Here's a short little Chrisse one shot for you guys. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer- I don't own PJO.
When you make mistakes, things come into context. Especially when you make huge, life ruining mistakes. It hurts at first, like a searing pain you just can't imagine. You just have to know how to deal with it.
So I was lying in that bed that day, asleep. My mind raced, of course. It was like a highway, where the cars were moving so fast they looked like colored blurs wiping across your line of vision. Only with memories, thoughts and sights. They just moved too fast to take in. For a second, they would be there, but then they zoom across. It isn't fun. Some blurs stay longer than others, taunting you by backing up the traffic of your brain. You can't possibly imagine it. And when your in the state I was in, you can't even grasp it.
So it was strange, when one thought kept stabbing at the mental highway, rattling things and backing up traffic. It was rock hard, and it wouldn't let up. I got angry, my defenses trying to stop the probe. A voice filled my head.
Stop fighting back, boy. I command it. The voice, though booming and rigid, calmed me a bit. My defenses let up, leaving the traffic flow open to the probe. I would erase what blocks you, but this is not the way to heal. Dance around them as you may, but they will be there. You will try to block them, but they are more powerful than your weak defense. I leave you with this. Do not block what is inevitable. It will only make things worse.
And suddenly, the voice and the probe were gone, and the traffic flow exploded. It was gone, and the memories and thoughts settled to the parts of my head where they belonged. I was finally at peace. I relaxed, and finally fell into real, calm, dreamless sleep.
When I woke again, I saw a pair of wide brown eyes. They widened even more. My thoughts collected themselves, noticing where I was. Camp. And who was this? Clarisse. Clarisse La Rue. What was she doing here?
"Chris." she said quietly.
"Hi Clarisse." I answered, not knowing what else to say. She sat back in her chair, blinking a lot, then picked up something off the side table.
"Here." she pushed a bundle towards me. "Go take a shower in the Big House bathroom. There are towels." she got up, avoiding my eyes. "Um, dinner's in a bit so..."
I watched her for a second, shuffling her feet and not looking at me. Then she ran out of the room. Maybe it was just me, but it sounded like she was crying.
The clothes she left me were brown cargo pants and an orange Camp shirt. I looked at it, feeling a strange guilt putting it on. I don't deserve this. I thought on my way out of the bathroom. Then I sat on my bed and waited for the dinner horn. Nothing else, just sat, knitting my fingers together and trying not to think about anything.
Then I heard the clip clop of hooves. Chiron. I bit my lip and turned around.
"Ah." he said, holding his bow. "Chris. Come and sit with me."
I sat down in a chair in the Big House living room. It was old and wooden, with heads of magical creatures mounted around it. I stared into the empty fireplace. Chiron was back in his wheelchair.
"So, how are you feeling, Chris?" he asked calmly, mending a shirt in his hands.
"Um, okay, I guess." I said blankly, repressing thoughts.
"You've had a long try."
"How long was I...?"
"Out of it?" he said, turning his gaze to me, which, though calm, intimidated me. "Awhile. Ah, Clarisse, if you remember, I wouldn't think you would, found you. In a very peculiar place, you should know."
"Where?" I licked my lips.
"The middle of the desert. In Arizona." Chiron looked uncomfortable for a second. "In full armor. Just wandering about, not... with it."
"Oh." I looked at my lap, feeling embarrassed.
"You were talking about string." I took my palms and pressed them against the sides of my head.
"String." I mumbled.
"Ah, it may not be the best time to discuss this." he seemed hesitant. "Dinner is soon. We'll... continue later." And surely, a conch horn sounded at the moment.
"Come. Let's head the pavilion." We got up and headed outside. I followed Chiron, feeling extremely self-conscious. Campers poured into the pavilion. Chiron headed off to the head table. I stood at one of the entrances, wondering what to do. I heard whispers all around me.
Finally, I decided, as much as I didn't want to do it, that I would sit at the Hermes table, where I belonged. I didn't really belong here at camp right now, but this would have to do.
When I saw the food, (lasagna and garlic bread) I felt ravenous, taking more than I deserved. When it came to my time in line for the offering, I paused, thinking what to say. As I scraped food into the brazier, I decided.
I'm so sorry. There isn't any reason to ask for forgiveness. I walked off, biting my lip, and feeling stares bore into my back. When I passed the Ares table, the other kids gave me menacing looks of outrage and anger. Clarisse didn't even looked up. She looked sad, poking her food. This made me feel empty and guilty. When I reached my table, sat down on the very edge. The rest of the table stared at me with mixed expressions. They just looked at me.
I could feel people's eyes at my back. Out of the corner of my eye, I even saw a girl at the Demeter table craning over to get a better look. When she noticed me looking, she hurriedly sat back down and whispered to her friend. I looked back at my food.
No one at my table talked through dinner. The whole pavilion seemed a quieter than usual. I could just tell they were talking about me. So I ate my dinner guiltily, the shirt I was wearing like a big mark of betrayal. After I was done, I put my head on the table and breathed in the woody smell, trying to faze out the world.
Before I left the pavilion, Chiron approached me and handed me a sleeping bag.
"Because you may have a hard time finding something to sleep on." he said, giving me a smile.
"Thanks. Goodnight."
I headed off to my own cabin then. No one was there, they all ran off to have fun before curfew, so I put down my stuff in a small, available corner. When I unrolled the sleeping bag, I discovered a toothbrush and some more clothes inside. Chiron is too nice to me.
So I went to bed before curfew, not wanting to face my cabin mates. I feel asleep quickly, once again into a hazy, dreamless sleep.
