you've got STAR Labs," Cadence pointed out. "And the money from your parents. If you could do anything with that money, right now, what would you do with it?"

Barry shrugged. "Nothing," he said honestly.

"Nothing?" Cadence sounded skeptical.

To prove his point, Barry rolled back over and pressed a long kiss to Cadence's lips. She smiled when he pulled back. "I've got everything I've ever wanted," Barry murmured. "I don't need anything else; I've got a great home, I've got a good family, I have my friends…I'm trying to make the city the best it can and I truly believe it can get there. I don't need much else, money doesn't mean anything to me."

"You're probably the only person who thinks that way then," Cadence remarked. She twirled her finger in the air, the tip illuminated by fire as she did so. Barry watched the fire dance over her finger before she passed it back and forth over all her fingers, a ball forming over her hand. It illuminated their faces in an almost demonic glow. "Money makes the world go 'round and all that. Plus, you've never had to go without. Believe me when I say having to decide between eating and keeping the water running is not a fun decision." She curled her fingers into her palm, snuffing out the fireball.

"So, what do you think Brady would do with it all?" Barry asked. "Since you're leaving most of it to him."

"He'd buy a dog," Cadence said flatly. "Plain and simple. He'd buy a dog and as many dog toys and beds for it as he could and as much dog food to keep it alive. All he wants is a dog."

"Yeah, I figured that out." Barry laughed. "With all of the dog memes and funny pictures he sends me."

"He's trying to get to you, then, knowing it's not going to work with me. He's tried hitting up Ryder, too, and even he agrees that it's probably not a good idea to get a dog."

Barry laughed. "Ah-ha!" He cried, pointing a finger into her face. "So it really is that you don't want a dog."

"No." Cadence batted his hand away. "It really is the apartment complex that won't let us have a dog. And even then, there's such a thing as Meta-Spiders, how do we now know there's going to be Meta-Dogs? Or Meta-Cats? Have you ever heard of Krypto?"

Barry wrinkled his nose. "No. Should I?"

"Never mind, It's a long story." Cadence rolled her eyes. But still seemed tickled by something of that memory that made her giggle to herself. A part of the past he hadn't been a part of but was still getting to know. Would like to know as time went on, if he had that time.

If they had that time?

Silence stretched between them for a long moment. Cadence closed her eyes, pressing her face closer into her pillow. Her breathing evened out. Barry wondered if she were able to fall asleep so easily. He doubted it; they were partners, best friends, lovers, every part of the word soulmates, he could tell with just one look what was going on. Whether or not she wanted to speak about it—or vice versa. He didn't have to ask to know sleep was the last thing on her mind, especially if she'd been looking over her will.

As strong as she'd been over the last few months, since knowing her fate…your inevitable death was something you couldn't ignore.

Even the strongest had their weak moments.

"Do you remember our first date?" The words slipped out of Barry's mouth, not realizing he was thinking about it.

Cadence snorted, kept her eyes closed a bit longer before opening them. She focused her eyes on him like a laser-beam. "You mean when you thought you were just hanging out as friends with me and Caitlin or our actual first date?"

"Our actual first date," Barry said.

"I remember." Cadence's voice was light, airy, nonchalant. But it quickly turned sour as she said, "It was interrupted by a raving psycho who'd been trying to kill you since you were a kid who, just so happened, to have the same face as the man who I had also only recently found out was my birth father."

"Well, if you want to remember the bad parts," Barry said.

"I'm kidding, Tholly." Cadence pressed a kiss to his forehead. "It was a good date. I had fun, why are you asking?"

"That day, I'd thought if you could do anything in the world, that you'd want to do something you hadn't done in a long time."

"Yeah, and I really appreciated it," Cadence said. "I hadn't been able to be free like that in so long,"

"So…if you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?" Barry asked. He watched as Cadence's face twisted up in surprise, then turned serene, not having to think about it for more than a few minutes. He knew she saw right through him, through his question. If it really was her last day, what would she want to do?

"I guess I'd want to see my horse," she said. "God on a long horseback ride across the farm land. I haven't seen him in a long time." Suddenly, she looked stricken. "I hope my mom didn't give him away."

"Without telling you?"

"It wouldn't be the first time she's done that. She gave away my guinea pig without telling me. And when I asked her about it, all she said was that they couldn't afford to take care of a guinea pig. But we could take care of a horse." Cadence ran a hand through her hair. "You know what happened? She was tired of her eating my mom's shoes so she gave her away." Cadence pouted. "I miss her." Barry chuckled. "What about you? What would you do? If you could go anywhere in the world?"

Barry didn't have to think about it either. Only because the memory was fresh in his mind, had been since his father had been murdered. A bright spot in his life that got him through some of the hardest times. "I'd go back to Masonville."

Cadence's eyebrows twitched together. It wasn't a name many heard before, most probably wouldn't know it existed, Barry knew. He wouldn't have known had it not been for that fateful, amazing day he'd had with his parents.

