The End of an Alliance
I know this should probably be in the Crossover section, but those never seem to get as many hits.
This is inspired by a letter from the letter column of Detective Comics #686. Quote:
"Does Batman still speak to Scooby Doo? It seems that we've never seen them together since the '70s. Did they have an argument? Did Robin get along with Shaggy, or did Bruce put the moves on Daphne? It's a shame 'cuz they sure did make a great team." [Christopher from Iowa]
-DC's answer was that Scooby and Ace had a spat. But please!
This was begging to be addressed in Fanfiction!
Robin is the 1960s TV show/cartoon Robin, who was a young teenager yet still ridiculously innocent. How that innocence could co-exist with crime fighting is beyond me.
Sadly, I do not own Batman or Scooby Doo.
Shaggy and Scooby-Doo were sitting outside the cabin relaxing. Finally, after a six-hour delay, the teens had reached their destination. Yes, the delay had entailed assisting Batman and Robin as they busted the Joker and Penguin, but still. All Shaggy and Scooby really wanted to do was spend a relaxing weekend in the wilderness – away from the prying eyes of civilization. And now they had six fewer hours of fun.
But the two had made the best of the situation, and were already feeling, dazed, confused, and at peace with the world.
And then Robin burst out the cabin door.
"Like Robin, I thought you and Batman were talking detective stuff with Velma," Shaggy half-asked, half-stated.
"Reah, reah," Scooby emphasized.
"Holy three's a crowd, Shaggy. We were but Velma went to bed and Daphne came in. And then Batman gave me some money and told me to go get a snack at the snack bar by the swimming hole."
Shaggy eyed the money in Robin's hand. "Zoinks! Ten dollars! Like is Batman rich or something?"
"Heh heh," Robin laughed uneasily. "Or something. He probably expects change. Or maybe he thinks I'm really hungry since I'm a growing boy and all."
"Like yeah Robin. You're a growing boy." Shaggy slowly rose to his feet. "Come on, Scoob; we're going to the snack bar."
"Ro-kay." Scooby happily trotted after Shaggy, who was loping alongside Robin, his arm around the boy's shoulders.
When the trio arrived at the snack bar, Robin began reading the menu, trying to decide what he wanted. Shaggy scanned the menu, quickly ascertaining just how much food ten dollars could buy.
"Hungry, Scoob?"
"Reah, reah." Scooby was practically panting with joy at the prospect of food.
"Okay." Shaggy turned to the cashier. "Like we'll have one pizza, three foot-long hot dogs with all the trimmings, three popcorns, and three large cokes."
Robin's eyes widened. He couldn't believe Shaggy had ordered so much food! He was still trying to determine what, if anything, at the snack bar would fit Batman's idea of "approved nutrition."
"That'll be ten dollars," the cashier announced.
"Like, Robin, could you pay?"
Robin looked at Shaggy and Scooby's hopeful faces. Surely Bruce wouldn't mind if he spent the entire ten dollars just this once.
"Okay." Robin handed the ten-dollar bill to the cashier, who promptly tucked it away in the register.
Several minutes later, the three were back outside the cabin with their pile of food. Shaggy and Scooby devoured their hot dogs in a matter of moments. Robin could hardly believe it – he had never seen someone eat so much so fast! As Shaggy and Scooby washed their foot-longs down with some coke, Robin poked at his hot dog. When Shaggy asked for everything, he had certainly gotten everything. Robin was not a particular fan of mustard, relish, or onions on his hot dog; this foot-long had all three and then some. Robin decided he would just stick with pizza.
"Shaggy, I don't think I want this hot dog. Would you like it?"
Shaggy's eyes widened with pleasure. "Like, are you sure, Robin?"
"Yes, take it." Robin handed the hot dog over.
"Ro, me," Scooby insisted, trying to bite the hot dog in Shaggy's hand.
"I'll play you for it, Scoob. Rock, paper, scissors."
"Ro fair," Scooby lamented but he was overruled by Shaggy.
Naturally, Shaggy won. Scooby could only throw "paper" with his oversized paw, so Shaggy simply had to consistently throw scissors and victory was assured.
As Shaggy slurped down the hot dog, Robin nibbled on a slice of pizza. It was the only slice he ended up getting, as Scooby and Shaggy annihilated the pizza moments later.
