Hey guys,
So this Emison one-shot has been a work in progress for some time and last week I finally decided to finish it. It's an Emily centric story but Alison plays a huge part. It would mean a lot if you like this and leave a review. Even if it's just a one word review, go for it. I love waking up to your feedback. Every comment makes me smile. I have a lot of ideas for one shots so depending on the response this one gets, I might write some more. Right now though, I'm working on a story called 'Baby Steps'. Go check if you haven't already. It's a drama and angst filled Emison story I have been writing for a while, so if you start it now, you'll be there to see it through to the finish line very soon.
Also, I made a twitter during the week as another way to interact with you so go give it a follow. The username is lifeofapll
Hope you enjoy this and see you soon for the home run of Baby Steps!
Tell Me You Love Me.
Emily Fields sat at the back row of the movie theatre, her gaze held on the big screen ahead. She had absolutely no idea what was going on in this movie and couldn't even begin to wonder what it was about. She had spent the entire time completely lost in her thoughts. From the corner of her right eye, she could see her date, Ben, staring at her. He had been doing it for a while now but Emily couldn't bring herself to look at him. She knew exactly what was coming if she did.
Before the brunette knew it Ben's hand crept onto the side of her cheek and he moved her face towards him. He gave her a coy smile and allowed his eyes to meet hers for a brief moment before he leaned into a kiss that was much too sloppy and aggressive for Emily's liking. Emily sat there and went along with the moment she had been dreading since the movie started while Ben began to build up a rhythm with his tongue. He curled his left fingers under her chin and gently squeased her thigh with his right hand.
Ben began to pepper kisses along Emily's jawline, then slowly moved down to the side of her tanned neck. That's when the brunette opened her eyes and looked around her. All she could do in that moment was wonder what kissing a girl right now would feel like. Would her pulse be racing in anticipation? Would she have butterflies as strong as the ones she had in the library yesterday? Would this overall experience be a whole lot more exciting with a certain blonde who had found a special place in her heart a long time ago? Because in a moment like this, she should feel something, anything. But she didn't, she was numb.
"You okay?" Ben whispered to the distracted brunette, his breath washing over her face was the only thing that pulled her back to reality.
"Hmm?" Emily cleared her throat.
"I asked if you are okay?" Ben repeated, rubbing his thumb along her cheek and just under her bottom lip.
Emily could barely see him through the darkness of the theatre but she could hear the concern in his voice. She gave a nod, then realised he didn't see and was still waiting patiently for an answer so in a low voice she mumbled. "I'm fine"
"Good" Ben placed a quick kiss on her lips before reaching for her hand which she was using to clench the side of her chair. He interlocked their fingers and began caressing small circles on the palm on her hand, then sat back in his chair and turned his attention back onto the screen in front of him.
Emily shut her eyes and let out a small sigh, quickly allowing her mind to go wondering again. This time it took her back to a special moment in the school library yesterday afternoon that she wished she could relive right now.
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"That's why I love you" Alison gave Emily a dimpled smile. "Your big on happy endings"
Emily looked at Ali with eyes full of wonder.
"So is dickens by the way" Ali continued, her eyes falling to the book in her hands. "Pip gets Estella in the end" she looked up to the brunette again. "Can I read you something?"
Emily nodded.
"I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be" Ali recited the words by heart without taking her eyes off the brunette. "Did you get to that part yet?"
The intensity of Ali's gaze and the softness of her voice as she said those words made Emily's mind bring her to a place where she could actually be herself and get the blonde in the process. A place where SHE got the happy ending she wanted, not the happy ending everyone else thought she should have. Before she knew it, she had finally plucked up the courage to lean forward and kiss the heart shaped lips she had wanted to kiss for so long. A kiss so quick, but with so much meaning. A kiss that sent her heart racing in anticipation, made a warm and fuzzy feeling wash through her body and gave her butterflies like she'd never had before.
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Emily knew for a while that deep down, her feelings for a certain blonde went far beyond friendship, but knowing that, she did nothing about it. She just tried to ignore it. And ignoring it did work...until she'd catch a glimpse of Alison in class, biting her bottom lip with her eyes fixated on the board as she pondered the maths question chalked on it. Or at the lunch table, when her and Ali would catch each other's gaze and for a brief moment, everything else around them would disappear. Even when they'd go out together and Emily would get those familiar butterflies in her stomach when Ali would pass a flirty comment or continuously brush their hands together as they walked down the street. All those feeling that she'd tried so hard to ignore, it just felt hopeless when deep inside, she wanted nothing more than to let them free.
