Pride and Cowardice

by Guvnor of Space

One Yeerk, and his struggle to accept his new humanity

My name is Arkesh 581 of the Grom Umlet pool, despite my driver's license saying differently. Some stupid human bureaucrat dropped the suffix, leaving my legal name as "Arkesh Fiveeightone." If I had pressed the issue, which I did not, he likely would have pointed out to me that I had no right to complain about such things. In the last year, I've come to the grudging belief that he may have had a point of some kind.

The humans had defeated us. Our crown jewel, that world that seemed too good to be true, with its mythical class five hosts and abundant resources had been taken from us by a band of teenagers and their pet Hork-Bajir. I was lucky to live through the attack at all. Not to mention what would have happened to me if I had been in the pool when they killed all our brothers, mercilessly sending them to die in the cold of space. No, when the Animorphs took the pool ship I was in my host body, a human male barely into his twenties, in engineering, doing my best to hide under a diagnostics consol.

I was unarmed, and although my opponents similarly lacked weapons, for the most part at least, an unarmed Hork-Bajir is far more lethal than an unarmed human Controller. When the Sub-Visser surrendered; I snuck out to join the defeated ranks. None of my brothers could know of my cowardice. If Visser One found out, I would be lucky to escape Kandrona starvation. Based on the angry glances I received, the chances of that were slim to none. I remember my host gloating over my fear. Three days Yeerk. They'll report this to the Visser, and then I'll be free of you in three days. I hope it hurts you as much as you've hurt me.

My host had always had a flair for the melodramatic. He'd gotten involved with the Sharing as a way to secure funding for a community theater. He got his theater group, and then had to watch as we used the rehearsals in the Sharing center to grab a large batch of hosts. It even earned me a minor promotion, such as it was.

Since my host had no close family, I was moved to the pool ship, to work as a technician, something that I had trained for since before I had taken my first host. It was a good position to have. Visser One (Edriss, not the psychopath that officially surrendered Earth) was a much, much better boss to work for than then-Visser Three, when she was around at all. We were only loosing an average of one host for every week she was there versus the ludicrous body count Visser Three managed to accrue. Plus, being in space made my host much more docile. He knew that he had no real chance of escaping while we were aboard the pool ship, and as such his screams and tantrums subsided into quiet sulking. I figured that I was one of the luckiest Yeerks in the Empire. After all, where was safer than one of our mighty pool ships, in a corner of the galaxy the Andalites barely cared about?

This was of course before the death of Edriss, and the destruction of the Southern California Pool. After that, my feelings of luck quickly deteriorated. The Visser was spending time aboard the ship, we were vulnerable on the ground, and all of us knew that it was only a matter of time before we were attacked, either by uncontrolled sections of the human military, or by the Animorph's themselves. In public, we dismissed such fears. After all, we could simply take off and destroy our attackers form a low orbit. Privately, we were afraid, or at least I was. The number of times the supposed "Andalite Bandits" had beaten supposedly fool proof security measures was mind boggling. Any human on the street can tell you what happened next. The Animorph's, and their pet Hork-Bajir, snuck aboard the pool ship, sacrificing untold hundreds in the process. (Not that the human histories like to dwell on that, mind you.) They flushed the Yeerk Pool. They captured Visser One. Those of us left surrendered to the "Free Hork-Bajir." (I still have doubts whether any of them other than that mutant of theirs can understand the concept of "freedom" as anything more than "not being an involuntary Controller.) A deal was brokered, and we learned that the Visser had surrendered.

I can tell you, I experienced a mix of emotions when I found out what was to happen. The first was obviously relief. The Visser had surrendered, and would be unable to punish me for cowardice. The second was fear. We were being made to leave our host bodies, and to enter the refilling pool. Obviously, we had our doubts about the humans holding their end of the bargain. After all, once we had left our hosts, it would be a simple matter for them to flush the pool again. It would certainly be far simpler then convincing the Andalites to give us an Escafil device, and letting us trap ourselves as humans. Yet really, we had no choice. It was either the pool, or sure Kandrona starvation.

Obviously, they didn't flush the pool a second time. For almost a month and a half my brothers and sisters were blind with me in that pool, a most unpleasant change from the freedom of my host. I was sure he was long gone by now. He had been an involuntary host of the most insufferable kind. He had never broken, and he had never really stopped trying to seize control. I was sure he never wanted to see me again.