The next morning, I woke up late. No one was left in the cabin. I squinted and scratched my head. All the better, I thought while stretching my arms over my head. I felt a bit out of shape; the muscle I had built up hadn't been used in a while. So I did a few push-ups and sit-ups, took a shower and changed my clothes.
When I got the dining pavilion, there were only a few people left. It was later than I thought. Hey, the less the better. So I ate quietly, alone, wondering what the heck I was going to do today.
One thing I wished I could do was talk to Clarisse. She found me. She nursed me back to health, or she tried, I guess. I felt indebted to her. My memories of us before all of this were shaky and fuzzy. I wanted to be with her. But I didn't know what to do.
After breakfast, I hunted down two long sticks, almost as tall as me. I sat down on the porch by the big house and pulled a Swiss army knife from my pocket, the one thing I recovered from the camouflage pants I was wearing while out of it. I wondered what I had done with it. The thoughts weren't pretty.
So I whittled the sticks. Thoughts tumbled around in my head. A boy, with an eye patch. I wonder who he was. And a name, Mary. Who was Mary? The insanity I had been through wracked all known my memories, especially the recent ones, right before, I guess, I was brought here.
A mental image surfaced, an older teenage boy. Blonde, with electric blue eyes and a white scar down his face. I struggled to pull up more information. Luke... Luke Castellan. That chipped away at a block of information that rushed into my mind. Luke, the Hermes camper, the one everyone loved. He... a ship! A huge ship, filled with halfbloods and monsters.
A golden coffin, a terrible voice. Endless tunnels. I put down my stuff and pressed my hands to my forehead, breathing quickly. Horrible tunnels, fountains, and ranches with red cows. Red cows? Yes, red cows. Fire breathing horses and flesh eating ones, and giant roosters. A man with three chests.
More tunnels and gold. Never ending tunnels. They- they swallowed the light. The Labyrinth. And... a giant. A huge, bloodthirsty giant. The son of Poseidon. And Luke was there. Luke. He was all but merciless. If I could just remember. Just remember what they were planning. But my mind wouldn't let up anymore. With time, I decided, going back to my whittling.
A while later, I noticed a noisy group going up around the pavilion. I jumped up.
"Hey! Hey- Clarisse!" I called to them. Mostly big Ares kids. The jeered and spat at the sight of me. I noticed Clarisse at the front. She looked unsure, but turned. She said something to her siblings, who stopped booing, and stomped off. She tuned back around and walked over to me.
"What?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowing together. I threw her one of the modified sticks/staffs/spears I had worked on. With killer reflexes she caught it without looking away.
"Spar with me." I said squarely, smiling a little.
"Now?" she looked at the stick. "With this?"
"Yeah." I walked over to a space of grass next to the big house. Clarisse turned her neck a bit.
"Okay." she said, and her first sweep came faster than I imagined. Never the less, I blocked, playing more defense. It was lightning quick, faster than the heavier swords. She swung around my head, and I twirled the stick to block three heavy swings, three loud smacks.
I swung with both hands and she ducked, and added a swing at my legs. I jumped up, and landed hard, feeling pain in my feet from the shock absorption. Clarisse, face twisted in concentration, held the staff in front of her, twirling it in circles while I hurried to block everything.
I backed up, following her as she turned, and aimed a few stabs at her. She ducked and weaved, I noticed her losing her footing, and used the side of the staff to push her down. She fell.
She looked at the tip of my staff, which was aimed at her throat. A few seconds of pause passed, where I was sure she would give up, but she rolled to the side, and with a wide, sweeping ark, tripped me up. I fell hard, hitting my shoulder to the ground.
"Ow!" I said, rolling onto my back and rubbing my shoulder. Clarisse sat up, cross-legged next to me.
"I should have known you would have kicked my ass." I said, groaning, and giving her a steely smile.
"You had me there, for a second. You're better than before." she answered, retying her ponytail.
"We've fought before?" I asked quizzically, struggling to remember.
"Oh yeah. Your head's really wracked, isn't it?" I sat up and faced her, twisting a piece of grass moodily.
"Yep. I get these mental images, it's just I can't put them together. A lot of my memories are messed up."
"You mean you can't remember camp before...you know?" She looked concerned.
"It's... hard. I guess over time, it'll improve. Were we friends before?"
Clarisse looked away for a second, watching the distance towards the forest, like something was going to run out and attack everyone.
"In a way." She looked down.
"Were you... did you ever go down in the Labyrinth?" I asked seriously. She looked up at me, brown eyes wide. She looked so...venerable, not the tough, determined Clarisse of usual. It almost seemed like she was about to cry.
"Yes. You've been there too, I'm sure. It's..." she sighed. "I've had a hard year. With the scouting, and finding you, and Luke and everything. It's... been hard. He's planning something big, isn't he?"
I looked uncomfortable.
"I can't remember the details. I can barely remember anything, but I'm sure he is."
"The Labyrinth is a tough puppy." Clarisse said, frowning. This would be funny if it wasn't so serious. "I tried to destroy one of its entrances in Phoenix, but it just moved."
"Wow." I said. I noticed that Clarisse was actually kind of pretty, if she wasn't beating you up. But of course, no one can resist a girl with a weapon.
I stretched out and lay down in the grass, watching Clarisse upside down. She smiled.
"I'm really glad your back, Chris." she said, grinning.
"So am I, I mean, I'm glad that I'm not, you know..." I mumbled, distracted by her hair falling and tickling my face.
"Just don't leave again. Or I'll kill you."
"Deal." I said, putting my hands behind my back and stretching happily.
So after all the battles, after the quest group, after the talking, after it all, we still had time for a bonfire. I was sitting there, holding hands with Clarisse, happily singing campfire songs with everyone else. And I felt like I belonged.
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