Emily couldn't pinpoint exactly when she started developed feelings for Alison, or any girl for that matter. It was a gradual process, a natural process. It was something she was still coming to terms with and it was hard, very hard. Sometimes so hard that she would cry herself to sleep at night and curse herself for being different than her friends. How she'd lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, imagining her future, imaging her wedding, imagining what her life would turn out like. All those things, she couldn't imagine with a boy. It was always a girl traveling the world with her, always a girl she imagined walking down the aisle to marry and it was always a girl she fantasised starting a family with. She just wanted to have her once upon a time and live her own happily ever after with a girl, a girl named Alison Dilaurentis.
It was a lot of little things that made Emily question her sexuality, some of them being the fact that she got a little too excited to see girl on girl scenes on her favourite shows. Sometimes, when she's walk down the street she'd find herself staring at pretty girls a lot longer than she should. And her interest in boys, well, that was non existent. Whether it was talking to them or about them, she just really didn't care. Then there was also those awkward moments when the topic of homosexuality came up among her friends and Emily's heart would begin to race like a train on its tracks. All those things had to mean something. They had to. And Emily knew that. She knew what they meant. She just didn't want to admit it, not to herself or anyone else...at least not right now.
It was the last month when everything got worse for Emily. Suppressed feelings and dismal thoughts were weighing down on her constantly and each day they got heavier and heavier. She had been living with an elephant in the room and did everything in her power not to address it, but now, it was coming to the stage where it was using every ounce of energy she had not to. Everything the brunette had been holding in just seemed to come down on her like a ton of bricks and the worst thing was, no one was there to help her through it. But that was ultimately her own fault because she kept it all a secret, a secret no one knew but her.
"So..." Ben trailed off with a deep sigh, stuffing both his hands into his pocket and tensing his shoulders as him and Emily strolled through the empty movie theatre. "I've been thinking a lot lately...about us"
Emily's heart picked up its pace at Ben's words, and not in a good way. She knew this conversation was coming up and it scared the crap out of her. She just didn't think it would happen so soon. She didn't pull her gaze from the floor as he continued to speak.
"We've known each other a while now and uhm...we've been texting a lot" he scratched the back of his neck nervously, then stopped walking, stood still and looked at the brunette with eyes full of love. "I know this is only our first official date but I just…" he trailed off with a shaky breath, then let out a nervous chuckle. "I really like you, Emily"
The brunette swallowed hard and let the words she really wished she hadn't heard sink in. Ben was head over heels for her, and everyone knew it. It was no secret that he had been trying to claim her for himself for weeks now but Emily always found an excuse not to go out to him, whether it was for a date or just to hang out. She didn't even want to go out to him today, she only did it because, firstly, her friends were beginning to wonder why she was planing extremely hard to get and secondly, she just wanted to see if maybe she could feel something for Ben, the fact that she didn't and went through the entire date thinking these strong, confusing feelings she had been feeling for so long scared her because there was no denying that this is who she was. She was Emily Fields and she liked girls.
"I've had a really big crush on you since I moved here" Ben took both Emily's hands in his own. She could feel his palms sweating profusely and all she could do was feel sorry for him because of the more than likely possibility that he would leave this movie theater with a broken heart. "When we bumped into each other in chemistry class on my first day and all our books fell on the floor I was like...wow, who is this girl?" A smile from ear to ear graced ben's face, then he bit his bottom lip while admiring Emily's features for a few seconds before continuing. "When I found out you were on the swim team...Well...That was just the cherry on top"
Ben's kindness and his smile, everything about him was perfect...except it wasn't. Emily didn't feel anything for him and she hated that. He was the perfect boy but she just wasn't the girl for him. If she was to get in a relationship with Ben, she would be doing it for him, not for her. Sure, she did think of trying it out to see if maybe she could love him, but that wouldn't be fair, not to herself or to him. She knew what it felt like to be in love with someone who didn't love her back, and it broke her soul. She didn't want to inflict that pain onto Ben, too.
