Hi all. I plan on updating "The Road Always Ends Here" very soon but I just need to edit a little bit more and put the finishing touches on the chapter. As for "Blair's Keeper" I am still working on an update, hopefully Monday's episode will inspire me!
I randomly thought about writing a psuedo fairytale Brucas fic and ended up with this. It is a little whimsical but I wanted to stick with the fairytale theme. I've been editing it for months and finally built up the courage to post it. Hope you enjoy and don't think its (too) crazy. Thank you for reading and please review if you can.
There's more to living than being alive…
x-x-x-x
Sometimes, she mused, that if Peyton was Goldilocks then she was Snow White. The dark hair and pale skin, the rosy cheeks and red lips. She certainly looked the part and when it came to tragic pasts Brooke was not short on that either. Like Snow White, Brooke was thrust from her home by uncaring parents and she too had been homeless, waiting for someone to take her in.
She found refuge with a cast of unique characters. She had her seven dwarfs as well; Karen, Haley, Mouth, Rachel, Peyton, Nathan, and Lucas. Though their personalities didn't always match the dwarfs all of them provided her with shelter, love, and kindness. They protected her like the Seven Dwarfs protected the Princess.
A fairytale made all the bad in her life bearable because in the end she'd find some happiness. She'd be swept off her feet and live with her Prince. All the suffering would be worth it because there would be, there had to be, a light at the end of the tunnel.
But if her life was a fairytale she had to live through all the acts.
Brooke knew now too when she had eaten the apple that put her to sleep. The apple that wasn't given to her by an evil witch—or (b)itch in her case—but rather a friend unsure of herself.
The feelings Peyton had confessed, the apple Brooke simply could not swallow, had put her to sleep so long ago.
And she slept through it all. Through the rest of senior year and graduation. Through Jaime's birth and the christening. Through frat parties and drunken nights she couldn't remember. She was there but never really feeling any of it.
There were many would be Princes who attempted to wake her up to start living again but none of them brought her back to life.
She kissed Nick and Chase hoping they'd break the spell. She kissed numerous men from bars hoping he was there, feeling just as empty as she did. She kissed Owen, who wasn't even Prince material, but she was desperate. And on one whimsical New York evening she even kissed Lucas Scott, praying he would be the one. But really none of them were the magic she needed.
And so she remained numb to it all, unable to form a lasting connection to anyone because that apple of truth was forever with her. A reason to never get close to anyone.
She was still asleep now, two years after Lucas and Peyton's failed attempt at marriage.
Jake and Peyton running off together the eve of the wedding had shaken her but it did not wake her.
The simple note Peyton left Lucas, "I'm not in love with you," seemed to sum up their lives perfectly. They really had to work on their timing. Though once upon a time she had been in love a boy and he had been in love with her. But that was long before she stopped feeling anything. Long before her life began to resemble a fairytale.
But knowing Peyton and Lucas couldn't make it made her doubt her own happy ending even more. Maybe meant to be didn't exist…
She helped Lucas with his pain as she had done with Lindsay but through it all she was asleep. She was the one to save him, like always.
He got a littler better and he left. He needed a break from Tree Hill so he went sailing around the world.
She felt jealous when he said he felt too much in Tree Hill because she wanted so desperately to feel something, anything…
At 24 she worried she may never wake up. That she would drift through all her life never knowing what it was like to feel again.
Maybe she had been alive enough those years before Peyton made her confession to be asleep for the rest.
She prayed that wasn't the case because when was with Haley, Nathan, and Jaime she wanted so badly to feel something like that.
But she stopped believing in happy endings a long time ago.
x-x-x-x
Man it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has
Lord it takes a lonely one to wish that she had never dreamt at all
x-x-x-x
It's raining the night Lucas comes back. She's waiting with Jaime at the harbor because Haley is eight months pregnant and can't really go much of anywhere anymore and Nathan's flying back from a game.
When she sees his boat on the horizon she's glad she stayed in Tree Hill after Lucas's departure because she's seen enough of everyone else's happiness to move on. Even just seeing Lucas from a distance helps settle her heart a little.
He jumps off the boat and grabs her tightly. She feels his warmth and relishes it. It wasn't like being awake but it was better than nothing.
"It seems fitting that it's raining when we see each other again," he whispers into her ear before grabbing Jaime.
She merely kinks an eyebrow. His words were always a mystery to her. She had learned long ago that he always managed to say one thing and do another.
He looks happy and she's relieved because she didn't want him feeling too much sadness because that was nearly as bad as feeling nothing at all and Lucas deserved so much more than that.
She watches Jaime's expression as Lucas holds him tight and her heart swells. She wished this for Lucas. For him to know that there was something worth returning to Tree Hill for.
If she was awake she'd feel happiness but it's an emotion she's long since forgotten.
x-x-x-x
You need not to find a cure for everything that makes you weak.
You need not to reach for the stars when life becomes so dark,
And when the wind does blow against the grain,
You must follow your heart,
You must follow your heart.
x-x-x-x
Haley cooks them dinner and afterwards they all sit in the backyard. The rain is gone and the sky has opened up. It's a nice welcome home present for Luke.
They all have a wine glass in their hands and are reminiscing and catching up. Lucas is mostly detailing his adventures and how he's finally ready to write again.
He tells them he's doing fine and that he's back to Tree Hill for good.
Haley and Nate are ecstatic. No one wanted to ask Lucas if he was staying just in case it was too hard to associate Tree Hill with anything but Peyton.
She's relieved once again because having Lucas was here will make her leaving so much easier on all of them.
They're all shocked when she makes her confession.
She laughs and tells them that her money was bound to run out at some point and she'd have to leave to go back to work.