While I chatted with my fellow Yeerks, I would sometimes find my mind wandering, thinking about what my former host was doing. Maybe he was enjoying one of those silly confections that he thought so delicious, that chemical filled garbage called a "Twinky." It was possible that he was engaging in mating acts, which I had learned first hand were exceedingly pleasurable for humans. Possibly, he was driving at speeds in excess of posted safety limits, something which he had found enjoyable before I had taken him, but something I had never indulged him in.

I don't want anyone to think that I had gone soft for him. Far from it. I still viewed him with mild contempt, an inferior creature that had never learned its place. What I felt was more akin to jealousy than anything else. We knew, and had in fact discussed how unlikely it was that the humans and Andalites would actually uphold their end of the deal. The split between "Leave us trapped in the pool forever" and "flush us into space" was pretty even, with only a tiny fraction of us actually believing the human's promise. I was of the logical opinion that if they hadn't flushed us yet, they weren't going to kill us at all. Instead, they would keep us hear to live forever without hosts, a kind of torture in its own right. Meanwhile, my former host was off doing all of the things he had most enjoyed in life.

Needless to say, when the first host dipped their head into the pool, it came as a shock to us. Through limited palp to palp communication, we were informed that the host was for the Sub-Visser, who would receive further information on what was happening. I guess that's when some of us cynic's finally realized that the human's were just crazy enough to murder more than seventeen thousand of us in cold blood, yet still keep a politically volatile promise to a fraction of that many Yeerks. I had had a human host for two years. I should have seen how something that stupid could make sense to one of them.

It turned out that they had actually managed to find ten volunteers to act as temporary hosts. I wasn't surprised, once I found out who these people were. Most of them had played host to Yeerks in the so called "Peace Movement." Some of the memories of my host, a man named Tidwell almost made me curl my lip in a condescending sneer. Not for the host of course. He was, after all, just a host. No, the sneer was for the weakling who had actually befriended him. Befriended his host! The idea was ridiculous. Even those with Voluntary hosts aren't friends with each other. No, they just don't have to put up with the screams and curses of an involuntary host. At least, that's what was supposed to happen.

Maybe I would have thought more down that path, if Tidwell hadn't picked that moment to try to engage me in conversation. Needless to say, I ignored him, and stopped looking through his memories. I had no real need to learn about him. He backed off pretty quickly after that, subsiding into wishful desires for the (cold, arrogant, cruel) Yeerks to be done parading through his head, so that he and his traitor friend could be reunited. It was almost sickening.

The first thing we had all been told was that we wouldn't be in these bodies for long. It only took them an hour to explain what was going to happen to us. The Escafil device was going to be brought aboard the pool ship the next day, along with a number of human prisoners. We were assured that they had all consented to being acquired. (Later, I would find out about the public opinion backlash that occurred when it became public knowledge that criminals were being offered reduced sentences in exchange for giving up their right to "DNA exclusivity.") We would use to temporary hosts to select which human's we wished to acquire. Then, it was a simple matter of leaving the hosts, exposing ourselves to the Device, acquiring the humans that we wanted and using an Andalite trick for combining DNA, created an entirely new human body for ourselves. Two hours later, we would be nothlits, and we would be taken to Earth. For once in the entire war, things went mostly according to plan. Three hours after leaving a host body for the last time, I was on a shuttle headed off the pool ship with nine other former Yeerks and four human soldiers.

We were given identities, apartments, money, and jobs. The jobs were a joke of course. They were mostly menial, low paying jobs far below our intelligence level. Within a week of moving into my small, musty apartment I had quit my job at a fast food restaurant and been welcomed with open arms at a high tech computing company. Well, welcomed by the management, and on paper. My co-workers… were a different story. I was attacked several times the first year after coming back to Earth. Once, I was quite sure I heard the voice of a software engineer who worked on the same floor I did, coming from somewhere in the small mob. I wasn't really happy with my life, but I wasn't really unhappy either. It was better than I could have expected, but still worse than what I could have hoped for. No longer was I part of a race that was going to rule the galaxy.

