A/N: Urameshia~! I'm not stuck in Makai! So don't forget about me!
K/N: Hey! That's my line! Don't use it!
A/N: Ow! That hurts! Stop hitting me! Okay, okay! I won't use it! Pichuu~n!
K/N: You better not!
A/N2: I hope you like this little one-shot! I've been a little down in the dumps lately, so I needed a little pick-me-up! Also, I NEED TRUTHS AND DARES! PLEASE! TASUKETE!
Remilia's Dangerous Gungnir
[Music of the day: Remilia's theme-Septette for the Dead Princess]
-The Scarlet Devil Mansion, Interior-
It was a peaceful day in Gensokyo, as was any other day in the Japanese land of paradise. Though it seemed a little too peaceful for a particular resident...
"Oh Sakuya! Please come here!" Said the Young Descendant of Tepes herself, Remilia Scarlet. No sooner than she said those words, her faithful servant and chief maid, Sakuya Izayoi, appeared at her side.
"How may I serve you Milady? Would you like a cup of tea? Or perhaps a nice-" she said.
"I'm bored Sakuya, I need entertainment." said Remilia. It was Thursday. She absolutely despised Thursdays...
"Well, would you like to read that newspaper that everyone is talking about?" Sakuya inquired.
"Which one? The Kakashi Spirit? No thanks, I don't want to read an old newspaper!" said Remilia.
"Uh, Milady, that is not the newspaper I meant... I meant the Bun-" was all Sakuya said before she was cut off by Remilia standing up.
"You know what day it is... right Sakuya?" Sakuya sighed.
"...Yes, Milady, I do know what day it is... shall I open the window?"
"If you would be so kind..." said Remilia as she started building up scarlet colored energy. If there was one thing that she loved, it was danmaku. And if she loved danmaku, she loved spell cards... one in particular...
Sakuya opened the window as quickly as possible not wanting to get destroyed in a wave of scarlet energy. "Milady, the window is open. You are free to fire." said Sakuya.
"Excellent, Sakuya! Time for some fun! Divine Spear "Spear the Gungnir"! Screamed Remilia as she activated her spell card. The scarlet colored energy that she was gathering condensed just above her palm, forming a small arrow of energy. A few seconds later, the arrow grew and grew, gaining the shape of an ornate spear. Remilia grasped the spear by the glowing handle, stamped the floor, and threw it through the window with a loud "whoosh".
"Ah! I'll never get tired of that! Sakuya! Tea time!" said Remilia as she sat down contentedly.
"Yes, Milady." said Sakuya as she left to get a new pot of tea ready.
-Scarlet Devil Mansion, exterior-
"...snore...snore...snore..." That is what could be heard at the gates of the Mansion as its' gate keeper, Hong Meiling, stood there, eyes closed, sleeping. "Snore...snore...snore...Hm...? Eh, just my imagination..." 'Whoosh' "Hm...? Oh! Is it that time already?" Meiling turned towards the sound that she heard, and saw a glimmer in the sky. "I can do it this time! I'm sure I can catch it, I'm sure of it!" As she said this, she got in a fighting stance and put her hands up.
A whistle could be heard as the Divine Spear came flying down just outside the gates of the Mansion. Meiling held her hands out ready to catch it as it flew towards her. Just as she was about to catch it, she clasped her hands together holding the blade of the spear in her hand. Or so we think. Meiling actually clasped her hands together a bit soon, as the spear was on the outside of her hands.
"...Crap..." said Meiling just before the spear hit to the right of her hands. "WAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Meiling as she was driven through the ground.
-Location of Old Hell, Run Down Bar-
"Hahahaha!" Laughed Kisume, the Bucket Demon as she danced around in nothing but her panties.
"Hey, Kisume! Want some more sake?... Ah forget it, I'll drink it! Right Aya?" Said one of the supposed Deva of the Mountain, Yuugi Hoshiguma as she pat the back of the Crow of Wind and Rain, Aya Shameimaru. As Yuugi was patting her back, she was holding her stomach due to the fact that she had too much sake.
