Heh, I wrote this fairly quickly, but had fun writing it. I see so many people paired romantically with various characters, and though not all make me want to vomit, there are still far too many of them. So I wrote a little Die-ary entry in poem format about Johnny's view on it. No possible resemblances were intentional, and no squirrels were harmed in the making of this poem. Well, except for the one that spontaneously combusted outside my window.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Dear Die-ary,

Today online I read a love poem
A website writer claimed I wrote
And so I decided with a wicked grin
I would leave them a little note

I carefully tracked down their address
And double checked to make sure
That they would arrive home soon
So I could administer my cure

She tried to scream and run
When she noticed my shadow
I calmly closed and locked the door
And started to load my crossbow

She fell to her knees and begged
Stating she thought I was fake
That I wouldn't mind her little lie
Of a Mary-Sue heartache

I stared down into those eyes
Darting and wild with fear
And I believe, if I'm not mistaken
I even detected a tear

"I truly despise people like you,
Who invent such absurd tales
And then think you can get out of it
With a few well-timed wails.

I may be acting out of character
When I say I pity you
Having so little of a social life
That you don't know what to do

So you take another's characters
And write little love story gems
Dedicated to your little fantasies
You compare my romances to rose stems."

I finished up my little speech
And aimed between her eyes
She trembled and twitched beneath my gaze
Seeming to be hypnotized

I originally went there to warn her
With a few well-aimed slashes
To prove Johnny C. participates
In none of her fantasy matches

But that creator of Mary-Sues
Seemed too pitiful to maim
So instead I killed her painlessly
With my impeccable aim

To simply injure her would have caused
An endless cycle of mental pain
Maybe even resulting in
Her Mary-Sue going insane

I arrived home as usual
With no regrets at all
After all, if you create my Mary-Sue,
You deserve to fall