A/N: This is a way for me to practice writing, indulge in a ship that I have acquired an intense passion for, and to provide me therapy. Just trying it out, throwing some ideas around. Feel free to leave constructive criticism! And please be kind! I haven't actually written for fun in... many years lol. Thank you so much for taking the time to read what I write.
So I had seen a list of #TyzulaTuesday prompts, and thought the one week's was "cruel." Turns out it wasn't, but I still centered each of these stories around that prompt, lmfao.
This whole collection of drabbles was also inspired by the song "Cruel World" by the one and only Lana Del Rey. Heartbreaking song. I think it's beautiful. And I think it could totally be relatable to these two. Each drabble is separated but grouped by lyrics that I attached to either character. The first verses belong to Ty Lee, then Azula, and so forth.
The only exception is the last set of verses- the second story after is supposed to be from Ty Lee's perspective. It can be quite choppy and a little confusing with dates because I switch periods of time back and forth between verses. I hope you understand and I hope you enjoy! (I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender and I do not own "Cruel World" by Lana Del Rey.)
Cruel World
She's heard it time and time again. The word left a familiar taste in her mouth.
A familiar feeling in her stomach.
She didn't necessarily dislike hearing it used to describe herself, yet she did not know if she quite liked it either.
"Quit being cruel to your brother, Azula! He's learning, like you." The sound of Ursa's command was stern, unwavering; but also calm and collected.
Almost peaceful.
"Yeah, Azula! I just started practicing this move yesterday. Come on," a ten year old Zuko exclaimed, feeling his ego inside acquire a small but noticeable bruise.
Azula stuck out her tongue at her older brother. She then "hmphed" and as quickly and suddenly as she verbally assaulted the ten year old boy, she was gone through the courtyard, down the peristyle, and inside the back door of the palace.
/
"Shared my body and my mind with you
That's all over now
Did what I had to do
'Cause you're so far past me now.
##
Shared my body and my life with you
That's way over now
There's not more a mind can do
You're so famous now.
##
Got your Bible, got your gun
And you like to party and have fun
And I like my candy and your women
I'm finally happy now that you're gone."
/
Ty Lee slowly walked down the vast hall of red, gold, and fire. Her eyes widened as the doors to the throne room abruptly slammed open. Footsteps stomped away from the doors, heading briskly down the hall towards her.
As the footsteps neared, Ty Lee looked up in fear. Fear of the unknown... or fear of knowing exactly who it was...
"What are you still doing here?" the young firebender demanded.
"Hi Azula! My mom's not here yet..." Ty Lee struggled to find words that wouldn't upset the princess. She couldn't exactly identify in her mind why she was roaming the palace halls in the first place, either.
"So you're roaming the halls of my palace?" Ty Lee could've sworn she saw fire in Azula's golden eyes. Then Ty Lee noticed something else. Something...off.
"Azula! You're burned!" The princess blanched. Ty Lee took notice of that as well.
"I haven't been burned! It's nothing. Now leave my palace before I call the guards and tell them to punish you in unspeakable ways." The words definitely meant to come out threatening, scary. And they did. But Ty Lee also heard the rush of her threat; saw the slight panic in Azula's wide eyes.
"You are burned! Look! On the right side of your face," Ty Lee replied, completely ignoring the previous threat.
"Ty Lee. If you don't turn around and start running down that hall in five seconds," Azula's voice darkened as she took a step towards her friend.
She didn't have to say another word. Ty Lee understood. She nodded once, turned around, and walked briskly down the hall.
It wasn't that Azula wasn't always absolutely terrifying, or threatening, or demanding. But Ty Lee knew Azula enough at this point to know when it was time to go. When it wasn't the time for questions or answers or anything in between. It's been years that the two have known each other, and Ty Lee understood that their two worlds at ten years old were completely and wholly different. It worried her more than she'd like to admit; she wanted her friend to have fun and play all the time like Ty Lee could, albeit the torture her manipulative friend put her through during it. But Ty Lee didn't want that for Ty Lee's sake- she wanted it for Azula's. She wanted Azula to feel the grass underneath her feet as she chased the acrobat through the courtyard. She wanted Azula to feel the sun's rays on her face during the Fire Nation summers, and the tiny, wet snowflakes caress her cheeks in the winters. She wanted Azula to feel emotion by these things.