"Uhhh... pain..." Muttered Aya.
"Eh, what a lightweight! You can hold your own, right Nitori?" said The Free-Spirited Oni, Suika Ibuki as she offered her Gourd of Infinite Sake to the Aquatic Engineer, Nitori Kawashiro. She was holding a dish of sake already as well as shaking.
"N-Not really, Suika. I-I feel like I'm gonna pass out..." muttered Nitori shakily.
"Eh, lightweight..."muttered Yuugi as she took a drink from her sake dish at the other end of the bar.
At that moment, a crack was heard as Meiling fell through the ceiling above Old Hell.
"...aaaaAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Meiling as she fell.
'CRASH!'
"Hm? What was that?" said Suika, oblivious to the fact that Meiling crushed Yuugi.
"Ow! That hurt!" screamed Yuugi as she held up Meiling by her collar. "You have a lot of nerve trying to attack me while my guard was down!" screamed Yuugi.
'I-I'm sorry! Please forgive me! Please!" pleaded Meiling as she held up her hand. As Yuugi was giving her a lecture, cracks began to form on the stone beneath them. Suika noticed it first.
"Hahaha! Look! Cracks! A-And...what was I talking about again? Ah, forget it." The cracks were spreading farther apart as they buckled underneath our fighting pair.
"Huh? Well, crap..." said Yuugi.
"Not again!" said Meiling as they fell down into the lower layers of Old Hell.
-Furnace of Old Hell-
"...aaaAAAAAH!" They both screamed as they plummeted into Hell's Furnace.
"Oh! I actually landed for once! I'm o-" said Meiling before she was cut off by Yuugi landing on her head. "...ow..." muttered Meiling.
"Oh, a cushioned landing! I like that!" said Yuugi as she sat on Meiling's head. They both fell through the ground of the old bar. "If I remember, then this is the reactor, isn't it? Yeah! It is!"
"Please get off of me! You're crushing my head!" said Meiling. When she said this, Yuugi scrambled off of her.
"Oh, what's this? Intruders? Master won't be pleased to hear about this..."said someone not too far from here. Yuugi and Meiling looked toward the direction the voice came from.
"Hm? Who are you?" wondered Meiling.
"I am the one responsible for this reactor, and I suggest that you leave at once!" said the Subterranean Sun herself, Utsuho Reiuji.
"Well, we would leave, but we don't know the way out. So, do you mind helping us?" asked Yuugi.
"So, you aren't leaving huh? Fine, have it your way!" said Utsuho, pointing her arm-cannon at the pair. "Atomic Fire:'Uncontainable Nuclear Reaction'!" When she said this, Utsuho unleashed what could only be described as a 'shitstorm' upon the two unfortunate youkai. Said youkai were blown away from the force of the spell card.
- Border of the Forest of Magic-
"Ngh... I'm not done yet! Fight me like the celestial you are! I just know that you can't beat me, because I'm the strongest!" said The Ice Fairy of the Lake, Cirno. She was in the middle of fighting the Daughter of Bhavagra, Tenshi Hinanawi.
"And what are you going to do about it, huh? Are you gonna come punch me? Oh wait, you can't do that!" said Tenshi. She had Cirno trapped under a giant keystone, a giant rock with holy tassels around it.
"Ngh... I will beat you!" said Cirno weakly as she was slowly being crushed by the glorified rock. Suddenly, a rumble shook them both.
"Hm? What was that?" Tenshi said as she looked around. She saw nothing and shrugged."Ready to die?" Another rumble shook them as a geyser spurted out of the ground, freeing Cirno and launching Tenshi and her Keystone.
"...aaaaaaAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Tenshi as she flew through the air, crying all the way.
- Hakurei Shrine front-
Reimu Hakurei, The Eternal Shrine Maiden, was just sweeping the front of the shrine, her stomach growling hungrily. "Man, why do I have to do this? Why can't I just have that tasty thing from the outside world already? What was it called again? Oh yeah, Pocky..."she said as she kept sweeping the front porch.
