Author's Note: This story came about during an alternate start non-dragonborn pt of Skyrim. Kirsli is my little orphan girl. It's about her struggles to survive in a city that's home to the Thieves Guild without giving in to the allure of easy money.
Some chapters will deal with underage sex, and rape, but there will a warning on those chapters.
The main character is not the Dragonborn, but the Dragonborn is in the story.
Pairings are Original Female Character(Kirsli)/Balimund as well as Dragonborn/Farkas.
Tags include (I'm used to posting on AO3)Rape/Non-Con, Underage Sex, Coming Of Age, Lost Innocence, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Eventual Sex, Sexual Content, Romance, Fluff, Time Apart, Almost AU, Happy Ending.
Chapter One: Hello Cruel World
Grelod's nasal shrill voice echoed through the small, dirty orphanage, chastising one of the poor boy's under her unfortunate care. It sounded like she'd found an apple he had been hiding. A solid THWAP followed by a cry as Grelod hit him on the bottom. Stealing food, she accused. The boy stifled his sobs, knowing she would beat him more and harder if he cried too loud or long. Grelod's abuse had gotten worse since Aventus had run away.
From her bed in the far corner, Kirsli watched through the veil of hair covering her face. She did not want to draw Grelod's ire yet. She knew her moment was coming all too soon. It was her naming day. Or what she had always been told was her naming day… before she ended up in Honorhall. Kirsli shook her head, remembering. It was only supposed to be for a little while, her stepfather had told her when he dropped her off. He and her mother were headed to Whiterun Hold in search of work. That was six years ago. They never came back. Had it all been lies? Had they tossed her aside like the garbage just as Grelod always said?
It was all too overwhelming as Grelod stormed her way. "Get up, you lazy bag of bones. Do you think you are going to lay around in bed today?"
Kirsli scrambled off the bed, barely catching the blue dress and brown boots the old woman threw at her.
"Get dressed," Grelod ordered. "Today is your last day here. You have seen 16 naming days. It's time for you to go out into that wide, horrible world out there and no longer be my problem. One less mouth to feed for me to feed."
Grelod's assistant, Constance Michel, joined them. "Should we not at least let her eat something before you shove her out the door?" Constance turned a sympathetic eye to Kirsli. The girl was so young and Riften was not for the faint at heart. The city was foul and corrupt, practically run by the Thieves' Guild.
"Do not tell me how to run my orphanage, Constance. I have had enough of your constant coddling these guttersnipes. Nobody wants them, that's why they are here. It is time for her to go and whether you like it or not, she is going." Grelod's face turned mottled shade of red. She swung her attention back to her young charge. "Now you, get dressed. And do not be all day. I have things to do."
The old headmistress marched away, coming back momentarily to throw a small leather knapsack at Kirsli. Constance stepped closer to the younger girl, lowering her voice. "Remember what we talked about, yes?"
Kirsli picked up the knapsack. She had had it with her when her stepfather dropped her off six years earlier. Now she would be leaving here with it. She quickly removed the linen gown she'd slept in and stuffed it in the knapsack. Then she pulled the blue dress with a brown corset over her head. Constance helped her adjust it. Her fingers slightly shook as she pulled on the knee-high brown boots. Uneasiness settled in the pit of her stomach. "Yes, I think I remember. You said to stay out of the Ratway, most of all." Kirsli licked her lips, glancing around the room she'd called home for the last six years.
"You'll need to find work first off. Try to ask around the shops to see if any of them need an extra hand. Haelga at the Bunkhouse provides beds for most of the workers in the city. If that fails, remember what I taught you about alchemy and ingredients. They are everywhere. Flowers, butterfly wings, certain bird's eggs, plants, fungi. Depending on what it is, they can be sold to the alchemist down in the canal for a decent price. Wood can be chopped for the local sawmill, or crops picked for the farms, though those are outside the city walls. I just don't want to see a sweet girl like you end up prey for the Thieves' Guild. Or worse," Constance smoothed a lock of red hair away from Kirsli face. She lowered her voice and handed her a small burlap bag. "This is for you. It's not much, but I managed to grab a loaf of bread, a small wheel of cheese and a few apples. There are also some cotton strips in there for when you have your menses. I had hoped to grab a potion or two, but Grelod must have hidden them."