To be able to just spend her days playing, and learning, and growing, and feeling. That's what Ty Lee wanted for her best friend. To feel the normal emotions that Ty Lee would swim through, day and night. Instead, Azula had to practice. Train.
She was a tool, a weapon. Ty Lee knew this before she could fully understand what that meant; what the implications to that were.
Azula was busy always. And if she wasn't, she would be within minutes, even by her own volition. Practicing forms.
Practicing bending. Fire fists. Breathing techniques. Hot squats. Always.
The rare occasions Ty Lee got more than an hour with the princess were cherished in her young mind and in her young heart.
Ty Lee had never felt pure hatred of someone before, but what she felt after seeing Azula's fresh burn was the introduction of such a feeling. A feeling Ty Lee would get used to having when over at the palace. Azula's bruises, burns, scratches, scars- they would all evoke that feeling of hatred, of pure anger, towards none other than the Fire Lord himself. Cruel did not even begin to describe him, or what he was capable of. Cruel to be the way you are. Crueler to treat your children the way you do.
Right before turning the corner, Ty Lee stopped in her tracks. She turned around and ran back up the hall, and much to Azula's surprise, jumped on her back as she was walking back towards the throne room. They both crashed to the floor.
"TY L- !" Before Azula could finish, Ty Lee pressed her hand to her friend's mouth, then proceeded to squeeze her as hard as the small girl could.
"I love you, Azula! I'll always be here for you." Ty Lee stood up, and ran as fast as she possibly could again down the hall,
away from her bewildered counterpart, who was still on the ground staring up at the space that Ty Lee possessed just seconds ago.
/
"It's just...don't you think I'd be so happy at a circus? Like, a traveling one! I can come see you guys. I could be a professional acrobat, Azula! And I'd be able to support myself and practice my chi blocking on the side!" Ty Lee almost sounded like she was trying to convince herself as well. Although the thought's been in her mind for several months now, it was quite frightening to actually take the next few steps.
Azula stared at Ty Lee for a moment before rolling her eyes. "Ty Lee, I'm going to be honest with you right now, because I'm your friend."
"Okay..."
"It's stupid. The whole thing's stupid. Now will you go and get me the water I needed an hour ago?" Azula raised an eyebrow as she kept eye contact with Ty Lee.
This was the second time in about a month that Ty Lee brought this up with Azula. The first time, Azula laughed in her face and called her a freak. This time, Ty Lee expected pretty much the same. But Ty Lee heard the rush of words again. Years later, at thirteen years old, she could still recognize that flash of panic in Azula's eyes that lasted no more than a few seconds. It only occurred when Azula was truly taken aback by something. And it only lasted for several seconds because that's the most time it would take for Azula to gain her composure again. She only got better and faster at that as the years passed.
"Um...no. Azula, I'm serious. I really am considering it. I already talked to three of my sisters about it..." Ty Lee slowly replied.
"Whatever, Ty Lee. Then do it. You're a freak; you'll fit right in." Azula looked down and flipped a page of a seemingly ancient book.
The cruelty stung Ty Lee in the gut, in the heart, and in her eyes. Or those were the tears that accompanied the cruel words.
Ty Lee got up from the chair she had been sitting in. She ran out of Azula's bedroom and as far away from the Royal Palace as she could until her lungs felt that damn sting, too.
/
What was she supposed to do? Let Mai get killed?
Not that Mai wasn't a strong woman herself. Not that Mai wasn't capable of taking down Azula. She had the precision. She had the drive. She had the will. The skill. And she had the sacrifice.
But Azula had all of that of her own possession, as well. Add the burning desire for control.
Add the cruelty.
Knowing this, and knowing that Azula also had the Boiling Rock guards at her disposal, Ty Lee had to quickly come to the conclusion that this was not going to be good. Ty Lee also knew that Azula wouldn't let Mai win this one.
And Ty Lee would not let anything happen to Mai.