"We weren't trying to go to Masonville," Barry explained. "I had been begging my parents for months to take me to a science expo in Midway City."

"Oh." Cadence raised an eyebrow. "You were still a nerd back then?"

"I prefer baby nerd." Barry grinned. "And you have to remember, I was the one who had the most dangerous project during my school's science fair that nearly had be expelled. All my other classmates did this half-hearted things and I almost burnt the school down."

"Yeah, I can do that just by sneezing," Cadence teased. "You're not so special."

Barry chuckled. "Well, finally they said we could go. So we were on our way and our car got a flat tire. Mom and dad tried to change it, the spare was flat. They could tell I was disappointed but were trying to stay as positive as possible. We were towed to some garage in Masonville and it ended up being the best day of my life; we found this diner that had some of the best French fries and ice cream and we were able to watch a firework show that night."

Barry reached out and grasped Cadence's hand, lacing their fingers together. Sparks shot between their fingers. Visible in the darkness of the room.

"It was great because, for once, mom and dad weren't stressed. They weren't being called by the hospital, they weren't being called by someone who wanted to look at a house last minute, they weren't everywhere all at once. They were just there. And it was fun. That day…whenever I'm down, that's the day I always think about and I've been meaning to go back but…I'm always afraid if I do that the magic would be gone. That, if they're not there it's not real, you know?"

"Yeah. I know," Cadence murmured. "I worry about that, with Brady. If something were to happen to me."

"Nothing's going to happen to you," Barry said firmly.

Cadence ignored him. "I worry that, even with Ryder being around, he'll still…" she shook her head. "It's just hard, to lose a parent," she said simply. "That's it. I don't want to see him go through that, but…" she sucked in a breath between her teeth. "I don't know, it's hard."

Barry reached out and wiped away a tear that appeared at the corner of Cadence's eye. Cadence turned her head, pressed a gentle kiss to Barry's palm. Then she lifted her left hand. "And, I don't know what to do with this." She wiggled her fingers allowing the dimmed lights from the alarm clock on her beside table to bounce off the diamond.

Barry watched as she wiggled it back and forth along her finger, waiting to see if she'd take it off. Once again, reading his mind, Cadence said, "I thought about taking it off, to give back to you. And I thought about being buried with it." She chuckled to herself. "Then I thought about whether I'd want to be cremated and figured if I died, knowing my luck, I'd probably spontaneously combust."

The frankness of her words along with the image made the two of them start laughing. Long and hard, releasing all the pent-up emotions that'd filled them. It almost drowned out the sound of a knock coming at the door. Barry sat up, wiping away the tears of mirth that trailed from the corners of his eyes.

"Come in," he called, catching his breath.

The door opened and Brady poked his head in, eyes sweeping the room. Then he continued inside, hands behind his back. "Mom, I can't sleep," he said, shuffling to Cadence's side of the bed. His voice was low and vulnerable, much like a little boy's rather than a pre-teen's.

Cadence immediately became concerned, reaching up her hands. Brady stepped forward, pressing his forehead into her palm. A formality, really. She could've sensed his body temperature within the seconds he walked through the door if she wanted to. Brady's eyes flickered toward Barry and Barry tilted his head, immediately feeling his heart swell.

He knew, in that one look, exactly what was going on.

"No fever," Cadence murmured, removing her hand from her son's forehead. Then she framed his face in her hands, making him look at her. "Do you feel sick?"

"No." Brady shook his head. "I just can't sleep." He brought his hands out from behind his back to reveal a pillow and a blanket. "Can I sleep with you?"

A pleading question.

Barry could hear the slight devastation in his voice. He just wanted to be there, for one last day. One last night. Just in case. Cadence looked at Barry, who nodded back. He wasn't giving permission, just letting her know he understood. That'd he'd have done the same if he were given the opportunity before his mother's death. Would've begged her to read him another store—or for him to read her one just so they could spend more time together.

Time was something they never had enough of; they couldn't take that risk.

"Come on, bud," Cadence said. She pulled back the blankets, before crying out in pain when Brady clambered over her to get into a spot between her and Barry. He put his pillow down and smoothed his blanket out over himself.

"Hey." Barry gently nudged him. Brady looked at him curiously. "If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?"

"Paris."

Cadence made a face. "You've never been to Paris, bud."

"I know. But it seems like a cool place to go. And, I like French Fries." He frowned petulantly when Barry and Cadence both laughed. "Why? Where would you want to go?"

"Midtown," Barry replied.

Brady's nose wrinkled, a move that was very similar to his mother's. "What's Midtown?" And so Barry repeated his story, watching as Brady's eyes got bigger as the seconds passed. Finally, Brady said, "I change my mind. I want to go to Midtown." He looked at Cadence. "Can we go there one day?"

Cadence smiled sadly, stroked her son's cheek. "Maybe one day," she replied.

Brady nodded, snuggled underneath his blankets and closed his eyes. Cadence rolled over, laying her arm across her son, and looked at Barry.

Barry looked back at her, smiled.

Maybe one day.

THE END