A Hobbit's secret
Summary: Hobbits really were interesting. Especially when Bilbo lets out one of their secrets to the group, that male Hobbits can become pregnant. Now most of the dwarves have an objective, to win the little Hobbit and make him their own. Bilboxeveryone pretty much. Slash. Mainly a little idea I thought up and found funny. Undecided who Bilbo will eventually end up with.
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Anyone wanna tell me WHO exactly is married? I know for sure Gloin was, since he also had a son if I remember right. Though I don't think anyone else is married I would like to know if anyone knew. (The wiki is a piece of crap and I can't find any other info.)
Also! This is Slash! Meaning MalexMale. Don't like, don't read. Simple as that.
I don't know who exactly I'll have Bilbo end up with. So I may end up leaving it to you guys.
One last thing! The characters will likely become ooc at times. It's a given with a story like this and I haven't really watched or read the hobbit in a long while.
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Bilbo Baggins was a simple hobbit. He disliked the idea of adventure and preferred to be home in Bag's end.
Of Course, Gandalf has awaken the Took side of him. Promising an adventure at his doorstep and then having thirteen dwarves appear and eat him out of house and home one night. All while wanting him to be a burglar for some stone.
He ended up joining the dwarves and wizard on their quest, almost getting squashed and eaten by three trolls in the process.
This is where our story begins...
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Bilbo sighed in relief as they found a river. He had been covered in snot by the trolls and desperately wanted to bathe. He set his new weapon off to the side, a small elven sword, along with his pack before taking out a clean outfit, heading a bit away from the camp. He knew, afterall, that it was improper for someone to see him naked.
"Bilbo! Where are you going? Come on!" Kili and Fili both shouted after him, most of the dwarves were already in the river, naked as the day they were born. Bilbo blushed slightly, embarrassed, and shook his head.
"It's mighty improper to bathe around others." Bilbo told them. Kili and Fili both grinned at each other and Bilbo had a very bad feeling. With a yelp he dropped his clean clothes as the brothers tackled him, managed to undress him, and throw him into the river with the others.
Bilbo was lucky the water wasn't too deep where he landed. He couldn't swim well after all. However he couldn't help the yelp that came out as he hit the cold water suddenly, Kili and Fili jumping in soon after and making a big splash.
The others in the water laughed, Thorin, Gandalf, and Balin not being in the water at this time, as Bilbo glared at the young brothers as fiercely as a rabbit, his face a Scarlett red. They simply grinned at him before swimming to the others, playing in the water with the others.
Bilbo huffed and washed himself quickly, face still red from embarrassment, and quickly moved to where he was by his clothes, keeping his lower half under the water.
"You boys have greatly embarrassed our young burglar it seems! His face is as red as an apple!" Said Nori, chuckling a bit. Bilbo blushed more and quickly got out and dressed, walking to the fire and sitting down beside it across from Thorin.
Thorin had warmed to him a bit after the Troll incident. He at least didn't call him "hobbit" and "burglar" anymore. In turn calling him Mister Baggins now. Though they did not talk much still.
After a while the rest of the company came out from the water, getting dressed and going by the fire to warm. By then Bilbo's cheeks had gone back to their normal color. Though that did not stop the young Princes teasing him.
"So Mister Baggins. None of us know much about Hobbits. Care to enlighten us about them?" Balin asked their Burglar. Bilbo looked at him and nodded a bit.
"Oh alright I guess. Though I don't see any of you finding much interest in us common folk." Bilbo spoke, rubbing the back of his head a bit as everyone looked his way. "Us Hobbits don't go on adventures, unless you are a Took who always has the occasional adventure. We don't fight, though gossip can become quiet fierce in The Shire. It's very quiet and simple." He told them.
"What about your family Bilbo? Now that I mention it, we never saw any of them." Gloin asked, looking at the others who nodded in agreement.
"My family? Well I've never married and my parents died just before I came of age, which is at 32 I have you know, and I have a great many cousins. Let see there's the Took side from my mother. I don't talk to them as much as I wish I'm afraid. There the SackvilleBaggins, greedy folk they are, I've caught one of them making off with the silverware before! My sweet nephew Frodo and his parents Damin and Jered." Bilbo announces before realizing what he said and shutting his mouth tight.
It was a very big secret that hobbits male and female could both become pregnant. They didn't let anyone know this secret. Even Gandalf, who had known hobbits for many many years, did not know this info.
Though, Gandalf managed to never come when a male hobbit was pregnant. So that may be why.
"Did the two adopt the boy? Of maybe had a nice lady carry him for them?" Dori asked curiously. Bilbo looked down, he was never quite the lier.
"U-uhh yes! Oh we are almost out of Fire wood! I'll go get some more!" Bilbo hurried out, standing quickly and heading into the surrounding wood to collect some tinder.
The dwarves and wizard all looked at each other before at the large pile of wood near them.
"Hmm. I believe that our young burglar is not telling us everything he may know. Perhaps even something that I do not know." Gandalf announced and everyone looked at him.
"But why wouldn't Bilbo tell us? Aren't we friends?" Fili asked, feeling confused as the rest of them.
There was no answer to the first part of that question.
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It has been a week since that time by the fire, learning about Hobbits. None of them had been able to get Bilbo to tell the secret, not even Gandalf, who was quite perplexed by what it could be.
They arrived at Rivendell. A place of the elves. Bilbo looked around in awe. He had never seen a place like this before after all.
After Gandalf and Erlond caught up a bit and the dwarves and Bilbo were invited to dinner, much to their delight.
That was also when Fili and Kili struck.
As Bilbo attempted to eat the dinner, as there was no meat and so the dwarves would not eat and instead played, Fili and Kili proceeded to grab the hobbit and pick him up. Bilbo let out a squeak.
"Tell us what you meant by Frodo's parents being both male!" They demanded, refusing to put him down no matter how he pleaded and begged for them to.
Lord Erlond took pity on the Hobbit, having known Belladonna Tooks well when she was young. "Oh. I am not surprised you do not know, as Hobbits only tell those they trust completely and consider close to them that both male and female Hobbits can give birth." He explained, while of course also insulting the Dwarves.
Bilbo paled completely as they all looked at him in shock. He felt faint.
"WHAT?!" The Dwarves, including Thorin, yelled out in shock. Even Gandalf was surprised.
As Bilbo managed to finally get to the floor, he looked down. "U-uhm... I a-am going to head to bed! Good night!" He stuttered out before bolting to his room. The Dwarves were too shock to follow. Though then a few of them smirked, either on the outside, the inside, or both.
Dwarf females were exceedingly rare to be born. It was not uncommon for there to be two males in a relationship together. However the birth rate was low due to the lack of females.
Though Bilbo had the ability to produce children. A few of them had already eyeing him up, thinking the small hobbit adorable, especially while blushing. Though this new info just made them want him all the more. After all, every dwarf wanted children.
Oh this is going to be fun indeed.
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That's it for the first chapter! Now who exactly do you want to have go after Bilbo. I already plan to have Thorin, Kili, and Fili go after him, not to mention maybe Nori and Dwalin ((dunno yet)). Pick who you want and tell me in the comments!