Elves vs. Jedi/Sith Fanfic
Disclaimer: I don't own any Star Wars or Lord of the Rings stuff.
This is a story i wrote for school. Me and my friend Austen got in a fight over which was better :LOTR Elves or Star Wars Jedi/Sith, so our math teacher decided to have a fanfic compotition between him and me. No, my name is not Bob. Some of the Jedi and Sith powers are taken from Knights of teh Old Republic II.
The day had finally arrived. The day in which the battle for then fate of the universe was about to begin. One one side, Lady Austen led the Elves of Lord of the Rings, and on the other Lord Byron led the Jedi Masters and Sith Lords of Star Wars. Lady Austen and Lord Bob were friends as kids, but Bob grew disgusted with Austen's pansy-ness and they split apart.
The Elves were the first to arrive on the battlefield, long before the Jedi had even entered the system. They set up a massive fort with watchtowers all around: used as an intricate alert system in which when one watchtower saw the enemy, they would light a bonfire which would set off a chain of other bonfires from other watchtowers. They had legions of highly skilled archers manning the fort with thousands upon thousands of arrows ready to pring death apon the enemy. Lady Austen was applying his/her makeup when the sky turned red as mighty Sith warships darted out of hyperspace. Hundreds of air-to-land orbital bombardment cannons trained their sights upon the wooden-and-morter fort below. Then, all as one, they opened fire, bringing hot fiery plasma apon the unsuspecting Elves below.
Lady Austen feebly lifted a large, smoldering plank of wood off of him/her. Several of his Honor Guard rushed to his/her aid, lifting him/her to his/her feet.
"Status report." She/he muttered, glaring at the innocent elves.
"Exactly Half of our forces are dead, my lady/lord."
"That leaves us with. . . . . ." Lady Austen trailed off as he/she counted on her/his fingers the remaining soldiers.
"Let's see. . . 1,000,000 divided by ½ equals. . ."
"500,000, my lord/lady."
"I knew that you ignorant fool!"
The remaining Elven forces ammased in the smoking ruins of their failure-of-a-fort, gathering together with groands and mumbled curses. They gazed to the plains before them and were greeted by the sight of all the Sith warships landing in the horizon. An Army of black and brown robes Force Masters marched out of the sleek, jet black ships and as one started towards the Elven forces. Lady Austen frowned at the ammased enemy and raised his/her fingers to attempt to count his/her apponants, but it was to no avail, so she/he wandered around severing the hands off of the dead elves in order to count the Force army.
The 50,000 Jedi and Sith all came within a mile of the ruins of the fort when the sky turned black and a loud whistling filled the air. Thousands of arrows pierces the sky and darted quickly to the forces below. All as one the Jedi Masters and Sith Lords raised their hands in the air (like they just don't care) and pushed out with the Force. A visible wave of Force energy spread to meet the tide of arrows, blowing them all back towards the ground.
The 50,000 Force Masters once again marched towards the Elves, deflecting the legions of arrows with the power of the Force. When they were within 500 paces of the Elven army, a lightshow of various colored lighsabers ignited, lighting the dusk sky. The 50,000 Jedi and Sith charged at the Elven forces, who drew out their slender swords. Many of the Sith raised their palms to the sky and called upon the Force, creating a storm of Force Electricity to shower the enemy with deadly bolts of lightning. The entire front row of the Elven army was slaughtered by this deadly spell.
The row of Jedi Masters behind the Sith all simultaneously prayed to the Force, embuing them with a thick layer of pure Force Energy to act as a shield around each of them, clinging to their skin. They punced above the heads of the Sith and landed amongst the ranks of the Elves, slicing them to bits with their lightsabes. Parrying was useless as the Elven swords would instantly melt upon contact with the concentrated laser of a lightsaber. The only way for the Elves to fell a Jedi was to pin 5 Elves against a single Jedi, overwhelming him with sword strikes that would wear down his shield. And that is what the Elves did, but more often then not the crafty Jedi would simply spin in a wild circle, lightsaber waving, cutting down all of the surrounding Elves. The Sith soon joined the fray as well, using the Force to enter the minds of many an Elf, slicing upon their very feeble minds themselves to bend their bodies to the will of the Sith, causing the Elves to turn on each other in a berserker fray of bloodlust.
Soon, the Elven force was in tatters, little more than 200 soldiers remained. The Jedi and Sith had taken loss also, the sheer number of numbers cutting them down one by one, their numbers reduced to 100, all of them Jedi. The Jedi all gathered together and chanted to the Force for one final favor, and their hands glowed blue and white as the souls of the fallen Jedi and Sith were returned to their bodies, reviving all of the Jedi and Sith forces. This ceremony came at a cost, though, as all 100 Jedi involved had their souls dissolved, left to join the Force with no way to return them. The 49,900 Jedi and Sith revived slaughtered the remaining Elves then constructed a holy pyre to ceremonially cremate the bodies of the 100 Jedi, who would always be remembered as heroes. Lady Austen was the only Elf left alive on the whole planet as she/he cowered in fear before the feet of Bob, who promptly smote him/her with a single sweep of his red double-bladed lightsaber.
Thus the battle for the fate of the universe had ended with the army of the Force being the victor by a landslide. No one would ever again question the might of the Force over the Elves.