So she chi blocked Azula. At that moment, she doesn't remember thinking about the consequences of her actions. But she didn't care either. Ty Lee would not let Mai get hurt, or worse. And Ty Lee would not let Azula do that to Mai, and to herself. Azula was capable of cruelty beyond imagination, but killing one of her only friends? One of the only people who was almost close to her? In a sick, twisted, and heart-wrenching moment of thought, Ty Lee thought maybe she was capable of such a horror.
She quickly dismissed the thought, even though it was more than likely what the outcome would have been. Ty Lee didn't want to think about that. Azula was now ordering the guards to let her and Mai rot in prison, so this was good news.
No lightning, no fire, no death.
How could she be so kind?
Ty Lee had no regrets. She knew Azula would at least hurt Mai, and in turn hurt herself. Sadly, Azula would probably never realize that she would be affected by such an event. So after all, Ty Lee saved her too.
/
"Put my little red party dress on
Everybody knows that I'm the best; I'm crazy
You get a little bit of Bourbon in ya
You get a little bit suburban and go crazy
Because you're young, you're wild, you're free
You dance in circles around me
You're fucking crazy
Oh, oh
You're crazy for me.
##
I shared my body and my mind with you
That's all over now
I did what I had to do
I found another, anyhow
Shared my body and my mind with you
That's all over now
I did what I had to do
I could see you leaving now.
##
I got your Bible and your gun
And you love to party and have fun
And I love your women and all of your heroin
And I'm so happy now that you're gone."
/
Azula walks along the ledge overlooking a beautiful, vibrant, green hill. Shining in the sun's rays, white and yellow flowers gently existing along its slope.
Suddenly, fire. A shot of blue.
Black smoke rises from a now crisp spot on the hill. Then, another shot. And another; flashes of the brightest blues and more black smoke.
"What are you doing?" Mai asks in slight exasperation.
An eleven year old Azula replies, "setting fire to the flowers. What does it look like I'm doing?"
"That's pretty cruel," Mai blankly states, eyes and body shifting towards the gazebo just a dash away from them and the ledge. Azula rolls her eyes and runs down the hill, setting fire to several more flowers on her way.
Mai walks towards the gazebo, where the adults are enjoying tea and conversing about adult topics.
She spots Ty Lee prancing towards her, a huge grin on her face.
"Hi Mai!" Ty Lee wraps her arms around her friend, then glides off and away towards the hill Mai had just come from. Mai turns around and watches as Ty Lee moves towards Azula. Azula realizes she is the target of a barreling Ty Lee and picks up her own pace, looking forward again with a satisfied and slightly evil grin spreading on her face as she runs.
/
It had been a week since Azula heard from Ty Lee. The last words exchanged weren't pretty ones.
At least not on Azula's end.
And she would admit that. Not out loud. But internally, she could admit that if she wanted to.
Feeling sick to her stomach, Azula sat at the large, wooden desk in one of the palace's many meeting rooms. She picked up her brush and dipped it in ink, bringing it to the paper placed in front of her.
"Ty Lee,
I hope you haven't left Caldera without saying goodbye. If you just haven't wanted to speak to me, I understand.
I am sorry for the cruel words.
Azula"
She almost visibly gagged as she read over her short letter. She read it a second time.
Suddenly, a flame of blue crisped the bottom left corner of the paper. Azula watched as the flame crawled up until there was no trace of her previously written words, aside from a few ashes that fell down onto the desk.
Azula may be able to admit to her words being cruel, but what she decided she would never admit- not out loud or even internally ever again after this very moment- is how much she felt it in her gut when Ty Lee was so serious about leaving.
/
Tomorrow. Her Fire Lord coronation is tomorrow.
Azula paces across her bedroom. You could call everything about her wild in this moment:
her hair, her eyes, her mind.
Realizing you have no one around you who you can trust is a great cruelty.
She does not need trust. She does not need anyone. Trust is for fools, anyway. All she desires, all she needs, all she deserves is the throne. The power. The control. Trust is for fucking fools. She breaks her thoughts by screaming into the shadows of her dimly lit bedroom.