Lucas storms off and Nate just looks like his world's been flipped upside-down again.
Haley cries and Brook holds her. She'd feel sorrow for her leaving her friends and it isn't that the thought of the emotion doesn't wash over because it does, its just complicated because she's still asleep.
x-x-x-x
And I try not to worry, but you've got me terrified.
It's like your some kind of hurry to say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye
x-x-x-x
She doesn't see them much over the next few days. She was trying to get her life in some sort of order when Lucas arrives looking all broody.
Of all the emotions she missed, that was the one emotion she wishes she could experience the most. Maybe because it would let her feel close to him and that was the last thing she felt before falling asleep.
"Are you leaving because of me?" He asks point blank and she is a little taken aback by his comment. They've written letters to each other over the past two years but nothing to give him the impression he would be her reason to leave.
"No Luke. My in time in Tree Hill is up. That's all."
He shakes his head, "No it's not."
They walk inside and she makes some coffee. They sit and drink it slowly. The silence doesn't hurt her, it doesn't seem awkward, it just seems right. Like so many things with him did.
Finally he speaks, "At least tell me why…"
She sets the cup down. How does she explain she's eaten a poisonous apple and she's been asleep since senior year. Fairytales usually didn't make it past childhood.
But, somehow when her eyes meet his they're the same mesmerizing blue she remembers from years ago. The same blue she woke up so many days feeling alive to.
"I feel like I've been sleeping Lucas. Since senior year I feel like I'm drifting. Like the moment Peyton confessed she still had feeling for you I fell asleep. And I've been waiting for someone to wake me up. For someone to help me feel again but I've been waiting so long I think it's time to move on…"
She trails off and she knows she probably looks crazy but Lucas merely keeps his gaze down.
She moves to get up to put the cups away but Lucas grabs her hand and the look in his eyes tells her to stay.
"I left Tree Hill because it was all too much. Everywhere I went I thought I would see Peyton. I thought I'd feel her everywhere. So I jumped on a boat and went far away from all that was Peyton. And I thought, I thought about all the places I loved in Tree Hill and whether I could ever face them again. And when I thought about those places, I didn't see Peyton, Brooke, I saw you. My house, I thought of you and the red door and I thought of you and Angie in my arms. And Naley's place I remembered our water gun fights with Jaime. River Court I remembered the night I made you the biggest part of my world. I remembered the night you held me when I told you I had HCM. How you knew exactly what to say to make me understand it wasn't the end of basketball. When I think of coaching and basketball I think of how every basket seemed easier when you were on the sidelines of the court. How you were there with me during both games. When I thought about Tric I thought about Naley's wedding party and that ridiculous play and the Nathan wig and the promise that I'd marry you someday. And when I thought of the beach I thought of you and the way you were always so sure of yourself and that night I told you I was the one for you…" he takes in a gulp of air because he said it all in one go and she's left absolutely speechless by his outburst. The realization that he's given another embarrassing speech only for her makes her quiver slightly.
He rubs circles on her hand with his thumb and she feels a tingle, "There's a million more Brooke…"
"Lucas…" she starts but he cuts her off.
"Shhh…I just want you to wake up Sleeping Beauty. I feel so much for you and I know if you let yourself you can feel it too. You just have to believe."
He found his way over to her and his hands are at the side of her face. His callous hands remind her of senior year and all the days she woke up with them tracing the contours of her face.
She's tingly and nauseous but when their lips finally meet she feels alive. She feels everything he said to her and so much more.
"I came back for you. I lived in those letters you sent over the past two years. I saw how sad you were and all I wanted was to change that," his voice grows quiet for a moment, "You were so sure I wasn't the one for you Brooke that I started to believe it and I believed it for a long time. But now, now I know why it never felt right with anyone else. You've always been there and I always want to be there for you. I want you to feel everything because there's so much…"
She leans her head on his chest and he feels her tears.
She feels like she's awake. Finally and it's overwhelming because now she remembers everything she felt before. The insecurity and fear. What if she wasn't enough? She remembers that real life, unlike fairy tales, wasn't always a happy ending. You could believe with all your heart but in the end you'd end up hurt nonetheless.
"I love you Brooke. It took me a long time to realize but we belong together."
He kisses her again before she can resist.
"Don't doubt Brooke. Just feel…tell me what you feel…"
She looks up into his eyes. Eyes she's refused to really look into for a long time because she's afraid he may see her faking it. He may see the nothing because he always somehow seems to know.
It's a moment of clarity to say the least.
Maybe if she had looked in those eyes she would have seen it, she would have felt it because without thinking of doubt, she feels everything she's closed herself off to.
She remembers New York now. When he kissed her and she hoped he would break the spell and wake her up like the Prince. She remembers now the doubt. She remembers the message she had received from Peyton moments before walking Lucas to his room.
'I think I made a mistake with Lucas…'
And she knew the mistake, she knew the outcome. She feared he was running away so she didn't let herself feel. She chose to remain asleep that night.
"What do you feel Brooke?"
His forehead is against hers and his eyes are shut. She feels his fear now and she wants to rid him of his doubt. Just like he did with her.
She leans in this time. The kiss is short but she still feels it and she has no doubt that one day she'll wake up and not feel it.
"I feel loved…"
Sometimes, if you were lucky you got a happy ending…
x-x-x-x
Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me
What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
x-x-x-x
Hope you enjoyed. I wanted to do a modern fairlytale and I thought "Snow White" was a good choice for Brooke. The lyrics were from Anberlin, Dashboard Confessional, City and Colour, Death Cab for Cutie, and Aqualung. The title comes from a City and Colour song as well.
If you have a moment, I'd love a review. As always, thank you for reading.