Kirsli reached beneath her bed and lifted a broken floorboard to reveal a secret stash. She flashed a watery smile at Constance then stuffed it in her knapsack. She was trying to be brave. "Thank you for everything." She briefly hugged her. Try as she might, she couldn't stop fidgeting. Nervous energy had taken over. She dashed about the room, hugging the other children before Grelod could stop her.
Then it was time to go.
The old headmistress known by the all as Grelod the Kind dragged her to door and promptly pushed out into rain. "Good riddance, girl!" Grelod sneered just before slamming the heavy doors behind her.
Kirsli shivered as she gazed at the seedy city through the curtain of pouring rain. To her right sat Mistveil Keep, the seat of power for Jarl Laila Law-Giver. Past it were the large houses owned by some of the more prominent citizens of the city. The Black Briars. The Snow Shods. She also knew the Temple of Mara was nestled amongst that row of splendor. Stretching out in front of her across the canal was the market, where various vendors hawked their wares. Patrons browsed their goods and meandered from stall to stall. Fear gripped her, holding her tight, leaving her unable to move. She had never been so close to so many people before.
A passing guard who had watched Grelod shove her out into her rain strolled by and prodded her with the hilt of his sword. "No lollygaggin'," he drolly quipped, shoving her away from the orphanage. "Move along, girl."
She let out a yelp, bolting away from him. Terror lent mobility to her paralyzed limbs. She ran blindly, ending up near a small graveyard. The blue dress Grelod had given her was soaking wet with mud stains on the hem. Her heart pounded in her ears. She dashed beneath an archway to escape the pouring rain. Just what was she going to do? She had no coin, nowhere to sleep at night and only a small sack of food. How would she survive long enough to find work?
A tear slipped down her face.
What was she to do?
Kirsli spent the night huddling in a corner under an archway beneath the Temple of Mara. She stared wide eyed into the darkness, unable to close her eyes as every noise sent them flying back open again. She curled up as tight as she could, trying to avoid the scurrying rats that came too close to her, drawn in by the scent of food and her fear. She had never been so cold in her life or so hungry. Grelod hadn't fed them very much at the orphanage, but it was more than what she had at this moment. She had allowed herself a few bites of bread and tiny chuck of cheese. Her food had to last until she could find a job.
The rains ceased sometime near dawn. When the sun rose over Lake Honrich and its warmth washed over the rain soaked earth, it was like a renewal. The air had a crispness to it, if you weren't standing downwind of a smelter.
The market stirred to life as the vendor's opened their stalls for another day's business. Determined not to get scared again, Kirsli pushed herself from her hiding spot. Her back ached in protest as she righted herself. Tonight she'd have to find a different more comfortable spot to rest, maybe even sleep, if she were lucky. She slowly crossed the courtyard in front of the Temple of Mara, turning back to look at it. It was a simple building really, even though it was dedicated to one of the Nine Divines. She would have expected something grander, but maybe it wasn't because it was here in Riften. If it were grand, the Guild would pick it clean. Or maybe they already had? That wasn't a comforting thought, really. Kirsli shivered as she came to a bridge that crossed over into the market.
The cacophonous cries of the vendors assailed her. Each and every one of them was seemingly speaking at once in hopes of outdoing the other.
"Buy armor and live to tell about it."
"Beautiful baubles and gleaming gemstones over here!"
"Rare trinkets and the finest oddities from Morrowind!"
"Make love like a sabre cat or learn a library's worth of knowledge with a bottle of my genuine Falmer Blood Elixir, just 20 septims each."
Though she had no money to spend, she timidly joined the rest of the browsers perusing the variety of goods on display. She took her time. She didn't have anywhere to go and anywhere she had to be. Her tummy rumbled as she neared the food cart vendor. She briefly made eye contact with the female Dunmer merchant before moving away quickly. The temptation to grab something and run was too great. She doubted any of these merchants needed to hire help so she would have to check at the Bee and Barb. She also knew of the Bunkhouse and the Meadery. Riften was also home to a fishery, and general goods store. Hopefully someone would be willing to take her on. She wasn't afraid of hard work. Grelod had beaten that into her.
Kirsli crossed through the market, passing by the redheaded man selling the Falmer Blood potions. Something she'd never heard of… what was Falmer Blood and why would anyone drink it? The redheaded man stepped into her path, blocking her way, "A little light on coin, eh now lass? Maybe you'd like a taste?"