Ty Lee's face flashes into her mind for the tenth time in a matter of minutes. What a cruel twist of fate. The cruelest version of karma she could fathom. Get this bitch out of her head already! Why aren't images of your reign foremost in your thoughts? This isn't fair! This is fucking cruel!
This world is fucking cruel.
/
"Put my little red party dress on
Everybody knows that I'm a mess; I'm crazy (yeah, yeah)
Get a little bit of Bourbon in ya
You go a little bit suburban and go crazy (yeah, yeah)
Because you're young, you're wild, you're free
You dance in circles around me
You're fucking crazy
Oh, oh
You're crazy for me.
##
Got your Bible and your gun
You like your women and you like fun
I like my candy and your heroin
And I'm so happy, so happy now that you're gone."
/
She came storming in from the balcony of Chan's parents' vacation house on Ember Island.
"Let's get out of here. Now," Azula ordered, eyes slanted and fists clenched. Ty Lee leapt up from the stool she had been perched on, previously with her chin in her hand as she observed the wide room. She brushed off the bottom half of her purple-red dress. This didn't sound good.
"Azula! Are you okay? Your aura's a little...um, dark red. How did it go with Ch-," Ty Lee couldn't get the rest of her question out before she felt a hand firmly press against her mouth.
"Shut up. Let's go," Azula demanded again as she removed her hand. They began walking towards the front door, Ty Lee following closely behind Azula, both of their heads held high. Ty Lee raised an eyebrow as she walked behind her obviously pissed off friend.
They reached the front porch and Azula unexpectedly picked up her pace. Ty Lee was caught off guard, and suddenly she was down the steps leading to the beach, as Ty Lee watched from the top step.
"Azula! You can talk to me, you know," Ty Lee called down. Azula slowed her pace again. She turned her head to the right, but not far enough for Ty Lee to fully see her expression. Especially not in the dark.
"I'm going to find my brother," Azula suddenly and emotionlessly stated as Ty Lee floated down the steps. She took a few steps towards the direction of Azula and Zuko's childhood vacation home but paused and turned around to look at Ty Lee. Ty Lee understood.
"Okay. I'm gonna find Mai. I'm sure she's lonely...there was some stuff that went down..." Ty Lee realized she was probably saying too much and drifted off. "Anyway, I'll see you in a little." She gave Azula a small, reassuring smile.
Azula maintained eye contact with Ty Lee and nodded once. She then turned around and continued walking towards the old house.
If only Azula could suddenly open up with her like Ty Lee had experienced on the rarest of occasions. Like how Ty Lee often imagined Azula would, because those rare occasions just weren't enough, in Ty Lee's humble opinion. She could probably only count on two hands how many times it's happened in the past five years. Their childhoods were essentially cut short damn early, and talking and venting and opening up were different when you were eight years old and feeding turtle-ducks and teasing each other and cartwheeling and playing tag and being free. Ty Lee thought about this often. She thought about this even before joining Azula's team. Ty Lee found it hard to ignore the unhealthiness surrounding Azula. Sometimes shoving it down and out of your conscience was a way to cope, but that certainly wasn't any healthier. And Ty Lee wanted to stop doing that so much; stop that mental unhealthiness. Stop the facade. For both her and her best friend. How was that even possible? Ty Lee felt sick to her stomach in this moment.
Ty Lee knew that what she did was cruel. Fake. Crazy. She pasted a smile on always, which was mostly genuine. Genuine in wanting her friend to be content. Deep down Ty Lee knew things just weren't...okay. They weren't right. But Ty Lee would do anything for her best friend. And Ty Lee genuinely enjoyed spending time with Azula and Mai. She wanted it to be in a healthier, different way, but that's the sacrifice she had to make.
She did fear Azula at this point, though. She loved Azula, but she feared her. She knew Azula probably better than anyone, and didn't want to believe that she was capable of true, pure evil.
But the sick truth was that Ty Lee didn't know. Ty Lee didn't want to know. It truly was a cruel world.
What Ty Lee did want to know was why Azula was so upset just minutes ago. What happened with Chan? If he hurt her, he's dead. Ha! As if Azula needed that reassurance from Ty Lee. Ty Lee would still give it to her.
