Title: More Than Anything
Author: aFigureOfSpeech (rath_robin_rye)
Pairing: KevinxGwen
Rating: T (just to be on the safe side. It gets a little heavy in there)
Summary: He was an outcast, a monster, a freak. The whole world was against him, and he hated them all; one person in particular. There was only a single thing that soothed his burning rage, and she didn't even know he was there.
Note: I don't know how well this turned out. I guess it's okay, but I wonder how well anyone who can't see what's going on inside my head will understand this (I am posting this un-betaed). And, it will probably stay at least semi-confusing, cause I'm going to be skipping around the time-line a bit. Why? Because that's how it turned out, and I really wanted to start with the scene in this pic: http:/ kikikun. deviantart. com/ art /Monster-53091739?q=gallery%3Akikikun%2F280793&qo=121, which was part of the inspiration for this thing that's been beating on my brains since I saw some it a little while back. It's by kikikun, who has some really cool stuff that you should all go check out. :D And I'd like to thank her for 1, giving my recently-dormant creativity juices a boost, and 2, giving me permission to use her work. So, thank you so much! *hug*

Disclaimer: Me no own Ben 10.

A young man lay in the back of an ally, one small shadow engulfed by many larger ones. He was perhaps sixteen, with black-rimmed brown eyes and wearing green pants and a black shirt. He leaned against the wall, curled up, his long, dark hair falling over his knees where he had buried his face. Violent tremors wracked his body.

'Why?' He had asked himself the question so many times, and still he had no answer. He really didn't understand it. For him, everything went well. For him, everything was good. For him, everything just fell into place as easy as breathing. His power was great, growing. His family was loving, accepting.

And she was there.

"Patience," the Voice said inside his head. Why did everyone tell him that? "Have patience, boy. Our labors will not be unrewarded, and then you will have everything you wanted."

"I'm so damn tired of waiting!" he shouted at the air, jumping up, nearing his breaking point with no hope of stopping. "That's all I ever do is wait! Wait and watch! And what do I see? Stupid Ben Tennyson with his stupid perfect powers and his stupid perfect family and his stupid perfect life!" He could feel himself losing it, feel himself going over the edge, but he couldn't stop himself, didn't really want to. He just couldn't take all this right now.

"Kevin, calm-" But Kevin would not be calmed; he was beyond any words. He simply ran, and ran, and ran, blind to all but his destination, deaf to all but the blood pounding in his ears.

And then he was there, in his sanctuary, his safe house, his secret place. Kevin collapsed and for a moment just lay there, soaking it all in. Everything was going to be okay. He could just forget. There were only two things in the world that always managed to calm him down, and this was one of them.

He was in a small room. It was simple and windowless, containing only sparse furniture: a small bed, a desk, a lamp. In a corner there was a mannequin torso wearing a blue shirt. He did not look at those though, but rather at the walls, at the dozens and dozens of pictures and papers that hung from them. They covered every side, and they were all of her: happy, sad, angry, tired, embarrassed, but always beautiful. He had taken all of them (well, nearly all of them) himself, and they were his prized possessions. In their presence, his anger abated.

Then his eyes fell on the bed. He kept it there for the nights when he felt that he would come completely apart for not being able to be near her. His eyes were drawn to a small figure underneath the bed, though. It was a little doll with green pants and a black and white shirt and brown hair and looked like-

A scream tore itself from his throat as his rage returned. Ben Tennyson. He was the reason why everything was wrong in Kevin's world. He was the reason Kevin had been so angry in the first place. Yet again Kevin had been admiring her from afar, only to have that imbecile approach her. That in itself wouldn't have been quite so bad (though it still made him seethe with jealousy), as they did tend to spend a surprising amount of time together for all the arguing they spent most of it doing; but what had really set him off today was when Ben had grabbed her elbow and whispered into her ear. Not only had he touched her, but he had done so with the familiarity of two immeasurably close people, with the familiarity that Kevin so longed for, and he just couldn't stand staying any more.

Then, as if that weren't enough, as he had been leaving, he had heard her laugh. That wonderful sound that he loved so much had been for someone else. For him. Ben.Not. Kevin.

Oh, it made his blood boil!

He screamed again and began tearing fervently at the doll. "Why?" His muscles strained as he tried to pull it apart. "Why-" A small hole appeared. "-does she-" The hole grew larger. "-like you?" It wasn't enough to sate him; he grabbed an arm. "Why-" It tore off. "-do you-" He went to the head. "-get to be-" It came off as well. "-near her?" Kevin stared at the disembodied head for a moment; he suddenly realized that there were tears coursing down his face, and he found that he didn't really care.

He spotted his small knife on the floor. He crawled to it and picked it up carefully, then began to stab the head periodically. "Why-" Stab. "-you?" Stab. "Why-" Stab. "-not-" Stab. "-me!" Stab stab stab stab!

Jerkily Kevin flung the head away, knife still embedded in its stuffed skull. For a few moments he was still, save for his heavy breathing.

It had done no good.

He still felt as though he was burning up from the inside out. He tore off his shirt, trying to relieve the unbearable heat; no good.

Slowly, Kevin crawled back to the bed, covered in a dark blanket, on top of which he found another doll, a different doll. This one had white pants and a blue shirt and orange hair. The tears returned with renewed force as he sunk down, clutching the doll to himself. He rocked, back and forth, back and forth, overcome now by his emotions in a completely different way. Eventually, he was able to sit back on his heels; he held up the doll and spoke to it:

"You are the difference between me and him, you know that? You are what makes him pure and me evil, and I want that, I want what he has. To get it I need you, I need you. Because you will make these feelings stop. Right? These confusing emotions that are driving me insane...you'll save me right? Once I have you, everything will be ok..."

His chest ached so much.

"I want you, Gwen. I want you more than anything."

A/N: ...Yeah. Confused? Good, that's what I was going for! ...Not really. Gah, I don't know how well this turned out. I guess it's okay, but I wonder how well anyone who can't see what's going on inside my head will understand this (I am posting this un-betaed). And, it will probably stay at least semi-confusing, cause I'm going to be skipping around the time-line a bit. Why? Because that's how it turned out, and I really wanted to start with the scene in this pic I saw on deviantART under the same name as this chapter, which was part of the inspiration for this thing that's been beating on the inside of my brains since I saw some it a little while back. It's by the amazing kikikun, who has some really cool stuff that you should all go check out. And I'd like to thank her for 1, giving my recently-dormant creativity juices a boost, and 2, giving me permission to use her work. So, thank you so much!

Yeah, go check it out. It'll probably help you figure out what's going on.

And in case you're wondering, no, Kevin does not keep that knife in there to cut himself, or anything like that. He keeps it in there to do pretty much exactly what he did there. Yeah...It's his anger management technique. Just a little counter-productive, Kevin, just a little.