It's finally happened. Steve Rogers has finally punched Tony Stark.
I win
It was months after the Avengers moved in ("squatted" Tony corrected as often as he could) and re-named Stark Tower, Avengers Tower when it finally happened.
Bets had been made, they all knew it would happen eventually.
Tony had been goading their captain at every opportunity
He flirted and winked suggestively at Steve (only in public, of course) and laughed boisterously as their fearsome leader blushed like a school girl.
He told Steve that saying hello to people was considered offensive and satanic in the 21st century. Steve, on Tony's suggestion, spent the next four days saying "Howdy" to everyone.
The two argued over everything they didn't agree on (which was an awful lot) and even in the times where they did get along, and those moments were gold-dust, Steve would always say something to accidentally offend the defensive genius (though he will admit that he deserved some of the three weeks stony silence from Tony for calling him Howard without thinking, even if the punishment was extensive, he still remembered Howard as a great man) and they would walk away on worse terms than before.
All that and their huge personality differences meant that the inventor was wearing Captain America's patience thin.
And that's why, four months and thirteen days after Tony started provoking Steve (two weeks, five days after the Avengers joined Pepper and Tony's household as Steve –and Thor- failed to notice) he finally punched the multi-billionaire.
In front of all the Avengers. And Pepper Potts. Her and Bruce were the only ones who seemed in any way upset.
Natasha and Clint, nonchalantly ducked their heads as the genius billionaire playboy philanthropist flew over them. Thor caught him before he hit the wall, Tony still let out a loud "oomfh" on impact as he slid to the ground, clutching his stomach.
Steve was about to apologise when Tony interrupted
"Jesus Fuck!" he exclaimed with a slightly manic grin and a gleam in his eye that quite frankly freaked Steve out. It was a look that made him feel like his every move had been planned out by the crumpled genius on the floor. He was sure that the man or woman who killed Tony Stark (if he didn't manage to get himself killed before that point during a test for a new dangerous robot of something) would be faced with this look and would never sleep another day in their lives. But he digresses.
In the time that Steve was lost in thought Tony had started laughing semi-hysterically. Pepper sighed and muttered something about "another concussion"
"That was on hell of a punch!" Stark grinned even as he swayed slightly from his position on the floor; sitting up against the God of Thunder's legs.
"What are you so happy about?" Clint asked with eyebrows practically in his hairline
"I won" Tony giggle, actually giggled before his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell completely limp against the bemused God.
Pepper ran over and quickly told Thor to "Get him to medical bay now, before he wakes up!" while Bruce idly noted that
"We really shouldn't keep him unconscious if he has a concussion " He was ignored by all.
Thor an Pepper left with Tony in a rush, Clint eagerly taking photos of Tony being carried bridal style by the massive blonde.
"So. . ." Clint broke the silence that fell over the room after all the commotion left "What d'ya Stark meant when he said he won?"
"Yea" Steve said with a furrowed brow "I may not know much about the 21st century but when I'm from, getting nailed in the stomach and passing out is a loss"
Bruce snorted but smiled knowingly "I think I get it"
"Really?" Steve hadn't thought that even Bruce, Tony's official "Science-bro" would be able the follow the mad genius's train of thought on this one.
"Yep. You see, Tony is an atheist" Bruce started
"And all atheists are masochists?" Clint asked disbelievingly, receiving only an eye roll and an elbow jab from his (formerly) Russian partner
"No" their sometimes green friend dead panned "I'm just saying that even though Tony doesn't believe in God, it doesn't mean he doesn't believe in something else" the look on the scientist's face implied that they should get it at this point, but no one knew Tony like Bruce did. It took one messed up genius to understand another.
"You mean the futurism thing?" Steve ventured but Bruce shook his head
"Imperfection" he stated and sighed when only Natasha had a look of realisation in her eyes "Tony's not perfect" a round of snorts followed this statement, only Steve looked embarrassed "He is basically the epitome of imperfection, and I don't mean that as an insult, it's a large part of what makes him brilliant. But he needs to know that everyone else, on some level, is imperfect too"
"And then along come Captain America, the embodiment of perfection" Natasha smirked knowingly and Bruce nodded
"But I'm not perfect" the man in question protested
"Please" Bruce waved off "I bet no one, other than Tony, has had a bad thing to say about you in over 70 years" Bruce challenged "And all Tony ever actually says is that you've got a stick up your ass which really just means that you're too good"
"Something only Stark would think is a bad thing" Clint grinned
Now everyone seemed to be in the loop, found the crazed billionaire's behaviour reasonable and had moved too far into the conversation for the man out of time to keep up with.
Steve hated when they did that.
"I still don't get it" he interrupted the conversation the trio had launched into about the proper definition for "A stick up one's ass"
"You totally lost it, Cap" Clint laughed at the memory
Steve frowned, he hadn't thought he'd been that bad.
"You gave him what he wanted" Natasha smirked
Bruce continued at Steve's expectant expression "Proof of imperfection." He stated simply
"So, by losing my temper and punching him . . . he won?"
"Yep"
"Pretty much"
"It seems so" The three answered with small, fond smiles for their resident mad scientist (he had protested this title at first but had to concede his science bros' excellent point
-"You're Tony Stark, you're issues have issues")
"He probably orchestrated the whole thing" Clint theorised as he walked with Natasha and Bruce towards the door. Bruce hummed in agreement
"Oh, Steve" Natasha half turned back to the hopelessly bewildered soldier "Tony's probably gonna be less of an ass to you now"
"We'll leave you to your thoughts now" Bruce smiled by way of goodbye and Steve nodded numbly. He heard them wonder aloud if Tony had escaped the Medical Bay yet before tuning them out.
Steve Rogers was living in a very confusing time now. With cell phones and tablets and i-phones and other complicated technological devices apparently meant to make life easier and completely new social norms, new fashion and new rules for pretty much everything. It was a very perplexing world, and Tony Stark was probably the most confusing thing about it.
Steve smiled softly to himself. Tony may be confusing, but it was a good kind of confusing, the type that kept you on your toes and didn't let you fall into the purgatory of comfort.
With his super hearing, Steve distantly heard the subject of his thoughts yell out a demented "You'll never take me alive bitches!" followed by various other yells from the people in the Med. Bay.
The super soldier shook his head. He didn't where the genius was planning on fleeing to, seeing as how this was his home. Tony Stark was a definitely insane and very confusing, but a good kind of confusing and insane.
Probably.