I guess I decided to tell you this story because of the boy. Six months after beginning my new life, I was in the park, sitting on a bench and watching ducks swim lazily in a pond. I was still recovering from the merciless beating I had taken two weeks prior, and my face still looked slightly swollen. I don't know why I liked the park so much. Maybe it was the feeling of being outdoors. Either way, I was there, daydreaming as it was, re-living the pride and joy I had felt after seizing the theater group, when I was approached by a boy of about ten years of age.

"Hey mister. Your face looks pretty bad. Are you okay?"

I snapped back to the world. "I'm fine. What about you? I thought that young humans were advised not to talk to strangers." One of the weirdest things about my situation was the lack of host memories. As such, I sometimes found myself making such faux pas as referring to humans as… humans.

"I thought so. What's your name?"

Of course he was speaking in riddles. Human children could be annoying like that.

"What did you think? And why is my name important?" Surly he knew what I was from my "human" comment.

"You're one of us. A former Yeerk. My names Urbosh 862 by the way."

I didn't like the way he said former Yeerk. It was an uncomfortable thought that I always tried to shy away from. "I haven't met "one of us" as young as you before. How did you manage that?"

Urbosh shrugged. "My host felt bad for me. Said I could be him or something like that. I never had an adult host, so I figured that I'd take him up on his offer."

I'd heard stories like that. However, most of us ended up with bodies based off the mixed DNA of human prisoners. "How'd you spot me?"

Urbosh smiled an odd smile that was all Yeerk, and no ten year old boy. "Firstly, you were recently in a fight. However, you're wearing formal attire and sitting on a park bench. I'd guess you were and Andalite tourist, but you're not covered in food stains. There was still the chance that you were just an odd guy, but talking to you for five seconds threw that possibility out the window."

I was mildly impressed. I had as of yet found no good way to distinguish between normal humans and those such as myself. Anyone with half a brain could spot an Andalite in morph. "Now that I know you have highly developed deductive reasoning skills, is there something you wanted from me?"

"As a matter of fact, there is. I'm a recruiter of sorts. I help run a support group for former Yeerks."

Again with the former Yeerks. "I don't need any help. Trust me, I'm doing better now than I did as a controller. I'm in better shape, I have a more interesting job, and I'm sure the human's would be impressed to know that I make more money."

"You left out the part were you got attacked. How many was it?"

I didn't answer for at least ten seconds. "Six. All with masks. I didn't even bother with the police. Do you know how many of them are former hosts?"

Urbosh grimaced. "Way too many. There's no real justice for attacks against us." He grinned wryly. "Even though we have been afforded "all of our rights as United States Citizens."

I smirked. "I can't wait for Entrid or Ardet or one of the other ones born here on Earth to argue that they were born in the United States and are therefore eligible to run for President. It would certainly give their comedians something to talk about"

Urbosh let out a giggle. "Yeah. Oh man, I hope it happens now just so I can see that."

He was appreciating human humor now? I really didn't want to join this support group of his if it would turn me into another monkey. I was a Yeerk, damn it. I had my pride. I didn't say that. I was trying to be more polite these days. The first time I had told one of my co-workers that their idea was "rife with human idiocy" they had slapped me. Instead of calling him weak, like I desperately wanted to, I decided to end the conversation. "Indeed. It has certainly been an interesting conversation, but I have to go now." I stood up and turned my back on Urbosh. Yeah, I know that's impolite too, but I had barely restrained myself in the first place.

"Do you want them to stop attacking you?"

I stopped. I guess there were some things I wanted that I didn't have yet.

"I'm not asking you to become a member or anything. Just come to one of our meetings. It's in the UU church on fifteenth street. Friday night, seven thirty. If you want your problems to stop, come to the meeting.

I didn't answer him. Instead, I walked away, my head held high and my shoulder's squared.

I ended up going to Urbosh's meeting. I guess if may have had something to do with being attacked again. This time, I was pretty sure that it was all people from my apartment building. They had known what I was for a while, but I guess it just took them some time to take action against me. It was either that, or the fact that I had called one of their infants an "annoying grub." I don't think they understood that "grub" hadn't been meant as an insult. And calling the constantly crying baby annoying was simply the truth. Either way, when I showed up at the "First Unitarian Church of San Fransisco" on Friday night, I was in rather rough shape. A sign just inside the door directed me to the basement. There were eight other human's present. Of course, I knew better than most that appearances are deceptive. One of them was Urbosh, who also happened to be the only child present. He waved as I entered the basement room.

