A/N: Hey everyone! It's 2:42 in the morning where I'm from and I'm up writing a story about Bella and the Dentist! I've had a lot of trips to the dentist lately and gotten a few root canals, so I understand her pain! This is meant to be an amusing one-shot with Bella getting a little high off of her anesthesia! Hope you enjoy my humor! Please leave a review and let me know if I amused you at all! I needed a one shot with all my hardcore revising and writing I've been doing lately.

Enjoy!

"Have I ever mentioned that I have an abnormal fear of the dentist?" I asked Edward as I paced across the floor of my bedroom for what felt like the millionth time. He let out his musical chuckle that had the power to make me weak in the knees. It wasn't like the normal times when he would chuckle because it lasted longer. He was almost in a fit of laughter by the time I finally stomped my foot to face him. "What's so funny, Edward?" I demanded, placing my hand on my hip. He smiled his famous crooked smile at me while trying to control his laughter.

"It's highly amusing to me that a girl who has been attacked by vampires is afraid of the dentist." Edward's voice was tickled. I could feel my annoyance grow even more at the silly smirk he had on his face.

"Do vampires have wisdom teeth?" I asked suddenly. Edward had told me so many things about vampires, but he was always entertained by the questions I would come up with. He let out another laugh. "I'm being serious!" I nearly pouted.

"Our teeth are completely transformed when we go through our change. I'm sorry to say love, we don't have wisdom teeth." He could barely contain his laughter as he spoke. That's it! Enough of his amused vampire nuisance! I stormed out of the room and down the long flight of stairs. I had my keys in my hand before Edward stopped me at the door.

"Would you please move, Edward? I have to go to my appointment." I groaned with irritation, trying to move him out of the way but he wouldn't budge. He still had an entertained look on his face.

"You can't go alone, dear. They're putting you under for the operation and you'll be too sedated to drive. I'm going with you." Edward's voice was smooth and left no room for argument, no matter how badly I wanted to. I rolled my eyes and slid past him to get into my truck. Edward sat in the driver's seat and began our short drive to the dentist office. I ignored him for obvious reasons and stared blankly out of the window.

I could feel my nerves growing more and more as we got closer to the dentist office. I wish Jasper was here to spread some of his empathy power over me; I could really use it at this point. Ever since I was a little girl, I had an abnormal fear of the dentist. Maybe it was because of the time my dentist wore a clown nose that squeaked when he was filling a cavity.

Ever since then, I've always dreaded going and luckily, I haven't needed to go in the last couple of years, but this damn wisdom tooth thing ruined it all. If the pain was manageable and Edward wasn't so protective then I could have waited it out for another month till after the wedding. But no, Edward had to have it his way and stop my toothache!

Edward pulled into Dr. Moore's office and parked near the door. I knew he felt my heart rate accelerate and my breathing quicken because he pulled me over to him. "I'm sorry for laughing at you love." He murmured softly into my ear, sending chills down my back. He gently stroked my arm with his icy finger tips which made the anxiety slip from my mind momentarily. I had forgotten how annoyed I was with him. "I can't wait to see how you act when you wake up." He said, trying to stifle a chuckle. All of sudden my annoyance came back with a full force and I got out of the truck as fast as I could, nearly tripping over the curb as I did so. Edward waited in the truck for a moment before I heard him start to follow me towards the door. He beat me to it and opened it for me like the annoying gentleman he was.

"Thanks." I muttered as I entered the office. It had one of those smells that just screamed dental work and I shuddered. I quickly signed the check in sheet and took a seat in the waiting room. I couldn't control the bouncing of my foot as my nerves boiled. Edward reached out to grab my hand but my glare made him stop in his tracks. "Maybe I'll like you better when I'm drugged." I said sarcastically. Edward laughed quietly.

"Perhaps." He murmured. It didn't take long for the assistant to come out to the waiting room.