/
"It's just cruel that you can't come out with us." It was the second night of the Ember Island "vacation" the four adolescents were sent on to stay out of the way of important meetings with top advisers of the Fire Nation.
"Cruel? I would not call it cruel," Azula bit back.
"Well I think it's cruel. Lo and Li would totally understand us having another night of fun! It's you who is holding you back!" Ty Lee loudly replied, eyes wide with wonder, maybe a hint of fear.
"Fun? I would hardly consider last night fun either. You are confusing adjectives, Ty Lee. That, or you are deluded," Azula stated.
Ty Lee swallowed. Hard. "Well, I had fun. At least I did after the party! You know, when everyone cleansed their auras at the fire! And when we destroyed Chan's parents' place. Anyway, it's your loss, I guess, Azula. You're just so cruel to yourself sometimes."
/
In simple terms, Ty Lee knew herself. She knew what made her happy, what made her sad, what made her blood boil, and what made her motivated to get out of bed in the mornings and just be.
To get a little more complicated, Ty Lee could feel her energy. She could feel her aura. She could feel it grow, and shift, and change. She could feel her moods, her attitudes, her emotions, and her thought processes all mold to her aura. Everything related; everything fed off of everything else.
In the presence of Azula, Ty Lee did not lose herself. She made sure of it. Ty Lee still knew exactly who she was, and what was going on inside of her. For the most part. Ty Lee had to begin making these conscious decisions to read herself and her emotions, to be able to analyze and understand her aura and her energies as they occurred and changed. This was partly due to Azula and her conniving. Ty Lee did not want to lose herself in her secret, maybe subconscious quest to help Azula find herself.
These thoughts confused her mind further as she sat on the cold, hard floor of the prison cell she was currently being held in after her betrayal of her former best friend.
"You have yourself," Ty Lee said aloud. The sound of her own voice surprised her. It sounded almost unfamiliar, slightly hoarse.
"And that's who you need right now. I'm happy you're gone. I'm happy that I can breathe." Was it cruel to speak such words?
At this point in time, Ty Lee did not care a bit. And she could genuinely feel that within herself. She was sitting alone on the floor of a disgusting, old prison cell, yet she was finally free.
/
"Put my little red party dress on
Everybody knows that I'm a mess, I'm crazy (yeah, yeah)
Get a little bit of Bourbon in ya
You get a little bit suburban and go crazy (yeah, yeah)
Because you're young, you're wild, you're free
You dance in circles around me
You're fucking crazy
Oh, oh
You're crazy for me."
/
Azula decided not to be cruel to herself tonight. She deserved a real vacation, anyway. If she could let herself have it. And enjoy it.
After some intriguing words were exchanged earlier between herself and Ty Lee, Azula did not want to miss the so-called fun. When Mai came by the guest bedroom in Lo and Li's house holding up a green-tinted, see-through bottle of liquid, presumably some type of alcohol, Azula was intrigued further. This was new.
A couple hours later, a fire was started again, a few yards from where the ocean's waves lapped at the shore. Stars overlooked the group of four and the ocean. An exquisite scene if Azula did say so herself.
And Azula felt pretty good about herself in this moment. She looked down and examined her body as she sat leaning back on a rock.
She had on the exact red dress from the party the night prior. Her stomach was slightly visible; she adjusted her golden necklace to be perfectly centered. Maybe it was the bottle of alcohol the four of them had been passing around the fire. Maybe it was the circumstances. Maybe it was a combination of both of these things. But Azula felt...pretty good?
"I don't know...I just don't think it's working for me," Zuko stated as he furrowed his brows.
"Zuko, give it some time. It's been twenty minutes," Mai said with a hint of exasperation that Azula detected in her voice.
Azula certainly felt it. She felt it within five minutes of drinking the shit. She didn't expect it to burn as bad as it did when she took her first gulp, but the sensation in her throat wasn't all unpleasant. A little rough at first, but after a little getting used to, Azula was chugging as much as she could without drawing attention to herself each time it was passed her way.
"I feel great," Azula chimed in. Her voice was almost unfamiliar. Ty Lee let out an abrupt giggle. "What?" Azula interlocked eyes with her bubbly friend.
