Of victories and memories
It hurts…
I stand in the corner of the hall, watching you celebrate, and it hurts to see your joy, to hear your laughter and cheers…
It's the 23rd day of Coire – by your reckoning – and the 4th of the month of Geello – by ours… It's spring and everything is joyful, not only you… It seems I am the only black spot amidst your shining light. I try to smile but instead I wince, because you are celebrating your victory over the last hope of the Dark…
He was my friend back then, in the days before the War of Wrath. He survived then… I did not. Many years after that, locked in a small room in the Halls of Mandos, I hoped and longed for any news about him… now I've finally got some, but they burn, like the cursed jewels probably did. I know that these wounds will not heal…
Why have you returned me to life, father? To see me mourning at your feast? To show me that there was never any hope for us? I see it myself already… and I do nothing…
I just turn on my heels and walk to the door. Behind my back I hear another outburst of cheers and toasts to the victory of the Light. Eonwe approaches me with two chalices of wine in his hands. One of these he gives to me.
"Don't leave, brother!" he asks. "Drink some wine with us…"
"He was my friend…" I reply gloomily, turning away.
"I know," Eonwe turns away too. "But you will not help him much showing your sorrow so openly…"
I smile through tears and mumble some words of gratitude. He is right after all… and I will drink… not to the victory of the light, but to the memory of the dark…