A spin-off of "Attack Of the Cravings". This is the lost chapter of Remy's true experience at the one and only "Smart Mart" while he picks Rogue up her food cravings.

DISCLAIMER: (since I forgot this the first time around) *ahem*

No, I own none of the elements
Not even the unmentioned elephants
I wish I owned Remy LeBeau
I think he's very sexy, oh so

I made up Smart Mart
Although it perhaps exists
So if you go to Smart Mart
All the troubles resist.

Hmm... not my best poem, but whatever... :D

Grumbling his way out to the garage, Remy finally reached Rouge's car. (as he himself only had a motorcycle) He climbed in praying to God Rogue's cravings would stop soon. He loved her, sure, she was his wife and the mother of his unborn child, there was nothing he wouldn't do for her. But did she really have to eat the things she did?

About ten minutes later, Remy pulled into the Smart Mart parking lot. With as often as he now came to the place, he thought he should get special parking and a VIP customer badge.

"Hello, have a Smart Mart day, whenever you shop at-..." The perky door greeter's words faded out of Remy's uncaring hearing range as he made his way for the anchovies. Finding them easily enough, he sighed as he placed them into his basket. He walked down the aisle and passed a little old lady. Hmm, he could've sworn she was in the parking lot. "You're jus' bein' paranoid, Remy, why would a little ol' lady be followin' you?" He shook his head at his stupidity.

Ah, the drink aisle. One side was all beer or other cheap alcoholic beverages. Hmm... Maybe he'd pick up a couple of bottles while he was there. Of course, the Professor would probably reprimand him for it. Remy walked along, looking on the other side for ice tea.

Soda. Soda. More soda. Diet soda. Sugar-free soda. Caffeine-free soda. Soda. Water. Juice. Soda. Ah, Ice-tea. No, correction: sugar-free diet ice tea.

"Who da hell drinks dis crap? Since when does ice-tea need t' be diet?" He muttered staring at the stuff. Stupid people can't even make good ol' fashioned ice-tea like they could back home in the south.

"I have some really good ice-tea at my house." A voice behind him said causing him to about jump out of his skin. His hands went for his cards as he whipped around. The little old lady.

"Erm, I'm sure ya' do, ma'am, but I'm in a bit o' a hurry." He said politely as he slowly backed away.

''Oh, no one's in such a hurry they couldn't bring a little old lady a moment of happiness by coming and sharing a cup of ice-tea." She reasoned peering up at him sweetly, her pale blue eyes sending chills down his spine.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I really must be goin' now." He quickly exitted, hurriedly making his way to the ice-cream aisle so he could leave sooner rather than later.

Only one carton of pisachio ice-cream left. "Dieu, I got lucky." He picked it up putting it in his basket.

*BAM!*

"Merde! What da hell, lady?" Remy exclaimed massaging his recently beaten neck, eyeing warily the lady with the umbrella who caused him the pain.

"That ice-cream was mine! I was looking for it when you took it!" She yelled, her large glasses magnifying her eyes giving her a bug-like appearance. She was rather hefty and poorly dressed, clearly a Wellfare, Smart-Martian type of person. Her red frizzy hair splayed in all directions and she jiggled as she demanded,
"Give it back!"

"Look, lady, I got it firs', it's for my pregnant wife, who would really like it. I don't wanna cause any trouble, but dis is mine." He told her trying to stay calm.

"Likely excuse! You'd deprive me of my pistachio ice-cream of your "pregnant wife"?" She yelled using air-quotes to emphasize her point.

"Of course! She's my wife!"

"JUST BECAUSE I MAY NOT BE MISS MINNIE MOUSE AND RICH DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!"

"I never said-"

"THAT'S MY ICE-CREAM!" She began beating him with her umbrella and clawing at his shirt, causing a small rip to form.

Remy ran for the check out line, hurtling passed and jumping over people and objects alike.

Damn. The shortest line had that creepy old lady in it. She lit up when she saw him, "Oh! Have you decided to join me for some ice-tea?"

"No, I'm sorry ma'am, but-"

Loud shrieks of "ICE-CREAM THIEF" and other phrases better left unmentioned filled the store as the bug lady waddled and panted to get to Remy.

"She's after you, isn't she?"

"Oui, but it wasn't-"

"I'll let you go ahead of me if you come for tea."

"I really, can't ma'am, I-"

"I'll take a rain check, I'll be waiting for you." She told him in her creepy high-pitched voice with her creepy, piercing eyes penetrating his very soul. He didn't respond as he stepped in front of her and paid for his items, leaving just as the bug-eyed lady made it to his line.

"I'LL GET MY ICE-CREAM BACK FROM YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

Remy hightailed it out of there, sure he would have nightmares of little old ladies, and frizzy-haired redheads.

Okay, just a little insight on what Remy went through to get his beloved Rogue her food. The ice-tea he ended up buying with the mango smoothie, just so you know.

Reviews would be perrty dern awesome. *ahem* yep, but I'll spare you all one of my infamous poems. Or not.

Ahem:

When I read a review for me

My happiness is clear to see

Finding none, make me blue

In my shoes, you'd be sad too

Since it was mentioned in reviews many times and unclarified, the little old lady is merely a creepy little old lady who noticed Remy's undying good looks and wanted him over for tea. I was inspired by a Wal-Mart expierence where a little old lady tried giving me Valentines around, you guessed it, Valentine's Day... *shudders* I blame her for my fear of Wal-Mart people...