I don't own these characters or profit from them.
I also know I said I wasn't going to do a 3rd one of these. I lied.
If you enjoy this fan fiction do 2 things for me. 1. Review this and any of my others you may have read. 2. Look up my books on Amazon under either Clayton Overstreet or C.D. Overstreet, especially my collection of lesbian fairy tale humor "Lesbian Princesses & Friends".
2 Broke Girls
And the Future (Hour Long Season Finale Special)
By, Clayton Overstreet
Total: $20,456,987.27
Previously in another 2 Broke Girls Fic "And The Morning After"…
Max and Caroline lay in bed together again, eyes staring up at the ceiling. Their hair was mussed, their makeup smeared, and both of them had huge smiled plastered on their faces along with a few lipstick prints. Max smacked her lips. "So you gay now?"
"Yep. You?"
"I thought that was implied when I was screaming 'Yes, yes, oh god yes Caroline I love you, oh god yes!' loud enough to be heard in Oleg's home village. Let me think about it for a minute with a clear head." She stared at the ceiling, lips pursed. "Yep. My freak flag's flying and it's in rainbow colors. Did not see that coming but there it is."
Caroline smiled. "I think for me it was when you did that one thing…" She looked at Max. "Where did you learn that?"
"It's the fruit of my life experience."
"Oh." She licked her lips. "But that other thing? You know near the end? Don't do that again without asking."
"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Got a little carried away." She froze. "Dang, it really does happen like that. I owe a lot of guys an apology. Maybe I should hire a sky writer."
"It made me feel weird. I'm not saying never again," she added hurriedly. "But definitely let me know ahead of time. And save it for special occasions. Don't just whip it out all the time."
"Gotcha." Max reached over and laced her fingers with Caroline's. "So um… are we saying we're a couple now?"
"As long as we don't get weird about it and start calling each other pet names."
"No way, Snicker-doodle," Max said with a grin. Then she reached over with her free hand and smacked Caroline on the butt. "Now get up and make me breakfast, woman." Caroline snorted derisively. "Okay, so I guess that doesn't work. There is one thing that I wonder though."
"What's that?"
"How much do you think Oleg and Han would pay to see us get into a tickle fight."
"They couldn't afford it. Plus, I'm pretty sure it would kill Han."
Max grinned. "Guess we'll have to save it for when he's being really annoying."
(Months later… basically the end of the season)
When Caroline's controlling grandmother dies of a heart attack after finding out that Caroline chose Max rather than her money, it turns out that she had already changed the will, expecting Caroline to submit to her just like everyone else in her family always has and did not have time to write her out. Which means that Caroline is rich again. The first thing she does? She proposes to Max, who accepts.
A month later the girls are getting ready for their wedding by visiting their friends. Caroline not only has financed the cupcake shop, but bought Han's diner.
000
(NOW)
Max and Caroline walked in and smiled around Han's diner. They were dressed in designer dresses worth more thn the national budget of some countries. Max said, "You know this place has never looked cleaner."
"Yeah, but considering how much money it took we should have just burned it down."
"And missed out on this?" Max whistled. "Waiter!"
Han came out of the back wearing a checkered shirt, jeans, boots, and bow tie exactly like Howdy Doody. "You called… boss? Can I get you something to eat?"
Max snorted. "Please. I'm not letting anything but the best in my mouth ever again."
"Thanks sweetie," Caroline said abd kissed her cheeks."
Max slapped her on the butt. "You're welcome honey." She smiled at Han. "I just love coming in and wathing you work in your new uniform."
Oleg stuck his head out of the back. He is wearing the same uniform as Han. "Can we consider changing them? These pants are so tight that my balls are being crushed! At this rate Sophie and I vill neffer have children."
Max smirked. "The ASPCA will thank us."
Han frowned and pointed at Earl. "How come he doesn't have to wear this costume."
"Because we actually like him and he never paid us crap wages to work in this place."
Earl added, "Plus if you tried sticking one of those bow ties on me or any other black man I have a lot of Musslim friends who might have something to say about it."
