I Love You Is Too Hard To Say

By: BloodySk8t3r & Andy-Pandy

Riku stood looking at the disturbed ground. His fingers brushed away leaves at the turned soil and then they graced the head stone. Tears met his pale cheeks and the feeling of vile entered his stomach, his lungs. He moved to his knees as he placed a white rose on the headstone. An effigy for the loving boy read "Not to be remembered as of death, but by the life he once shared." Riku kissed the marble and closed his eyes. The scars on his hands and face were visible and gently, Riku felt a large hand on the back of his head, petting his hair.

"Is it my fault? He told me it wasn't but… I can't tell anymore, whether to believe him." He said quietly and looked at the burned scars. Riku had only been scarred in the accident when… when Sora DIED for it. How had he been able to get away so easily when other people died from the same thing?

Leon sighed and pulled his brother into his lap and pressed a soft kiss to his temple as they both cried, they both felt so lost in all of this trauma that all they could do was pour every tear they had into the soil that now held Sora's physical remains.

"Riku, stop crying. I hate watching you cry." Riku's eyes glanced up at the transparent figure and the brunette smiled happily. "I know you can see me. I know you can, I never doubted you!" He said and then moved to Riku and touched his cheek. Or attempted to anyhow, the motion went straight through him. "I love you, I love Leon, and I know, deep down, you love me. I just want to hear the words and I'll be gone forever, Riku."

Riku shook his head and clenched his eyes shut as Leon rocked him. "Leon, why can't you see me, why is it only Riku? You would know what's best, you always did." The boy said in the high pitched, perky tone. He was such a child, even in death.

Riku stood and held out his palm over the grave and released the small chain carrying the silver crown. It fell, hit the dirt, and crushed every barrier Sora had left in his death. Riku turned slowly and walked to the car where his entourage waited. Leon stood, wiped his tears and touched the head stone. "Make him see sense, Sora. He is so lost now without you…"

Unknowing to Leon, Sora nodded, touched his hand and vanished. He would live the remainder of what he had in his life trying to make Riku come to terms that everything was fine. But, sadly, Riku was the most stubborn psychic known to man.

FLASHBACK

"Through the wind and the rain—" Sora's voice was loud and he had tears already on his face from the saddened song. Since when did they listen to country on their trips home? Riku turned the song down with a steady smile and glanced at Sora.

"What's up with you tonight, Babe?" He asked and Sora sighed and wiped his tears.

"I feel as if… If I never got to see you again, Riku. I want you to know, I love you." He said and Riku sighed sadly.

"Sora, Sweety, you know if you died in whatever way possible… I would see you. You would let me see you." He said and then smiled. "Of course, that means you have unfinished business and then I'd have to solve it and yadda yadda yadda, my boyfriend becomes my work… What's with all the morbidity?"

"I don't know Riku, something just doesn't feel right…" Sora said, put off at his lack of romantic response to his confession of love. Riku laughed and shook his head.

"Nothing bad is going to happen to us Sora, we're young, and we're healthy… Hey, what's that?" Riku asked as they passed a white figure and Riku immediately slowed down. Sora turned to look at Riku with wide eyes and shook his head. Both could see figures, death, and people in limbo. But at that moment, Sora didn't want to. He saw the male standing on the side of the road, paled, glowing in the night. He knew who he was; he didn't want him to get in the car.

"Riku, no! Keep driving!" Sora said and checked his watch which glowed in the darkness of the night surrounding them. Riku laughed and shook off the boys' pleas.

"Come on, Sora. It's our job to help those who won't pass."

"He's bad Riku, he's not right!" Sora screamed and Riku stopped the car anyway and the figure stared confused at them. Like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Get in!" Riku called and then Sora burst out into tears. A ghost may not enter a house or car or even a room unless invited. However, once invited, you could never kick them out. Sora covered his eyes and the figure slid into the car through the door.

"Thanks, man. Are you one of those-"

"Psychics? Yeah, we are. My name's Riku, and my partner's name is Sora. Don't worry about him, it's been a long day."

"Cool… Cool…" The male said and then smirked. Sora had turned to stare wide-eyed at the male as Riku started driving again. And Sora's eyes only widened as he screamed. "You really should listen to your boy-toy more often, Riku. He's about to die." The figure laughed as Sora's scream pierced the air in the car.

Another semi had swerved off the main road, Sora quickly sat correctly in his seat and looked at Riku one last time as the ghost in the back laughed. Riku was confused; he looked in the rear-view mirror, seeing the spinning semi going over speeds of 90 on a 55 mile per hour road. He looked back at Sora whose tears poured down his cheeks and he tuned out the cackling laughter of the ghost.

Sora whispered right before the crash. "I love you." Then everything hit, the small car was flown across the road, flipping and landing on its side, the semi finally corrected itself and came to a stop as the small car went up in flames. One boy was thrown out the window and laid still on the dry, burning grass. Another was bashed against the roof of the tipped car and bleeding severely.

The driver of the semi ran out of his car, his fingers already dialing 911 on his cell phone and reporting the incident. Ten minutes later, the sounds of ambulances could be heard.

END FLASHBACK

Riku slipped into his brothers' car and looked at the three ghosts in the back. Leon slid into the driver's seat and looked over at his brother. "Alright, so…" There was a light whistling through the window and the ghosts and Riku looked. Riku sighed and nodded. "You may enter. I'm crazy as it is anyway, let's make it entertaining." He said and Sora slid into the car. The transparent bunch were quiet until Leon started driving and then they all started speaking at once except Sora, who was smiling to himself.

"Alright, you. Ella. What do you feel like you've forgotten?"