"Hey! My friend from the park. Take a seat."

Embarrassment was not something I was used to feeling. All eyes in the room were on me. There were exactly nine chairs in the room. I took the one between Urbosh and a female human. The room was oddly quiet. I was pretty sure that everyone here was like me. After all, what other kind of support group would this be?

Unsurprisingly, Urbosh was the first to speak, at exactly seven thirty no less. "Hi. My name is Urbosh 862, and I used to be a Yeerk. It's been six months since I last fed on Kandrona Rays." There was a small chuckle from a man across the circle from me. I would later find out that his host had been an alcoholic.

"On Wednesday, I watched re-runs of the television show Home Improvement and genuinely laughed at the jokes." Everyone but me gave a quiet little round of applause. Needless to say, I was confused. The person to Urbosh's right, a slender looking man, stood up as Urbosh sat down.

"Hi. My name is Grelic 741 and it's been five months since I last fed on Kandrona Rays. Yesterday, I voted in the city wide referendum on school bus improvements." Again, the small group clapped. This pattern continued until they reached me, each Yeerk saying their name, when they had been forced to become a nothlit, and something that they had done in the last week that could be considered, for lack of a better term, human. Finally, they reached me. Urbosh stood again. "Everyone, we have a guest with us tonight. Please, stand up and say something about yourself."

I stood, but didn't say anything for several seconds. What was I going to say? I couldn't think of anything I had done that was really human. I wore the clothes, I ate the food, I even read their books, but I didn't do it for the reasons a human would have. At least, not the reasons my host would have. What I said, and what I did, were more in line with what I had always wanted to do, but couldn't for fear of blowing my cover. And then, I had been moved onto the pool ship. Besides, I was doing my best to maintain my identity. I didn't want to become one of those irrational creatures, I didn't want to sink to their level, and even if I was forced to wear their skin for the rest of my life, I would never really be one of them. I wouldn't let it happen. But then I thought for a second, and realized that I had an answer that would surely satisfy Urbosh.

"Hi. My name is Arkesh 581 and it's been six months since I last fed on Kandrona Rays. Last Sunday I sat in the park and watched ducks." Urbosh gave me a look. It was the look a teacher gives when they're caught a student cheating, a disappointed look that somehow makes the student feel small. But he didn't say anything out-loud. Instead, he just said "Thank you for sharing, Arkesh 581. Now, its time for us to talk about our apologies. Last week, I apologized to my host's best friend. It took me a while to track him down, but I finally told him I was sorry for taking him. He accepted my apology. I guess he was lucky enough to get one of the kind Yeerks." Grelic stood up next.

"I'm still trying to find out what happened to my former host. The waiting line to get into Yellowstone incredibly long, but hopefully I'll be able to see him and apologize soon."

I couldn't help myself. Damn it, my mouth was going to get me in trouble again. "You weak fool! You're apologizing to your hosts? Are you not a Yeerk? Or are you one of those peace loving fools? The ones who helped cost us the war. Are you a traitor?"

Grelic didn't say anything. No-one did. None of them looked particularly surprised though. Urbosh finally spoke.

"Arkesh, my friend, none of us were members of the peace movement but me. These others have come around to my way of thinking, not because of weakness but because of necessity and logic."

"What in the name of Kandrona are you talking about?" I had stood up now. I could feel anger, rage even, boiling through my body. My body. Not my host's body. That shouldn't have made me feel as angry as it did.

"Do you know why they attack us? There are many reasons, of course. We attacked their species, and we enslaved them. We killed countless thousands of them. That alone is plenty of reason to hate any species, but they hate us even more because now we live among them, unpunished. To top that off, many of us are unrepentant, and even condescending. All we can do is to correct that. If we let those around us know that we are now just as human as they are, and that we're sorry for what we've done to them, than maybe we can truly human, and end this cycle of violence."