"Emily" Ben exhaled a deep breath, clearly very nervous for what he was about to say. "I...I want us to be something...something more than just...friends"
Emily stood their with a blank expression on her face. She opened her mouth to speak, but she didn't know what to say. Silence fell over them for what felt like an eternity, but in reality, it was just a few seconds.
"S...Sorry" Emily finally managed to breath out, her quiet voice shaking. "I...I can't do this"
"What?" Ben furrowed his brows. Emily began to walk away but he kept her hands held in his. "What do you mean you can't do this? Is it the timing? I mean, I know this all seems very soon but…" he shook his head furiously and heaved an exasperated sigh. "I'm sorry, I knew this was too sudden. God, I messed this one up and..."
"It's not you" Emily cut off Bens nervous blurting. She managed to free one hand of his grip and ran it along her forehead, then through her hair. "It's me" she shook her head weakly and closed her eyes, refusing to meet ben's gaze. "I...I'm sorry" the brunette turned around and paced to the bathrooms, ignoring Ben's plea for her to come back.
Emily leaned over the sink and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Then squeased her eyes closed and dropped her head. She felt confused, unsure, conflicted...she just had no idea what the fuck was going on inside her head. I mean, the feelings she had for Alison, they were so strong, so real, unlike anything she ever felt before. Sure, she liked guys in the past, and kissed them. But none of those kisses were anything like the one in the library and none of those feeling even remotely compared to those she felt for Alison.
The brunette exhaled a frustrated sigh and clenched her fists in her hair as she walked in a circle. She hated that she was doing this to herself. She hated that every single day she woke up, got dressed, smacked a smile on her face and strode through the hallways of RHS pretending to be someone she wasn't, someone that took so much energy to be. She faked her way through each day and all she wanted was to exhale. She just wanted this huge weight off her shoulders. She wanted to be Emily Fields, the real Emily Fields that was so desperately trying to come out for some well deserved fresh air.
But as much as she wanted to come out and tell people 'Hey, this is me, accept it or get lost'...She couldn't. What would Mr and Mrs Military think if they knew their perfect little daughter liked girls? What would her friends think? Emily couldn't stand the thought of people seeing her and treating her differently if she admitted she was gay. But the truth was, being gay didn't change a thing about her. She was still the Emily who loves swimming, and the beach and animals. Being gay was apart of her...It had been for a while so suddenly, her announcing it shouldn't make a difference.
But why should she even have to announce it? Why should she have to come out? Why can't she just say 'I'm in love' and have that be the end of it? Girls like Girls, Boys like Boys, So what! Who you love should not define you as a person. You can fall in love with whoever the hell you want and their gender shouldn't make a difference! After all, love is love.
A stray tear spilled down Emily's cheek and onto the sink below her. She quickly swiped a few tissues from the dispenser and dapped them under her eyes, then blotted the make-up on her forehead and chin. She closed her eyes and took a few breaths to compose herself. She usually tried to save her little breakdowns for when she was alone at night but today, she couldn't help it. She was just too overwhelmed by everything. It was only when Emily's phone buzzed that she opened her eyes. She quickly pulled it of her pocket to see who it was and when she pressed the home button, her whole face lit up.
Parents are out of town so I'm home alone for the night. Want to come over? -Ali
Emily reread the message a few times, then fell into a trance as she held her gaze on the screen. This was the first time she had heard from Ali since their kiss in the library yesterday. She hated that they didn't address it, but in a way she was kind of thankful because it gave her a little time to process it. Process the fact that she had actually kissed the person she had wanted to kiss for so long. That kiss was the main reason she had almost bailed on the date with ben today, but she didn't, she forced herself to go, mainly because she needed closure. She needed to know if Ben could make her feel what she felt when she was kissing Ali. She just needed to be sure that these feelings she felt inside of her were real. She couldn't act on them until she was certain. She couldn't come out until she was absolutely sure that this is who she was. And well, today. If today wasn't proof that she liked girls, then Emily didn't know what was.