She backed up in fright, "No, I don't want any of that." Then she scrambled away as fast as her feet could carry her.
The blacksmith, Balimund, had been watching from his forge, shook his head and walked into the market. "Leave the kid alone, Brynjolf. She's too young for the likes of you to get hold of."
Brynjolf flashed a grin, "That's up to her, not you."
Balimund glared at the thief and returned to his forge. He had orders to complete, and he knew it did him no good to put his nose where it didn't belong. It infuriated him when the Guild preyed upon the innocent ones, turning them into thieves or worse. More than one of the orphans had left Honorhall, only to end up a criminal. He had spared Asbjorn that when he had taken him under his wing as his apprentice. It would be a shame if happened to the girl.
Kirsli stopped running when she reached the town wall. It put her behind Haelga's Bunkhouse. She didn't know who that man was nor what he wanted, but something told her it wasn't anything good. Her stomach growled loudly. She sank to her knees, trying to hold back the tears. She was hungry. She was scared. And she wished she wasn't all alone. But wishing for something wouldn't make it happen. She had to do that. She had to have the courage to do that. She wiped her face and forced herself to her feet. Her dress was more mud stained, but she had no way to clean it and no other dress to change into. It would have to do.
Gathering herself, she walked around the front of the Bunkhouse and opened the door. A woman with blonde hair stood at the counter while a girl a few years older than Kirsli swept the floor of the taproom. Kirsli approached the counter, "Hello, I'm Kirsli. I used to live at Honorhall. Constance said I might be able to find a bed here while I look for work."
Haelga's brow furrowed, "Constance told you that, did she? So am I to assume you don't have any money right now?"
Kirsli shook her head, "I have to find work."
"This is not a charity. I can only accept paying customers. Besides the Bunkhouse has no vacancy. It's not for you. Try the Bee and Barb. Oh, you said, you don't have money, right? Well, there's always Beggar's Row, down in the canal." Haelga retorted snidely.
"You wouldn't happen to be hiring. I can cook. I can clean. I can do laundry." Kirsli replied.
"If you're looking for work sweetheart, I'll put you to work… in my bed." A male Dunmer called out as he obscenely grabbed his crotch.
Kirsli flushed bright red, looking away from him. The girl already sweeping the floor hissed at him, chastising him to mind his manners.
Haelga shook her head, "I already have a worker for that. You'll have to look elsewhere. Sorry."
"Thank you," Kirsli mumbled, heading for the door. No bed for the night, and no job. Her next stop was the Bee & Barb. The Argonian innkeeper laughed in her face when she asked about a job and demanded ten septims a night for a room. She inquired at the Meadery next only to be bodily tossed out by one of Maven Black Briar's bodyguard's. Bolli, the owner of the Fishery, expressed his regret that he couldn't hire her or anyone else until the contract went through for Markarth.
So far her luck wasn't very good. She wandered around the perimeter of the city, picking alchemy ingredients as Constance as suggested. She found different kinds of mountain flowers, nightshade, lavender, butterfly wings, and hastily plucked deathbell from someone's garden. She knew she shouldn't have but she was hungry.
Descending to the lower walkway down next to the canal, she made her way around until she found Elgrim's Elixir's. This had to be the alchemist, she thought, as she opened the heavy door and entered. She was greeted by a friendly older woman, "Hello, dear. What can we do for you today?"
Unsure of how to go about it, as she'd never bartered before in her life, she laid out the ingredients that she'd found on the counter in front of her. "I'd like to sell these, if possible."
"You gathered these yourself, child."
Kirsli nodded her head. "I need to buy food. Grelod threw me out of Honorhall because I'm of age now. I don't know what else to do." Tears nearly flooded Kirsli's eyes.
"What's your name, child?"
She sniffled, "Kirsli."
The older woman reached out, tucked her hand under Kirsli's chin and raised it up so she could look in her eyes, "Kirsli… that is a pretty name. You are a pretty girl, too. I am Hafjorg. My husband is Elgrim. Let me see what you have here. Deathbell, nightshade, lavender, red, blue and purple mountain flowers, and blue butterfly wings, monarch butterfly wings. A decent selection, dearie. I can offer you 20 septims for all of it."
