Title: At The End Of Things
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Destiel ++ slight Sam
Category: angst, tragedy
Type: One-Shot
Warnings: deathfic as always
Disclaimer: I unfortunately do not own any rights regarding Supernatural and its characters.
Summary: Dean is sitting there, at the end of things, just thinking. Realizing he has lost everything, all he ever cared about, all he ever loved.
[A/N]: First of all: my summary probably sucks even more than my story, but well, what can I say, I'm just really bad with summaries. But still I would very much appreciate it if you gave this a shot. But I do apologize: This is very short and all, just quickly written so I could actually upload a fic today, plus I had Destiel or actuyll Dean feelings, so here you go. Hope you still enjoy this a bit at least. Love
At The End Of Things
Dean's POV
Life is funny, you know. You never get what you want. Never. And if you do it isn't a good thing, because as soon as you get something you want, you are only doomed to lose it again. I know people like to think that everything happens for a reason. Hell, I was one of them, because sometimes it is easier that way. But now, no, I don't see it anymore. With everything that is going down, everything that happened in the past few days.
Time is funny too. Sometimes it couldn't pass fast enough, but a precious moment is almost gone once you've blinked. We never appreciate time enough when we have it. But now that I've lost everything, I wish I would have appreciated time more. Because now all that I have left is time. Time to sit here, think about the choices I made, think about all the mistakes, all the times I had screwed up.
Castiel always said that there is hope, hell, that there even is reason to hope. Never have I ever really believed him, but then I had looked him in the eyes, his deep, blue eyes and I had known that there was hope. As long as I would have him by my side there would be hope. As long as I would have Sam there would be hope. But now, I just can't see it anymore. I think hope has finally left me for good, forever.
Here, at the end of things I sit, a gun in my hand and all I can hear is Sam scream my name as the explosion tears his body apart. Over and over again. And all I can see are Castiel's tears as he looks me in the eyes and whispers that he has to leave. Why, I asked him and he just told me that he had to go back to heaven where he was going to be killed, for breaking the rules, for disobeying, for making the huge mistake of feeling human and liking it. But he did not regret a single second, he said, because all the things he did that were now going to get him killed were for me. All he had done was for me. He felt so human, even forgot that he was an angel for a short while, because of me. Because of me, he said, he knew love and because of me he did not regret any of his choices. He leaned over, and kissed my forehead, whispered that he was thankful for me, that it wasn't my fault and that I shouldn't cry. But still I cried, because after all this time it didn't matter anymore, after all this time I had tried to deny it, it was finally escaping my mouth. A single sentence. I love you. I know, Castiel simply replied. Then with a last tear he pulled me into a kiss. And then, with a flash, with a light brighter than the sun, he was forced back to heaven as his dead human vessel fell to the floor.
I screamed my lunges out. I've screamed for Sam, I've screamed for Castiel. I've screamed so much I've run out of things to scream, when I open my mouth not a single word escapes my lips.
Time is funny, you know. I always wanted everything to just be over, I was happy when a day had passed. But now, here as I sit at the end of things, a gun in my hand, I wish I could have it back. Every single second, every single day.
I think about Sam. I think about Castiel. I think about them and I cry as I raise the gun to the side of my head.
Hell will be glad to get me back, I think and know it is going to be even worse than last time. But nothing is worse than sitting here, hearing every single second pound in your head as you know all you can do is wait for time to pass, as you realize you have lost everything, all you've ever loved. Sam. Castiel. I have lost love after all those years that I spent searching for it. But it doesn't matter. Not anymore.
I think about Sam and I think about Castiel as I calmly pull the trigger. I have lost them, the only two people I have ever loved. But it doesn't matter. Not anymore. Nothing matters anymore. Because I have only lost what I have never deserved.