"Nothing! I'm glad you feel great," Ty Lee sung in the sweetest voice Azula's heard. Oh boy, was she drunk. "Just don't go overboard. That stuff is gross, and it can be really dangerous. Just let yourself feel great!"
"If it's so gross, why have you been sucking it down yourself for the past twenty minutes?" Azula retorted. Under the glow of the stars and the light of the fire, Azula swore she saw a slight blush rise to Ty Lee's cheeks. Her response then made that obvious.
"...Heh heh. Yeah. Well. I'm just saying. We can be safe about this," Ty Lee looked down and fumbled with the sand in front of her.
And Ty Lee was right. Azula knew that. She would take heed of that warning. She was already too tipsy to argue with herself about doing so.
"She's right," Mai blankly stated. Azula rolled her eyes.
"Give me the bottle," Zuko commanded. Mai handed him the bottle, and Zuko chugged down the rest of the liquid. He burped and threw the bottle to the side, then laid back with his hands behind his head.
"What the hell? Really, Zuko?" Mai shot him a furious glance. Zuko closed his eyes.
"Aw! Zuzu's a real teenager now. And he made sure to hog every last drop! Do you feel like a man now, Zuzu?" Azula mocked, her eyes gleaming as her mouth formed a devilish smile. Little did they know Azula had been chugging the alcohol herself when presented with the opportunity. Maybe she didn't even realize her hypocrisy at this point.
"Shut up, Azula. Let me be," Zuko's words drifted off and became softer as he spoke them. He was visibly experiencing some form of bliss. Or he was just seconds from falling asleep.
The four sat in silence for several minutes. Zuko drifted off to a light sleep as he laid by the fire, while Mai leaned her back against the side of his stomach, laying perpendicular to her sleepy boyfriend. She faced the ocean, back turned away from the fire and from Azula and Ty Lee, who sat in two opposite corners of the fire across from the couple. Azula was staring into the fire, while Ty Lee was laying on her stomach, drawing pictures in the sand.
"Let's dance!" Ty Lee suddenly exclaimed, startling the rest of the group. She looked up at the fire, then at Azula. She peered over at Zuko and Mai laying across the fire from her.
"I'll pass," Mai said as she stretched her arms upwards and leaned further back into the side of her boyfriend. He obviously wasn't answering anytime soon.
Ty Lee pouted. She sullenly slouched and looked down at her sand art in front of her.
Azula examined Ty Lee's expression. She raised an eyebrow. Ty Lee glanced up at her and caught her stare. Azula didn't miss the flash of panic in her eyes. She was surprised when her tipsy friend spoke up again.
"Azula? Do you wanna dance with me?" Ty Lee gave her a huge grin.
"What do you think, Ty Lee?" Azula replied as she looked at her with pity. The last time Azula danced was... when she was seven years old? And Ty Lee's tried to get her to several times over the years. The closest she got to success was comparing her dance moves to Azula's firebending forms, and Azula was almost fooled into recreating a dance move herself. But she caught herself.
"Ugh. Whatever. I'll dance by myself," Ty Lee defiantly spat. Azula raised both eyebrows this time.
She watched as Ty Lee pushed herself up from the sand, and walked away from the fire.
Suddenly, she was a burst of movement. Of hip shakes, rhythmic arms in the air, leg kicks, stomach and hip figure eights. There wasn't even any music,
but neither of them seemed to notice. Ty Lee made her way back towards the fire, still dancing, then behind Azula. She made large circles around the fire princess, dancing the night away.
Azula was mesmerized. She drunkenly sat on her rock, staring with her mouth slightly open at a twirling and shimmying and spinning Ty Lee. Her smile was so vibrant, so genuine, that Azula almost admitted to herself that she felt just a bit jealous...again. The fire's dancing flames matched Ty Lee's movements, and invigorated her flow as they radiated upon her. Ty Lee's purple-red dress from the night before was brightened by the flames, making the scene all the more intense.
Suddenly, an arm was reaching for her own hand and she was being pulled up and then twirled into the arms of the dancing star herself. Ty Lee gave Azula a mischievous smile when she found the wits to turn her head in the embrace and look back at her tipsy friend.