"Okay, Bella. We're ready for you." I stood shakily and walked towards her. I looked at Edward from over my shoulder and he had his amused smirk on his face which made me roll my eyes and walk faster towards the operation room. I sat in the dental chair of torture and tried to control my shaking. The assistant started doing a bunch of things and opening different packages. I didn't even want to look at all the different tools. She clipped the purple bib around my neck and leaned my chair back slightly, startling me. "He'll be in here in a few minutes." She said kindly before leaving.

The room made me want to vomit. There were paintings on the wall that were meant to remind patients of peace and tranquility. The office was filled with the quiet tune of classical music. It was sadistic, if you asked me. How the hell could anyone stay calm at the dentist office? The chair was squeaky as I shifted my weight nervously. The shuffling of feet got louder and then the dentist was in the room.

"Hello Bella, how're you today?" Dr. Moore asked in a friendly voice. I wanted to let out a scream to show him how I was really feeling, but somehow I managed not to.

"A little nervous." I muttered quietly. He laughed and patted my shoulder softly.

"No need to be. We're going to administer the anesthesia now and you'll be all better after those teeth are out." Did he just say teeth?

"I thought I was only getting one taken out!?" I asked in a more panicked tone that I had intended.

"After looking at your x-rays from last week, we decided it would be best to remove them all right now. It looks like the others will start hurting soon so we decided to spare you the pain." His laugh made me nauseous. How could he be okay with this? "We're going to set you up with the I.V now since it looks like you're anxiety is a bit much this time."

I guess he really could tell I was nervous. I wonder what gave it away. Was it my shaking, my sweat, or a combination of both? I closed my eyes and turned my head away as he prepped my arm for the I.V. This didn't bother me as much as the thought of getting four teeth taken out at once did.

"Count backwards from 10 for me, okay Bella?" Dr. Moore said after he had given me the anesthesia.

"Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…"

Lights out.

Edward P.O.V

My loving Bella had been in pain from her inflamed wisdom tooth for over a week now and she was finally getting it removed. She wasn't thrilled about the dentist and I found it highly amusing. She could handle being bit by a psychotic vampire but had problems with getting a tooth pulled? She never ceased to amaze me.

Dr. Moore had said the operation had gone well and I couldn't help but to scan his thoughts. He was even amused by Bella's anxiety. I smiled at the image of my nervous Bella sitting in the operating chair before her I.V.

"She should be waking up soon if you'd like to go in." One of the assistants said to me. I smiled appreciatively towards her before heading into the room with Bella. She was absolutely adorable. There was a high amount of drool coming out of her mouth as she was laid back in the chair. Her face was already swollen and I knew she'd be in pain, but at least this pain was a lot more temporary rather than waiting over a month. Her eyelids slowly started to flicker open and she looked around groggily. Dr. Moore came to double check his work and the gauze in her mouth before giving her the okay to leave.

"How are you feeling, love?" I asked her softly. She looked at me with glazed over eyes.

"Oh Edward!" She cried suddenly in a gargled voice. This was going to be more amusing than I had originally imagined. "I'm so glad you're here."

"I never left." I said with a smile at her. She tried to smile but slobbered even more on herself.

"Where are we?" She asked while looking around the room slowly.

"We're at the dentist office. You just had your wisdom teeth removed, love." Her eyes went wide at my explanation and they began to fill with tears. Oh, my poor Bella.

"How will I ever become a good vampire without them!?" She cried while reaching up to touch her face.

"I'm not sure what you mean…" I murmured quietly to keep her from bursting out another thing about vampires.

"I wanted to be Dracula!" She whined while putting her hands in fists. I was having such a hard time controlling my laughter, but I knew it'd only make things worse. "Edward, quit laughing at me!" Bella cried in her drugged state.

"I'm sorry dear." I said softly and went to her side. "The doctor says we can leave now. Are you ready to go?" She tried to smile once more with even more drool falling from her mouth.

