"Ten." He'll be here. He has to be.
"Nine." Any second now, he'll be here.
"Eight." If I close my eyes and open them again, he'll be standing in front of me.
"Seven." My eyes open. Why isn't he here yet?
"Six." He's probably playing cards with the others. They've forgotten about me.
"Five." He's probably kissing that slut, Trina.
"Four." He said he loved me.
"Three." He said he'd never leave.
"Two." Please, open the door.
"One." He's not coming. I'm not what he wants anymore.
"Zero." I stare at the door, waiting for the ache I get in my chest every time we break up, every time he doesn't open one door or another. It doesn't come. I wait a few seconds. I should be feeling something. Nothing. I guess I'm just tired.
Of what? Asks a second voice. I ignore it and start walking to my car. Behind me I hear the door open. I turn.
Beck. He's come back to me. I look at the doorway, waiting for Beck.
"Tori?" I ask, disbelieving.
"Jade." She says.
"What do you want?" I ask.
"You're crying." She says, ignoring my question.
"What? No I'm not." I deny.
"Yes, you are." She puts her hand on my chin, and uses the pad of her thumb to wipe my face. When she pulls her hand away I immediately miss the contact. She shows me the pad of her thumb. It's wet.
"Why do you even care? The thing you've always wanted is inside. At the pool table. Probably making out with your sister."
"Oh my god! How did you miss this? Are you really that obtuse?" She yells.
"What? What, Vega? How obtuse could I possibly be?" I shout back.
"What I've want isn't in there. It's never been in there." She whispers the last part. Wait, never been in there?
"What do you mean? You want Beck. Ever since your first day. You're always staring at him. In the hallway. In classes. At lunch. You're not exactly subtle." I say, as if she doesn't know I know.
"I never wanted Beck." Tori corrects.
"Oh, please, I see the way you look at him. With love. And a lot of lust. Go be with him. He doesn't want me. I'm no longer needed." I shrug, turning away angrily. A hand on my shoulder stops me. Not by force. The opposite. It's the gentlest of touches, and it's so soothing that I stop dead in my tracks. My breath hitches. It's only your shoulder, dummy. Walk away. But I can't. I turn back and find my blue green eyes locking on to Tori's big brown ones. Breathe. It's only Tori, you idiot. Just Tori. No one else. You can control your hormones for a few minutes.
"It was never him I was looking at." She says.
"Then who?" I ask.
In response she puts her other hand on my cheek, the other one still on my shoulder. She leans in.
"Uh, what are you doing?" I ask. She shushes me. I glare at her and say "don- mmph". Not what I'd planned to say, but I was too in shock to complain. She pulls away, clearly upset.
"Oh my god, Jade, I-"
"No. You don't get to apologize. It's all your fault."
"Yeah, Jade, I shouldn't have-"
"No. That's not what I'm talking about. None of this would've happened to me if it weren't for you."
"What do you mean?"
"Me and Beck. Why things weren't working out. Why we were arguing more. It was because of you."
"I don't understand."
"I... I provoked fights. I like Beck, but we were fading. We might have broken up. He never argued with me. It was no fun anymore. There was no spark. Not like I felt with you. I thought that more arguments like the ones we had would bring the sparks back. But they were nothing like the sparks I felt just now. The sparks I just felt were one of the best things I've ever experienced. And you know why I stayed with Beck?" I don't wait for her to respond. "I was scared. Scared of my feelings so I tried to forget them. I tried to bury them because I didn't think there was any chance that you'd feel the same. You make me feel these things, and they're new and exciting and I don't think I can live without them, or you. And it's terrifying. You don't know how hard it is for me to put my feelings out there. I'm scared that I'll get rejected, and it's better to never know that to know that it doesn't work and my heart gets broken again. But I-I'm falling for you, Tori." I cover my mouth with my hands in a very Cat like manner. I've said too much and scared her off. Watch now, she's gonna walk away and not look back.
She steps forward. "Good thing you should say that, because I've already fallen." She smiles, tears in her eyes. She gently removes my hands from over my mouth, and wraps them around her neck, her hands going to my waist. We meet in the middle.
A few minutes later we are rudely interrupted by a high pitched squeal.
"CAT!" We both yell, jumping apart.
"Whaty?" Cat asks innocently.
"Nothing, Cat. Is everyone leaving already?" Tori asks. Car shakes her head no.
"Are you ready to tell them?" I whisper in her ear. She shakes her head no.
"Cat. Look at me." I say. She looks me in the eyes and I glare at her. "Do not tell anyone about this. Got that?"
"Kay kay!" she says, skipping back into the house. We give each other a look and follow her. We awkwardly sit next to each other at the poker table and carry on playing. Trina's all over Beck, but he pretends not to notice, or care. I don't really mind, which is new, but a good new. I feel Tori's hand below the table, stroking up my leg and inner thigh. I stifle a moan.
"Jade, you in?" Andre asks.
I look down at my cards. Full house. But my hands are shaking slightly and I don't trust myself to speak any more than I want Tori to stop. I shake my head no.
Within an hour, everyone leaves. I turn to Tori. "Can I stay here tonight? Beck was my ride home, and he's long gone." She nods.
"I-I'll get you s-something to w-wear." She stutters.
"No, that's fine. I'll just have to go nude." I smirk as I see her blush. "Oh, don't be embarrassed, Tor. You'll be naked, too. When I'm done with you, you'll know never to tease me like that again. Especially as your teasing made me lose focus." Holy mother of god, what the hell am I doing? I pull her up to her room, taking my clothes off along the way. "Do you understand?" I ask, one eyebrow raised, leaning against the door frame, everything on display. She nods and I take her hand and lead her to the bed. "Good."