"Ty Lee, unhand me immediately. Before I hurt you." Ty Lee laughed at the weak attempted demand. Azula's eyes widened. Ty Lee spun her back out but kept ahold of her hand. They began moving in a circle, across from each other, maintaining eye contact. Ty Lee released Azula's hand, only to step closer and place her hand on Azula's shoulder as she slid her body behind Azula's. She placed her other hand on Azula's other shoulder, and pressed her entire front to Azula's entire back.
Ty Lee began swaying her hips, sliding her hands down Azula's arms and stomach to then grab her hips to match them to her own rhythm. They swayed together for about thirty seconds before Azula really began to sink into Ty Lee and...feel the movements. Feel the moment. Ty Lee rested her chin on Azula's right shoulder as she continued the manipulation of their hips. Her hands were now on top of Azula's, placed on her own hips.
Azula turned her head slightly to the right, meeting Ty Lee's gaze from behind her. She searched Ty Lee's face for whatever she could possibly find. What she did find was a wicked smile and half-lidded eyes. Eyes that screamed for Azula to close that tiny gap of space. How cruel. How cruel this was. Azula's tipsy thoughts consisted of images and scenes she could never admit to a soul, let alone to herself. The urge to lean into those lips was anything but unreal. Even drunk, Azula knew there would be far too many consequences within every part of her life.
"Um, what are you guys doing?" The sound of Mai's incredulous question froze the two.
"Dancing. Like I asked you all to do but you refused! At least someone wants to make me happy and dance with me," Ty Lee silently squeezed Azula's hands and pressed firmly on her hips. Then, just like that, she was off of Azula. Who at this current moment was completely and utterly speechless. Her mouth fell slightly open as her arms fell to her sides. She eyed Ty Lee, then Mai, then a still half-sleeping Zuko, then Ty Lee again.
She watched as Ty Lee collapsed back onto her back in the sand by the fire. Her eyes glowed under the fire and the starlight. She looked up and admired the sky,
a small but noticeable and obviously satisfied smile on her lips.
Azula continued staring, and finally found the strength to close her mouth and walk back to her rock to sit down again.
Oh, this was just fucking cruel.
/
She sat on the floor across from a disheveled, yet postured Azula, who was sitting on a small wooden stool with no backing. The room was dark, but more comfortable than the previous prison cell she was transferred from. A bit more... humane. She kept her eyes interlocked with those of the young woman in front of her. She did not want to break the mutual gaze.
"You're not weak."
"No."
"You are cruel, Azula."
No answer. A small, albeit sharp breath could be heard, but only if Ty Lee could hear anything over her own fast-paced, increasingly louder breaths. She continued the steady eye contact. Do. Not. Break.
After what seemed like eternity, Azula opened her mouth slightly, but paused. At this moment, Azula was the one to break the eye contact. She looked down at her hands, placed carefully in her lap. Ty Lee followed the gaze of Azula. Hands in her lap, careful not to seem overly aggressive; careful not to seem too casual. Azula shifted her gaze again to Ty Lee's pupils. Ty Lee again met Azula's eyes.
"I am cruel."
"Are you sorry?" Ty Lee blurted.
Another pause, but continued eye contact. "No. I can't say what I am. I don't know. I know I'm cruel, Ty Lee."
There wasn't going to be an apology. At least not anytime soon. But then why did Ty Lee feel a quick, cool shiver run through her body? Not one that indicated fear, no fight-or-flight response activated. But one that gave her a residual hopeful feeling. Maybe it was too wishful.
"At least you know you're cruel." Ty Lee's eyes shone. Her thoughts raced. Do not forget one, ounce, of the past.
"What do you want from me?" Azula asked, her eyes simultaneously growing darker.
Ty Lee was now the one who was left speechless. What did she want from Azula, exactly?
The girl who she grew up with.
The girl who was her best friend.
The girl who manipulated her, hurt her.
The one who threatened her. Threatened to hurt her. Did hurt her.
The one who needed her. The one who could never express that.
The one who couldn't even figure it out herself.
The one who couldn't figure out what she should feel, what she does feel, how to feel.
