AN: First a foremost, happy (belated) birthday to one of my best, and first, House fandom friends Iane_Casey! I hope it was everything you hoped for.
This story is also set right where "Both Sides Now" ends ... nothing plot-heavy though. Just a little drabble that I've had in mind for awhile.
Be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, and then some you don't want.
- Home; Daughtry
There was something beautiful about a May wedding; it wasn't hot enough to be summer, nor was it cool enough to feel like spring either. Flowers had been arranged ever so neatly on the tables at the reception, but somehow, any type of beauty in her life was nonexistent and for the first time in months, she wanted nothing more than to go home and find comfort in the oversized sweatshirt that she kept hidden in her closet. As she balanced her daughter on her hip, she couldn't help but feel the questioning eyes of her other coworkers on her. Then, she turned and fled.
She tried to remind herself that she was their boss, that it wasn't right for them to be questioning her own personal life but even she had to admit, why the hell wouldn't they. In the past year, she had all but attempted a relationship with a man she spent the past twenty years pining over, only to watch it backfire when she went on to pursue her other dream of becoming a mother. Little had she known, if there had been a way to choose both, she would have but there was no end to her internal debates.
"Cuddy?" Halfway down the steps, she heard the blonde call out her name, and she teetered on the cement, wondering what could possibly be so important. "Can you ... give House my best?" Her eyes focused on Cuddy's glazed over gray-blue ones, unsure if she was saying the right or wrong things now.
"Fine." Her voice was barely above a whisper, and she didn't dare meet the blonde's eyes, in fear of seeing something more than worry written in them. "Congratulations, by the way." Stepping backwards to drop off the last step to the pavement below, she turned, her brown curls bouncing as she strode off in the direction of her car.
Two feet from the Lexus, she felt a lone tear snake a trail down her cheek, and she didn't need to question its presence. The mention of her dazzling blue eyed diagnostician had done it, and she bit her lip to keep from breaking down in front of her daughter. As she fumbled for the automated button on her keychain, she sagged against the side of the car, trying to keep Rachel high on her hip.
Once the car was unlocked, managing to quietly settle her daughter in the backseat of the car was the complicated part of her departure, and eventually, she found herself seated in the middle of the row, resting her head against the side of the car seat. Quietly, she ran her fingers along Rachel's small arm, her eyes half closed as she tried to keep herself from falling apart. There was only so much longer that the rumors circulating her personal life would only bring a sad glimmer of regret to her thoughts, instead of begin to force her into her ever-growing sense of self-loathing.
Again, she was disturbed by a voice, and this time, she couldn't help but grumble impatiently at it. Turning to stare out the window besides her daughter, she blinked, the comfort she had been searching for instantly vanishing. "Are you all right?" James Wilson's worried face was nearly pressed up against the glass of the window, and as if realizing his position, he let out a sigh.
"Go away." Mumbling, Cuddy half dragged herself from the comfort besides her daughter, and she eased herself into the front seat of the car. Much to her dismay, Wilson only pulled open the passenger side door and got in besides her. "Wilson, I'm serious."
"He's fine, even though you didn't ask. I think a part of him wanted you to come with us today." Wilson started, and he quietly reached across the console to take his friend's hand in his. He didn't know what to say; comforting Cuddy wasn't his turf, and in some way, he had known it was always House's. As he felt Cuddy tug free of his grasp, he blinked to look up at her, confusion written in his gaze.
"I'm giving you thirty seconds to get out of my car." Her voice quaked slightly, but the strength in which she meant her words was clear. Cuddy reached for the keys, and started the engine, all the while keeping her gaze on Wilson. "Now get out."
Wilson obeyed without another word - he was never the one to question Cuddy when she was upset. In the back of his mind, he knew that House was the reason, and those were the kinds of troubles that he could only let time heal. Making his way back to his own car, he leaned against it, watching wordlessly as the silver Lexus half sped from the lot. "Geez, I really am good at fucking things up, aren't I?" Mumbling to himself, Wilson let out a long sigh, unsure what would come next in House and Cuddy's complicated chapter.
- home -
The minute she pulled into her driveway, Cuddy cut off the engine, her eyes rimming with the tears she had been trying to keep at bay on the drive home. Once more, she slipped from the front seat and resettled herself in the back besides her daughter, finding comfort in Rachel's small fingers wrapped around her own. She knew there wasn't a chance in hell that she and House would ever be the same after this week, but she reminded herself that anytime something happened between her and House, something changed. Nothing was ever easy with her and House; arguments weren't just about medicine anymore, their flirty comments weren't just made to embarrass each other in front of their coworkers, and those stolen moments that she wished always lasted longer were only the beginnings of something that she wanted so desperately to continue.
But life wasn't going to turn out that way for her, at least not right in the way that she hoped it would. There was a part of her that knew, when she had adopted Rachel, she had already lost her chances with House. He was never one to be comfortable around kids, nevertheless even think of being in the same room as one. Though, she had to remind herself, that everybody lies about something. And maybe, someday, she would find out House's true comfort level around her daughter, but not now. After all, some the best dreams took time.
AN: I hope you enjoyed it! Kind of short and reflective. Also, Return readers, expect an update within the next 48 hours!
KM x
