prologue
And I will make sure to keep my distance,
say I love you when you're not listening,
How long, can we keep this up, up, up?
- Christina Perri -
It was a melancholic Sunday.
Different hues of orange and yellow blanketed the town as the sun bid farewell to give way for the night. I walked down the familiar cobblestoned path that I always took when I was in high school, smiling as I glanced at every shop that I passed through. I can vividly remember a memory or two—laughs exchanged between Gray, Erza, and I as we lounged by the ice cream station, us ranting about our fellow classmates in a table situated in a corner of a convenience store, and Erza visiting every single bakeshop to see if there was a new cake available.
Blinking back the tears that threatened to fall down my face, I struggled not to think about how their life went on without me.
Especially him.
Droplets of water lightly fell on my face, and I instantly realized from the sudden appearance of dark clouds that it was about to rain. I sprinted down the road and when I turned down the corner of the street towards our meeting place, I felt my palms getting sweaty from the nerves of seeing him again after all these months. Was he okay? Did he get to meet new friends? Did he asked how I was living in the city?
Was he happy?
These were my unspoken questions that hovered in the air yet left unanswered by Gray and Erza. I knew the look on their faces how badly I wanted to blurt it all out to quench my curiosity, but respected my determination on trying to let the idea of him not ruin our reunion.
"Let's get this over with," I muttered to myself as the café—which was once my favorite but now tainted with bad memories—came into view. I clutched the straps of my backpack and pushed open the glass doors. The musical sound elicited by the wind chime rang throughout the shop, making the other customers glance for a second towards my direction.
Inwardly, I felt relieved that I did not see a single person that I knew personally. I glimpsed at my watch and it read six o'clock, meaning I was just right on time. I trudged towards our usual spot by the corner, right beside the counter. I tried to calm myself by reading a chapter of Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins, then watching clips of One Piece, but all did not work at all. I was a complete wreck and I could sense my impending breakdown…
…until it was already thirty minutes later. That was when he arrived.
His usual spiky hair was flat down and dripping wet. He shook it off, earning him a glare from the nearby customers. He shot them an apologetic smile and said a quick 'Sorry'. I took notice of the bag that he was clutching against his chest, as if he tried to shield it away from the storm.
It was a camera bag.
Good thing one of us got to choose their passion as a potential career, I thought to myself with a smile. As if on cue, the earlier nerves went in full force. There he was, just a few steps away from me, looking more mature than ever. I was contemplating whether or not to wave at him so he can see me when his onyx eyes met mine.
It was like the first time I realized my feelings for him all over again from the way my heart was beating so fast against my chest.
His grin widened even more so and I instinctively stood up to meet him when a thought entered my mind.
I can't do this.
I was not ready to face him. Who was I fooling when I said that there were no lingering feelings left? He was just there, right in the flesh, and my mind exploded with excuses like 'I had a sudden appointment' or 'My aunt wants me to go home' when I felt a familiar pair of arms engulfed me in a hug.
I nervously gulped and hesitantly wrapped my own arms around his torso. If he noticed my reluctance, he did not utter a word, but instead, hugged me even tighter. For the second time, I was blinking rapidly to prevent my tears from falling, and thank the Heavens he could not see how torn I was with our situation. His warmth was welcoming contrast to the cold evening air that the countryside has.
My heart broke all the more when he whispered, "I missed you."
Because deep down, I knew that the way he missed me was now different from how I missed him.
Yet, despite knowing this, I still agreed to meet him few hours before I had to leave for the city. I was torn between clinging to that sliver of hope that there can still be an us or accepting the harsh reality that we already ended before we could even start something.
Only one thing was for sure: tonight, is the night which could change everything.
That was why, even if I can sense in the back of my mind my friends' protests when they learned what I did, my Mom's displeased face, and my own self's reprimanding look about why I was still torturing myself, I still replied:
"I missed you, too, Natsu."