In which the residents of Hueco Mundo are introduced to Internet memes.
I do not own Bleach or any of the memes presented in this story.
It was another boring night in Los Noches when Gin was prowling down the halls, humming a catchy, if indecipherable, tune. He padded down the extremely long, white passageway until he reached Aizen's room. Lightly rapping on the door, he pushed it open ever-so-slightly to see only pitch-black darkness within.
"Aizen-sama? You in?"
"Yes, Gin." Aizen boomed out of the darkness, "I'm here. What is it you wish to see me about?"
"Weeell..." began Gin, "I was just goin' out for my nightly stroll, when I thoughta' somethin': what if Los Noches got hijacked?"
Aizen paused for thought. Although it was extremely unlikely that their foes would be interested in taking over the castle, it would be important to cover all the bases, especially when considering the importance of Hueco Mundo and the Los Noches in his plans...
"Go on, Gin."
"Thank ya, Aizen-sama. I thought ta' myself 'what if we ran our troops through a little... simulation?' An' by tha' way; do we have the Internet?"
"The internet?"
"Uh-huh."
"The Internet."
"Yep."
"The one on our computers."
"That's it."
In the darkness, Aizen Sosuke's eyes narrowed, "Why?"
"Weeell... considerin' that Kurosaki kid's only in high school, I wanna prepare yer underlings for all sorts of immature stuff."
"Gin, I highly doubt that Kurosaki and company would be intelligent enough, lax enough, or crude enough to infiltrate the control room, surf the Internet, and play "Two Girls One Cup" over the intercom, but I digress."
"Pretty please, Aizen-sama? Don'cha hafta cover all yer bases?"
Aizen observed his psychotic minion from the darkness of his inner sanctum, calculating exactly what Ichimaru was intent on pulling and if it would come back to bite him in the ass later on. A minute later, he smiled and responded, "Fine, Gin. But no viruses, please."
Gin's smile stretched even wider, if that was possible, "Wouldn't dream of it, Aizen-sama."
Later that night, Primera Espada Starrk was also out for a stroll in Los Noches's serpentine halls. But while Gin was scheming, Starrk was not. In fact, he was doing very little thinking at all. Something about the empty hallways just relaxed him enough to put his feet on autopilot and catch a few hours' R&R while looking like he had somewhere to be. He was completely at peace with himself: in his mind, there was no loneliness, no upcoming war, no death and destruction. There was only the relaxing rhythm that he let himself fall into... or would have, where it not for Lillinette's constant yammering about how boring taking a walk was and how bad her feet ached and how awful the ice cream that Sayzel made for her was...
Starrk reacted to that last complaint just in time to walk into the wall that fell from the ceiling. While his hierro was hard, the wall was significantly harder...
The next thing he knew, Lillinette was helping him up and he had a pounding headache.
"Urg... what happened?" He groaned.
"Someone set up us the wall," muttered his Fraccion, but before Starrk could register exactly what was wrong with that statement, a small screen slid out of the wall.
"Main screen turn on. You get signal," buzzed a robotic voice. A second later, the screen blinked on to reveal Gin smiling his characteristic smile.
"Oh," said Starrk blandly, "It's just you."
"How are ya' gentlemen? All yer base are belong to us."
Starrk cocked his head slightly, "What did you say?"
"You're on tha' way to destruction, make yer time."
Lillinette was displeased, "I'm not a gentleman, I'm a woman, you idiot!" But Gin disregarded the young arrancar with a mirthless "hahaha" that showed up in the subtitles as "hahahaha" before the screen disappeared into the wall. The ensuing silence was punctuated only by Lillinette's grumbling, but Starrk's senses were on red alert: Gin could be just playing mind games, but it would be safer to be that he wasn't.
His fear was confirmed almost instantly when another wall shot out of the ceiling. Starrk dove out of the way, snagging his other half to keep her from getting crushed before he realized that another wall was bearing down on top of them. He sprinted down the hall, Gin's handiwork on his heels, as he desperately wished that there were more doors in Los Noches. Sure enough, they came to a door with a stylized number six carved into it. Grimmjow.
Starrk quickly decided that a pissed-off Grimmjow was far better to face than being crushed to death so he quickly stepped inside. The room's blue-haired resident immediately asked what the hell he was doing in his room, to which Starrk and Lillynette stammered something about Gin, walls, and "All your base are belong to us."
Grimmjow rolled his eyes and went out to strangle Ichimaru. After a moment of silence, a pillar shot through the wall with Grimmjow pinned to it. The pillar crashed into the opposite wall and pulled away, revealing a very shell-shocked Sixth Espada who immediately dug himself out and fled from the room, the First Espada and his constant companion on his heels.
"Where the hell're we runnin' to?" snarled Grimmjow, "What's the friggin' point?"
"We've got to get to the control room," explained Starrk, "If we can get his hands off the controls, we'll be in control again."
And so they ran. As they ran, it appeared that Ichimaru was directing them to the room of every other Espada and Fraccion and Numero until the hallway was packed with panicked hollows all running to the control room, wherever it was.
They were just passing by Sayzel Apollo Grantz's lab when Harribel reached for the doorknob.
Starrk pressed it shut, his face not revealing the slightest hint of vindictiveness, "He's a man of science, he'll know what to do." The walls were closing in fast, cutting off any counter-argument.
Gin Ichimaru was quite pleased with what he saw from the control room. Everyone was performing quite nicely, even with the walls moving too fast for anyone to use a garganta. He'd even got an unexpected chuckle when Sayzel had been caught unaware by the wall that demolished everything in his lab before nearly crushing him, only to draw away at the last second after he'd fainted. But Gin's excitement was running out quickly, so he began to plot something else...
They stopped at the control room door when the walls stopped shifting, each one out of breath and incredibly pissed off. Starrk was the first to stand up and enter his ressurreccion with Lillinette in gun form pointed at the door in an incredibly badass pose. Yammy would have none of it.
"Cut the theatrics! Let's get'm!" But as soon as he opened the door, Gin exploded out of a section of the wall next to it with a hearty "OH YEAH!" followed up by a surprisingly powerful "Mazzeri Headbutt!" to Yammy's chest that left him sprawled out on the ground. When he looked up, an impressive array of weaponry was either pointed at or touching his throat.
"Leave Ginny alone!" he wailed.
"No lolituma girl?" hissed Harribel.
Gin suppressed a nervous giggle, deathly aware that in speaking he ran the risk of cutting his own throat to ribbons on the dozen or so blades that currently grazed it, "Shinso wasn't up for it. Want some chocolate rain?"
A great many eyebrows were raised as Gin slowly backed back into the control room and emerged a second later bearing an enormous tray of mugs filled with hot chocolate that got passed around by an increasingly frantic Gin.
"Here ya go! Take one, have a sip! Ya deserved it, ya all deserved it, good show, good show! Don't ask where it came from, it came from the same place as the tea... ENJOY!" And with that, he bolted into the control room, lowered a wall over the hole, and left many very confused hollows standing around with drinks of dubious hot chocolate.
A/N: I always imagined Gin as the sort who would go wild with all the memes floating around the Internet. Remember, reviews are always welcome! Hope you enjoyed it!