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Sasuke didn't know how long it had been. Eight, maybe ten years; he had lost count. His mind had distanced itself from remembering any of his past, at least when he was wakeful, but darkness that came with the setting of the sun was different story entirely. It seemed most pronounced especially on warm nights with nothing but the sparkling of stars and remembrances of smiling comrades content in their simple continence. He'd almost hoped it was an illusion, the vision before him, his mind playing tricks on him, but he continued to follow the figure silently. His heart stilled the closer he got, he was sure he had seen it, that familiar colour of springtime flora fluttering underneath the hooded cloak.
"Sakura…"
He darted back to the cover of the trees as she looked quizzically over her shoulder, as if she had heard his whispered words. He further suppressed his chakra, just to be sure. Her eyes were a vivid green, even brighter than he remembered, or was it just that his memories had faded with time. He watched her hesitate and then narrow her eyes in his direction. He was surprised; she shouldn't have been able to detect him.
"Sensei! Sensei what are you doing!"
"Yeah Sensei hurry up!"
Sasuke was stunned. He looked toward the direction of the voices, three figures stood on the crest of the hill just ahead of them, the figures appearing like shadows in the sun. The shortest one waved.
"Quit spacing out sensei, let's go!" a tiny girl with bushy hair stood demanding.
"I'm coming, I'm coming," she shouted back, "Geez, where's the respect," she said to herself.
Her voice was older, not high pitched and girlish, but much more mature now. She walked deliberately slow toward her team, "Let's go, troope."
She was a Jounin teacher with her own genin team. He wasn't sure whether to be surprised or proud, but it did make him a little sad and on some level, a little happy too, to know she had become so strong. The two that had yelled for her to hurry continued on happily, but the third child stood and stared suspiciously in the direction Sakura had been looking. This meant incidentally that he was looking directly at Sasuke, and he smiled at the boy's perceptiveness.
Sasuke waited until he knew they were far enough away before he emerged from the depth of the trees to stand in the small pathway. He looked down the road they had taken, obviously heading back to Konoha, it took all of his will power to turn his treacherous feet in the opposite direction and continue on down the path he had chosen.
He froze, a prickling sensation running down his neck signaled to him that there was someone behind him, someone reaching out. He turned quickly hand on his sword and ready for battle eyes bleeding red, out of reflex rather than the need to use them. He knew his own capabilities well.
"Why are you following us," came the demanding voice, a familiar voice, one that made him falter. He turned to see angry green eyes and pulsating chakra. When had she –
Then he understood. He saw it plainly, the faux body of the clone with his eyes, she wasn't really here, she was just taking precautions to protect her team, like a good shinobi.
He allowed her no show of emotion, watching as she displayed a montage of her own. Anger turned to surprise, then confusion, was that hurt? He wasn't sure; then something else he didn't think he would ever see again. Her eyes bore into him.
"You're not Sasuke," no childish suffix at the end, "you can't be Sasuke, he's dead." In a way both statements were true, he was glad Naruto hadn't told her the truth.
He shifted his stance into a relaxed one. He didn't have to say anything to her; he could just walk away, leave her again, and how many times was this now?
Sasuke let the Sharingan recede, not responding to her, anything he would say would only confirm what her mind was struggling to understand. That he really was alive. Best to make her think he was nothing more than an illusion.
He hadn't wanted a confrontation, that's why he had hidden and watched. He was content to see her, and nothing more. The thought of making sure she was doing well had been his feeble excuse for not departing from her presence sooner, before she had detected him.
Sakura was shaking now, in fury or fear or both he couldn't tell. Sasuke watched her take one tentative step forward; as if afraid he would fade away at any moment.
"Why do you never say anything to me?" He stiffened at the dust covered memories of the words. She smiled sadly, brushing her hair from her face; it was longer than he remembered it, but still somewhat closer to short.
He took one step back almost unconsciously at the words, as though they stung him, but he couldn't look away.
"Sakura…"
She shivered visibly at his mention of her name, and that emotion in her eyes, the one he could not finger only deepened.
She nodded slowly, as though deciding something in her mind. There was a dewy residue in her eyes, but not a single tear in sight. Another surprise, one he was grateful for.
Sasuke kept his mask in place, burning this new image of her into his mind, the image of the strong ninja she had become, of the beautiful woman with the fierce determination of fire, to match his cold continence of ice.
The silence pressed down between them, the moment stretching on and Sasuke would have preferred the tension filled silence to the whispered words that rang in his ear.
"I hate you."
His façade faltered for a moment, only a moment, from the comment that pierced him to his core. Images of the long haired child, morphed into the dedicated adolescent who had even, in her annoyances, been his constant. Her and Naruto both.
She turned to back him, "I hate you," they were like nails being hammered forcefully through his every being, words that ran deep and widened the hollow in his heart.
"I hate you, and I never want to see you again." It was as if now she'd said them, they wouldn't stop. These were the scars he inflicted, scars of constant abandon.
He could not comfort her, what could he possibly say.
She turned her head to look at him over her shoulder, with such intensity in her eyes, such fire and fury…and that something else, before she dispelled the clone.
The pressure of his surroundings did not seem to release at her departure, and air still would not reach his lungs. He stood frozen, staring into the horizon in the direction he knew she'd gone.
Images of her weeping in front of her students once she knew what had happened with the clone, flashed into his mind. He could see the children not understanding the reason for it, but trying to comfort her all the same.
He saw her going to Naruto as soon as they returned to cry to him, and then confront him about lying and he saw her forgive their golden haired team mate as surely as the sun would rise.
It left a hollow feeling inside.
He guessed he couldn't blame her, could not deny her, her hatred the only thing he could understand so well. The ragged thought reached him, he was okay with it.
Not because he didn't care, as much as he would have like to say it to her, nor was it because the words had not crushed him but because he deserved, every ounce of her hate, he deserved for her to hate him with every fiber of her being.
If her hatred of him was what she needed to move on, and enjoy her life, she could hate him for all time, and he would let her. He would take that burden into himself.
He stood a moment longer staring at the horizon, gathering his emotions back into their chains, pushing them back into the darkness, trying to fill the ever growing hole. The words struggled to escape his lips, as he made the most obvious realization.
He turned again to head in the opposite direction, along another path.
"Sakura… I love you too," the words almost inaudible on the wind.