I wasn't moved. "Nice speech. Touching, really. Save the speeches like that for the one's who've gone soft. I'm a Yeerk still, and I'm going to maintain my pride. I will NEVER apologize for what we've done. And besides, they are inferior to us. We learn faster than they do, we know more than they do, and they see us as the inferior ones, the slugs, the parasites. I will not have that. I will have my pride, whether people like you would have that or not." I turned to walk away, wondering why I had even bothered to come in the first place. I'd known what it was going to be like. I stormed out, doing my best not to burst into tears. Is this what my people had been reduced to? We were apologizing to those we should be ruling. We were trying to be like them. Most of all, however, I was angry at myself, because the idea of becoming more human was appealing to me. It was my cowardice, I decided. That's why I wanted to become more human. I didn't leave right then. I stood outside my car, waiting for my shaking to subside. There was no way I would drive in a compromised state. There was no way I would do something so stupidly human.

I jumped when I heard Urbosh behind me. "You aren't the first to feel this way. Most of them don't come back. They know we're right, but they run away. You don't strike me as a coward, Mr. Fiveeightone. Will we see you back here next week?"

I wanted to say no. I wanted to hit him. But I didn't. He'd hit me were it hurt. How did he know? "Were you on the Pool Ship, Urbosh?"

He shook his head. "No. I was in the Pool when they attacked it though. I barely survived, but I did. I was on the ground when everything happened. Almost starved too. But I lived, and then my host let me borrow his DNA. It was nice of him."

"Well, I was there when they killed seventeen thousand of our brothers. Do you know why they say they did it? They did it as a distraction. A DISTRACTION! I don't want to be a member of the species that does that."

"They're not all like that." Urbosh sounded sad. "Some of them… some of them are amazing people. My host was one of them."

"I don't care! I'm a Yeerk, and I'll never be anything else."

"Too late Arkesh. I think you're already something else."

I really wanted to protest, but I was suddenly tired. Arguing with Urbosh was incredibly draining it seemed.

"I know you still don't believe me. So I have a proposition. Come to next weeks meeting. We'll have former controller there who might be able to change your mind."

They thought some human's sob story would change my mind? How deluded were they?

"I don't think that'll matter. What we did was necessary. You won't be able to change my mind on that."

"Fine. Come next week. I'm sure you'd feel better if you could prove yourself right."

Urbosh had said that he thought I wasn't necessarily even a Yeerk still. I knew he was wrong, but it still made me question everything I did, from the foods I ate to the books I read. When I was eating a sugar coated cereal in the morning, I questioned whether it was the Yeerk in me who enjoyed it, or the instincts of my human body. When I was reading 1984, I questioned whether it was the Yeerk in me admiring the efficiency of the Party's government that kept me reading, or the human part of me that was hoping Winston would somehow escape his inevitable fate. Questions like these plagued me all week, and obviously, they were unanswerable. Maybe that's why I ultimately decided to go to the meeting.

This time, there was a definite buzz in the room. A lot of it seemed to be focused on the person who hadn't been there last week. A man in his mid twenties was engaged in a conversation with Urbosh. I guessed he was the former host. I stood awkwardly near the doorway this time. No-one approached me. At seven thirty, everyone took a seat except for me. Urbosh began the meeting again, but this time he addressed the group. "Hi everyone. Arkesh has agreed to come back here this week, which I think is admirable of him" Again, with the light clapping. "He has agreed to give us a chance to explain our position to him." I had to resist rolling my eyes. "Arkesh. This is Arthur Simon. He was a human controller for three years. During that time he was given the power to morph." I didn't know why that was relavent.

"One of the things he can morph is a Yeerk." I suddenly knew were this was going.

"You want me to feel what its like? To be a host?"

Urbosh looked determined. "Yes. Simple idea, eh?"

I was conflicted. On the one hand, I could argue that this wasn't a fair way to make his point. On the other hand, by refusing I might appear hypocritical. Arguments about not really being human wouldn't fly with Urbosh. I don't know why I agreed with him, I really don't. I did though, and that's what matters in the end.

"Alright. I'll do it."

Urbosh nodded, grimly, as if he was about to do something distasteful. "Alright Arthur. Do your thing." Arthur, who still hadn't talked, gave a nod.

