Hey everyone it's me Caity, back again with a brand new fanfiction!! This one will be relatively short, 8 chapters at this stage. As always it involves kidnapping and, though I dread to say it......education!!! Ahhh!! The horror!! It burns!!! Gahhh!!....Ok I'm done, so just start reading already!!

Disclaimer: This one's my favourite....Ahem...I own Naruto in an alternate universe where people wear pies on their feet and flying pigs eat purple and orange pygmy people, in simpler terms, I don't....

SLAM! Two figures wearing awesome cameo, stood in the middle of Konoha in front of a giant van, that strangely enough was making loud banging sounds.

"Hey, Custard Pie is that the lot?" (A.N: Sorry about the confusing codenames, it will make sense later..at least it should..)

"I think so Cookie Monster.."

"Alright! To Suna!!"

"Yes!"

"...But first ring Coat Rack and Turtlerese and ask them how they're going!"

"Alrighty!" Custard Pie pulled out her mobile and dialed a number, holding it up to her ear, she plastered a fake smile on her face and waited for them to pick up.

"Hello, Coat rack?....No? Turtlerese?....What do you mean this is Naruto?.....Yes put her on......Hi.....yes.....no.......maybe.......sometimes.......could be......possibly.......absolutely.....nuh uh.....hn........bye." She hung up the phone and turned to face her counterpart. "She said that they have captured all the targets and are heading towards the rendezvous point!"

"Well done Custard Pie! Now to Suna!"

"Yay!"

In Suna

Gaara's Kitchen

Our favourite red-headed Kazekage had his head stuck in the fridge, at this very moment he was pondering why they had so much cheese.....no-one in their family eats cheese. He opened up a cupboard in hopes of finding something other than cheese but alas his efforts were in vain. Suddenly he heard muffled voices coming from under the sink.

"Ouch your on my foot"

"Well it's not my fault you have big feet!"

"Polony!"

"Just knock him out already.."

"Jeez bossy!"

"Just do it!"

And that's the last thing Gaara heard before everything went black. Cookie Monster stood over him, a pot plant in one hand and a block of cheese in the other. She took a huge bite out of the cheese and blinked a few times.

"Is he dead?" She asked as she poked him with the toe of her army-style boot.

"No I don't think so.."

"Oh well!" Cookie Monster shoved the rest of the cheese into her mouth and put the pot plant in her back pocket, she may need that in case he woke up. She grabbed Gaara by the ankles and began to drag him out the door.

"I'll leave Kankuro to you Custard Pie, do me proud!"

"Okily madokilys!!" Custard Pie saluted as she watched her partner in crime drag the unfortunate Gaara out the door, hitting his head rather painfully on the front step. Custard Pie ran into the bathroom to get her weapon of doom, after roughly six seconds of digging around in the cupboard under the sink she was surrounded by a bar of soap, two toothbrushes, a jar of candy that had 'Property of Kankuro do not touch and this means you Gaara!' on it, a scrubbing brush, a baking tray, five muffins and a rubber duck. Finally she pulled her weapon out, she looked at it, an evil glint in her eyes as she excited the bathroom, not bothering to clean up after herself.

Suna

Kankuro's room

Our second favourite sand sibling, Kankuro (Kankuro: Hey! Second favourite! Caity: Heh heh nooooo...silly Kankuro: Good!) was sitting on his bed playing with a sock puppet, which was just a a purple sock with two black buttons sown unevenly onto it, in his other hand he had a barbie doll.

"Oh Socky! Your my hero!" He squeaked.

"Well that's my job Barbie...I'm a hero.." He said in a deep rumbling voice, then switching back to his squeaky voice he said.

"Socky....Kiss me..."

Kankuro was just about to hit the climax in his story before everything around him went black and he fell off the bed.

"Muahahahahahahahha!!!!" Custard Pie cackled as she brandished her weapon of doom, a.....plunger!

"Kankuro is that you?" Temari called through the door.

"Uhm..yes?" Custard Pie said uncertainly as she glanced around for a place to hide the body, I mean, for a place to hide Kankuro.