"Let's go to Transylvania!" She exclaimed loudly as I was helping her up. I stifled my laughter once more as we made our way through the office. I supported Bella more so than she supported herself and that was okay with me. "Bye everyone. I love you!" She called out into the office before we exited. I put Bella in the passenger seat and buckled her in before getting behind the wheel of the dreadfully slow beast and beginning the drive to my house. Charlie would be gone for the week on a fishing trip he won so Bella was staying with us. "George Washington!" Bella suddenly exclaimed, nearly startling me if it were at all possible.

"What about him, love?" I asked with an amused tone. She looked at me with a blank expression like I was supposed to know the answer.

"He was the first president!" She proclaimed in her stupor. I let out a chuckle.

"Yes indeed." I knew Emmett and Jasper would love to see Bella in this state and I pushed the truck as fast as it could go to reach my house quickly.

"John Adams! Thomas Jefferson! James Madison! James Monroe! John Quincy Adams! Andrew Jackson! Martin Van Buren! William Henry Harrison!" Bella let out in a chant. How in the world did she know the first ten presidents by name and in order? She would never stop leaving me completely amazed by her beautiful and simple self. Simple in the best of ways.

"What about those presidents sweetheart?" It was becoming extremely difficult to control my laughter at this point. Bella looked over to me with a long line of drool dripping down her chin.

"They're important Edward! God, educate yourself!" It took all the force in me to bite back my laughter as I pulled into our long driveway. I helped Bella into the mansion and sat her on the couch. Alice had already informed every one of the state Bella was in and they sat in the living room with anxious expressions.

"How are you Bella?" Jasper asked. I could tell he was starting to pick up on her deliriousness through his empathy.

"Jasper, do you wanna learn something?" Bella asked in her groggy tone. Jasper's smirk was huge as he nodded. "There was John Tyler and he wasn't a buyer then came James K. Polk who was no joke! Next comes Taylor who frankly was a failure. After him there was a man named Fillmore who made people kill more! Pierce was next and he got the X-Factor X! James Buchannan shot his cannon so then came Lincoln who just got shot!" Bella sang out in her drowsy state. Emmett was in complete hysterics on the floor laughing so hard he was grabbing his sides. Frankly, I was not in much better of a shape. Jasper had it the worst out of all of us from his empathetic power.

"Is that so Bella?" Carlisle managed to ask between his chuckles of laughter. Bella shook her head proudly, sending drool flying around. Rosalie looked both disgusted and amused at her human tendency.

"Emmett, I have a song for you too!" Bella said proudly. Emmett perked up and grinned towards her.

"Let's hear it!" He exclaimed anxiously. Bella stood up on her wobbly feet and I prepared myself to catch her if she was to fall. Alice shook her head with an amused look and I kept myself out of her head to enjoy the surprise.

"I like big Emmett's and I cannot lie. You other vampires can't deny that when Emmett walks in with a big ole waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung! Wanna pull out your tough cause you notice that Emmett's butt was stuffed deep in those jeans he was wearing! Rosalie's hooked and can't stop staring. Oh Emmett, I wanna get witcha and take your picture! My vampires tried to warn me that your butt makes Rose so horny!" Bella had sat down halfway through her rap but it didn't faze her. She finished strong and bowed from the couch, nearly falling off if I wouldn't have caught her.

As for my family, there was no telling when our laughter would stop. It was difficult to calm down after that but Bella started getting sleepy. Everyone quieted down for a few moments until she would fall asleep. Once she would fall asleep, she would be out hard and we could discuss the recent events of Bella emerging as Sir-Mix-A-Lot. I managed to get mine under control and pull Bella over to me. She put her head in my lap and curled into a ball.

"Edward…" She mused lightly. I looked down and saw the drool already starting to form in a puddle on my pants.

"Yes love?" I asked quietly, still trying to keep myself from shaking with laughter.

"Your butt makes me horny too."

Oh, Bella…