Disclaimer: Author sings a little song, called the she doesn't own any thing song. It's short and goes like this. Sung to any tune you want. Clears throat. "I don't own anything at all. I don't own anything at all." Bows to thunderous applause. Thank you, you are too kind.

I was coward. There were no ifs ands or buts about it. I was definitely a coward. I'd been dating this girl for almost two and half months, but we'd known each other much longer. We were part of the same team of teenage superheroes, well we weren't teenagers anymore, but that's beside the point. We were expected to date each other, and while at first I agreed with this assumption, I couldn't any longer. This brings me to now and why I am coward.

Instead of doing the noble, gallant thing, by breaking up with her in person, I was going to write her a letter. Not a very flattering or particularly nice letter, I didn't want her to think that there was any hope of us getting back together. This is how it goes.

"Starfire-

I've come to the conclusion that we can no longer be together. In short am I ending things between us, for you to fully understand why I have written this letter. The following are the reasons we can not be together.

You drive me crazy with your up and down emotions. I personally think that you may be one or two marbles short of a complete set. Basically I can't take any more of you. Your alien habits were cute at first but now, well now they're just annoying.

'I can't believe I hung around with you

All this time

You drove me crazy with you OCD

Girl you're out of your mind

I'm counting on UFO's to beam me up

I just don't know

How long I can take this shit

I'm over it girl you gotta go'

I don't know how to make it any more obvious, other than to tell you that it's over. Finished. Done. Completed. Concluded. Terminated. I can't believe I was dumb enough to listen to other people when my head and my heart were screaming, "Stop! Don't! This is really stupid!" I guess this is what happened when you think with other parts of your anatomy.

'It's over, we're over

Just like in crimson and clover

We're sinking and I'm thinking

How the hell did we get so stupid

It's the end ex-girlfriend

I don't care what you think of me now

So long you're gone

This is the break up song'

I would ask that you give me all my stuff back. Any missing bird-a-rangs, Bo staffs, capes that are made of polymerized titanium. I want them back, as soon as possible. I ask that you don't come see me at my personal gym or at my karate classes. Just leave me alone; if possible don't talk to me, unless I talk to you first. This of course excludes battles, where team work is essential for the well being of the team.

If we were normal people, we would be able to avoid each other, but since we live together I ask that you please just do these things for me. I have no intention of being rude to you, but it will make both of our lives better if you do. Stay away from me; I have no desire to look at your face. Hear your voice. Or smell your perfume. Don't harass the rest of the team for information about me. For one thing it's annoying. For another, I have plans to tell them not to release any information about me to you. I don't mean to isolate you from the rest of the team. Only me.

'One more thing before you go

Would you please give me my records back

My Bloody Valentine, The Pixies, Cheap Trick and Back in Black

You can keep the dog we bought

But you can't go near the Standard Bar

Don't hang around

Don't call me friends

They won't know who you are'

The worst part of this whole thing is how much time I wasted with you. I wish that I would've come to my senses sooner. I would've been able to save our selves a lot of pain. It's not that I don't like you. It's just that I don't like you as anything more than friends. In fact I've got my eye on another bird all together. I don't really care if you hate me because I've already moved on. This doesn't mean that I cheated on you, but even when we were together my heart belonged to someone else. If you want to hate me for this then don so because I honestly could care less.

"It's over, we're over

Just like in crimson and clover

We're sinking and I'm thinking

How the hell did we get so stupid

It's the end ex-girlfriend

I don't care what you think of me now

So long you're gone

This is the break up song

So long you're gone

This is the break up song'

So I guess in short what I'll really trying to say is good bye. There is no future for us. We aren't boyfriend and girlfriend any more. What I just can't get over is why I didn't come to my senses, but fortunately I did, so I suppose that is all that really matters. So once again good bye.

-Robin"

I folded the letter and stuffed in an envelope and sealed it. I quickly ran to Starfire's room where I stuffed the letter under the door before I could lose anymore of my waning courage. I ran back to my room and winced when I heard the anguished singing of the Tamerian Song of Disease, Famine and Breakups. I braced myself for the onslaught of questions, tears and yelling I would soon be experiencing.

'It's over, we're over

Just like in crimson and clover

We're sinking and I'm thinking

How the hell did we get so stupid

It's the end ex-girlfriend

I don't care what you think of me now

So long you're gone

This is the break up song

So long you're gone

This is the break up song

So long you're gone

This is the break up song

So long you're gone

This is the break up song

This is the break up song.'

I heard the pounding on my door and reluctantly I went over and slowly opened the door. Outside stood Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven and a weeping Starfire. I stared at them and they stared at me, well everyone but Starfire she was too busy crying. It was Starfire who finally broke the silence. "So No-Longer-More-Than-Just-Friend-Robin is this true, that we are doing the breaking up?"

"Yes." I muttered, staring at my feet. Then feeling a rush of righteous fury, I thought, 'I have no reason to be ashamed. Things weren't working out so you decided to end it. Perfectly normal.' Gathering my courage, I looked Starfire straight in the eye and said, "Yeah we are and that letter." I pointed to it where it hung limp and soaking in Starfire's hand, "That letter is the break up letter."

Then I slammed the door.