Kirsli looked in awe at the coins the older woman handed her. She'd never seen so many in her life. "Thank you, Hafjorg."
"You are welcome, dearie. We won't always be able to buy ingredients from you, but we will do what we can," replied the older woman as she sorted her purchases into the ingredient bins.
"Your shop wouldn't happen to need to hire any help, would it?" Kirsli inquired, hopeful.
"Sorry, dearie. Elgrim has an apprentice already and I wonder sometimes how we even make enough money to keep the door open as it is. Times are tough right now. If there was a way I could help you, I would." Hafjorg shook her head. She hated to see someone so young out on the streets without anywhere to go.
Kirsli tried not to feel dejected, but it was hard. "I understand. I'll get by somehow." She turned away, walking to the door.
Hafjorg came out from behind the counter, joining her by the door. She placed her hand on Kirsli's shoulder. "Do yourself a favor, child. Don't fall in with the Thieves' Guild. No good can come of that."
"You aren't the first person to tell me that in the last two days. Thank you again, Hafjorg." Her stomach rumbled loudly. "I'm going to go now." She slipped out of the door, up the stairs to the Bee & Barb. It was the only place she could get a hot meal. She hated the thought of going in there, but as her stomach protested again, she knew she had to.
Before she entered, she stopped briefly to knock some of the dried mud of her dress. Once inside, she took a seat at a table. The Argonian she'd spoken to earlier, Keerava, bellowed out from behind the bar, "You better have coin, girl. There are no handouts here."
The Argonian male, Talen Jei, approached her table, "Tables are for paying customers."
"I have coin. I'd like to order a meal," she timidly replied. "What's on the menu?"
He grinned down at her, "Depends. Are you hungry? Thirsty or both?"
"Both," she answered as he handed a menu to her. She perused it briefly. "I'll have the beef stew and milk to drink."
"Milk-drinker," he muttered under his breath as he walked away. "Coming right up."
The stew was thick and rich with big chunks of potatoes and carrots. The beef swam in savory broth that warmed her insides. Kirsli took her time eating it, every bite was sheer bliss. Never in her life had she eaten anything like this. Grelod certainly had never served anything this good. Grelod's stew was watered down and barely had any meat or vegetables at all.
By the time her bowl was empty and she drank her milk, she noticed the taproom filling up. The male Argonian who had served her swung by her table, "If you are finished, I will have to ask you to vacate the table as we have other guests waiting." He frowned at her, almost perturbed she was still sitting there.
Kirsli got up and left without a word to him. It was now dusk outside. While the day had been warm and breezy, a chill now filled the air as it blew off the lake. She rubbed her arms, looking around for a better place to sleep besides the one she'd chosen last night. To the left of the Bunkhouse was an empty house. It was locked, and she wasn't skilled in picking such things. But beyond the house was an overgrown garden with soft patch of grass at the rear. That spot would certainly do if she could find some furs or a bedroll. Maybe the general goods store would have something that wouldn't cost her very many of her septims.
The first thing she noticed inside The Pawned Prawn was the Dwarven Urn. She'd never seen the like. The second thing was the difference in attitudes between the proprietors. The man Bersi even went so far as to tell her why his shop was named what it was. His wife, on the other hand, complained endlessly. She found it unusual and made it a point to quickly browse his wares, finding that he did have a packed bed roll in stock, but at a whole 5 septims, it would take a good bit of her money. She weighed her options, though. She could not buy it, and sleep on the ground, possibly becoming ill or she could end up hungry, again possibly becoming ill. In the end she handed him the septims and took the bedroll.
Bersi reached out to her as she opened the door. He slipped two septims back into her hand with a word of caution not to say anything about the discount. The shopkeeper had heard about her from others today. He couldn't hire her, but he could do something to help her; anything to keep her from the clutches of the Guild. Kirsli bestowed upon him a watery smile before disappearing into the gathering darkness.
She retreated to the overgrown garden, rolled out the bed she'd bought and prayed to the Nine that it wouldn't rain. It didn't look like it would. The skies were clear overhead and the stars twinkled brightly. Though sleep eluded her, for there were still too many strange noises and she held too many fears that some evil miscreant would come along and steal her knapsack. She simply relaxed upon the soft furs of the bedroll and gazed up at the stars.