disclaimer: I do not own mary alice that belongs to stephanie meyer. but i do own the parents and the men…so hah i have something!!
Summary: this is a pre-twilight story on alice. set before she goes to the asylum
Not Wanted
There are men in white coats in a van. They come walking along quietly and with purpose, they come for a girl, a crazy girl. They come for a girl that hears and sees things that she truly shouldn't see, they promise to make her better. They have treatments; her parents don't want her anymore, the crazy child. The other child is better. Pain blinding pain like fire, fire all over my body.
I scream, Mother doesn't come rushing in, she hasn't for months now. She never even looks at me anymore. I am the secret in the upstairs room, the child they don't want anymore. They have a new better one now. Tears start to fall down my face; I always knew that they would eventually get rid of me, from the first, what would I call it? Vision is the best word I suppose. It angered Mother she yelled at me for lying, but then when it came to pass she became frightened. I should have known better then to tell her that they continued to occur. I should have known after they sent the priest to get rid of the demons in me, after they locked me in this room. Now they are going to send me to the asylum. I had no clue when it would happen, only that it would. I would go to that place, the place where people loose themselves, never to be a person again. I had heard what they did to make people better, lock them in rooms, and give them medicine, shock treatment.
The door bell rings, they're here. People walk around downstairs, they come up the stairs. It's the men coming to take me away. I don't want to go. They can't take me, the lock turns in
the door. Two men in white coats come into the room. They hold a strange white jacket. The jacket has long arms and many leather straps.
"It will be alright Alice, just come here." One of the men says almost cooing.
I step back I'm in the corner now, trapped. They can't make me go with them I don't want to go. I'll stop having the visions, I'll be good. I start to sob and mutter prayers to the Lord above, if anyone can help.
"Now, now Alice there's nothing to be scared of come along we're going to make you better." He says walking towards me. One of his hands comes towards me; the one with the jacket is there too. They're going to take me away; they're going to hurt me, my eyes dart around the room, looking for an escape.
I scream and try to run away, but the one man grabs me, and speaks soothingly. Like he is speaking to a wild animal, a wild and dangerous animal. I bite his arm and kick him to get away. The man with the white coat backs away, I run down stairs to Mother. She is standing by the window fretting; she looks as if she is afraid the neighbors will find out her dirty secret. I collapse at her feet shaking with fear muttering prayers and promises again.
"I won't Mother. I promise I'll be good." I repeat this clutching her skirts like I a frightened toddler. I look into her eyes, but there is no love in her eyes, no pity, no mercy. Fear of my visions, my oddities and hatred of me for seeing these things, for ruining there reputation is all I that is there. I start the prayers again. "Please Mother, I was a bad girl, I'll be good, I won't Mother I promise I won't." She tries to shake me off of her leg like I was a spider to be gotten rid of. I clutch her tighter and sob.
Two strong arms reach around me to tear me away. I grab tighter to Mother's skirts if I let go they will take me away, take me to the asylum. Take me to my death; I don't need to go, I am not crazy! The arms pull me away from Mother, I kick and scream at the person to make them let go of me. I scratch and hit and bite but the person won't let go of me, they hold on like I held to Mother only their grip isn't from fear. Mother has left the room and gone to the kitchen, she has left me again. I kick the man again and he drops me suddenly, I fall to the floor in a heap. But before the man can get me again I run away. I shall plead to Father; he will listen, I am his baby girl, his first child, his mother's namesake; he is in the study trying to ignore me. I come to him and hide behind his chair, pleading, shaking.
"Please, please don't let them; don't let them take me away. I promise I'll be good, I promise." I plead with him, my eyes search his. Here there is pity. Pity is good anything is good. "Please Father don't send me away, I won't let it happen again I promise. I'll do anything, please don't get rid of me, please Father."
He shakes his head at me and grabs the tops of my arms like he used to when I got in trouble with Mother and went to him to protect me. "No Alice, you must go. You will get better, and then you can come home." I nod as he pulls me up and leads me to the parlor. He believes this whole heartily I see this now; they don't need me. They don't need the crazy daughter, I must be crazy.
I realize that they don't want me, that I must leave. That no one loves the crazy girl anymore. I have lost my novelty it's not cute anymore, Mother can't love me anymore. I continue to sob and mutter prayers. But these are prayers of defeat not hope. I am lost, lost to the demons, lost to the men in the white coats. Father leads me to the men and they take hold of me.
I go limp in his arms, the man with the strange coat puts it on me and wraps my arms around my middle, somehow the man knows where all of the straps fit and go. He puts a lock in the back, it is impossible to move my arms. The man holding me lets go, thinking I would stand. I slide to the floor in a heap of debris. Nothing left, I am not wanted, not needed, not loved.
"Come now Alice, don't you want to say good-bye to your family?" the man says trying to make me stand. Trying to coax me into submission to his will, yet I have no fight left I am as submissive as a well trained dog.
No! I don't want to say anything to them, I don't know them. I don't want to remember them; I refuse to remember these people that throw me away. They don't want me, I don't want them. But I do, I do want them. I see Mother's feet a few feet away. I don't look up. The men are speaking to Father and Mother. I don't listen to what they say. They don't love me, they don't want me. Eyes are watching from the stairs, the wanted child sweet innocent. Curses fly to my mind, curses that she might die, might fall sick. That the wanted child the sister will turn out like me and be gotten rid of. That she can know this pain, but as I feel her eyes on my body the curses fall away. I can't wish pain to her, my little sister, my Annie.
I feel the strong arms lift me up, to try and make me stand to walk out. My legs refuse to obey. He tries three times, each time I slump and fall. My head cracks against the floor and starts to bleed. I don't care, it drips onto my face, my hair, my dress, the rug.
"Mary Alice stand up right this instant!" Mother yells. She yells like she has forgotten she doesn't want me, like she did when she still loved me.
My legs obey her voice though my head tells me to not move for the rest of eternity. That it isn't important. But my legs move on their own accord listening to her demand from habit, from knowledge of what would occur if I didn't listen.
The men walk me out of the house; they walk slowly and with a purpose. They walk down the walk towards a white automobile, a van. The one that held the strange uncomfortable jacket opens the door of the back. I turn my head to see if Father or Mother is at the door or window watching me leave, if they feel the slightest bit guilty about this. One look could tell me if they actually did love me. Mother isn't looking, she isn't near a window, and Father is sitting on his favorite chair by the window with Annie. I am already forgotten; the nightmare is already over, it ended the moment I set foot out of the door.
The men push me into the white van. The van has bars on the windows, I assume so the people can't escape. I slump to a heap on the floor of the van, tears stream down my face. Not wanted, not needed, not loved.
My head starts to spin, no! I shout to myself. I promised I wouldn't. My vision goes blurry. "Please stop." I sob. The black spots form in my eyes. I know what is about to happen. The walls of the van go away,
A dark room, pain; pain I had never felt before. Nothing blank nothingness. I see nothing, think nothing, only feel the pain. Unbelievable pain.
A strange sound reverberates off the walls of the van. It won't go away. I can't figure out what the retched sound is, and then suddenly I realize it is the sound of my own fear.