'CRASH'
"Hm? What was that?" she said as she looked to where the sound came from, behind her. What she saw was her shrine, demolished by a boulder. "Huh...wait, WHAT?!"
"Ow... that hurt..." said a familiar voice.
"Wait, that voice... YOU! I thought you learned your lesson already!"Yelled Reimu as she stormed angrily over to a scared Tenshi. Suffice to say, Tenshi was scared out of her hat.
"I-I'm sorry! I-It wasn't my fault!" said a frightened Tenshi. However, Reimu was not listening, instead, she started huffing and puffing like the "big bad wolf" and punched the ground where Tenshi was before. 'Before' being the keyword as Tenshi dodged the punch, resulting in a hole in the rubble of the Shrine. "Wah! Don't kill me again!"
Reimu was beyond angry now, she was furious. She started throwing razor sharp amulets towards Tenshi, who was dodging and flipping like a circus performer.
"GRRRRR! I'll obliterate your soul! Get back here! GET BACK HERE!" screamed Reimu as she threw countless amounts of Homing Amulets. Again, Tenshi dodged like it was set on Lunatic.
"RRAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Screamed Reimu as she jumped up in the air and twisted around, throwing amulets the entire time. This time, Tenshi actually caught the amulets as they came towards her.
"Haha! I got them! What are you gonna do no-" Wham! Is the sound of a Yin-Yang Orb colliding with Tenshi's face, "Yeowch! That hurts! You have a lot of nerve throwing that at...me..." BAM! Was the sound of a larger Orb colliding with her body.
"GRRRRRRRR! I'll finish you off right now! Spirit Sign: 'Fantasy Seal'! As she said this, eight orbs of pure energy formed around her and started spinning around her. "Take this!" And then Tenshi was blown sky-high... "My poor shrine..."
-The House of Eternity, Eientei, clinic-
"Alright, I need you to take these pills for ten days straight with food and drink and that rash will go away..." said the Lunar Pharmacist, Eirin Yagokoro as she handed a bottle to her patient in front of her.
"Oh thank you Ms Eirin! You will be forever in my debt!" said Eirin's patient as he got up.
"Hmm... likewise...be careful now alri-" said Eirin as she was cut off by a person flying through her clinic. Needless to say, Eirin was speechless. "I need a nap..."
-Mugenkan Mansion, Garden of the Sun-
"...sniff sniff.. Ah...I love my flowers..." muttered the Oriental Demon, Yuuka Kazami as she playfully smelled her precious sunflowers "...sniff sniff... I wouldn't know what to do if anything were to happen to them..."
Oof! Ow! Ngh! Yah! Oof!
"Hm? What was that?" said Yuuka as Tenshi rolled through her flowers. "M-My flowers... m-my...M-My flowers..." muttered Yuuka angrily as she stamped furiously over to Tenshi.
"Ow, my head... that's gonna hurt in the morning..." muttered Tenshi, in pain."Hm? Flowers? Wait, Am I in... oh crap..." Standing above her was Yuuka, clearly angry about what happened.
"YOU." said Yuuka as she grabbed Tenshi by the collar.
"Wah! P-Please no! I only have two lives le-Gak!" said Tenshi as she was punched in the stomach, making her throw up and sending her flying. "WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" she screamed as she was flying toward the side of Youkai Mountain. When she hit the side, it left a large indentation in the side of the rock face.
"I won't let you leave alive!" screamed Yuuka as she dashed to the rock face with Tenshi.
BAM! POW! SMACK! CRACK! Pichuu~n!
A crack spread along the mountain, splitting it in two. Tenshi was as good as gone, as she was but a limp rag doll as Yuuka grabbed her by her collar again and threw her into the sky. "Flower sign: 'Dual Spark'!" said Yuuka as she shot two large lasers, nearly obliterating Tenshi. "Never. Touch. My. Flowers."
-Moriya Shrine, front-
"Finally! I can finally work this thing! I can control Hisou Tensoku!" said the Shrine Maiden of the Wind, Sanae Kochiya, as she flipped random panels and switches in the giant robot.