"I'm not sure, I miss my parents. When my house was burned down, they weren't home. I never got to say good bye and we were in a fight about me being gay so I was mad at them…" Riku nodded, it was a common story. Sora smiled slightly as he watched Riku think.

"Where are your parents?" He asked and the girl told them about the funeral home on Lake Elwood. They were there a lot. Riku told Leon where to go and he checked the time.

"Riku… You're so good at what you do… I'm glad you haven't stopped." Riku nearly laughed at the imaginary male. He was so like the other ghosts but he seemed more faded, more quiet. That's what told Riku he was imagining things. He was only creating this vision of the boy to make himself satisfied. Sora was a much more buoyant person in life. But that was it. This wasn't life anymore.

Riku however, was stopping. His contract wouldn't let him leave until he helped at least 250 souls. So, he picked up his last 10 today, and was down to three. Minus Sora, of course. "Leon, thank you." He whispered as he reached up and touched his lower jaw where burn scars remained. It was painful to get them taken off your face, not to mention difficult and dangerous.

So everything but the lasting scars remained on his hands and face. He kept the ones on his hands as a memory. Sora had had scarred hands from kitchen accidents with his father. Okay, maybe they weren't accidents. Sora's father had been a sadist and he left after Sora was eight. Sora and his mother had attained new names and moved to Riku's town.

He'd reluctantly told Riku what had happened between him and his father but after they dated for over two years, things came out and Riku never asked again. Once Sora had died, Riku got the urge to talk to his boyfriends' father, and looked up all males with Sora's original last name. Once he saw the male's picture (thanks to Google) he immediately realized why Sora didn't want to stop the car. The ghost on the side of the road had been Sora's father.

A sign of a person's death could often be seeing a person who's dead and is in your past. So, maybe seeing Sora there was a sign of Riku's death. Oh how beautiful the idea of that. How unlikely also.

FLASHBACK

"Do you know the male Riku Hidashi?" The doctor asked, flipping through his papers and Leon stood.

"Brother in law." Leon said and checked the time, a habit he and Riku both had. Everything had to be documented at that one moment. Sometimes, Leon had it down to the second.

"Yes, well then, I'm happy to inform you Riku is alive and has no chance of dying from this crash."

"And Sora?" Leon asked, thinking about the brunette.

"Do you have any relation to the boy?"

"Yes. I'm his lover." He said and then the doctor stopped and stared at the male.

"Aren't you a little old?" The doctor asked and his face fell slightly as he thought about what he had to say.

"If he's dead, does it matter?" Leon asked and then saw the face. "He is, isn't he?" Leon whispered and then touched the wall before he fell.

"He… He died, Mr. Hidashi. Riku had a miracle being stuck inside a lit car. However, Sora died when he was flung from the window. His neck broke when he hit the ground." He said and then moved to flip the pages and unsnapped a bag and handed Leon a necklace.

"I guess the LSR makes sense now. We weren't sure who to give it to." He said and Leon took the necklace, fingering the crown and then pressed his hand to his lips as he took a deep breath. "I'm guessing his mother is…"

"Dead. And so is his father. He's been living with us for a year now." Leon said and then he stood quietly and nodded. "Can I see him? Riku, I mean." The doctor looked at the papers again and nodded. "Room 226. ICU. Tell them your status and tell them I gave you the pass. We can do the skin graph but we need him conscious to get his approval." He said and Leon nodded.

"Of course, I understand." Leon said and then entered the unit slowly, told them his name and that the doctor sent him. Leon walked through the room and could feel the coldness surrounding him more and more as he walked past the blank space to Riku's bed. "Excuse me ladies and gentleman." He said to the people he couldn't see, but he could feel. He then saw Riku and he stopped and shivered.

"Baby…" He whispered to Sora, not wanting to think about their current situation. "Help him…" And Leon stepped forward, touched the males rough, scarred face and he moved to sit down on the edge of the bed and petted his hair and all he could feel was the last week of his fucked up life coming down in ashes. He still seemed hot, burning from the inside.

It was too much. Leon rested the necklace on Sora's bed table. "I love you, get better… And Sora, help him… Please help him." He whispered and stood, walking out of the room, afraid he was going to puke.

END FLASHBACK

The day ended with no bang. No sparkles. Just Sora, Riku and Leon sitting out at Junction 42 on Hwy 36 staring the indents on the side of the road. Riku hopped off the hood of the car and leaned down into the grass. The ground beneath his fingers felt cold and Leon moved towards him and kissed his temple. He took his brother, his lover by the waist and pulled him onto his lap and held him as Sora let one tear slip. "TELL ME RIKU! TELL ME YOU LOVE ME! It will all end when you tell me the truth!"

"No… No! Go away!" Riku cried as he moved to hold Leon tight. Riku was 17, the night after Sora's death had been his birthday. Sora was only 16. They had worked for a Family-Relations company that dealt with distressed families who needed help, and psychics played a big part in that. They could reconnect families, tell people what they're long lost son or daughter wanted them to know, ask any questions, and get final goodbyes.

The families usually donated to the fund. A lot.

Sora and Riku were partners; they met that way, through the company. Riku being older and having a much more vivid sense was the reason why he always led the investigations, did the research if the ghost didn't know they were dead. In this case, Riku wouldn't accept Sora's death.

Sora and Riku had both been dating Leon, they all lived together, they were their own family. When Sora died, Riku wouldn't touch Leon for days. That hurt a lot, for Sora and Leon both to watch. Because of Sora's death, Riku was breaking off his job, what made him and Sora meet. Leon, whom Sora and Riku both loved and cared for watched everything from a disrupted point of view, unable to see Sora's being, but able to feel it. Their past, which Riku never wanted to think about again and Sora wanted to make him face was about to come flaring back.

Love could be a bitch at the worst of times.