Fictional interview with the members of the greatest band ever: Queen. You will find song references.
Disclaimer: THEY ARE MINE, MINE, MINE! I don't own Queen, just this words I wrote some boring evening.
Q: Hello everyone! How are you all today? This time, I have the pleasure to interview the members of Queen! Introduce yourselves!
BRIAN: Brian May here, folks.
ROGER: You have to say your complete name! Brian Harold May. Lovely. So british.
BRIAN: Brian Harold May is pleased to introduce to you to our blonde member, Roger Meddows Taylor!
ROGER: Oh shit, I forgot I had a middle name…
BRIAN: It's lovely as well, don't you think?
ROGER: Not as lovely as Freddie's name…
Q: You are spending too much time doing the introduction!
ROGER: That's because John Richard Deacon hasn't introduced himself, and by knowing Freddie's smirk, which is impossible not to notice, you can already assume he wants to be the last one to introduce.
Q: Then say your name, John!
JOHN: I'm John.
ROGER: Deacon John sounds way more amazing!
BRIAN: Or Deaky!
JOHN: I'm the quietest.
FREDDIE: And I, my dear loves, am Fre―
ROGER: Farrokh Bomi Bulsara!
FREDDIE: For the love of God, who's that guy?
JOHN: You, I think…
FREDDIE:Mother Mercury, look what they've done to me…
Q: That was enough for an introduction, now let's begin. Rumor has it Queen is the first rock band with an astrophysicist member.
BRIAN: That's not a rumor. I left Hampton Grammar School with ten CGE Ordinary Levels and three A-Levels in Physics, Mathematics and Applied Mathematics, then I studied Mathematics and Physics at London's Imperial College, and graduated with a degree with honours.
Q: That's incredible! So you're like the intellectual one of Queen.
BRIAN: Well, we a―
ROGER: We're all smart-arses.
Q: And did you all go to college?
ROGER: Yes! I'm so bloody intelligent I even studied two careers.
FREDDIE: That's because you quit dentistry, darling. So that doesn't count.
JOHN: I attended Linden Junior School in Leicester, and Gartree High School and Beauchamp Grammar School in Oadby, and achieved 8 GCE O level and 3 A level passes, all at grade A. Then I was accepted on the Chelsea College, where I studied electronics.
ROGER: I studied biology and obtained a degree. Just keep it simple lads! People don't care about your school grades! But I was a very good student, mind you.
FREDDIE: Brian is always going to be catalogued as the intellectual one; we have to deal with that. He's also too perfectionist and he thinks too much.
ROGER: Fucking true. He can spend like five hours in the recording studio and work with only a chord because he needs that chord to be perfect, and we seriously don't know what takes him so long, and we mock him about that, and then he gets upset…
FREDDIE: And then I remind him, "Didn't you say you're a genius? Well, dear, no one understands them. Not even their band mates… Just look at me…"
BRIAN: But then you are the one getting upset and shouting.
ROGER: Yes, and he does that in a Barbra Streisand kind of style, something like, "I'm the greatest star, I am by far…"
FREDDIE:"BUT NO ONE KNOWS!" Ah,Funny Girl, love that musical!
JOHN: It's gear, yes.
ROGER: Would you mind talking more?
JOHN: I'm the quiet bassist. I don't need to talk much.
BRIAN: No one understands him! He's more intelligent than people think!
ROGER: More intelligent than you?
BRIAN: Well, I didn't say that…
FREDDIE: I was just thinking… What if I'm the one that nobody understands?
Q: That was enough! You fight like…
ROGER: …angry whores? Yes!
FREDDIE: You're the bitchiest.
ROGER: Me?! You're a promiscuous bastard!
FREDDIE: And you aren't?
BRIAN: Lads! That's not a good topic for an interview.
JOHN: No one understands them…
BRIAN: Big deal! They act as if they suffer more than Sammy!
FREDDIE: You're the one who makes such a big deal out of everything. Out of a chord, out of a word, out of your hair.
ROGER: If we're going to talk about hair, mine is the best!
JOHN: I thought you said it was a disgrace?
ROGER:Give me a good guitar, and you can say that my hair's a disgrace!You can say it if you give me a good guitar; but that doesn't make it true.
Q: You're such peculiar lads… Now I feel the need to ask, what happened to Sammy? I've listened "Spread Your Wings" a lot of times, and still haven't figured out Sammy's fate.
FREDDIE: Deaks won't tell us… I think he commit suicide, y'know.
JOHN: Sammy's fate is up to the listener's interpretation.
ROGER: If you're a drama queen like Fred, you'll think Sammy killed himself. If you're more optimistic, you may only think he was just a regular lad with a crappy boss.
FREDDIE: But it's more than obvious! "Spread your wings and go to hell, Sammy."
BRIAN: Poor Sammy… No one understands him!
FREDDIE: Just as no one understands me!
ROGER: And me!
BRIAN: And me, of course!
JOHN: And… me?
Q: Why is your band named Queen? Seems that you should be called "The Misunderstood"
FREDDIE: Queen is a brilliant name! Sounds very royal and charming!
ROGER: And above all things…queer.
BRIAN: Great name, though.
Q: Who came up with it?
FREDDIE: Are you seriously asking that question, dearie?
ROGER: Queer name, queer band, queer songs, meh. We're like the queerest band in the UK.
BRIAN: Cheers?
Q: What do you mean about "queer songs?"