"I want you to know what you are. I want you to know who you are. I want you to know how you feel! I just want you to be happy, Azula! I want you to be you, I want you to be healthy, and I want you to be happy!" Ty Lee clasped her face with her hands, tears spilling from her eyes. She leaned forward towards her knees with her hands still covering her face.
Azula's eyes filled with something not unfamiliar to her these days. At least that was something. Careful to steady herself before speaking or moving, Azula took a deep breath. Two. Three.
She quietly rose from her stool, moving with purpose with her head held high and her left palm to the middle of her chest. Azula reached out and grabbed Ty Lee's hands. Ty Lee raised her head to again meet Azula's gaze.
"Don't cry. I will. I will," Azula quietly but firmly said. "I will be."
Ty Lee wrapped her arms around Azula's neck, her back, her being. She squeezed and felt her entire body release itself and its immense pressure. She began to violently bawl.
/
Azula felt Ty Lee collapse into her; she felt every emotion Ty Lee experienced in the past few years in this moment, in this desperate hug. Azula had a terrible, twisting, painful feeling in her gut. And in her chest?
At seventeen years old, Azula was still the Fire Nation's most dangerous prisoner. Why then did this moment seem to completely swallow any ounce of evil, any breath of manipulation, any hint of danger up and out of her being? It was something she just couldn't describe; Azula could literally feel Ty Lee's pain. And it was absolutely heart-wrenching. She didn't know what to do except sit there and hold her on the ground and just feel.
She knew she couldn't apologize. She knew she couldn't put these...feelings...into words. Not yet. Not now. Then...
"I. I just. I just care. So much," Ty Lee stuttered between violent sobs. "I still care. I don't know why." That one felt like a knife with two sides, bitter and sweet, puncture and twist into Azula's stomach. The feelings were becoming a bit much.
Ty Lee could obviously interpret the look on Azula's face after her sobbing words, because she continued with tears still flowing from her eyes, "I mean I do know why. But it's hard. It's almost unbearable, Azula. You're so cruel." She put her head down in her hands and continued crying.
All Azula could think about were these swirling emotions, these physically painful and powerful feelings. How to differentiate between them. How to interpret and understand them. How to express them. These thoughts passed through her completely bewildered mind. She settled on an important and profound thought that somewhat helped her make sense of all of this: this was absolutely necessary. This was needed. This needed to happen if Azula wanted to move forward. Move forward with her life. With Ty Lee. With herself.
In prison, one can imagine that would be difficult to do. But if anyone had the tenacity to somehow put these pieces together and start fresh, it was Azula. Maybe she just needed the reminder that someone did indeed care. Care to the point of this obvious, tender, heartbreaking show of emotions. Azula grabbed Ty Lee's hands in her own and removed them from her face. Ty Lee looked up at Azula, eyes wide and still filled with tears.
"It's cruel that I can't do anything more about this right now. You care. That's all I need." The words came out slower and at a much quieter volume than what Ty Lee was used to hearing from Azula. Azula could still feel that pain in her stomach. She decided to continue anyway.
"Ty Lee. Come back to me. Come back when you are ready to. Don't do it because you think I need you. Don't do it because you think you need me. Come when both of those things don't need to be true. And if they are true, then don't come yet." Azula closed her eyes, still holding both of Ty Lee's hands in her own. Before doing so, she analyzed Ty Lee's expression as one of wonder, thought, and just the slightest glimmer of hope.
"Okay. But...what if we do need each other?" Ty Lee slowly replied.
"We may. Right now isn't the time. You know as well as I do. Come back when it is the right time." Azula lowered their hands. She felt Ty Lee slip hers out and then felt another warm, tightening embrace of her arms around Azula's being.
As quickly as the hug began, Azula felt it end. Ty Lee stood up and gave her one last look- this one consisted mostly of wonder and that glimmer of hope growing, but also something else. Azula could see the love in her eyes, and she could feel the love.
"Goodbye, Azula." Ty Lee turned and exited the prison cell.
Azula watched her go. "I'll see you again," she whispered after Ty Lee was gone.
/
"Oh, oh
You're crazy for me."
/