"Filling this place up with a bunch of intimidating black guys in suits? If I hadn't gone gay, I might take you up on that," Max said.
Caroline acted hurt. "I'm not enough?"
"Well since we bought that toy in that little store I'd say you're more than enough and then some baby. Any chance you want to take a turn with it next?"
"Maybe after a few more yoga classes…"
Han groaned. "Look if you two are just here to laugh at us and taunt us with your sexuality, save it. I have to get back to work."
"Not just for that," Caroline said. "We also came to tell you that… Max and I are getting married!" Both of them held up their hands, showing off giant diamons sparkling on both.
"Technically I'm the guy in the relationship even though I'm the one with breasts," Max said. "But I told Caroline there was no way I was going through all the drama of a gay marriage unless I got a rock too."
"And as the girl I got to choose the matron so…"
Sophie came in. "I found a place to park the limo girls, but the driver's getting nervous. Some of the guys across the street were eying it like dogs after a t-bone. We should go soon."
"Okay Sophie," Caroline said. "Anyway we wanted to invite you guys. Oleg, you get to be head usher. Han, you'll be the ring bearer."
"We can pick you up a suit at Baby Gap," Max said. "And Earl, I want you to be my best man."
"You got it." Earl stood up and hugged her. "I'm real happy for you."
Oleg said, "I will get my suit cleaned. I think mice may have been living in the pockets."
"We'll cover the dry cleaning," Caroline said. "We used to live in the same building Oleg. Trust me, if it's just mice, we'll consider ourselves lucky." She sighed with relief. "it's so nice being rich again!"
Han asked, "This isn't going to be like Sophie's wedding, is it? Because if it is I am not walking behind your horse."
"Don't worry, we're just going to have her pull a carriage when we leave the chapel."
"Speaking of rides," Sophie said, peering out the front window. "It looks like they're after the hubcaps."
Max and Caroline reacehd into the purses and pulled out cans of Mace. They shared a node and Caroline said, "Later boys!" They hurried out. "Get away from our limo!"
Earl said, "Isn't it nice that money hasn't changed them?"
000
In the dressing rooms at the bridal shop Max and Caroline talked. Max said, "You know it's weird. I've never been so involved with a wedding and had so little to do."
"I know, right? This is why rich people have so many parties. All you have to do is sit back and yell at the caterers like a self entitled jackass!"
"Like all those people who buy our cupcakes!" She laughed. "I hate those people."
"Exactly!"
"Okay! Okay! Enough cackling. You two can come out of the closets now and show off the dresses," Sophie said. They start to come out. "Wait! I almost forgot! You can't see each other in your dresses. Boy these gay ceremonies are tough."
"Sophie," Caroline said. "We just got started. If we do this one at a time and without being able to give each other our opinions it will take forever."
Sophie shook her head. "Well if you two babies weren't so traditional…"
"Sophie we dressed up like big bird for you wedding. I'm never doing that again and I like the idea of keeping it simple. Believe me my family has had enough wedding drama and I'm marrying a girl, so no need for anything else non-traditional."
"We killed her grandmother with a heart attack already. We're saving the freaky stuff for any of her other relatives that really piss us off. I want to see how many will keep smiling to try to convince us to give them money through the whole wedding. I bet we kill another half dozen before I get halfway down the aisle."
"Max…"
"What evs. Okay Sophie, I'll go first." She stepped out. "How do I look?" She was wearing a man's tuxedo. Since she was not wearing the undershirt the sides of her breasts were clealy visible as they pushed up against the jacket. Max had pulled her hair back into a pony tail and was wearing strappy stilettos.
Sophie whistled. "Hubba-hubba. If I weren't married… or if you were open to a threeway…"
"With you and Oleg? Sophie I love you but I'd sooner poke out my eyes wih my own heels."
"Damn, you look hot!" Caroline said, peeking out of her stall.
"Caroline!" Sophie yelled. "Now Max can't wear that to the wedding."
"Screw the wedding." Her eyes moved up and down max who grinned and twirled around. "I want you in that on the honeymoon."
