Set in season 6 after JD gets duct taped to the ceiling.
Disclaimer: I don't own Scrubs
The Most Unlikely of Places
I arrived at the hospital bright and early. It was my first day back after my cruise with the Guild of Janitors and I was looking forward to work. And by 'work', I of course mean torturing Dorian. I'd missed it for the past couple of weeks. Sure, Sweaty Lawyer and High-Fiving Surgeon had dutifully duct taped him to the ceiling and sent me photos, but it just wasn't the same. It lacked the satisfaction of knowing, in your heart of hearts that it was you that had caused him distress. Plus, I'd had two weeks to plan all manner of elaborate stunts that I could pull on him. I had a whole notebook full of them. But my first…let's see, 'prank' seems to childish and insignificant…maybe…yes. My first act of torture involved Dorian's lunch, so I would have to wait another four hours or so.
When Dorian's lunch break rolled around, I could hardly contain my glee. I barged though the doors into the cafeteria with purpose. I glanced all round the room, but when I didn't see him I felt my smile slip a bit. His usual group were sitting together, but they were in the middle of a conversation, and I didn't want to offend Blonde Haired Doctor by being rude. That left me with Angry Doctor, who was sitting a couple of tables away from the others. I approached him slowly.
"Ah! Angry Doctor, how are you today?" He didn't look at me.
"Newbie's not here Lurch, so beat it." I remained where I was. "Come on, get outta here!" He glared up at me. I shrugged and left the cafeteria. He wasn't going to be any more help I could see.
I started my search for Dorian. I spent about fifteen minutes wandering aimlessly though the hallways before a thought struck me. I seemed to recall reading about his 'thinking spot' once in his unicorn book. A broom closet on the second floor. I headed for the elevator with renewed vigour, actually doing a little jig on the spot when I pressed the button for the second floor.
It only took me a couple of minutes to reach the right cupboard. I stood silently for a few seconds to make sure he didn't realise I was here, then flung the door open wide, expecting a rewarding girly shriek. Instead, I just found myself faced with wide and staring eyes. I glared at him.
"What are you doing here?" I quickly blinked and looked way.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" He began to gather his things: stethoscope, clipboard, lunch. Wait, lunch?
"Hey!" He froze and slowly turned his head to look at me, again with the wide and staring eyes. I gestured to the brown paper bag he had just returned his sandwiches too. "What's that all about?" He looked down at it.
"My lunch?" Something seemed to dawn on him. "Here, have it!" He thrust it towards me.
"What, you think because I'm just a janitor I can't afford my own food? Is that it?!" His eyes widened further.
"No! I…I didn't mean…I'm sorry?" He stuttered. I waved it away with me hand.
"Ah, forget it. I'm just messin' with ya!" I gave him a big smile. He seemed hesitant. I wondered why I hadn't got onto torturing him yet. Something seemed to be stopping me. "What I meant was why are you eating in here? Shouldn't you be in the cafeteria with Blonde Haired Doctor and Scary Nurse and the others?" He shrugged.
"They're probably happier without me there anyway." He muttered. I opened my mouth to make a belittling comment to him, but he carried on talking. "Apparently I'm a burden to them. They probably want some time away from me." I opened my mouth to agree with him in a way that also insulted him, but, again, he carried on talking. "But the more I think about it, the angrier I get, you know?" He finally looked up at me as his voice got louder. "I mean they're my friends, right? They should want to be there for me." I attempted, yet again, to say something witty at his expense, but his final words stopped me in my tracks. "Honestly, you're probably a better friend than any of them are."
I actually found myself laughing at that. I moved so that I was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall. I wasn't sure why I'd suddenly decided to engage in conversation, but it seemed like the thing to do.
"They can't be that bad." I mean, he was friends with Blonde Haired Doctor! She was wonderful. He shrugged.
"They're not bad people. They just… Well, I imagine you know everything that's going on in my life right now, yes?"
"You recently found out your now ex-girlfriend miscarried your child, you live in a tent and you pass out when you poo." I reeled off. He gave me a small smile.
"I thought so." His frown returned. "Maybe I do talk about that stuff a lot. But… Well they're my friends. They're supposed to be supportive." I made a small gesture of agreement with my head (it wasn't quite a nod).
"I don't…" I cleared my throat. "I don't really have many friends. But I imagine that's what they're supposed to be like." He nodded.
"It just reminds me of something Turk said a few weeks ago. You know, when that woman came in who thought we were singing. We were talking about how long we've known each other and how well we get on and…you know…manly stuff…and I said I'd be there for him when things were bad. He told me he'd be there for me when things were good. I've often wondered if I get too invested in my friendships." He sighed. "I don't know, maybe I should just move to a different hospital. Perhaps that would be better for everyone." I frowned.
"Why would you want to leave here?" Sure, Sacred Heart wasn't great, and yes, I did hate everyone a bit, but…we were a family here. And my God, that was cheesy.
"My friends wouldn't have to spend time with me, Dr. Cox would finally get what he's wanted for the past six years, and as for me… Well, let's face it, I'm pathetic." For some reason, I wanted to protest and tell him that he wasn't. It was a very odd feeling. "I mean, I'm eating sandwiches in a broom closet, hiding from friends that don't want to see me anyway and spilling my heart out to someone who hates me so much he spends time coming up with elaborate schemes to mess with me. Maybe I do need a change." I swallowed.
"I…don't hate you." I told him quietly. He raised an eyebrow.
"So you duct taped me to the ceiling because I love it so much?" I shrugged.
"Technically speaking, that wasn't me." He didn't look convinced. "But it's our thing!" I insisted.
"What?" He asked confused.
"Our thing." I repeated. When he still didn't get it, I rolled my eyes. "You know, how Angry Doctor always yells at you, and Scary Nurse looks after you, and Blonde Haired Doctor has sex with you…It's like that." He gave me a faint smile.
"That's not much of a comfort," he told me.
"But I don't hate you." I reminded him, returning to my original point. "And none of your other friends do either." I don't know what possessed me to say that, but I just didn't like seeing him so down.
"I never thought they did. They're just…" He sighed again. "I guess I can't blame them. Things are going so well for them all. Elliot's doing well with Keith, Carla and Turk are having their baby, Dr. Cox and Jordan are getting along better too… I suppose they don't really need to here about my problems." I shook my head. That wasn't how I saw it.
"But you heard about their problems. And you didn't complain." He didn't bother questioning my certainty on this. He was too used to knowing things about him. For a second it struck me that that was slightly odd, before I decided that as friends, I should know stuff about him.
"That's true… But I can't exactly get new friends. And I don't really want to move to another hospital, if I can help it."
"You're just going to have to deal with it," I offered my advice. "Maybe they're crap friends, but they're still your friends. I wouldn't abandon that if I were you." He gave me a genuine smile, which I returned.
"Thanks, Janitor." He looked at his watch. "I have to go, my shift starts in a couple of minutes." I stood up, offering him a hand. He eyed it warily.
"When does this truce end?" He asked as he took it. I smiled.
"Oh, right about…now!" I let go of his hand, letting him fall back into the cupboard. "See ya, Scooter!" I walked away from him, whistling a merry tune, content that things between us would be back to normal again.