I Will Be Your Secret
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters
Words...
Words that I tell myself to go to sleep at night
Words that make me feel just a little less dead
Words that don't really matter... so why does it?
You have been mine ever since I wanted you
I've lost myself within your green oceans long before you even knew
I've felt the stars move out of sync every time you touched me
Your smile, your laugh... I've memorized it all
I don't want to feel like this, not for you... so why do I?
Don't look at me too closely; these scars are mine to keep
Little moments of hurt turned into hours,
Hours into days, days into existence
I kept looking to you, secretly hoping you knew somehow
How long has it been? I don't know
I keep this secret of mine closer than breath itself
Thoughts of forever keep slipping through my head
Catching me in my moments of weakness, when I tried to be so strong
I saw you through glass, cursed to always see but never feel
Do you feel the same? No... Of course you don't
Stupid me
Where I was, Hell was above me
Light and darkness, fire and ice
"Save yourself"
How? Will you be my angel?
I already know the answer
It's not the rest of the world, it's just you
The others, they're just girls and boys, names and faces
But you – you stand there so proudly in my mind, above all else
Dare I?
It's now or never
It rained that day, the opposite of a fairytale
You were so close, yet there was everything in between us
This was my shame, but you deserve to know
"Do you want to know?"
"Tell me" you said. "I want to know."
Words...
Little words that hardly take any time at all to say
Constructs from abstract, nothing too special
So why is there such meaning behind them? Why do I want to tell you? Why do I not want to feel like this?
I lay this truth between you and I
"Why?"
"I wish I knew. I'm sorry."
The rain came without end, but I knew something that did
No going back, no running away
Even if it did heal, it's never the same
Say something? No? That's OK then...
Goodbye
You took my hand in yours
You stopped time
You made me crumble before you
What do you want?
I'm not strong enough to see this through
Words...
Language
Random letters strung together for meaning
Is this really happening? Are my ears deceiving me?
"Let's make this work"
I didn't believe it at first, even in the days after that rainy fable
You kept smiling whenever you hugged me
Your heartbeat was music
Was this real? I don't know
I don't care
Fingers twined together as the lights went low
You crunching popcorn as you grinned at me
No candy could ever be as sweet as this
"What's going through your head right now?"
"You" you whisper softly
Black nights, white sheets
Red kisses, crimson bites
My favourite spectrum of affection begins and ends with you
No questions... just answers
You complete me
Silver kisses, golden lies
Friction burnt in the space between our bodies
Your lips melted across my skin
I am yours, my king
Please don't turn me away
Ivory bursts of ecstasy
Unseen breath gathers around us
There's a message being traced on me
Words... beautiful words...
"I love you Logan"
There was so much I hoped for us
Flowers and sunshine, red wine and moonlight
Stain me, make me yours, I beg you
Colour me in whatever hue you want
This I ask of you
I built dreams out of nothing
And to nothing would they crumble
"Logan... I can't do this anymore."
"What?"
Silence is the most deafening sound
"Please don't go."
"I'm sorry, I have to. For both of us."
Months passed, but I still saw your face
You weren't there, but I had memories
I wondered where it all went wrong
Had I hoped too much?
Yes
"Hi"
Coffee and biscuits, people ignoring us
But it's only you I see anyways
There's something you have... is it for me?
Especially reserved for me
"Oh..."
"Yeah... look, if you don't want to... You're the most important friend I have."
Friend
Do I do this?
What's one more heartache?
She's lovely in white, you're dapper in black
I shouldn't be here, and yet I am, standing behind you
I'm here for you, like you were for me
Like before, when we had our own little world to play in
Do you remember what I asked you before this started?
Of course you do, I can see it in your eyes
"You and I... it's over... it's been over" you murmured
I hoped to God you were lying, but I knew the truth
"No, I'm not ashamed."
Should I be? No
Does she know? No
Will you tell her? One day
Words... an exchange of spoken symbols
Roses in the air, cheers and tears across the crowd
A kiss to seal my fate and their happiness
"Don't tell her."
"What? Why not?"
Your eyes haunt me questioningly
You already know what I have to say, but you need to hear it to make it real
If I can't have you, at least grant me this
Give me the thoughts you hide away from yourself
Give me the truth you struggle to reveal to the world
Let me be your shadow heartbeat, that second thud only you can hear in the still of the night
Let me be your past as you sail so gallantly off into the future
When your destiny is lined with all the little things Happiness has planned for you,
I want to be the lingering ghost of a life once lived and a possibility pondered upon
Take me to your grave, even if you never see me again in this life
This is all I ask of you
"Let me be your secret."
***THE END***