"I don't know" Ali held two very similar dresses up to her body and looked in the mirror. "I mean, I like the blue...but I think red is more my colour" she let out a small sigh, continuing to examine the dresses held up against her body. "What do you think?" she looked at an unresponsive Emily through the glass mirror who was laying on the bed with her head slouched in her hand, completely lost in her thoughts like she had been since she arrived.
Emily went straight from the movies to Alison's after she got the text message. She walked into the house not knowing exactly what to expect. Twenty minutes later, she still didn't. So far, Ali had completely avoided the topic of their kiss in the library yesterday. Emily still had no idea if it was going to be mentioned, she didn't even know if she wanted it to be. What if Ali didn't like it? What if she said it could never happen again? What if Ali said it meant nothing to her? Because to Emily, It meant everything. She couldn't handle being rejected by Alison. It would crush her heart.
"Em" Ali called out.
Emily shook herself out of her thoughts. "Hmm?"
"Which one?... Red or Blue?"
"Both…" Emily trailed off with a soft sigh after a moment of contemplation. Usually, watching Alison stress over clothes would put a smile on her face because in all honesty, the blonde really could pull anything off. But right now, the dresses were the last thing on her racing mind. "They would both look amazing on you"
"Your no help!" Ali rolled her eyes, then continued to look at them in the mirror for a few more seconds. She let out a frustrated sigh and mumbled. "I'll just try them on"
Emily's heart started racing when Ali began unbuttoning the oversized plaid flannel she was wearing with nothing but a pair of stockings and a tight tank top underneath.
"S...Stop" the brunette blurted out before the blonde could go further than the third button. There was no way she could watch Ali undress right now, not with the places she knew her mind would take her to.
"What?" Ali furrowed her brows.
"I just…" Emily heaved a deep sigh. "Ali...I…" the brunette closed her eyes. There was no point in delaying the inevitable anymore. She needed to tell Ali how she really felt. She just needed to get everything off her chest once and for all because these feeling were slowly killing her inside. "I love..." she swallowed hard. "I love the red one" she trailed off with a shaky breath, internally cursing herself for chickening out. "Red is just...It's your colour."
Ali picked up the red dress that was thrown over her chair and smiled into the mirror as she held it up to her body. "You're right" She admired herself for a few more seconds, then, satisfied with her choice, she walked to her closet to put them both away.
"I think it would be beautiful on you" the brunette said in a shy, quiet voice, her head still slouched in her hand as she traced over the Eiffel tower on Alison's bed covers, her mind taking her back to relive a moment she would never forget.
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Emily looked up from her books, watching as Ali laid out an array of postcards on the desk in front of her. "You planning a trip?"
"You and me in sweet Paris" Alison looked at the brunette. "How does that sound?"
"Maybe we should learn to 'parler francais' before we go." the brunette let out a soft chuckle, then turned her attention back to her books.
"We could start in the South of France" Alison quickly got Emily's attention again. "Dancing through the sunflower fields...Lounging around in our bikinis in the French Riviera" the blondes lips curved into a small smile, and her eyes fell onto one of her favourite postcards. "You'd look so good on top of the Eiffel Tower, the wind in your hair…"
Emily stood up and walked over next to the blonde, both of their hands touching as they simultaneously reached for the post card of the Eiffel Tower.
The brunette slowly moved her hand, then watched as Alison gathered up the postcards. "How long are we going away for?"
Alison pondered the question for a moment, looked up to the brunette and smiled her brightest dimpled smile. "How about forever?"
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Emily let out a soft sigh at the memory, then looked up at the blonde standing in front of the closet placing hangers on both dresses. "Why you getting all dressed up anyway?"
Silence hung over the two for a few moments as Ali hung both dresses up in the closet and closed the door. She exhaled a deep breath, turned around and sauntered over to the brunette on the bed while shrugging her shoulders. "Nothing special"
"It must be special if you dressing up like that" Emily fluttered her eyes weakly.
Alison sat on the corner of her bed and ran her hand through her ruffled hair. "It's just a date"
"A date?" Emily's eyes widened slightly in surprise.
"Yeah" Alison brushed it off like it was nothing. "So, Hanna and Spencer called over earlier and..."
"Go back" Emily sat up straight, not allowing Ali to change the subject like she sensed she was doing. "A date?"
"Yes, Emily" the blonde rolled her eyes. "A date"
"Why?" the brunette couldn't help but let her jealousy get the better of her. "With who?"