ROGER: Please! Haven't you listened "Good old-fashioned lover boy"? Just the name of it says QUEER in capital letters.
BRIAN: Fucking brilliant that song. But yes, queer.
Q: So, you're basically saying you're all homosexuals?
BRIAN: Not at all. At leastI am not.
ROGER: What we meant to say is, we look like a foursome of queer lads in a queer band.
Q: You're so confusing! But that's okay, becauseyou are the champions, my friends. Now something easy. Favorite colour?
JOHN: Black.
BRIAN: Yes, black… Or deep blue.
FREDDIE: Midnight black!
ROGER: Mm, just for you to know, adding the "midnight" before the "black" doesn't make you more original…
JOHN: Then what's your favorite colour, Rog?
ROGER: Silver! Take that, Bulsara! I'm the most original!
Q: How about another simple question… Favorite food?
JOHN: Cheese on toast.
ROGER: Japanese!
FREDDIE: Japan is my favorite country!
ROGER: Shut up, the interviewer asked about food, not country.
BRIAN: You two seem aggressive today…
FREDDIE: Nectar is my favorite food!
ROGER: Nectar? Isn't that what the Greek gods eat in mythology?
FREDDIE: Yes, darling. Nectar and ambrosia.
ROGER: You've got to be fucking kidding me.
BRIAN: I like vegetarian food. And cocktails.
FREDDIE: Oh wow, how specific.
Q: Favorite drink?
JOHN: Milk.
ROGER: You've got to be fucking kidding me.
JOHN: Milk is awesome!
ROGER: So what? My hair's awesome too!
BRIAN: You don't have awesome curls like I do!
ROGER: But my eyes are prettier than yours!
BRIAN: Mine are pretty amazing too.
ROGER: Why don't we let Freddie decide?
FREDDIE: If I say something you're going to end up fussing and fighting like angry whores, and I just love a good discussion and I would step in…
BRIAN: My favorite drink is… grapefruit juice.
FREDDIE: Champagne, dears!
ROGER: Ah yes, because youalways have to be the fancy one, right?
Q: I don't want any fights here! So let's just follow… Why don't you talk about… the day you were born?
BRIAN: July 19, 1947.
ROGER: Thank God you're Cancer and not Leo like me. Leo is the best sign.
FREDDIE: Virgo is the best sign!
JOHN: Discussing about signs isn't what grown-ups do.
BRIAN: The quiet bassist has spoken!Listen to the wise, listen to the wise, listen to the wise man…
JOHN: I would sing the rest, but I don't sing, so I won't sing.
FREDDIE: But we were practicing the other day, and you did good, Deaky!
ROGER: Now you're going to say he's as good as you?
FREDDIE: Come on, who are we kidding?
BRIAN:Some day one daywe're going to make Deaky sing in public.
Q: Is it too hard to say the day when you were born?
FREDDIE: 5 of September of 1946.
ROGER: July 26.
JOHN: August 18, '51.
Q: So John is the youngest!
FREDDIE: Yes, he's our baby!
BRIAN:Ourbaby?
FREDDIE: Alright,my baby.
ROGER: Your baby, the one whom left you for somebody new?
FREDDIE:I don't want to talk about it…
BRIAN: We seriously need to stop the song references. People might not understand.
FREDDIE: If they are watching a Queen interview is because they know our songs, okay?
ROGER: We've already rocked them.
Q: I think now it's time to talk about music. Favorite band or musician?
FREDDIE: I think we're all going to agree on Jimi Hendrix.
BRIAN: Bloody hell yes! I remember clearly when I saw him on-stage… It was incredible!
ROGER: Cheers for Jimi!
FREDDIE: Paganini has influenced me a lot, also.
BRIAN: And if we're going to talk about bands… THE BEATLES! I mean, The Beatles are The Beatles. Every rock band today is influenced by them.
ROGER: That's true!
JOHN: And Brian is like the Beatlemaniac of the group. He once included in a little biography of his: "and I love The Beatles"
BRIAN:Because I love them, and you know that can't be bad…
FREDDIE: Look who's up with the song references now…
BRIAN: Everyone knows "She loves you"!
Q: You haven't named a musician or band yet, John.
JOHN: Philip Chen has really influenced me.
ROGER: The Who!
Q: Now choose a favorite album!
ROGER: "Electric Ladylad", the third album of The Jimi Hendrix Experience, and The Beatles' White Album!
BRIAN: Ah, The White Album! But my favorite one is "Abbey Road"
FREDDIE: "Imagine" by John Lennon.
BRIAN: And "Band of Gypsies" by Hendrix.
Q: So you're quite Hendrix and Beatles fans! How about you, John? What's your favorite album?
JOHN: "Queen II"
ROGER: That's a hell of a good album too!
FREDDIE:Now do the march of the black queen!
ROGER: "Queen II" has to be one of the best and more underrated albums.
JOHN: I think I'm the one nobody understands.
Q: And I think you're quite a peculiar band full of talent! Our interview time is over; will you say bye-bye to everyone watching this?
BRIAN: Bye, folks!
FREDDIE: Don't try to reach me, 'causeI'll be lazing on a Sunday afternoon.
ROGER: And I'll be with my car, because I'm in love with her!
BRIAN: Her?
ROGER: Yes!Funny how love is!
JOHN: The Queenies are out!
Now, about the accuracy of this, everything about their education and their birth dates is true. Their favorite things are also true, because I took all of them from Queen books.