They say that morphing is always a disturbing thing to watch. I'd seen my share of morphing, but this particular time was hard to watch. The first thing that changed was his skin. It turned a vaguely greenish gray color, and was covered in a layer of slime. Then, his eyes vanished, as did his hair. Soon, he started shrinking, and he became buried in his clothing and I didn't see anything else. I guess I'm glad about that. Soon enough, Urbosh was reaching down and pulling the small Yeerk out of the clothing pile. "Alright. Are you sure you're okay with this Arkesh?"

The tone he said it in… it was a tone of voice that was questioning my bravery, my commitment to proving them wrong. There was no way I was going to let this weakling prove have the satisfaction. "Do it."

It hurt. I knew it would, but nothing can really prepare you for something you've never felt before. The pain stopped after a couple of seconds, but it was replaced by a different, odd feeling. I realized, rather suddenly, that I couldn't move my left arm.

Weird, isn't it? Loosing control of your own body isn't pleasant. I wanted to say something, but suddenly I was back on the pool ship. I was hiding under the diagnostics consol, and I was terrified of the Hork-Bajir who were slaughtering my fellow Yeerks. At the same time, I was nearly as scared of what Visser One was going to do to me if I survived this. But over it all, I heard the voice of Arthur in my head. So you're a coward. That's why you're so big on Yeerk pride. You call Urbosh weak, yet you hid while you're brothers fought bravely.

Shut up human, you weren't there! I realized that I was yelling at him, within my own head. Just like my host. Damn. I was going to bear the rest of this out with dignity. There was no way I was going to give them the satisfaction of being right.

Then, it was another memory. It was me, in my host body, eating a Twinkee.

You know, for something that has no nutritional benefit, its surprisingly good. My host agreed. I told you. There are some good things about us. I doubt you guys ever would have come up with the Twinkee. Then, that memory was gone, but the shame was still there. So what if I'd had a civil moment with my host? Most of it had been a proper master to slave relationship. I would feel Arthur's internal smirk. Like this? The next memory… was incredibly private. Stop it! I needed to continue copulating with his mate until we took her! He let it go, but brought up another one. This time I was in the pool on earth, watching as two Hork-Bajir shoved my host's girlfriend's head into the pool. The problem was the twinge of guilt I felt as my host raged against me. You monster! Why did you do this to me? What did I do to deserve a punishment like this? I didn't answer him. Arthur seemed amused. So, Arkesh, you felt guilty about it? Just like the "weaklings," like Urbosh? I didn't answer him. Arthur stopped with the barrage of memories, but soon more, disjointed, started to play in my mind. He was settling into position it seemed. The same thing happens to any Yeerk the first time they take a host.

My first host, a practice Gedd. My euphoria at being able to see.

My first moments in a permanent host, a much younger Gedd

Training in how to repair a Dracon Beam, an experience I was familiar with from reading I had done.

Reassignment to Earth, and the excitement of getting to see our new world.

News that I was going to get a human host. The congratulations from some fellow Gedd Controllers.

The first time I saw Visser Three, when he decapitated one of my fellow technicians. The fear that I would be next.

The news that we had missed some of the Andalites in our destruction of the Dome Ship. The anxiety of knowing that their were those out there who knew of us and wouldn't hesitate to kill us.

Getting passed over for a promotion. Knowing that it had gone to a different Yeerk because he had black mailed our Sub-Vissser.

The attack on the Pool ship again.

Then, my body was moving, and I wasn't the one moving it. My mouth started speaking, but I wasn't moving my lips. It was disconcerting to say the least. "Arkesh is a coward. That's why he's so big on the party line. What a pity. I was hoping that he had a good reason for his stupidity."

Damn it man, I don't hate humans because I'm a coward. Stop lying to them!

Is it really a lie Yeerk?

Then I was walking. Pacing, actually. "Yep, Arkesh is nothing but a coward. It's too bad. He's all about Yeerk honor when he has none himself."

Stop using my mouth! Stop it!

How does it feel to be powerless?

"I can't believe that we finally get him to agree to do this, and when I get in his head his motivations don't even turn out to be that interesting."

YOU WEREN'T THERE! I WAS UNARMED! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SUICIDE TO FIGHT THEM! TELL THEM!

