Hi! Not much to say in the AN, so I'll just throw it out there that I'm not the lovely J K Rowling so I sadly do NOT own Draco Malfoy or any of the rest of HP. If I was Ms. Rowling, I'd be working on a sequel series… ahem. Anyway, enjoy, and please review!

He stared at the screen in blatant disbelief. Something like amusement mingled with horror rushed through him as he re-read the words.

There were people out there who believed he should be in love with an apple.

He leaned back in his bed, careful to keep the laptop balanced. He had found the Muggle item in the Room of Requirement, and had quickly become hooked on this thing, this "internet." And then he had discovered fanfictions. The "Dramione" fanfictions, the "Drinny," ones, even the- shudder- "Drarry" fanfictions were nowhere near as bad as this new fad. "Drapple." It was humiliating. It was degrading. It was… it was possibly the most embarrassing thing he had ever come across.

Because at least Potter and Granger were remotely human. But how insane would you have to be to be in love with a piece of fruit?

This last one had been especially condescending. His likeness (which was completely out of character) had actually been talking to the apple. As though it had ears, had a brain, was not a piece of fruit one ate.

Something had to be done about this.

And so, he resolved to write those involved in this awful attack on his pride a long, angry letter.

Fanfiction Writers.

I am aware that you are all Muggles, and that your profound stupidity cannot be helped. But please, try to preserve some dignity. For those of you who write pairing me with Granger, with Potter, with Weasely's annoying sister, I simply command you to never write such things again. But something else, something far more… disturbing… has been called to my attention.

Drapple is an absurdity that must not be allowed to continue. It is demeaning and undignified. I am appalled that any of you would even consider the idea of putting an apple and I in a romantic relationship. It is a piece of fruit. A food. An item with no emotions. Are all of you so primitive that you cannot tell the difference between a human and a granny smith apple? This only adds to the argument that you are below purebloods- I hope you understand this.

I am happy to inform you that I have no intention of ever eating one of those dreaded green things again, due to your repulsive ideas. You have completely depraved me of an entire food source, do you understand me? You are worse than gits, all of you. You should all be placed in Azkaban or be put under the mercy of the Dark Lord. And even this is not horrible enough for you.

Delete your "Drapple" stories. Never mention it again. Or my father will hear about this, and you will be sorry.

Draco Malfoy

The blonde Slytherin sat back, satisfied, and published his first "fanfiction" under his new account.

Now his pride would be saved. If all went well, the world need never hear of this again.

Now, what to read now? Hunger Games fanfiction or Lord of the Rings?

No offense to anyone who writes any of these genres. I personally love Dramione and Drinny And, of course, Drapple. But I cannot imagine Draco taking a liking to any of that in this fanfic, so… Sorry No offense intended.

So, yeah. Please review, and tell me what you think! Was it good? Did it suck? TELL ME! I want to know! No flames, though, please- helpful criticism only. Flames are kind of pointless.

Thanks for reading!