"Why? Because it makes me look like a guy?"
"Please. I could wrap you in a tarp and you'd still look like a woman, hun."
"Promises, promises. Wait until we're married and I let myself go so much the tarp is the soft option. At least my boobs will be even bigger." Max smirked. "Come out here so I can see you in one dress…"
"Well.. okay. But this was just a first try…" She stepped out of the stall. "How do I look?"
"Like you're about to turn all the mice in our old apartment into horses."
Caroline was wearing layers of white fabric that looked like they belonged on a fairy godmother. Every move made the whole thing flounce around like she was floating on the breeze. "Sorry, but I had to try it on. It's just like the one I imagined when I was a girl." She stepped forward a bit. "In my imagination though, it didn't weigh more than I do! Oof!"
"How many layers are in this thing?" Max asked. Bending forward she began lifting layer after layer until she was half buried in it. "So that's how many licks to get to the center. It's like an onion! No underwear?"
Caroline blushed. "I couldn't figure out how to get them on— Hey! Knock it off! We haven't even paid for it yet."
Max pulled out and wiped her lips with her thumb. "Sorry, couldn't resist. But there's no way you're wearing this on our wedding day. I'd spend half the night trying to get it off you. I'd have an easier time breaking into Fort Knox."
"That does it, you two are going to opposite ends of the store and neither of you gets to see the other until you've picked your dresses."
Max sighed. "Fine." She gave Caroline a kiss and let Sophie lead her away.
Five hours later Caroline went out to the waiting room. "Where's Max?"
Sophie sat there with two dress boxes tied shut with ribbong in her lap. "She finished a half hour after we started and went to get something to eat."
Caroline pursed her lips. "She's right, she is so the guy in this relationship." Max came in just then. "You done?"
"Yes," Caroline said.
"Good. I picked you up a roll at Cina-bun."
"Aw, thanks," Caroline took it. "Mmm, you know now that we can afford lipo we can eat whatever we want."
"Score! Is there anything rich people can't do?"
000
Max and Caroline sat back watching as a hundred people rushed around putting together their wedding. Caterers, designers, a baker… the cake was taller than they were and had two little brides on top. There were of course several plates of their cupcakes too.
"God this place is so nice and we're not doing anything," Max said. I feel like we're going to get kicked out."
"I know right. It's like when they give money to hobos and after a week of sleeping in fancy beds they start sleeping on the floor again and eating out of the dumpster. Only if I start doing that, I want you to kill me."
"Sure, as soon as we're legally married and I'm your beneficiary. After that, anything you want. Double tap to the head."
"Speaking of, about the pre-nup…"
Max laughed. "Please. If you ever leave me or cheat on me,they won't find a body. Lawyers won't enter into it."
"What if you leave me?"
"Never going to happen. As I have lamented a thousand times since we met, we're going to be stuck together forever!"
"Aw Max, that's so sweet." Caroline smiled hugely and kissed her on the cheek. As she sat back she added in a perky voice, "But if you ever do leave me or cheat on me, I'm putting a hit out on you. And not the nice kind. I'm talking the kind where they tie you to a chair and work up from the toes."
"Just make sure they don't touch my face or my boobs. I want those together in their own box and buried in a deep grave in the desert so coyotes don't get at them."
"Deal." They kissed again. "Let's go get dressed while they seat the guests."
000
The music started to play and the guests turned to the back of the room. They had been seperatedinto two sides. On the left were family, which were mostly Carolines. Her father was on a computer screen, having been allowed to be part of it via wi-fi network from prison. As Caroline pointed out "They do say orange is the new black". The other side was their friends. Sophie, Han, Earl, and Oleg were part of the ceremony but there were plenty of others. The two stewardesses they knew from the airport, a few of their old bosses, the girls who ran their competing cupcake store, and others they had met since getting together. Also a lot of ex-boyfriends.
"You know, it's kind of sad how few friends we had before we got together." Max had pointed out.
"Well most of mine only liked me for money and most of yours…"
"Yeah… let's not get into that."