"He desperately wants to talk to all of you and deny everything that I'm saying. But he knows I'm right, deep down."

You're not right. I am a Yeerk, and I am not a coward! I will not have you ruining my good name! Stop using my own body to destroy my reputation!

Suddenly, I was hit by a new memory. This wasn't one of mine. This was one of Arthur's.

He was at a Sharing meeting. He was talking to a young boy, who couldn't have been more than eleven. "I'm telling you, the Inner Sharing is where it's at. Seriously dude, once you're their, you'll realize the joy of being part of something larger than yourself."

That wasn't Arthur talking. It was his Yeerk. See Arthur? See how easy it is to fool them? Then I heard Arthur speaking, in his own head. Stop it! Stop using my body to enslave more people! Please! He's just a kid. He doesn't deserve any of this!

Then we were back in the present. Having your own body used to hurt others is one of the worst things that can be done to a person. You, on the other hand, are just hurting yourself. Selfish, just like the rest of your kind. Then, I felt the wonderful feeling of Arthur beginning to disengage. "Hey, don't forget to let me de-morph in the other room. I have a bit more modesty then you guys seem to have." Urbosh, and two of the other's chuckled softly.

Soon enough, I was free. I didn't move, or talk just then. I just sat in the chair that Arthur had been sitting in. No-one said anything to me. They started their meeting as soon as Urbosh had put Arthur in the other room. They ignored me. I sat there, trying to ignore them. Eventually, the meeting ended. Everyone but Urbosh left.

"I hope you come back next week."

I jumped, realizing that someone was talking to me. "What?"

"After what you just went through, I was wondering if you were going to come back. Not everyone does."

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore." I realized with a start that I sounded almost as melodramatic as my former host.

"You'll get over it. Trust me. Everyone else here went through the same thing. Even me, and I already thought that I was enlightened. Boy, was I wrong."

I looked up sharply. "What? Everyone had… that… happen to them?"

"Of course. The humans have an excellent expression about "walking a mile" in someone's shoes. It's quite an effective way to show you why humans feel the way they do about us, especially the former controllers. I founded this group to try to make more of us see why they feel the way they do. To make us sympathize with them, so that we can become accepted in human society. I know that we will still face some prejudice. It's unavoidable. But maybe, if we "turn the other cheek," we can at least improve the way that we are treated by our fellow humans."

"I'm a Yeerk, Urbosh. So are you. We will always be Yeerks, even if we die as humans."

Urbosh shrugged. "Maybe. I don't deny what I once was. I know that I will never be a normal human child. But at the same time, I'm doing my best to… how do I put this? Show them my humanity? I don't act condescending, I stick to the basic tenants of politeness, and damn it, I enjoy the things that they enjoy. That body of yours likes certain things. It has the emotional range to appreciate humor, as well as to feel love. Yes Arkesh, you can fall in love. It's happening already with some. I'm just trying to help those who are trying to deny it."

"So you want me to embrace my humanity? Urbosh, do you know how good it's felt to finally tell them what I think of them? To not need to put up a façade?"

"Do you still feel the same way about them Mr. Fiveeightone?"

I guess I didn't. Being a host, even for a few minutes, can change a lot about a person, or I guess, a Yeerk.

He took my lack of response as confirmation of his suspicions. "So, are we going to see you next week Arkesh?"

I shrugged. "Sure. I don't have anything better to do." My first joke? I wasn't even sure.

We sat there in silence for a moment longer. Then, I spoke up. "Urbosh… I have a favor I would like to ask of you."

"Sure. So long as it's within my limited power, I'm all for doing favors for those in need."

Oddly, the idea that I needed help from Urbosh didn't seem quite as loathsome as it would have a few hours ago. "I'm going to need help finding someone. This someone would probably like nothing better than to damage me beyond the ability of human medicine to repair. Can you help me find this person?"

Urbosh gave a faint, wise looking smile that didn't fit a ten year old at all. "So long as he's not in Yellowstone, I think it shouldn't be too hard to find this someone. I'm surprised you need my help. Weren't you the one who has all that money?"

I looked down. I realized that there was blood rushing to my cheeks. I was blushing. I knew just he was right. Finding my former host would be relatively easy. Trying to tell him just how incredibly sorry I was would be the real challenge.