"Good job Sanae! I can't believe it works!" said The Avatar of Mountains and Lakes, Kanako Yasaka as she praised her young servant.
"Yeah! Great job Sanae! Way to go!" said the Amphibian God, Suwako Moriya as she hopped up and down happily flailing her arms up and down.
"Thank you! Now, let's see if this thing can fly..." BONG! "W-Wah!" It seems as though Tenshi has collided with Sanae's robot, making it totter around aimlessly. "No! Not now!" said Sanae as she fell onto the Moriya Shrine. "Ngh!"
As she hit the ground, she accidentally pressed a button on the side panel next to her. "Oh cripes, what did I just push?! 'Arm Rockets'?! Cripes!" Suddenly, the arms detached themselves from the robot, the ends igniting into flames, and flying away at random. Unfortunately, one of the arms headed towards the two gods.
"AAAAAH!" screamed Kanako.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAA!" screamed Suwako.
Pichuu~n!
-The Human Village, square- (Seriously, does this village have a name?!)
The History Eating Half-Beast, Keine Kamishirasawa was walking along the shopping district, enjoying the sunlight and a nice breeze.
"Mommy, mommy! What's that up there?" a child said to her mother. Keine heard this and turned to where the child was pointing. When she did, however, a large metal fist slammed down onto the village, destroying the shops on the Eastern side of the shopping district. Keine just stood there, jaw on the ground, dumbfounded.
"...I need a drink..." said Keine, exasperated.
-Myouren Temple, front-
The Echoing Sutra Chanter, Kyouko Kasodani was quietly sweeping the front of the Myouren Temple, minding her own business. "Hm hm hm hmmmmmmmm.." hummed Kyouko as she swept.
BOOM!
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! What the heck was that?!" She glanced behind her to find a large metal fist and the Myouren Temple completely destroyed. "W-W-What just happened?! H-How did- What just- Huh?!" She was completely dumbfounded. As she was trying to figure out what happened, the owner of the temple, The Great Sealed Magician, Byakuren Hijiri entered the grounds from a relaxing walk.
"Kyouko? How is the sweeping coming alo-" Byakuren was cut short from being dumbfounded as to what happened. "M-M-Myouren's Temple... WHAT HAPPENED?!" At this, she started crying like she lost a family pet. "I-I need to get this fixed! NOW!" When she said this, she dashed over to the rubble, grabbed the rocket fist, lifted it above her head, and tossed it with all of her strength. "MYOUREEEEN!" She screamed as she threw it in a random direction.
-Scarlet Devil Mansion, Tea room-
"Milady, I've brought your tea..."said Sakuya as she carried a tray with a pot of hot tea and a cup on a saucer.
"Ah! Thank you, Sakuya! Just set it down on the table there." said Remilia happily. Sakuya started to walk over to the table when she noticed a twinkle in the sky.
"Hm...? Is that...?" When she realized what it was, her eyes widened, she dropped the tea, and ran to Remilia. "Milady, I will be taking a five minute break. If you want, I will take you to Eientei later." With that, she jumped back, bowed, and disappeared into a deck of cards. When Remilia looked back to see what was going on, she saw nothing but a few cards on the floor.
"Hm? What was that all about? Something about the Lunar House?" pondered Remilia.
Crash! Plink plink plinkity plink!
Remilia turned back slowly to find a giant metal fist flying at her."AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pichuu~n!
-Eientei, clinic-
"Milady? How are you feeling?"asked Sakuya.
"Ngh... I... Hate... Thursdays..." grunted Remilia.
A/N: OH. MY. KANAKO. I stayed up the entire night doing this! Blugh... I need sleep...
M/N: There there... I'll help you with that...
A/N: Thanks Meiling...
M/N: Don't mention it. Seriously, please don't.
A/N2: I hope you like this "little" one-shot I made! This is based off of the Youtube video "Remilia's Dangerous Gungnir in Gensokyo" Go check it out~! And please leave Truths and Dares!
-Phoenix