"I'm coming in.." Temari said as she began to open the door. Panicking, Custard Pie shoved Kankuro into the toy box, shut the lid and dived into Kankuro's bed.

"Kankuro are you feeling okay? And have you seen Gaara?"

"I'm thick and I think that Gaada went do de shop..." Custard Pie coughed in a effort to throw Temari off her trail. (A.N: No I didn't spell all that wrong, you know how people speak when their sick..yeah)

"Kankuro..." Temari said uncertainly as she reached across to the pull the covers off his head, when BANG!

Temari felt something sink into her upper arm, it was a little dart with a fluffy blue end on it. She blinked and could just make out a blurry figure wearing a camouflage outfit before she passed out. Custard Pie heard the shot and stuck her head out of the covers only to see Cookie Monster standing over Temari, holding a GUN!

"What the hell!!" She screeched diving back under the covers "YOU SHOT TEMARI!!"

"Chill, it's just a tranquilizer gun"

"Oh, well then lets get going, you get Temari and I'll get Kankuro" Custard Pie ordered as she jumped off his bed and opened the toy box. Cookie Monster sweatdropped at the toy box's contents.

"Uh what's he doing in there?"

"I panicked and I had to hide him somewhere!"

"Uh huh..."

Cookie monster grabbed Temari under the arms and began to drag her out of the house. Meanwhile Custard Pie was struggling to move Kankuro.

"Damnit why did I pick the heavy one!!" (Kankuro: Heavy! I am so calling my agent! Caity: Your knocked out remember.. Kankuro: Oh yeah...well I 'll call him at the end of this chapter!!)

Eventually Cookie Monster managed to subdue the other people they had kidnapped with her tranquiliser gun long enough for them to shove Kankuro and Temari into the back of the truck. Shutting, locking, padlocking, bike-locking and dead bolting the back door of the truck, they jumped in the front and began their long drive to the rendezvous point.

Next door

"Whoo! We're here!" Cookie Monster cheered as she jumped out of the passenger seat, Custard Pie wouldn't let her drive because she was a danger to herself and everybody around her when she was behind the wheel. Custard Pie, still clutching her plunger, got out the driver's side and looked up at the building that they would be occupying for the next 8 hours. It was the old school, Gaara being the kazekage, had shut it down due to his dislike of teachers, learning and chalk. Also he felt that the building had super powers and was able to make children bored within five minutes and melt their brains. That was the reason that Custard Pie and Cookie Monster had chosen the cordoned off building, it was completely deserted, so no-one would be able to hear them scream as they were....Taught!! That's right, Custard Pie, Cookie Monster and their associates, Coatrack and Turtlerese were going to become teachers!! The ultimate evil!!!

Half and hour later

Naruto opened his eyes and sprung out of his seat, effectively waking everyone else in the room up.

"Where are they! I swear that they were like ninjas or something else that only exists in fairy tales and anime!!!" As he glanced around frantically trying to find 'them', he noticed that they were all sitting at desks and there was a giant black board at the front of the room, that could only mean one thing.. that they were at....Mcdonalds!

"Yes! We're at Mcdonalds!! I thought I was going to have wait forever for a cheese burger!!!"

"Naruto, we're in a classroom...troublesome.." Shikamaru sighed, he never liked classrooms, they had pencils and pencils made his fingers itch. You see Shikamaru wasn't really lazy, no, that was a cover up. He was actually allergic to the wood in pencils so he couldn't do any work but there was no way he was going to tell anyone that. Instead he pretends to be lazy, coz' I mean come on, who's going to be scared of a ninja that can be defeated by a pencil!! Seriously..

"Nooo! I got rid of this building!! Damnit! It must have sent death angels after me for foiling it's evil plans!!" Gaara cried dramatically, suddenly the door opened and four kids walked in, they couldn't have been much older than them, maybe two years.

"Argh!! There they are!!!" Gaara, uh 'screamed' as he pointed to them.

The blonde one glanced around and dived behind the big desk at the front so that only her eyes and the top of her head were visible.

"Hey Custard Pie, can I borrow your plunger?" She asked fearfully, she needed something to fend off the death angels!