"Noel Kahn"
"Noel Kahn?" the brunette let out a sarcastic chuckle. "Why the hell are you going out with Noel Kahn? You don't even like him!"
"And you don't like Ben" Alison stood up and sunk onto one hip, her arms folded defensively in front of her chest. "But you don't see me complaining about the fact that you decided to go to the movies with him today, now did you?"
"Noel Kahn is a good for nothing player Alison" Emily shot up from the bed, her hands held out in front of her. "You're just setting yourself up to get your heart broken"
"Well if you are going to try make me jealous by going on a date with a guy that's been trying to win you over for so long, then I'm going to do the exact same to you with Noel"
"You didn't have a reason to get jealous" Emily voice raised slightly.
"Of course I did!" Alison smacked her hands at her side, her tone now matching the brunettes. "You kissed me in the library yesterday and didn't even bother to call or text me afterwards to talk about it. Then today, I find out from hanna and Spencer that your going on a date with someone thats not me!"
"You've spent the best part of a year leading me on Ali" Emily huffed, neither of them really realising what they were actually saying to each other. "You make all these cryptic comments that I take to heart. You tell me you love me, hold my hand and give me that breathtaking Ali smile which sends my mind into overdrive and takes it to a place where we could actually be together...but then, not even five minutes later you're talking about some hot guy that you like"
"I wouldn't have to give you cryptic hints if you just come out and tell me how you really feel about me" Alison rounded the bed and stood face to face with the brunette. "Tell me you love me, Emily"
"Why should I?" the brunette ran her hand through her hair, then smacked it off her thigh.
"Because I know it's true"
"I don't want to tell you I love you, Ali" she shook her head weakly. "Because if I do, that means I'll have to hear your response and I don't think I can handle that"
"You can't handle me telling you that I love you too?" The blonde said in a voice just above a whisper.
Emily took a few deep breaths, her eyes dropping to the floor and widening in realisation of what she'd just said and heard. She looked up to Ali, giving herself a few seconds to form a sentence. "Y...You love me?"
Ali swallowed hard and let her eyes wander around the room. "When I told you I love you that time at the kissing rock, I meant it. You just didn't respond...and I got nervous, so I brushed it off and yeah, used talking about boys as my defence mechanism so you would pass it off as a friendly commment"
"You're telling me that all that...it was real. It wasn't just a game you were playing?"
"Of course it was real" Alison's voice cracked a she spoke. "I Love you, Emily! I've loved you for so long but I just...I couldn't admit it to myself...and I didn't want to admit it to you. So I dropped hints hoping you would catch onto them and maybe ask me how I really felt because I figured that was the only way I would be able to say it out loud" she finally made eye contact with the brunette as the words continued to spill out of her mouth. "Then yesterday, when you kissed me, I thought maybe you and I could have a happy ending, maybe I could finally admit to myself that I want you. But you went on that date with Ben today so I figured you just got caught up in the moment and you didn't mean what you did and I didn't want to ask you about it because that would mean I'd have to admit that I was thinking about it...all day long and I just…"
"Stop talking" Emily breathed out, her eyes glued to the blondes perfectly heart shaped lips. Alison swallowed hard, not exactly knowing what to think of Emily's statement, but before she could ponder it further, Emily cupped her cheeks and pressed their lips together for a lingering kiss, both their mouths instantly moulding together like they were made for eachother.
After a few moments, Alison pulled back and pressed her forehead against Emily's. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh of relief, before chocolate brown orbs met icy blue once again. "It's always been you, Em. You've always been my happy ending"
Emily felt like the weight of the world had been taking off her shoulders at Alison's statement. She bit her bottom lip and smiled at the blonde. This moment, right now. This was definitely what she would call a happy ending. She got the girl she had wanted for so long. She never felt as happy as she did right now. She could finally be true to herself and let the real Emily Fields out for the fresh air she deserved. She could exhale and find her forever happiness with the girl who had found a special place in her heart a long time ago.
With a racing pulse and fluttering stomach, Emily whispered "I love you, Ali"
"I love you too, Em" Alison responded as she cupped the the brunettes face, quickly resuming the passionate, heartfelt kiss that she had wanted for so long.