Once upon a time there was a trapboy named Jac who had the world's biggst butt. It was bigger than Kim Kasfhliewrlhukwqeflhiarf and Nicki Minaj and Iggy Azalia all put togetehr. When she/he (a/n idk pronouns gomen tumblr-chans desu) twerked it made all the boy go "DAAAAAYYYUUUUUMMMM" and created an earthquake in China (A/N can't twerk irl lol gomen). But there was only one man that Jac wanted to get all up in his biz: His name was Handsome Jack-senpai who was the coolest cel-shaded dude in all the borderland (GEDDIT LOL PLZ R&R). He was sooooo hawt and it made Jac all moist...or was it hard? Idk she/he is a trap boy lol.
One day Jac wanted to make his/her feelings for Handsome Jack known and he/she decided to make him a cake. It was a big cel-shaded cake with speinkles and happiness all over it, and it was so big that Jac could fit inside of it and surprise him with his/her undying love. It even fit his/her beautfiul bootay that was totalyy better than that preppy ho from school Jessay's (trufax, yo).
Handsome Jack was walking around being a handsome asshole or whatever he does because I've never actually played Borderlands, when all of a sudden he saw the gorgous cake that Jac made for him with all of the love that he/she had in his/her body. "dafuq is this shit?" asked Handsome Jack all handsomely. That was when the sexy burlesque music started playing, and Jac pooped out of the cake in a sexy outfit covered in sex.
"HE'S A BIG BAD HANDOME MAAAAAAAN~" sang the song that came out of Clap-Trap's speaker that Jac had rigged to play the song just for this occasion. Jac did a suuper sexxxxah burlesque routine as he/she came out of the cake and had "I 3 you Handsome Jack" written on his/her majestic bootay.
Handsome Jack saw this as a cometition. He decided to strip all sexy in the middle of everything with everone watching. It was a a Jack vs. Jac sexy-off and it was soooo hot that everyone came in great waves of jizz.
And then Mad Moxxi shows up and was like "My butt's bigger than Jac', Jack! Notice me, senpai!" And she pushed her sexy butt against Handsome Jack all sexy like, and Jac was like "NO MINE IS BETTER" and pushed his/her butt on Handsome Jack as well. He was in the middle of a sexy butt sandwich and was the happiest Handsome Jack alive.
Happy Handsome Jack had a boner in his man pants that was so big that it was almost as big as my friend Miguel's but not quite because that is pretty damn big. It was like a Roman column of manly flesh. And he pleased the two sexy butt people with it for the entire night and everyone got pregnant and had handsome babies nine months later.
The Goddamn End.