The red-head clutched her plunger closer to her chest "No way Cookie Monster!! It's mine!"

"Uhm guys, we've finished the mission so why are we still using code names?" The tall girl with black hair asked her two insane friends.

"Shut up! Coat rack! Turtlerese isn't complaining!!" Cookie Monster said from behind the desk.

"And why the hell did I have to be Turtlerese?" The shortest girl asked as she tugged on her dark brown hair in frustration.

"Because...It suits you" Custard Pie said with a nod of her head.

"I do not look like a turtle!!" Turtlerese screamed.

"Uhm excuse me but who the hell are you and where are we?" Sakura demanded.

"Oh oppsies sorry" Cookie Monster said standing up from her crouching position. "My name is Caity aka Cookie Monster!"

"...I'm Tash aka Coat rack.." Coat Rack um I mean Tash said sending a evil glare at Caity who just looked the other way innocently (1).

"...I'm Terese aka Turtlerese.." Terese sighed as she narrowed her eyes at the red-head, who just shrugged (2).

"And I am the amazing, irreplaceable, awesome, wonderful-" She paused at the glares that she was receiving from the other three "...Nae aka Custard Pie..." She finished a little less enthusiastically.

"And we have kidnapped you, to force you to learn! Yay! What fun!" Caity said enthusiastically in an attempt to motivate them. "Who's ready?!!"

She received a whole bunch of blank stares (courtesy of Sasuke, Neji and Shino), a few open mouths (Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Chouji and Shikamaru), a couple of 'what crack are you on' looks (Naruto, Kiba, Kankuro and Temari), a very scary murderous look, along with the sharpening of a kunai (Tenten), an enthusiastic "YES!" (Lee) and one look of pure horror (Gaara).

"What?"

"ARGH!! ARE YOU INSANE!! SAND COFFIN!!!" A very climatic nothing followed.

"Oh yeah we may have forgotten to mention that we didn't want to die so you have no weapons and I'll think you'll find that you can't use your chakra, in fact I don't even know how Tenten managed to keep that kunai. Get her Nae!" Caity explained, pointing to Tenten at the end of her speech. Nae readying her plunger, saluted and with a war cry she charged into battle. Tenten's expression could only be explained as 'oh shit'.

"So..." Terese said, rocking backwards and forwards on her heels whilst the sound of fighting could be heard in the background.

"Yeah..." Naruto said as he looked around the room for something interesting to do, say or look at.

Nae stood up and grinned triumphantly, a cookie in one hand.

"Nae! I said get her kunai! Not her cookie!"

"Oh oops!" She bent over and scooped the kunai up and threw it into the rubbish bin, her mission complete, she sat down on the floor cross-legged so that she could munch on her cookie.

"Ok now that's done and we are no longer in any extreme danger, we can continue. Now Nae will be your first teacher! For maths! Aren't you just all excited!" Caity asked.

She received a very flat "yay.." in response.

'Well Nae they're all yours! See you guys in an hour. Have fun oh and Gaara if she gets too out of control push that lil' red button on the wall over there and we'll come help ya's ok?" Caity said cheerfully as she dragged the other two out of the classroom and shut the door behind them. The entire class helplessly watched them go and then turned to look at their 'teacher' who was grinning like a Cheshire cat, her eyes glinting with evil intent.

Yes this is where I'm leaving off, each class will have one chapter at this point in time. Nae is scary....I'm glad that she has no intention of ever becoming a teacher in the future...phew! Alright so the other two characters, Tash and Terese. are actually our close and besterest friends! Who agreed to be in my twisted fic because I needed more people in it, such good friends....anyway read, review and hopefully you liked it...it will get better, this chapter is sorta just to explain what's going on, so the later chapters will be funnier and randomer.

(1): Ok, Tash is glaring at me because I started the whole coat rack thing, last year I always stole her jumper and thanked her for being a good coat rack and holding onto it for me lol, we are a weird bunch of friends.

(2): Nae came up with this name for Terese, hence the evil look. Nae is going through what I like to call a turtle phase, how she came up with turtlerese I have no idea, but it stuck XD.