Dreaming of Forever
Twilight, the dawn of the night, the beginning of that endless void of darkness which overtakes the soul, fell upon the field of endless flowers, casting the world in rich purple and fading orange light. For a moment the sky seemed alive with dazzling color, a last gasp of daylight vanishing beyond the horizon as light met darkness, as dreams met reality. The moment passed and the last remnants of the day disappeared, leaving only the timeless stars behind to guide the weary soul left in this sacred place. Cloud could only stare in wonder, feeling the cool breeze flutter around him, his eyes catching everything and missing nothing.
Sadness overtook him, a painful longing filling his body, as if his soul lay in endless torment, tortured and abused. Though he had finally freed himself of that immense guilt, casting aside the unbearable weight of shame which had borne him down for so long, he could not feel at ease. His heart was filled with limitless pain, longing for her presence, needing her close to him, wanting her love. So much of that pain was regret; it was his one wish that he could have found the courage long ago to tell her how he felt, for she deserved to be loved more than any other. If only he could have spoken those words which had caught in his throat, which he didn't even fully understand. Perhaps she had been meant for another world, perhaps there had been no stopping the fate which had taken her away, but he could have told her... Even if she did not feel the same, even if she had laughed at him or turned him away, he would have felt complete.
Such was not to be. Perhaps such things were never meant to be. The others, in their good nature and quiet concern had tried to help him move on, tried to help him let go of the unbearable pain. Yet they did not understand that the pain was as much a part of him as the love he felt, that it was bound to him forever as his burden to bear, and he could never cast it aside. For as the boundary was between light and dark, as the moment was between night and day, so was his pain only the reflection of his love... a love he could never simply cast aside. In many ways it did not matter, Cloud had long come to terms with his pain. He accepted the hurt now as proof that he could still feel, that he was not the cold-hearted mercenary he had once thought himself to be. For a moment he smiled, realizing that Aerith had never been fooled; she had always seen through to his heart, she had always known who and what he was. She alone could penetrate the emotionless shell he had built up around himself. Such thoughts always brought a feeling of warmth to his soul, a euphoria that could not be denied.
Soft breezes gave way to roiling winds, howling in the darkening night as cold began to seep into the world, and yet still the lone figure could not move, transfixed by this beautiful place. She had called to him from here, he could sense her presence in the wind, feel her heart carried about him as the flowers wafted with the gusty winds, a few petals detaching themselves and whirling about him. Something broke in his heart in that moment, the pent-up desire clawing its way to the surface of his consciousness. She lived here, in the soft rhythms of the planet. She was with him always in the far reaches of his mind, just below the surface, just beyond his understanding. She was so near to him, so close he could smell her scent, he could almost feel her skin underneath his own... and yet she was still unreachable. It was at times like this he realized that she must love him as much as he loved her, for why else would she linger within the deepest reaches of his heart? And yet they could never be together in this world, they could never laugh together, cry together or grow old together. There would never be the laughter of children or the smiles of family and friends as they walked down the aisle together. Cloud had never believed he could want such things in life and yet with her, he could not deny them.
But such was not meant to be. Furthermore, the thoughts were dangerous, the desire only bringing with it pangs of pain and regret. It was true that he was not responsible for her death, he could no longer blame himself for failing to save her, Sephiroth and only Sephiroth could be blamed for what happened on that fated day... but he could blame himself for failing to tell her. For a moment he heard her laughter, he heard her soft voice echoing in the winds as if to deny the shame he felt. Cloud knew what she would have told him, he always knew what she would say, what she believed. He loved that innocent wisdom which surrounded her, that simple understanding of the world around them that he could never share.
Cloud's thoughts began to wander as his eyelids drooped, leaving one darkness for another. It was as if his mind was no longer his own, as if he were a prisoner watching his own memories unfold. Aerith's smile haunted him in this world between dreams and reality; he could see her beautiful face, the shimmering love in her deep eyes, cast in the color of richest jade. In that single moment, just before his mind was lost to the realm of dreams, he felt her lips brush lightly on his own and he felt her soft hand in his. Darkness fell.
...Blinding white. The color surrounded the flower field, illuminating it in perfect heavenly beauty, so serene, so wonderful. Cloud felt himself smile, a grin stretching across his face that could never be erased. Warmth filled his heart with such pure love that the feeling almost overwhelmed him. Many others from his journeys were there with him, smiling and chatting amongst themselves; some offered congratulations, some brought beautiful gifts and others just nodded with brief acknowledgment. He could see Tifa in the background, trying to smile, as if finally coming to terms with her own conflicted feelings. Finally she grinned with genuine happiness, and Cloud smiled back at her in honest appreciation. Vincent was there too, sitting alone on a bench beneath an archway covered in flowers, looking as out of place as ever. The ex-Turk nodded briefly in solemn respect, and then cracked the faintest hint of a smile, the first Cloud could recall seeing since meeting the mysterious man so long ago.