About five minutes later, Robin sat there slowly munching on his popcorn while Shaggy and Scooby moaned and rubbed their too-full stomachs. Aside from Robin's popcorn and coke, not a stitch of food was left. And truthfully, Robin was a bit apprehensive that Shaggy and Scooby were going to come after his popcorn in a few minutes.
All of a sudden, a strange noise came from the cabin.
Robin sprang to his feet. "Holy howling, I better go check on Batman."
"Like, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Shaggy warned.
"Why not?"
"Adult stuff."
"But Batman might need my help!"
"Like chill kid. Sit down."
Reluctantly, Robin sat back down.
Shaggy turned to Scooby. "I think Robin needs a little help chilling out, don't you think?"
"Reah, reah," Scooby nodded vigorously.
"Like come 'ere, Robin. And bring your popcorn." Shaggy indicated the space next to him.
Gingerly, Robin walked over to sit beside Shaggy, who immediately stuffed a handful of popcorn in his mouth.
"What you need," Shaggy said around a mouthful of food, "is like this thing here." He produced a medium-sized joint from his pocket.
Robin immediately recoiled. "Holy bad habit. Batman says that cigarettes are dangerous."
"Well, yeah, like cigarettes are bad," Shaggy agreed. "But this isn't a cigarette."
Robin looked to Scooby for confirmation. The Great Dane vigorously nodded his head.
"Ro rigarette."
"What is it then?" Robin leaned forward to squint at the joint.
"It's…umm… like an herbal thing."
"Reah, reah."
"What kind of herb?"
"Like oregano or something."
"Oregano?" Robin cautiously sniffed the joint. "It doesn't smell like oregano."
"Well, like, it's a little old, man. Right, Scoob?"
Scooby nodded.
"I don't know," Robin hesitated. "How do I know it's safe?"
"Tell you what; like, I'll smoke some first."
Robin nodded. That seemed reasonable. "Okay."
Shaggy produced a match from his pocket and lit the joint with an artistic flourish. Scooby scooted extra close to Shaggy so that he could enjoy the fumes.
"Ahh, like this is the life," Shaggy sighed contentedly.
"I don't know," Robin worried. "That oregano smells terrible. Are you sure it's not poisoned."
"I'm sure."
"Reah, ro roison."
Robin frowned, still not convinced. "Well…."
But before Robin could finish his thought, the cabin door banged open and an enraged Batman appeared, sniffing the air.
"Zoinks!" Shaggy leapt up, nearly losing his joint, and promptly tripped backwards over Scooby. The two landed in a heap on the ground, gazing timidly up at Batman.
"Robin, go wait in the Batmobile," Batman ordered.
"But, Batman, Shaggy has my popcorn!"
"I'll buy you more popcorn on the way back to Gotham."
Robin pouted a little. "I'd rather have a hamburger and fries."
"Fine. I'll buy you a hamburger, fries, and popcorn on the way home."
"Hooray!" Robin clapped his hands with excitement.
"Now go wait in the Batmobile."
"Okay, Batman," Robin replied cheerily, running off, content with the promise of a hamburger.
Batman whipped around and glared at Shaggy. "What. Do. You. Think. You. Were. Doing?" He demanded.
Shaggy visibly blanched before the terror that was the Dark Knight. "Like helping Robin relax," he finally whispered, fearfully.
"Robin has never encountered marijuana before. And he never would have at this age if it weren't for you meddling kids."
"Like sorry, Batman," Shaggy said, more out of fear than actual contrition.
"You should be. I ought to take you in, but it's more trouble than it's worth."
"Rorry," Scooby finally added, hoping to mollify the Caped Crusader.
Batman glared at the two, which caused Scooby to scramble under the pizza and popcorn boxes and cower in terror. Shaggy gulped.
"Like we're really sor-."
"Keep away from Robin. We are never working together again." And with that, Batman turned on his heel and stalked off.
But before he was officially gone, he turned back to the quaking pair and added, "And tell Daphne that I will NOT be calling her. And it's your fault."
Shaggy and Scooby could only nod; thankful they would never again have to encounter the fearsome visage and unmitigated rage of the Batman.