Now though here they were. They came into sight from opposite sides and paused to look at one another. Max was in a tight red dress that pushed her boobs up almost to her chin, a bright red corsage on the left side and a matching bouquet in her hands. The side was slit up the leg and the whole thing was so tight it might have been body paint. She would have worn white, but she had been afraid that the sheer irony of that would have caused the dress to catch on fire as soon as she stepped into the church. Her veil went across her face frome ar to ear, like that of a harem girl.
Caroline wore a simple white dress trimmed in silver, a tiara on her head letting a thin net-veil hang over her face. She held a bouquet of white roses and a train flowed behind her like milk spilling over her. On her ears were pearl earrings and she bit her lip when she saw Max.
"You are so beautiful," Max told her.
"You too. Just looking at you is making my heart beat faster."
"Don't start that. If I get too excited I'm going ot bust out of this dress like the incredible Hulk." They turned and walked in step into the room.
Up at the from Sophie whispered to Oleg. "I thought thy'd look better in Orange and purple."
"Oh yeah, those would totally be their colors."
"Some people have no taste."
Han stepped up behind them, a couple of wedding rings on a pillow. Caroline snickered when she saw him in his suit. "He's so cute. I swear we should make dolls and put them in claw machines at the carnical."
"Where do you think he came from in the first place?" Max asked.
They got to the front of the room. The two girls stared into their eyes and the world fell away. The priest reading the vows. The organ music. The guests. All that existed was the two of them. When the priest paused for them to say something to each other
"Max, you've been the only thing that's held me together. When my whole world fell apart you took me in and helped me. You did not just drag me out of the gutter, but you taught me to be strong enough to stay out on my own."
Max nodded. "You really were just so sad. And not just your itty bitty titties. Caroline I can only think of one way to show you how much you mean to me. You see that hot caterer over there by the buffet table?"
Caroline looked, "Mmm, he is cute."
"An hour ago he offered to bang me in the coat closet. I turned him down and told him that I was committed to you." The caterer smiled and shrugged.
Caroline smiled, tears in her eyes, "Oh Max, that's so sweet. I love you."
"I love you too." The two of them leaned in for a deep passionate kiss.
Caroline broke away and turned to the caterer. "By the way, you're fired and you're not getting paid. Get out before I kick you in the balls so hard you wake up with three Adam's apples."
Max picked her up in her arms. "That's my girl!"
"I now pronounce you married. You may.. continue kissing the bride."
Max was just leaning in for another kiss when there was a loud bang. They looked up and saw a dozen men in suits and blue jackets rushing in. At the front of the group was a balding man. On his jacket were three etters in bright yellow: IRS. "Nobody move."
Caroline blinked. "Whoa… déjà vu…"
000
(Three months later)
Max and Caroline were working at Han's diner. Han had gotten the place back at auction, ultimately making more money on it. So he was only going to make max and Caroline wear the Howdy Doody uniforms they had forced on him and Oleg for six months.
As it turned out Caroline's grandmother had the same problem as her father did about not paying taxes. Only her accountants had been better as hiding it until the old lady died. In the end out of her millions only about a hundred thousand had been legitimate. Which had been spent on clothes, the wedding, and Han's. In the end Caroline and Max had spent four months in minimum security prison and still owned their cupcake shop. They also managed to keep the wedding and engagement rings, albeit by swallowing them as soon as the IRS team had shown up. The hard part had been repeatedly washing them off and swallowing them again while in jail until the collectors gave up.
Still they missed the jail. They had been incarcerated with embezzlers and the like. The place had a gold course and was much nicer than their old apartment, where they were now living again. At a discount since the previous owners had left the place in a hurry and in a bit of a mess. The discount did requite them to dispose of the crime scene tape, the blood stanes, and the man-shaped chalk drawing themselves.
As they bussed tables though Max and Caroline would sometimes stop and smile at each other, wiggle their ring fingers, and blow one another kisses. Then Han, who had built up a bit of a tolerance so that he did not faint every time they showed affection, would yell at them to stop flirting and get back to work.
All in all… it could be worse.
Total: -$345.97