Barret was laughing and playing with Marlene as the little girl smiled, holding a tiny basket of flowers, filled with joy at having been chosen for her own role in the event to come. Nanaki was there too, basking in the afternoon sun, yawning lazily as he lay in the flowers, half asleep as if impatient for the festivities to begin. Reeve sat in a small wooden chair, chatting idly with Cid, who seemed about ready to fall asleep from idle boredom. The pilot turned to face Cloud in that moment, and for a brief second, Cloud saw the smile which filled his face. Cid would never admit it, and would be offended if it were pointed out to him, but Cloud could tell the pilot was filled with restrained joy. Yuffie was behind the two men, grinning with amusement as she eyed the impressive pile of gifts that were stacked up nearby.
Cloud's face almost hurt from the smile which wouldn't leave his features as he looked everywhere about him, seeing beautiful archways covered in flowers, seeing the towering cake which lay temptingly on the table nearby, seeing all the heavenly beauty of this place, covered in Aerith's lovely flowers... on this day when they would finally cement their love forever...
...He stood at the shimmering white altar now, dressed in his simple tuxedo, as the ravishing beauty was led forth down the aisle by Cid. Cloud almost laughed as he remembered how the others had vied for that role, Barret probably desiring the role more than the others, but Cid was a master at card games, and in retrospect it was perfectly obvious who would win that bet. Of course the pilot wouldn't admit enjoying this moment; he had griped about the responsibility for the past several days, but in the end he was here, obviously pleased to be leading this beauty down the aisle.
Aerith. All thoughts turned to her now, and Cloud could feel the euphoria causing his heart to skip a beat. What had he done to deserve her, the most wondrous woman this planet had ever seen? Cascading whiteness fell from her shoulders, the shimmering dress covered in beautiful silk, the veil covering her face. Yet Cloud could see through to those gorgeous eyes he could lose himself forever in, those soft lips he wanted to feel against his own, the cascading braids of her soft brown hair which he wanted to feel against brushing against his skin. She smiled at him, her lips curving upwards with happiness and just the slightest hint of desire. Deep within her eyes, Cloud could see the love that she held for him, the willingness to spend the rest of their days with each other, the desire to do anything just to be together...
...I do. The words left Cloud's lips almost before Reeve finished asking the question. Reeve continued in the background, finishing the ceremony, but Cloud could no longer hear him. Cloud's eyes locked onto the shimmering golden ring upon her finger, smiling with more joy than he had ever known before. As if in a dream, he lifted her veil as her eyes made contact with his, tearing up with the intensity of the moment. Gently, he wiped the tears away and leaned forward, pressing his lips softly against hers, pouring his love for her into this one moment, even as he felt her do the same.
After a long while, in which the crowd about them remained transfixed in awe, the kiss finally ended. Cloud could hear the clapping in the background, but it meant little to him now. His world was entirely caught up in Aerith's smile. I Love You, Cloud. Her voice echoed sweetly in the calm breeze, her serene beauty melding with the wondrous, sacred place. I will always love you... I will always be with you. She leaned in to kiss him again, their lips touching as he reached around to hold her against him...
...Darkness fell. Consciousness returned to him slowly, his awareness hovering on the edge of despair as he realized it had all been a dream. He could not bear to open his eyes; he wanted to hold on to that moment, those beautiful thoughts, for all eternity. In that moment between the darkness and the light, his eyes still closed, he felt something soft and warm touching him. Cloud could hear her soft, sweet voice whisper in his ear, telling him not to open his eyes just yet. Warmth filled his soul as he felt her hands stroke his cheek with loving care; euphoria overcame him as her lips pressed against his and he felt his arms wrap around her body, holding her tightly.
Then she was gone, so much wind flying from his arms as he struggled to hold on to her. Hot tears streamed from his eyes as he finally opened them, sobs starting to choke up in his throat as he saw the morning sun cross the endless horizon, casting the world in blinding yellow light. He cried out for her to return, he cried out his own love for her, hoping that somewhere she could hear him. The answer came from somewhere deep within his heart, as if she had returned there to await the twilight again. It was then that Cloud looked down upon his hand and saw the tiny pink ribbon she must have tied to his finger, and he realized with certainty it had truly been her in his dream.
Lightly he kissed the ribbon on his finger, and in that moment Cloud knew he could never take it off. Tears still poured from his eyes, but they were different now; a strange peace had come over him and he smiled even through the pain that threatened to tear him apart. Even if the rest of his days were spent waiting for that single moment when dreams and reality could coexist, even if the rest of his life were spent longing for the twilight, it would all be worth it. Aerith had never left him, and even if they had to dream of their forever, it would always be there, waiting just beyond the horizon.
Fini